Before Gustus or Anya could stop her Lexa felt her hands grip either side of the man's face and she twisted it. She'd never broken a man's neck in such a manner before; she'd always doubted she had the proper strength. Her doubt had been in vain. The man's body dropped to the ground like a stone in a river. His single good eye remained open, his face twisted in surprise.

"Heda." She heard Gustus' voice call as she felt her legs carry her into the trees in the direction the man had come. She did not care. She would kill Nia for this. But it was not be a quick death like she had inflicted on her subject. It would be slow, and painful, every twinge of pain that women would feel would be like that of the pain searing through Lexa's body.

Once out of the clearing and in the woods Lexa dropped to her knees. Defeated. She could not get to Nia. The Ice Queen was miles away and surrounded by an entire nation of people. People who believed in her, worshipped her even, he supported her in killing the most beautiful creature Lexa had ever known. Lexa felt tears begin to fall from her face. Tears that she'd been holding back for hours. Tears that had been held at bay purely on hope; the hope that her worst fear had not been realized. Costia was dead.

Lexa pounded her fists angrily against the ground until they began to bruise and bleed. Upon looking down at them Lexa screamed. For all around her scrambled large black beetles. She's sat herself in a beetle nest. The Commander scrambled back out of the nest and brushed away any of the vile bugs that had begun to crawl on her. As she squashed the bugs yelling she realized how frightful the creatures really were. Their dreadfully long legs, their dark soulless eyes, their painful pinchers. The Healer had been wise to fear them.

It was at this moment that Lexa completely lost her mind in grief. She dug her nails deeply into the beetle's nest and began to tear the earth away. She removed her sword and plunged it deep into the soil repeatedly cutting herself as she did so. What did the pain and blood matter? Nothing truly mattered. The tears from Lexa's eyes seemed like an unstoppable force as they pour relentlessly from her stinging eyes. Her throat burned as she yelled and cursed to beetles, Nia, the heavens, and herself.

The night fell around her but it meant nothing. She knew she would not be able to sleep anyway, not without the healer close to her, to comfort her, to listen to her, to smile at her. Lexa found herself sitting in the torn ground around her simply staring at the dead insects, feeling envious of them. They felt nothing, no pain, no guilt, no love.

Before to long the sun began to rise over horizon. How inconsiderate the sun was. To shine as brightly as it had before, when Costia lived, when she brought light to the world, shouldn't the sun cease to rise, in her honor?

"Lexa." The sound of her name brought her from her stupor and Lexa turned around.

Anya stood before her. Tall and strong. Lexa looked up at her first and was forced to shield her eyes from the bright sunlight seeping through the trees.

"Lexa." Anya said, her voice full of pity as she took in the state of the once powerful woman before her.

"Leave me be." The Commander said lowly returned her gaze to the ground.

Anya's shadowed fell on Lexa as the woman knelt before her apprentice. She placed a hand on her shoulders and forced her to look upon her. "You must rise."

"Costia is dead." Lexa spat staring through Anya.

"But you are not. Nor are your people." Anya said tightening her grip on the heartbroken girl. "They need their Commander."

"I am no Commander." Lexa said blankly. "I am nothing anymore."

Anya pulled the girl into a hug. The closest the two had ever been, this proximately even broke Lexa was her stupor. "You are Lexa, Commander of the Trikru, and the 12 clans, my second."

These words seemed to breath the slightest hint of life into the broken girl.

"You must be strong now, for only the strongest can remain so when the world burns. Your people's spirits lay broken, you cannot be. You must be their strength.

"I cannot do such a thing." Lexa said wanting to cry if only she'd had tears left to spill. "I am broken."

Anya held the woman's face. "You are not broken." She said firmly. "You are in pain. You are showing your pain. What have we said about those who show pain?" Anya demanded.

"They are weak."

"You are not weak Lexa." Anya said rising.

"I loved her Anya." Lexa said staring up at the figure silhouetted by the sun. "She was my world."

"Did this love cause you pain?"

"Yes." Lexa exclaimed.

"Then what is love?"

"Weakness." Lexa said lowly.

"Who are you?" Anya demanded.

"I am the Heda." Lexa said shutting her eyes willing herself to have the strength to rise.

"And Heda's cannot feel weakness." Anya stated. Lexa nodded.

"What is love?" Anya demanded louder.

"Love is weakness." Lexa said looking up once more.

"Are you weak?" Anya said outstretching a strong hand.

Lexa took it and was pulled to her feet. " I am Lexa of Trikru, Commander of her people and Commander of the 12 clans. I am their strength."

Anya nodded approvingly. "Now what are we to do Commander?" The asked.

Lexa thought for a moment before snapping at her first. "Ready the horses. We ride for Polis by midday. We will assemble the clans on the Solstice, we will unite them, we will drag Nia from her frozen land to join us." Anya's eye lit with a spark. "She will pay the price for her crimes and bow before me." Lexa roared feeling her adrenaline rushing through her veins. "I am Heda. I am the Commander of the 12 clans and they will bow before me or die at my hand."

Anya bowed and ran towards the camp. Lexa was left alone in the woods. Though her heart beat in readiness for the trials before her it still ached. She reached into her pocket and withdrew the braid of red hair. All that remained of the healer who saved her from the Nightshade, the girl who feared the beetles, who smiled brighter than the sun, who's eyes swam like the oceans, who was dead as her parents, soldiers, and many many others.
As Lexa stared at the hair all the memories of Costia played across her mind. It hurt her to know that the girl was gone.

"Love is weakness." Lexa said harshly. Releasing the hair and letting it fall to the ground amidst the dead beetles. Without looking back the Commander turned and strode towards her people. They were all she could care for now. She would do whatever it took to keep them safe. That would be her way.