Chapter XVI

Dear Diary,

February 1925 is finally here, I say 'finally' because the snowstorm is eventually over and it seems that it won't come back sooner than during the winter next year. I am glad because of it, as now I can easily get out of home and run for a visit to Nan, Una or Rilla. I am especially fond of visiting Rilla now as I want to see Owen every single day since he came into this world, me being the very witness.

Owen is so smiley but he's the quietest child I have ever seen, even Cilia isn't as quiet as Owen is. But he loves to cuddle and he loves to be rocked in his cot even if he doesn't wish to be asleep at all. Rilla and Ken are in love with him and so are my parents, well, everyone is to be honest. Gilly is over the moon that he got a brother after all but he told Owen very seriously that he should have come during Christmas as that's what he wanted. Blythe and Leslie are very interested in this new infant-brother in their house and they love to talk about him to each other in their own lovely language.

Talking of babies, Una and Shirley are starting to get really ready for their second arrival and they bought the sweetest little cot, I must say. You can't see Shirley without a smile on his face whenever he's around Una or Cilia these days and I always chuckle, I will always think of him as my "baby-brother" although he is a husband and a father, not to mention that he's almost twenty-eight years old. Una is very excited about the second baby too and she announced that this time, whether or not it is a boy (like me and Nan suggested) she will give this baby a name which won't be anyone else's name, and I'm quite eager to learn all about this peculiar new name.

But to be quite honest, I came here to write about something else than the stop of snowing and how beautiful baby Owen is and how excited Shirley and Una are about their second baby which should come into this world in three months time. The reason for this diary entry is mainly the date that Robert and I chose for our wedding.

We talked on the 'phone three days ago and we decided on the middle of July. I always thought that the summer wedding will be something of a dream and apparently Robert thinks so as well. I don't think about the dress and the veil and anything like that yet, I don't know why I still don't really feel like I will get married in just a few months time but I'm sure that I will get excited enough in several weeks or so.

No, I still haven't decided whether or not I want to or rather I'm capable of moving to London with Robert after our wedding. I don't know, I don't know and I just don't know. I am thinking about it every single day but each time I go to bed I miserably realise that all this thinking goes to nothing at all. Robert does put some pressure on me but I don't blame him at all because I put this pressure on myself too, after all we do have to decide and Robert said that it would be good if we would decide in a month's time, and I agree with him although quite reluctantly.

There's no point in me talking about it with my parents, Nan or Una or anyone else really because everyone will want me to stay and I know and I feel in my heart that this decision has to be made by myself and by myself only, without anyone trying to change my mind (I'm quite sure that Carl would do everything to do just that, that's how he is after all).

An interesting fact is that just a day after Robert and I announced the official date for our wedding, Carl also decided on a date for his wedding with Rosalind, exactly a month after mine and Robert's wedding, in the middle of August this year.

This makes me feel quite uncomfortable, and I don't know why… Well I do know 'why' but I believe that it's such a stupid thought. Carl can't still love, can he? He is engaged and he is going to be married soon, just a month after I will be married. The thing that brought me to this strange thought is that Carl never really wants to talk about either mine or his approaching wedding and suddenly, from nowhere, he announces, straight after my ownannouncement, when his wedding is going to take place.

I really don't understand what's going on with him. Whenever I start saying something like "Say Carl, do you think that violets or maybe roses would go more nicely with my hair for my wedding-day?", like friends do (don't they?) and then Carl quickly looks on the road and replies "I think that you should decide this yourself, Di. Now, did Verona had a conversation with you today, did you talk about clouds or Shakespeare?" and that's how he changed the subject so very suddenly, not even looking at me once.

That's why I don't know what to do or think about him. It's even more frustrating because he is one of my dearest friends and I think that he hides something away from me. I don't, again, think that he still loves me. Although… oh, I simply don't know!

I desperately want to talk about it with someone, and I did talk it over with Mother yesterday but like she said herself, she can't give me any advice for she doesn't even know half as much details about this whole situation as I do, besides she hardly really knows Carl.

I sometimes think that Carl still loves me, even though I'm quite certain that he doesn't, but what else would explain that he's so shy around me when we talk about my wedding to Robert or his wedding to Rosalind?

Talking of Miss Sutton, Carl hardly ever mentions her in our conversations, and when he does he doesn't really say anything… I don't know… Romantic about her. When I talk about Robert I always say something lovely about him (I can't really say 'romantic', I didn't inherit Mother's imagination as Nan and Walter did, sadly) but Carl never really says anything of this sort about his "Ros". It's not that Carl doesn't say anything about her or that he's not nice when he talks about her, not either of those things. It' just that when he talks about her, he says something ordinary never something like I would say about Robert whe he writes to me another letter for example.

But never mind, I will discover what to do to make Carl sit down with me and tell me what lies on his soul, earlier than he thinks.

Now I shall run downstairs and ask Mother to go with me to Rilla's today, she invited me, Nan, Una and Faith for a knitting session and I'm quite sure that Mother would prefer to use this time to play with her grandchildren as well.

