Again come the morning (part 7)
Steve is fascinated with Tokyo, Tony notes with amusement. He's been in 21st century for well over a year now but Japan can confuse most of people who don't look at the world with outdated expectations, not to mention a good-natured, idealistic, and thoroughly American man.
'I don't understand, is this what we're going to do all day?' Steve asks after two hours of wandering through the streets of the monster city; they are lucky it's sunny, otherwise this would feel overwhelming and slightly scary rather than pleasant. His eyes are following the strangely dresses young people with wonder.
'What, walk around and get street food? Why not,' Tony teases and drags Steve across the street to get something form the crowded food stand; hedoesn't know what they sell, but all these people are an indication it's something good.
'Well, yes, why not,' Steve agrees; Tony suspects Steve would agree to anything to see Tony eating, which is equally sweet and disturbing.
It turns out to be fried octopus with a strange-tasting sauce, truly delicious, but Tony doesn't feel like visiting anymore food places, so he stops playing around and they take metro to Meiji Shrine and then to Rikugien garden which Steve loves.
They barely speak for hours, simply holding hands, and it's enough.
They fly to Hong Kong the next morning, and then to India.
The plane is operated by Stark Industries employees who take care of all the formalities, men who ask no questions and would never dare to ask questions when Pepper told him not to. It's just the two pilots and two stewards and Tony and Steve onboard.
'This is strange,' Steve says when the stewards disappear as soon as they are clear after the take-off on the way to Tahiti; Steve needs to have a tropical island experience, JARVIS must have thought.
'Why?'
'Just this – everything is possible.'
Tony nods.
'I haven't been missing this as much as I would have expected before I gave it up,' he says after a moment of silence. 'It may be convenient, but staying home is nicer.'
'Did Tony Stark never get realize that?'
'Tony Stark,' Tony says, looking out of the window, the clouds underneath look like a fluffy cartoonish blanket, 'never really had a home.'
'Then he was a sad man,' Steve concludes, not expecting an answer, and moves closer to Tony, following his gaze outside. They are both blinded by the sun when the plane turns, and they laugh at that.
Moscow is next and Steve has tips from Natasha, who's been urging him to visit the city outside of missions. It's the end of July so the continental heat is overwhelming, forcing them to drink cold water all the time, and making their steps more tiring than usually.
They still hold hands and no one bats an eye. Not that they would care if someone did.
'Everything here is built to be impressive and monumental, in a way we hardly ever do nowadays,' Steve comments, staring at the Kremlin's walls and then turning around to Lenin's Tomb. 'In a way, I understand that. Even if it isn't great by today's standard, because we're so much more advanced, it still makes you hold your breath.'
'Wait till you see Rome,' Tony mutters.
They spend the night in a gold-decorated hotel; the silk sheets feel cold and strange against Tony's skin.
They go to South America through Egypt.
Egypt is impressive and hot and they don't hold hands, but they walk close enough to feel each other's body. Tony refuses to speak Arabic and Steve doesn't ask why, he can guess well enough.
Everywhere is crowded and full of colors and scents and they make Tony feel sick, but it gets better after he swallows one of his meds when Steve's not looking, and then he smiles widely and drags Steve to see the Pyramids.
Fury tries to contact them when they are halfway across the Atlantic, JARVIS cuts the connection off a second later.
JARVIS decided on Machu Picchu which isn't that surprising since the plan is to see as many amazing things as possible. Steve thinks helicopter is a bit too much so they take the train and then the bus, and walk the last two kilometers on their feet among a crowd of colorfully dressed tourists.
They don't have guidebooks or hiking shoes and don't take pictures at every turn so they don't fit in the crowd perfectly, but it only makes them smirk.
'JARVIS could take a picture of us standing here with one of the satellite cameras he has access to,' Tony laughs a few minutes in the walk, ignoring how difficult it is to march and breathe and speak at the same time; the tightness in his chest is expected but still annoying.
'Could he?'
'Wait,' Tony promises.
It's only two kilometers to get to the ruins but it's a very long two kilometers, especially when Tony is playing his game and acting very carefully; Steve is so happy to be here, and so… carefree.
