Chapter XXII

Dear Diary,

I am beginning to think that New Year's wishes are as overrated as the number of "I love you"s I said to both Robert and Carl over the past few years. At the beginning of the year 1926, I wished for this year to be the best year of my entire life, and athough I wrote here that I highly doubted it, I actually believed in it with all my heart.

It is not a great month, March, I mean. It's been a few weeks since I told Carl that I didn't love him, and our relationship got really damaged because of that, as I thought it would. My heart is aching incredibly! My heart is bleeding at the very thought of me going for a walk with Carl to Rainbow Valley in an hour's time. It shouldn't be like this, I should be excited to see him, but I'm not excited at all, I'm terrfied and just… I really don't want to see this look in his eyes, I really don't and I see this look every single time we meet, even though he'll grin at me or kiss me on the cheek, and although it all feels quite natural and as it always used to, it's not.

We don't spend hours walking up and down between the trees, laughing, singing and even sometimes dancing between the branches. We don't even talk about… I don't even know what we really talk about these days. I ask Carl how's school, he asks me how are my painting lessons going, I tell him some funny remarks my students made last week, he tells me his students's funny remarks, then we ask each other when we will meet again and then well, we part our ways.

It's so hard. I talked about it with both of my parents and they both shared this glance, this long, knowing glance all of us Blythe children know from early years of our childhood. I know that the turn of events of my relationship with Carl is simmilar to my parents's love story, but I'm sure that it won't end as happily as it ended up for them, besides this story is different, it's very different actually, and we are, after all, Diana Blythe and Thomas Meredith and not Anne Shirley and Gilbert Blythe.

But Mother is, like always, very understanding and loving and she never gets tired (or maybe she does?) of me talking with her about my situation with Carl. She says that if I feel that's the right way, then everything is fine with the world but I don't know if that's right or not and that's the very problem.

Father always tries to make me laugh, just like Jem does, or Ken or even Jerry or Shirley. They all know what happened of course, everyone from our families does but that was inevitable, so what can I do? Nan is very understanding although she did sigh and because we've spoken twinish since we were born, I know that she was disappointed over the whole sitation and how it turned out. Una was different, she didn't sigh or anything like that, she openly said that she wished something else entirely happened, but she said that she was on my side for not going any further into this relationship so that we both wouldn't get even more hurt, and that was just exactly what my parents said too. And then Dad winked at me and whispered into my ear that deep underneath he's happy that his "little" girl will stay at home for a bit longer. And I have a feeling she'll stay forever.

But I should really stop writing now, because I have to go and meet Carl in Rainbow Valley in half an hour and there's still some more marking to do for my student of a peculiar name such as Calixta Armenio, who is simply the most adorable girl of ten years of age, who loves algebra just as much as I hate it.

Yours,

Di Blythe

The marking was done and Di was now standing under the White Lady, playing with her gloves and listening to the wind blowing next to her. Suddenly, the wind got under the branches of White Lady and almost blew Di's hat off. She put her hand quickly on her head in order to stop the hat from blowing away and she suddenly felt her hair on her arms to stand. Her heart started to pound faster, her eyes got wider, her cheeks started to burn... what was happening?

Di put her hands on her cheeks "Something happened." she whispered in horror to herself "Something must have happened." she repeated and then something, she would later call this 'something' a destiny, told her to go to the Manse.

She didn't go, she ran instead. Her hat and her gloves were put very far from neatly into the pockets of her coat. She didn't think of anything while she ran, she only felt the prayer surround her like the morning fog, and she prayed that nothing happened although she knew that something clearly did happen. Di reached the Manse and she knocked furiously on the door. No one answered. She gave a little cry "Oh, God, what has happened?" she asked the clouds above her.

She looked around, where should she go? Should she come back to Ingleside? To Rainbow Valley because maybe Carl came there and was waiting for her? Maybe she was just imagining things? "Di!" Rosemary Meredith shouted out to the red-headed woman standing on her doorstep "Oh, dear Anne's girl!" she breathed out, her face wet and pale.

Di's heart stopped beating, she knew that it did and it seemed as if she couldn't hear anything that Rosemary and John Meredith told her with those frightened voices, terrified eyes and wet cheeks. "Carl… An accident… Car is entirely crushed… Hospital… Critical condition…" was all Di could actually hear.

"Will… he… live?" she breathed out, her voice not hers at all.

"We don't know, dear." Rosemary said again, her voice shaking.

"But we still have hope." John added as calmly as he could while placing his arm around his wife's shoulders.

"I have to go home… and tell parents." Di said eventually and kissed both John and Rosemary on their cheeks. She decided to run back to Rainbow Valley instead of Ingleside.

When she got there, she fell on the wet grass, her eyes and her nose red from weeping, her curls in a total mess, her hands, no, her whole body trembling as if someone was strangling her. "Oh, it can't be!" she sobbed, her tears falling on the grass "It can't! Oh, Carl, Carl, Carl! He was driving here, to meet me! Oh, God!" she put her hands in the air "Please save him! Please! He didn't do anything wrong! Save him for… for…" suddenly tears started to fall down Di's cheeks like little waterfalls although she stopped shaking and her eyes got brighter, her eyes got alive, more alive than they were in months, and to Di those months were like years "I love him." she breathed out.

