If die, only in Manhattan (part 2)

Stark Industries is bittersweet.

Tony would have never thought he'd be the man to perceive things as bittersweet – there just isn't a better word to describe it. He might have been a bit of an asshole, rough on the edges, difficult to approach sometimes, but the people he worked with for years or decades know better than that. With the R&D, he's never been anything other than another great mind and someone to lead. He's missed it.

'You have done great when I wasn't present,' he says to the small crowd gathered in one of the SI facilities on the outskirts of the town. There's no media around, just a room full of his employees, so he doesn't have to pretend.

They cheer, which makes him frown for a second, and then he lets himself smile widely.

It feels unreal to be back.

'I'm sorry for having left you guys all to yourselves,' he says and it's magical how quiet they go in a split of a second. Refreshing, since they actually want to hear what he wants to say. 'Thanks to Miss Potts, first and foremost, for picking up pieces I left scattered and putting them together into something big,' he stresses the word, gesturing at Pepper who is standing in the corner of the room. All heads turn to her with a wave of applause so she gives them a little wave.

Pepper almost blushes, which is not an easy thing to achieve. Tony joins in.

'Thanks to Tom, Paige, and William for running R&D when I was away and keeping you all guys on task,' Tony continues with the names for at least fifteen minutes, making sure he mentions all department chiefs and everyone who's achieved something exceptional during Tony's absence, there were quite a few instances. His voice goes all rough before he gets to the end of the list he complied and memorized.

They seem genuinely happy to have him around; he hoped they would – it's Stark Industries, isn't it? – but it feels great to actually experience this. All the unwelcoming people, there have to be some, there always are some, stay quiet.

'Paige?' he asks, seeing her give him a quick hand sign that they've been using for ages, 'want to come up?'

'No, boss,' she says, her low voice rolling though the room, 'we're just all wondering about what Virginia said about you coming back.'

'I will be coming back for some time,' Tony says and clears his throat. 'This was not verbalized in public, exactly… So you do all know I'm not well. I have cancer, which is terminal, and I hope none of you start trying to find a cure all of sudden,' he adds, making them laugh lightly. 'I'm supposed to have a few months left but there's no telling how things will go, so I might stick around poking you for a few weeks or a couple months. The idea is, we talk and brainstorm and I tell you everything I want you to know – don't think I haven't been keeping tabs on the work you've all been doing. I have, as you might have noticed when I was saying my thank yous. Our first and biggest thing right now is making sure we get the reactor tech to the next level. You've all seen the big and useless baby we have in L.A. but you also must have seen the Tower yesterday or today. That's the biggest challenge for SI right now, whether you are directly involved or not. I will make sure to have my eyes on everything, though, not just the big score.'

Some of them nod, all of the eyes focused on Tony, and it makes him smirk; he's always loved crowds. Especially charmed crowds. That's very Stark of him, he realizes, and lets himself enjoy it all the same.

'I'll try my best to give you all the answers you want or need in the coming weeks,' he says, giving Pepper a slightest nod, and finishes, 'it's good to be home.'

The crowds stands up and gives him an applause that gets ridiculous three minutes in, and Pepper comes onto the stage when they hit five, seeing that Tony is just as confused as he is flattered.

'That will be enough, ladies and gentleman,' she tells them, the room going silent straight away. 'I'm afraid I need to borrow Mister Stark for the rest of the afternoon. You can have him tomorrow.'

'Peace,' Tony says to the microphone, winking at no one in particular, and lets Pepper grab his arm and lead him out of the room in small steps.

'You all right?'

'The noise is ringing in my head, but apart from that, I'm good, I guess?'

'You guess?'

'I'm not an emotional kind of guy,' he tells her, looking over her shoulder. 'But even I have to admit, being back is… something else.'

'You'll miss anonymity soon enough,' Pepper chuckles, handing him a glass of water. Tony smiles thankfully.

'I do miss it already,' he says once he's drowned all the water, his throat feeling much better. 'I mean, I kind figured I'd miss it before this whole coming out, I was sure I'd miss walking down the streets and no one giving me look or chasing me or taking photos of me, you know. Just wandering around and no one minding me. It's gonna be tough now, unless I craft some fancy disguise that will be effective enough while not being itchy and not giving me a rash.'

'Oh, the poor you,' she says, sounding remotely cruel in her lack of understanding, Tony thinks. 'It's half past five. What do you want to do?'

'You have the rest of the afternoon off?'

'Yes –'

'How about we get dinner, Miss Potts?'

'Wouldn't your boyfriend be jealous, Mister Stark?' she plays along, raising an eyebrow.