'Now,' Tony tells Steve when they are in the middle ruins, wide-eyed and thoroughly impressed, and then he kisses Steve and looks up at the sky and Steve does, too, probably wondering what Tony saw up there, and a moment later Tony's phone buzzes.
'Look,' he shows Steve the picture, it is indeed them with heads turned upwards, Tony smiling and Steve frowning a bit, in a resolution as perfect as anyone could hope for. 'That's so romantic, J,' Tony mutters, knowing that the A.I. can hear him.
Walking back and down isn't easier than the other way round, Tony discovers unhappily; maybe it's just because he's tired and his body isn't getting enough oxygen this high in the mountains. But it's easy to ignore it and smile; that's something Tony's always been good at.
They see Rio and then stop for three nights in Bahamas, almost too close to the USA, but impressive enough to be worth it. Tony is pretty sure the initial plan was different, but JARVIS is too smart for his own good.
There is a private beach, a luxury which Steve doesn't question because while he sees Tony every day after shower or changing clothes and he could never forget about the arc reactor; it's too dangerous to have anyone question it.
'It's so quiet and blissful here,' Steve mumbles when they're sitting in shade, drinking cold fruity cocktails, and the wind howls.
'Mhm,' Tony mutters in agreement, having magically managed to clear his mind and stop his thoughts from overwhelming him in a breathtaking way, and doesn't say, I wish it could stay like this forever.
He'd get bored to death in a week, he knows well enough, but it's a lovely image, spending the rest of his life on a tropical island, just like everyone in the world would expect of Tony Stark. It's just so far away from everything. They could pretend nothing out of the island even exists.
That is being a coward, though.
'This is a nice image to have in your mind,' he says, breaking the silence, 'you know, palm trees and blue water and everything.'
'Nice image?' Steve repeats carefully, giving Tony a look.
'Yeah, you know, I could have J recreate it in 3D holograms, like he did that forest thing, when I feel like enjoying all this again,' Tony explains, waving at the general surroundings.
'I guess so,' Steve sound reluctant, as if what Tony's saying was suspicious.
Maybe it is. It definitely is because then he finds himself adding, 'You know, when I'm bedridden and dying and all that.'
Death seems impossible in this vibrant sunlight.
'Tony!' Steve exclaims, putting his cocktail away and turns to look at Tony, 'don't say things like that,' he adds in a low, almost dangerous voice. Tony looks away.
'Sorry, bad timing, I know, we've been enjoying ourselves and all and I'm breaking the spirit –'
'No, don't every talk like that –'
'It's the truth, Steve.'
'You don't have to –'
'Steve,' Tony cuts in, closes his eyes and swallows. Steve waits patiently. 'Maybe I need to.'
'Oh,' Steve breathes, and then, 'I – okay. Sorry. I didn't think…'
'I didn't either, but maybe it'll feel less scary if I do,' Tony says, standing up, and walks through the hot sand to stand at the edge of the waves, the water delicately tickling his feet. The ocean seems so surreally different from Malibu and from those few times he's been contemplating it since the whole cancer thing started. Everything feels like a lie.
'I've got you,' Steve says, suddenly behind Tony, almost making him flinch, and then he wraps his arms around Tony's waist protectively and rest his head against Tony's, and they stay like that for too long.
The next stop is Greece and Steve loves it.
Tony loves it, too, but it's hard to really put his mind to sightseeing and enjoying himself when he has to sneak away from Steve here and there, trying to calm down his breaths or dig out one of his pills and nothing can feel fine when he finally gives in and takes the painkillers. Maybe it's silly, how stubborn he is in resisting, but as long as he feels like he's in control of the pain, of his body, it's good.
The doctors say cancer patients should be given all aid they require and never hesitate to fight the pain and it's logical, it appeals to the logical part of Tony's mind perfectly, but he still hates it.
He smiles when Steve talks enthusiastically about Greek art and smiles when Steve takes his hand and smiles when they sit in the most cliché blue-and-white tavern by the seaside, with a view of sunset, and he smiles when Steve hugs him close when they go to sleep; it almost makes things better.