She did! She did love him, she loved him ever since… ever since… She always loved him! How could she be so blind? How could she ever think otherwise? How could she not see that the story of her parents was repeating itself all over again, thirty years later? How could she not feel it? It was so obvious now, how they always talked about everything, how they used to have those picnics in Rainbow Valley, how they always used to feel like children together, or sometimes so much like adults. How she trusted him with her own life! She never trusted Robert in that way, she realised. How could she not see it all when it was all as plain and simple as that it was the tenth of March that day?

Then realisation dawned on her again. Carl was in an accident, a horrible, serious accident. He was in a hospital, in a critical condition, she didn't know if he would live to hear her say those three perfect, entirely not overrated words. "I must go to him." she stood up abruptly, her eyes sparkling with fear, hope, happiness, love and life "I won't make the same mistake as my Mother did. I will go to him now."

And she started running back to Ingleside as a new red-headed Di, Di who had just opened her own Book of Revelation and was not afraid to read it.

"What do you mean I can't go in and see him?" Di burst out when the nurse standing in front of her stood right between Di and the door which would eventually lead her to Carl's room.

When Di reached Ingleside she realised that everyone was gone, Dr Blythe was as usual on the call, Anne and Susan went to Faith's and Jem's house, and so all Di could do was to take a bike standing next to her at the verandah and cycle all the way to the hospital where Carl was. She did just that, even though it was pouring from the sky above. If someone were to paint Di's mood in that moment, he or she would agree that the rain pouring on her own self was a perfect way to express it.

When Di eventually got to the hospital, she was soaked, her boots and the end of her dress along with her coat were dipped in the mud and she looked simply miserable, without even looking at her face. Her eyes were swimming in tears and fear, her lips were trembling and they were bright red and her hands were very cold. All Di could think about was the condition in which Carl was in.

"I'm sorry, Miss, but if you are not a relative then you are not allowed to see Mr Meredith." the nurse replied gently, with a hint of annoyance in her tone.

Di's face turned red to the tips of her hair "Please, I just want to see him." she said pleadingly.

The nurse sighed softly "I'm sorry, Miss, but I can't allow it." she said.

"Could you at least tell me what happened? What was the accident? And what about his injuries? When did this accident even happen?" Di asked her desperately, her hands waving in the air "I really don't know anything but I want to know everything."

The nurse looked around as if to check if anyone was watching her and bent her head towards Di "The accident happened three hours ago." she whispered hurriedly "We're not exactly sure how it happened but all we know is that Mr Meredith was injured quite badly. He has two broken ribs, his head is bandaged, and he lost quite a lot of blood."

"Is… Is he going to be fine?" Di whispered hopefully.

"We aren't sure, Miss." the nurse replied in a matter-of-fact tone "You should go home, I think." she looked at Di worriedly.

Di stood as if she was paralysed, that was not what she thought she would hear. Not sure whether he'll be fine? It was just a nightmare! And she couldn't see him even for a second! She was angry, horrified, nervous, afraid and very… tired all of a sudden. She sinked into the nearest chair and put her hands on her cheeks in despair "I'm not going home." she said decidedly "I am staying here."

The nurse sat beside her and put her hand on her shoulder "You can stay here as long as you want Miss, but you won't be allowed into the patient's room." she said and in that very moment, for the first time in Di's life, she felt the urge to slap a nurse across her face as hard as she could.

But she couldn't do it, and she didn't do it athough she really wanted to. Di stayed in that chair for another three hours until her parents came along with John and Rosemary. Somehow, Di would never rememeber how, but her parents and ever Mr and Mrs Meredith convinced her to go home. Her mind was blank and her head was burning. She didn't have enough energy to tell her parents about her own Book of Revelation but when she was at the back seat of the car, she could see and feel that she needn't to tell them, they already knew and were smiling at her knowingly, and pityingly but with understanding in their eyes.

Anne put her daughter to her bed, as if she was ten years old again, and Susan made her warm tea. As soon as Di's head touched the pillow she fell asleep and didn't wake up until midday the next day, little did she know that that day would be a day which would change her life.

Di woke up to the telephone ringing from downstairs. She rubbed her eyes sleepily and sat on her bed really slowly. "Good grief, I really do have a headache." she murmured to herself and then, suddenly, she remembered what happened the day before and the headache was at the very back of her thoughts. She jumped from her bed, dressed quicker than she ever had in her life and ran downstairs just to find her Mother sitting in the kitchen, as if she was waiting for her, with a smile on her face "Darling, I have good news." she told her immediately.

Di took Anne's hands in hers, her heart was jumping up and down and her eyes were twinkling "Yes? Yes?" she said nervously.

"Carl got better over the night." Anne replied cheerfully "Rosemary just called us to tell us the news. He's awake now." she squeezed Di's hands tightly, giving her a hidden message, only for her daughter to understand.

Di's lips formed into the brightest smile and she kissed her Mother on both cheeks and on a forehead, she ran to Susan who was cooking nearby and kissed her cheeks too "Oh, I will go to him now! And I don't care if they will let me in or not! I will find a way!" she exclaimed and quickly went deeper into the hall to find her shoes.

"But, Di dear, you didn't have any breakfast!" Susan said, hardly thinking that it's possible to exit the house without eating a breakfast.

"I don't need breakfast, Susan." Di replied joyfully as she was putting a hat on her head.

"A heart of a woman who opened her Book of Revelation the day before, doesn't need any meal at all." Anne said, her gray eyes shining "Go to him, sweetheart." she winked at her daughter and Di smiled at her knowingly before running out of the house as the happiest person in the whole world.