'He'll have me for the night,' Tony smiles. Pepper rolls her eyes. 'Besides, I know you wouldn't object to dinner of olives and bread and sorbets afterwards. He would.'

'Fair point, Mister Stark,' she agrees, understanding flashing in her eyes. 'It still sounds like you're trying to avoid him,' she adds when they're getting into the car; Happy just gives him the all-knowing look. To his credit, he mostly is all-knowing.

Tony doesn't comment on that.

'Lido, Happy,' he says simply, sprawling across the back seat of the limo.

'Uh-oh,' Happy mutters, starting the engine.

Day two of the fun, Tony wakes up with Steve wrapped around him. It's just past sunrise and Steve is sleeping. Tony tries to keep his eyes open but he figures he's still too sleepy and lets himself drift back into the strange dreams.

When he wakes up again it's two past nine and he's in the room with Happy, who is drinking coffee and doing crosswords from today's New York Times.

'Classy,' Tony tells him, sitting up in the bed.

'Feel like being live on TV tonight?' Happy asks in reply, not looking up from his paper. Tony blinks, registers that it's pouring rain outside, and finds out the answers. 'We've had phone calls.'

'No.'

'Ever?'

'Surely. When I feel like kicking some asses, not like having my ass kicked.'

'Your meds are at the side table,' Happy says offhandedly, turning the page.

'I know, they always are,' Tony mutters, reaching out for them and the accompanying glass of water. 'They're always there.'

'About things that always are, boss – I was wondering when we'll be moving. Are we moving? I had the impression you'd want to, now that the tower's ready.'

'Steve asked me the same,' Tony confesses, sitting down on the edge of the bed. 'He asked if I wanted to move in with the team, or move there and have the team move with us…'

'That's cute.'

'Yeah, he wants to make me feel like I'll still be a part of it, even now that I've officially said goodbye in front of the whole world. The thing is, I don't think I want that,' he pauses, the words lingering in the air. 'That's something we talked about during the palliative care meeting: making sure I am, both physically and mentally, comfortable. The doctor was very straightforward and I liked it,' Tony muses, feeling Happy's eyes on him now. He's never said anything about that meeting to anyone.

'And the team?'

'J, can you quote what she said for me? You know which part.'

'Of course, sir,' JARVIS' soft voice replies, and he recites, 'There is no dignity to dying and believing what the movies and book and heartwarming confessions say isn't a good idea. When you are at peace with dying, it might be calm and simple, but it's not dignified. You'll be lucky if you die before the tumor spreads to your brain, making you barely more than a vegetable, or making you forget what all your life has been. Your body fails and it's humiliating and it brings on embarrassing situations when you have to be treated like a baby because you can't control yourself anymore, and there's no dignity to it.'

'That's what the doctor said,' Happy wonders aloud, 'Not very uplifting.'

Tony nods.

'I've thought about that before. I mean –'

'I get it.'

'I don't want them to be around all the time. We'll just move to the Tower, like planned.'

'I get it, boss,' Happy repeats, standing up. 'So, if you don't feel like live TV, how about breakfast before you run to work?'

'I – I couldn't eat anything,' Tony says, wrapping his arms around his abdomen protectively, as if the pressure helped somehow. 'I won't say no to a magical drink though, before I head to R&D, and then…'

'Boss?'

'Nothing,' Tony shakes his head. Of course Happy doesn't believe him, narrowing his eyes at Tony before leaving the room. 'Nothing,' Tony whispers to himself and stands up, too, heading for the bathroom.

They work on arc reactor tech, with a hand-picked group of scientists. And Peter. He and Tony had a quick chat before they entered SI plant.

'I can't believe you're letting me do this,' Peter said, gesturing at the buildings in front of them, 'as if there weren't any better people.'

'I'm trusting you with this so do not let me down,' Tony replied, patting Peter's back and the pushing him towards the gate.

They are enthusiastic and soaking the knowledge like a sponge, asking questions, staring at the diagrams, staring at Tony's chest when he shows them the miniaturized reactor and tells them that's what they want to make use of as power source in some of the future projects. They are giving him looks too, in between moments of utter concentration. They are too many – seventeen – and too loud even when they're whispering. Tony finds it surprising how disjointed he feels within the group, it's so easy to differentiate between them and himself.

The endless morning is more tiring than Tony expected so by the time he arrived to the clinic, he's exhausted. There's half an hour before his appointment so he sits in the cafeteria, looking mostly like Nate, and observes the never-changing hospital life from his strategic spot, nibbling on the salad he bought.

Just a checkup, Levy said, but they both know that at this stage of the illness it's more likely than not to be unpleasantly surprised.