They stay there for three nights and take a ferry to Brindisi and then fly to Rome with the plane that's been waiting for them. Steve loves Rome even more than Greece, he's only ever seen northern parts of Italy and barely anything but army camps, all those years ago.
It's not a good start of the stay, though, when Tony tiptoes out of the apartment in the morning to get some pastries for breakfast and ends up in a café toilet, throwing up and hurting all over. When he finally manages to drag himself up and wash his face a bit, he makes a point of not looking in the mirror, he can very well guess how he must look by how he's feeling.
When he goes back to the café, the waitress just gives him a look and rushes to help him to the table which is completely unnecessary. She brings him a glass of blissfully cold water and sits in the other chair.
'Are you okay?' she asks in Italian and Tony mentally thanks his mother for teaching him the language when he was a kid. 'Can I do anything for you?'
'I'll be fine, thank you,' he replies; she doesn't seem surprised by his fluency and perfect accent; between his adequate clothes and Nate's physical appearance, he could pass for one of the Roman citizens easily. 'Could I have two of the cream pastries?' he asks and she narrows her eyes for a moment but then nods and stands up to get them, and Tony takes out the pouch with emergency medicine he always has on him and swallows a fine selection of the pills, washing them down with more water.
It takes him a few long minutes to feel almost human.
He gets up slowly, to make sure he doesn't get dizzy, and walks up to the counter; the girl hands him the paper-wrapped pastries and takes his money.
'Thank you again,' Tony says, giving her the best smile he can muster, 'goodbye.'
'Take care,' she replies; Tony feels her eyes on him until he disappears outside.
He sneaks into the house and into the bed and wakes Steve up with kisses, determined not to let his silly problems ruin the trip; they might not get a chance again. They probably won't.
'What's up with you,' Steve mutters into Tony's neck, the words a laced with sleep.
'Went to get us some pastries,' Tony replies, 'I'll make some coffee and we'll have perfect Italian breakfast –'
'Tea,' Steve cuts in and Tony nods.
'Oh, if you insist,' he agrees and leads Steve to the kitchen.
Rome filtered through almost-real smiles and the irrational numbness after the pain meds is different from what Tony remembers; none of it matters, though, because the biggest change is not being alone.
Tony still finds it hard to comprehend sometimes.
The first day in Paris starts pretty much the same way it did in Rome, only that Tony is too tired to hide it perfectly well. Steve doesn't ask, he just looks slightly unsure, when they are going out after eating croissants in the calmness of the apartment.
Doc made sure Tony would have enough medicine to last him through the whole trip, and there are five more cities in their plans, including London which will remind Steve painfully of Peggy and of all the memories from the past; Tony knows that's a good kind of ache, though, when you're at peace with it.
'Louvre?' he asks Steve when they get out of Notre Dame; it's a nice walk through the sunny and surprisingly green city.
'Do you mind…?'
'If you tell me about the art, I don't,' Tony assures him, 'before, I've always just had things. I never really looked at them, I had Pepper for that, so maybe it'd be refreshing, to actually know what's going on. I trust you to tell me what's going on, I know you've been reading all these art books and then most of the exhibits in Louvre are from before your times…' he rambles on because it's easy and it's a distraction to them both and that's what Tony needs.
They make their way to the museum through tourist-filled streets, taking in the scents and sights and all of the slightly overwhelming amount of everything.
Tony clings to Steve closely and Steve lets him.
Louvre is too big to see everything in one go without rushing, so Steve leads them to what he thing is the most interesting and describes everything to the best of his ability in hushed voice, hovering over Tony's shorter figure slightly, as if he was afraid someone would scold him if he dared to speak in his normal voice. Tony has to admit it's interesting, the way Steve sees art and describes it; the only kind of art Tony's ever been interested with were Da Vinci's journals and drawings, for obvious reasons.
When they finally leave the museum it's evening already. They stop for some food on their way to the apartment and then talk with JARVIS about the plans for the next few days – there's Barcelona and Berlin and Copenhagen and Vienna on the list, and London at the end which Tony knows Steve is most excited about – and Tony does his best not to fall asleep too soon.