Yours,

Di Blythe

"Isn't she a sweetie? And little Nellie looks just like Persis, I can tell even if it's just a photograph." Nan said when she was looking at the small picture she held in her hand. Di, Nan, Faith and Una were sitting together in Una's living room with a tray full of brownies and cups of tea standing on the table in front of them. Faith brought her children over and so did Nan and that was the main reason for the room being quite loud and quite full of people as well. Merry, Walt and Jake sat together on the floor and were playing with their toys, however the "ladies" and so Cilia, Rose and Julia were sitting on the sofa and were playing with their own dolls.

"Little Nellie looks like a darling." Faith agreed with her sister-in-law "Persis must be so very proud."

"Rilla should be here with us and tell us more about what she heard from her sister-in-law, she must know much more about little Nellie than all of us put together." Nan said and looked over at Una "Did she decide here today to come as well?"

Una shook her head "Unfortunately she says that she has no patience for bringing all of her children and now a newborn, all the way to Farm House especially when Gilly has a cold." she explained.

"Rilla has four children, I still can't believe it." Di said suddenly with a soft grin on her face.

"And can you believe that me, your own twin, has two children of her own?" Nan asked Di with a raised eyebrow.

All the women-folk chuckled together "No, I shall never believe it, and neither will I ever believe that we are grown-up women." Di replied and put her hands on her cheeks dramatically "Look at me girls, I'm almost thirty years old!"

The girls laughed together again "No one thinks about your age, Di." Faith said to her kindly "No one does anyway, not now when you're getting married." Faith and Nan squealed in delight leaving both Di and Una laughing together.

Di looked down at her diamond ring which was shining on the fourth finger of her right hand and she smiled shyly, her cheeks flushing with red "You were all waiting for this day, weren't you?" she asked her friends.

"Desperately." Nan breathed out and the laughter filled the room again "And just wait a few more years and then all of us will say "Oh, I can't believe that Di has four children of her own!"."

Di kissed Nan's cheek quickly and she giggled like a little girl "Thank you Nan darling, but I don't think I would be quite capable of having four children of my own." she said to her.

"You'll change your mind alright." Faith added and nudged her at the side "I always thought that there wouldn't be a better than just me and Jem living in one house together forever and ever. But when I had my twins and then my Julia, I can easily say that it just gets better when you have children running around your house." she said and she and Nan and Una looked at each other knowingly and then they looked at the bunch of kiddies playing together on the floor next to them.

Di looked away, as she felt in that second that she didn't belong to their group and even if it was just for a second, she didn't feel comfortable with that thought at all. "Well," she replied hurriedly and smiled at all of them warmly "-time will show, won't it?" she said.

"Di…" Nan suddenly put her hand on her twin's and looked in her eyes seriously "I know that maybe I should wait for you to tell me yourself but I must ask you or otherwise I shall go mad."

Di looked at her sister worriedly "What is it?" she asked.

"Are you going to move to London?" Nan asked eventually and all of the eyes were focused on Di, and it almost seemed to her that even the children became silent and looked at her as well.

She took a deep breath and smiled lightly at them "I wanted to tell you tomorrow, at the family dinner, but I suppose that I can tell you now anyway." she began "We're not going to leave Canada for a long time, that's what I'm sure of." and she smiled radiantly, something in her chest allowing her to breathe again.

The girls immediately jumped on Di with hugs and kisses and tears in their eyes. Di let herself cry out all of the tears she was holding inside because she was afraid that she would move to London after all and leave all of her friends and family. "I don't think I've ever felt as light as I do now." Nan exclaimed when everyone sat down again.

"Was it really hard for Robert to agree with your decision?" Una sked Di warmly, her own eyes shining with joy.

"He was disappointed, he didn't say it but I could hear it in his voice when we talked it over on the 'phone." Di replied softly "But I couldn't leave all of you for a land I don't even know." she smiled at each of them.

"We are so happy, Di." Faith squeezed her sister-in-law's hands "So you will live in Ottawa then? And what about the house in London?" she asked her curiously.

"Yes, we will live in Ottawa instead." Di grinned again "Robert is already looking for a house there, I don't think we will buy it at first, I think we'll just rent it for now and then we might buy a house of our own when we are more settled. But Robert said that he will probably rent out the house in London as well, as he thinks that it would be really wonderful if we could go there together for a visit one day. And I must say that I agree." she smiled again as she saw her sisters with smiles of relief on their faces.

"Ottawa is not so far away after all." Nan said as if to herself "Not as far away as London is anyway, so I'm glad Di, I'm more than glad actually, I'm over the moon and the stars." she said and kissed Di on her cheek.

"So are we." Faith and Una said in the same time and they all embraced each other. Di felt as if her heart was slowly sinking down again at the very thought of her leaving her dear sisters even for a city which isn't as far away as London is.

But then she decided to enjoy the moment of being together with them and so she smiled to herself as she saw the heads of brown, black and her own red hair right in front of her eyes. "And so am I, and so am I, girls." she whispered.