He wakes up to soft shuffling in the bathroom; Steve walks out a few minutes later and steps into the sun-filled room with a smile on his face and a brown bag in his hand.
'Today I went to get some pastries,' he says, sitting down at the edge of the bed. 'Morning, Tony.'
'Morning,' Tony replies, sitting up slowly and reaching for his phone to check the time; it's almost ten, he's been asleep for so long. Steve doesn't seem to mind at all – of course he wouldn't – but Tony hates how much it feels like a waste of time. 'Coffee?'
'If you want,' Steve shrugs and Tony nods vigorously; maybe coffee will help him feel more alive. That would be nice.
After breakfast they take the metro close to Montmartre and decide to walk up the hill and around the small pretty streets; the weather is perfect for being outside, finally with soft breaths of refreshing wind that Tony is unspeakably thankful for. He puts on his sunglasses as soon as they leave the underground station and lets Steve lead, talking about some more or less nonsensical things and enjoying it thoroughly. Steve laughs at Tony's quick words – it's something Nate can't do when they are around people who are supposed to believe he doesn't speak – and holds his hand tightly, as if he was afraid Tony would get lost in the crowd.
The sun makes everything bright and shiny and reflects in all the windows and surfaces and Tony stops, closes his eyes for a moment, takes a breath, and moves again, giving Steve a smile. Steve is frowning slightly.
'Let's go,' Tony says, wrapping his hand around Steve's tighter and smiling even wider, and Steve shakes his head and starts walking again.
It's less than three minutes before Tony knows too well what's going to happen, he's familiar with the lights dancing in front of his eyes and the blurriness at the edges of his vision and the feeling of terrifying heaviness in his limbs and tingling all over his skin, all at the same time.
He could still try pretending, but it's not a game anymore. Not with Steve.
'Hold me,' he tells Steve, his own voice sounding raspy and too loud in his head, 'I feel faint,' he adds, almost inaudibly but it doesn't matter because Steve's hearing is super-sensitive. There is Steve's strong arm wrapped around his back and supporting him a split of a second later, when Tony feels like his body is melting and he must be pretty much a soft shapeless mass in Steve's grip but he's too dizzy and scared to care, the buzzing in his ears blocking out all other noises.
Then all of sudden he's in Steve's arms and they are moving, he's only half aware of what is happening. It's dark and loud and his body is alien, is a foreign territory, so he tries to focus on breathing and breathing and on the warmth he's clinging to.
Steve puts him down on something pleasantly cold under Tony's flushed skin and lifts Tony's legs – oh, that's good that Tony can determine where his legs are, that's some kind of a progress – and he keeps saying words Tony can't really make out since everything is still too blurred, too acute, too strange, but the voice is enough; it says he's not alone here. Someone will take care of him.
Breathing is a bit easier when he realizes that, and it slowly, slowly makes the flashes and the buzzing and the lightness go away. He doesn't know how much time passes, probably not much, but he feels bone-deep exhaustion crawling through is body when he finally opens his eyes, realizing instantly that his sunglasses are gone; the world is sharp and too bright before his eyes get used to the light after a few blinks.
'I'm okay now,' he says and Steve bursts out laughing, confusing Tony and probably all of the small crowd surrounding them now. 'Steve.'
'You really feeling better?' Steve asks when he calms down a bit, and then tells the people in proper and accented French that they will be all right on their own and thanks them for their concern, always the perfect person.
'Yeah,' Tony says after a heartbeat; it doesn't mean that he feels well. Or okay. Just better.
Steve notices that detail easily.
'I'll get a taxi,' he says, helping Tony sit up slowly, slowly, and then offering him a bottle of cold water, blissfully refreshing. 'We're going to hospital, okay?'
'Make sure it's this one,' Tony mutters, pointing at a name on his phone's screen. Steve gives him a long questioning look. 'Doc insisted, just in case, that I have emergency contacts in all the paces we go to. This doctor, she's an acquaintance of his. He can make her understand about the reactor without saying too much. That's important.'
'Ah,' Steve just says, is if unsure if he should be happy that precautions were taken or scared by someone thinking Tony might need such help.
Doc video-calls when they get to the hospital and find the right doctor, surely informed by JARVIS about what happened. JARVIS has been strangely silent, Tony notes, but he's not really feeling up to investigating it right now.
He lets the nurses and the doctor poke him and ask him questions that he knows exact answers to; he types the answers in perfect French and shows them his translated medical history that's in an electronic file on his tablet and smiles at them when they seem sad about what they see, the words and the numbers Tony is so familiar with by now must be disappointing reality to them.
They recommend Tony to stay in the hospital overnight. When Steve finally manages to persuade him to agree to staying, just in case, Doc insists in talking to Tony alone.
'Has anything unusual been happening, kid?' Doc asks casually, taking a sip of whatever he's drinking from a cheesy mug, and Tony raises an eyebrow. 'Oh boy, I can guess if you want me to, since you've already told me enough, but I want to hear it from you. That was our agreement, right? You don't fucking hide things from your doctors. But I'm not gonna judge you for being an idiot and not telling me earlier if something was wrong, you are allowed to do what you want. Your decisions.'
'That's very non-judging of you,' Tony chuckles but tells Doc everything; that's as responsible as he can be now. Since he already is here, in this too-white room. Doc will just listen and help, he knows.
'I'd like you to come back and undergo some tests, we need a checkup. All right? I know you went through the whole routine not long ago but those symptoms – we need to make sure we're doing everything we can.'
'Do I have to go back now?' Tony asks, just because, even though he knows the reply.
'Do you really feel like you could continue your wonder-trip?' Doc questions in reply and Tony doesn't have an answer to that.
'We will give you a transfusion, as your doctor suggests, and keep you for observation overnight, to make sure you will be all right. I'm sorry to keep you here, but this is advisable in your state,' the French doctor says, lowering her voice a little.
Tony smiles at her easily.
When he's in his room, with everyone gone, he turns to look at Steve.
'Sorry for this,' he says, playing with the cord of the IV line that goes into the crook of his arm, 'I didn't want –'
'Don't be sorry.'
'You wanted to go to London so badly,' Tony replies in a small voice, lying down on the soft pillows.
'You don't even have the energy to sit,' Steve says, pointing out the obvious that doesn't even hurt because it's true. 'I don't care if we see London or not. There will be other times – I never thought I'd have to tell you that you matter more than all this sightseeing and everything –'
'I know that,' Tony cuts in, looking away. Sometimes he wishes he could be a heartless bastard again, but there is no going back. 'This is not what I wanted you to remember, though,' he adds, gesturing at the room around them, too clean and too white in a strangely familiar way. 'This is not how I wanted you to remember me – I thought I could do this, it's just a trip. Relaxing trip, exclusively comfortable just for my sake, and it means nothing in the end,' he laughs bitterly, causing Steve to flinch. 'Just a fucking trip and I can't manage it,' he adds, sounding strange because he's lacking the energy to make the swears fierce, at least. 'I don't want to live like this, seeing myself – fail. Deteriorate. Day by day.'
'Tony –' Steve starts, but it's JARVIS who speaks up cutting in Steve's words.
'I think you require too much of yourself, like you've always had, sir. You've always wanted to do more than anyone could ever require of you. There are no expectations, that is what Captain Rogers is trying to tell you, and everyone who knows about your situation. There are no expectations anymore. None of that matters now. Please do not concern yourself with those things, sir, we don't care about them. We want you to feel as well as possible and be able to be happy, sir, and not faking smiles.'
Tony closes his eyes, wondering what exactly JARVIS means by we, if he means the bots or his friends too or maybe Steve and everyone who knows about the cancer too, but in the end it doesn't make difference.
He falls asleep soon, ignoring the itching feeling and the nausea as well as he can; Steve makes it easier. He always makes the bad things easier.
It's morning when they arrive to New York; it still seems to confuse Steve slightly, travelling through so many time zones in such short time. Tony doesn't have any problems with it since his internal clock has never really worked and doesn't work now, either.
'I'd like to admit you for a couple of days, kid,' Doc says while Levy looks through the medical documentation from Paris.
'You mean, Doctor Levy wants,' Tony teases Doc, leaning back in the armchair. Doc rolls his eyes.
'If we do the tests again, maybe we'll notice something and we'll be able to help you somehow, Tony.'
'Maybe, maybe, maybe,' he mutters, rubbing the arc reactor mindlessly. 'All right,' he adds and then turns to Steve, 'but you go home. Tell them whatever you want about why you're back early, I'm too busy to come over or something. We missed some team meetings, including yesterday's, you can as well go to training on Sunday – Iron Man will be there.'
'Tony –'
'Please,' Tony says, looking up. 'Come in the evening or whatever. It'll make me feel better, knowing that you're not wasting time because of me.'
'Tony –'
'Please,' Tony repeats and Steve stares at him for a long moment before he nods, walks up to kiss him, and leaves the room. Doc clears his throat.
'We need you to drop Nate's disguise for a bit to check for signs of jaundice that could be hidden when you're him,' Doc says, standing up from his chair, 'I'll make sure no one but us enters the room for the time being. I'll let Happy know – yes, I know, JARVIS already did, but whatever. I will anyway. Questions?'
'Not yet,' Tony stands up too, his moves slower and sharper than usual, and he walks behind Doc to a one-person room he knows too well.
'And if I see you holding back on your pain meds unnecessarily, for whatever reason, under my watch, I will be very annoyed with you,' Doc adds when he's about to leave the room a few minutes later. 'Very annoyed.'
Tony just shakes his head.
'There is a part of the tumor that is starting to obstruct the bile duct,' Levy says, pointing at something mostly incomprehensible on the scan, 'we noticed minimal discoloration to your eyes, only because we looked hard for it. While the jaundice doesn't present in any other way yet, it will within a few day or a couple of weeks, it's hard to say, but I'd advise a treatment before it starts to be a problem.'
'Obviously,' Doc adds, shifting in his seat.
'So, what is it?' Tony asks, wrapping his arms around his abdomen and pretending not to know; JARVIS told him about every option months ago.
'We'll put a stent that will allow easy flow of bile. It's a standard procedure, requires a surgery but isn't a serious thing, so you don't need to worry. Something like this was likely to happen from the beginning, but waiting until it's absolutely necessary is the best way to go, since the stent might require replacement after a few months and keeping surgeries to minimum is important.'
'Makes perfect sense,' Tony agrees, shivering slightly. The last time they opened him, it was back that December, months ago. Before he knew. Before they all knew. Not a good memory.
'We'll hold back a week with your radiation course, too, to let your body heal a bit.'
'All right.'
'We'll do the surgery first thing tomorrow morning –' Levy stops, looking at Doc, who nods.
'And Happy is on his way. If you didn't know already,' he adds and walks up to Tony, holding out his hand, 'let's get some food and water into you while you can still eat, no dinner for you tonight, I'm afraid.'
'I think I'll live,' Tony chuckles and takes Doc's hand. Disguise back in place, they can walk through the clinic to get the food.
The first thing Tony feels when he wakes up after the surgery is tingling where they must have cut through his skin, and then he hears Happy's voice, chatting on the phone with – Pepper, he determines after a few sentences. Definitely Pepper.
'Morning,' he rasps out and opens his eyes, slowly, and Happy is hovering right over him by the time his eyes adjust to the sunlight.
'It's half past one, boss, afternoon, try to keep up,' Happy rolls his eyes with a smile.
'Excuse me then,' Tony replies, shifting slightly and making notes of all the things he's wired to, just for further reference. He feels tired and numb in a strangely nice way, for once.
'Everything went all right, if you're wondering. Now you've got just a little bit more metal in your body, makes little difference, huh?' Happy nods to himself, 'Cap will be around in a few hours, he texted you – or me or JARVIS, hard to tell this one – apparently you were back right in time for Fury's little revelations and there might be a mission cooking up, or whatever. Something with those guys you've been all circling around for the past months.'
'The portals?'
'Yeah, that,' Happy nods, holding out a bowl of ice chips and Tony takes a few thankfully, they feel so amazing in his dry mouth. 'But it's no urgent news. Now you rest.'
'You're gonna be a rest nazi, too?' Tony rolls his eyes, or rather tries to roll his eyes, but it's easier to close them and slowly drift back to sleep.
Steve comes over in the evening and disappears in the morning for the team training, leaving Tony with Doc and Happy. Tony falls asleep for the most of the day and it feels like no time before Steve's back.
The next few days are all this: Steve leavening, Tony sleeping and recovering and pretending to work while letting JARVIS do it for him, and then Steve coming back.
'When will you finally let me home?' Tony whines when Doc comes to change the dressing of the sutures; it's been a few days now, all tests done, another transfusion done, blood work as good as can be expected, and Tony is itching to leave this place.
'In a couple of days. Soon,' Doc promises, sighing theatrically. 'You're the impatient one, aren't you?'
'Just want to go home. And I had a phone call…'
'Phone call?'
'For Nate. Regarding his work. There are people whose life I could save, maybe, you know? With all the things Nate's been working on, and I had a call from a group of doctors with loads of questions and suggestions and I really need to go to my workshop and do some tinkering –'
'The only life you should think about now is your own,' Doc says firmly as he finishes securing the dressing and lets Tony's shirt down. 'And don't pretend JARVIS is not on it, we both know how things go here.'
He puts all the wrappings and meds back on a tray and stands up to leave, shuffling his feet.
'I just need to make –'
'I know, kid, I know. I know you,' Doc assures him, winks at him, and leaves.
'Will you have everything ready for when I am back, J?' Tony asks, knowing very well that JARVIS will, but when JARVIS assures him that indeed, the workshop will be ready, it just makes Tony feel better because it's a promise of being back to normal life. As much as he can hope for.
When Tony finally gets home, he spends a full day in the 'shop, perfectly aware that it's a bit obsessive. A bit. But he's been itching to put his hands on metal and plastic and tangle his fingers with wires, so so much.
Steve spends the day at SHIELD and the night with Tony, but then Tony wakes up at twenty-seven past five in the morning, Steve is not there. That's unexpected.
'JARVIS?' he questions, the word rounded and slightly slurry, as he sits up and rubs his eyes. Sunrise light in sneaking in the room, coloring it pale pink and yellow and making it look unfamiliarly warm.
'Captain Rogers left home approximately an hour ago, sir,' JARVIS replies tonelessly, more quietly than his usual voice, and Tony shivers.
'J, what's happened? Why am I asleep if something's happened? Why didn't Steve –'
'You need rest, sir,' JARVIS replies firmly, and then pauses for a fraction of a second. 'There has been a breakthrough in the SHIELD mission, Agents Walbert and McShea have escaped the hostile facility with data but the rest of it and all the tech was destroyed when the facility blew up –'
'Blew up.'
'Apparently the bad guys, to quote you, sir, do not care for their people more than they care for the security of their research. The explosion and following fires prevented us from examining their research –'
'In other words, we still know nothing,' Tony sighs and swings his legs down the bed. 'So, why is Steve there? Is it just him – or everyone?'
'Iron Man is there too, sir. I apologize for not asking for your permission –'
'You don't have to,' Tony interjects quickly, looking around trying to locate his clothes; the room is unusually messy; Steve must have left in hurry. 'So what's going on now?'
'Iron Man and Thor are securing the agents as they are making their way to the nearest SHIELD facility, while the rest of present Avengers are engaged in a fight –'
'Fight? Wait, fight? With…?'
JARVIS seems to hesitate for a shortest moment, and then replies, 'The fires were not the only thing we encountered at the facility site. There seems to be a portal of sorts, too, and I believe Hermes mentioned it being called a goodbye gift by someone who contacted Director Fury soon after SHIELD dispatched units to go to the site.'
Tony closes his eyes, takes a breath, and stands up.
Moving hurts.
'Sir?'
Taking steps hurts.
'Sir?' JARVIS asks again and Tony shakes his head slightly, exhaling. Opens his eyes. 'Shall I call Mister Hogan?'
Tony shakes his head again, breathes again, and makes his way to the bathroom. His bones hurt inside his body, the half-healed incision burns, and his head is a fuzzy mess of vertigo and sudden pounding headache, and he ends up slumping against the cold tiles that cold-burn his bare skin refreshingly.
JARVIS' words seem like nothing but a remote echo and everything that's outside the room like a phantom; Tony isn't sure anything can be real but here. This. Now.
He's freezing.
Or maybe not, maybe he's so hot that everything else feels freezing, it's hard to say –
'You're burning up,' he hears Happy's muffles voice, well, that explains something. 'JARVIS, call Doctor Levy, we'll be there in an hour –'
'I'm not –' Tony tries to protest but Happy just shakes his head in a way that Tony knows means he'll do what he feels is right anyway. 'Happy,' Tony tries again, his voice creaky, when Happy wraps a blanket around his shoulders.
'Doc said we need to contact them in case anything is wrong and this feels very wrong, sorry, boss. It might be nothing or it might be infection and I want you checked, okay? You don't have to answer. C'mon, can you walk? Can you make it to the car?'
'Yes,' Tony hisses, leaning on Happy and focusing completely on moving his legs; Happy helps him into some more decent clothes and, without being prompted, makes sure Nate's disguise in in place before they leave the apartment.
'It looks like a mild infection, nothing serious,' Levy tells them, writing a prescription for antibiotics. 'Your body is blowing things out of proportion as it's constantly fighting and any anomaly is perceived as much more serious that it is in fact – but it should be easy to get through this. A few days of rest and antibiotics and you'll be all right. Okay?'
'Sure,' Tony agrees, nodding, and wraps his arms around himself tighter. 'Can I go home?'
He really wants to be back, the scent in the clinic is making him feel sick, it never has before but he doesn't want to test his resistance. It's easier to move and think now that the medicine Happy had Tony swallow in the car started working; his body doesn't feel that detached anymore. It's an all-present ache but a dull one and it makes him feel alive. Like a human and not like a monster.
'Yes, just make sure to follow all those instructions, and contact me in case there is no improvement.'
'I will,' Tony promises, giving Happy a glance; Happy raises an eyebrow challengingly. 'And if I don't, my babysitters will.'
'Sure thing,' Happy says eagerly and Tony knows JARVIS silently agrees.
'Just please, Tony,' Levy says before they leave the room, using his proper name like she never does, 'rest. Rest and take care of yourself.'
He nods and lets Happy lead him back to the car, staring at his feet, and back at home he doesn't go to the workshop – which is a thing – but asks JARVIS to tell him more about what's been going on with the portals and Avengers and S.H.I.E.L.D. and everything.
When he wakes up it's dark and he doesn't remember when he drifted off, sometime soon after JARVIS obediently started reporting the events. So he still doesn't know much and it's dark which means it's late and it's all fucking pointless.
'J, do we have the data the agents recovered?'
'… yes, sir,' JARVIS replies after a heartbeat. 'I have full access.'
'You're an angel, you know?' Tony mutters, sitting up slowly, wrapping the blanket around his arms and tiptoeing to the workshop, ignoring how uncomfortable all of this is and how his body is protesting against the sudden change of position and the coldness under his bare feet.
'Just let me remind you that you are not supposed to work, sir, in case you repressed the memories of your conversation with Doctor Levy –'
'This is not work, J,' Tony cuts in, opening the workshop door and closing it silently behind him; the bots are at his side seconds later. 'It's life. It's a damn necessity, who knows what's gonna happen with those portals, I need to know everything – and the kids have missed me, haven't day?'
'Indeed. I cannot argue with that,' JARVIS agrees.
Tony hasn't been spending enough time with his artificial family, he knows too well; he hasn't been spending enough time with anyone because there isn't enough time and he still, after all those months, doesn't know how to manage that.
But it doesn't matter now. There is work to be done and the world won't wait for him to figure all the mess out.
A/N: Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed this piece! I'd love to hear your thoughts about it.
For the impatient: only one more chapter left in this part of the series :)