'Here,' she shows him a spot on the CT scan a few hours later. 'We can follow the same procedure we did last time. You're lucky, mets to liver are the easiest to treat, in a case like yours. Can you come in tomorrow?'

'For you, sure I can,' Tony bats his eyelashes at Levy, making her snicker with amusement. 'A couple days?'

'I'd say so.'

'Sounds good. I'll clear my schedule.'

'I'll see you in the morning then,' she says, gesturing at him to go. He nods and leaves, he's been hiding in her office for the last couple hours. Everyone outside just stared even if no one was brave enough to approach him.

He takes the long way out, passing through radiology, his former second home, and at least there, they don't stare. They just look with too much concern, knowing exactly what this place is like. Someone he probably knows waves at him, Tony waves back, but they don't engage him in a conversation for which he's grateful.

Back at home – Steve's at S.H.I.E.L.D. and Happy is who knows where – he spends the evening packing the essential kit and listening to too loud music, cancelling out the heavy rain buzzing outside.

'I'm going to hospital,' he announces when Steve comes home. 'Like the other time, you know, we'll do the ablation procedure, quick and easy –'

'Hey,' Steve cuts in, wrapping his arm around Tony and bringing him closer. 'Okay. It's okay. It's the best of the bad things, right?' he says, voice soft, but Tony can tell something's not right. 'It'll be painless. I remember. Lucky, right?'

'What is it?'

'Sorry?'

'You're thinking about something. Something else,' Tony points out, raising an eyebrow and crossing his arms, knowing that putting on an act will ease the atmosphere a little bit.

'… Fury wants me overseas for a couple of weeks,' Steve admits with sigh. 'And I don't feel like leaving you alone.'

'I have other people, you know –'

'Pepper's in Japan, James is in L.A., and you said yourself you don't want to involve Happy with this all the time, didn't you? That he deserves a break.'

'There's Doc –'

'Who you also said you don't –'

'And I don't really need someone with me all the time, anyway, I'll be fine by myself.'

Steve, of course, gives him the look.

'Been sick enough to know no one wants to wake up to an empty room,' he said simply, as if daring Tony to say he doesn't care but that would be a lie. He has enough humility to admit that he'd like to have someone there, just damn breathing next to him, assuring him that's he's still in the real world. And, if there's any bad news… he did it once and it really works better with someone else. Basic human 101.

Then he remembers a conversation from a few weeks before and smiles.

'You know, I have a solution to this. I'll have Thor come over. He offered to carry me around if I need some time ago and I might as well take his offer.'

'If he carries you in his arms, your secret clinic or not, the photo will be on the internet in a minute.'

'Might risk it,' Tony smiles, glad that Steve's mood is a little less gloomy. 'J, please tell Thor about this, ok? And let me know his reply.'

'Will do, sir.'

'And you, soldier, tell me more about your new save-the-world thing.'

Tony falls asleep a few minutes into the story, cuddled up to Steve on the sofa, to the muffled sounds of the city and Steve's monotone voice as a lullaby.

Waking up from the surgery feels like a movie, when a screen gets blacked out and springs back to life with a new day after a flicker.

Tony blinks away the heaviness to his eyelids, assessing the various sensations to his body, and notices the people sitting in the corner of the room only after a while. There are three and he's pretty sure he only invited one of them, the big and blond.

'Everything went well,' he recognizes Levy's voice. 'Let me check up on you and I'll leave you to your friends.'

Tony nods, still a bit too groggy to think rationally, and answers all the questions in mutters. When Levy's done with him, she leaves the room and Tony makes a proper effort to focus on his friends.

'I texted Steve everything went fine,' Natasha says, shifting in her chair.

'I thought you were away these days?'

'Came back last night.'

'Natasha contacted me and asked to share a conversation. I saw no wrong in inviting her to join us. I hope you have no qualms against her presence, Tony.'

'I guess not,' Tony agrees, lifting himself up a little bit in the bed – one movement of your finger thanks to new medical appliances engineering – and asks, 'did you enjoy the show yesterday?'

'Midgardian medics are very fine craftsmen indeed,' Thor declares, nodding solemnly. They had a conversation about doctors and surgery techniques previous morning; Thor seemed very interested in the rather unknown to him subject so Tony had JARVIS transmit his operation to Thor's phone.

'We only do what we have to do without magic,' Tony teases, gaining an amused smile from Thor. 'That was a delicate job but you should see some brain surgeries to really get how amazing that it, I mean, there is barely anything more delicate than that in the world. One wrong movement and you've done it. They have robots doing that sometimes, but nothing is like human intuition, and note me saying that,' he continues, not caring at all that's he's rambling. Thor seems invested and Natasha… He doesn't really know what the deal between her and Tony Stark is. A few years ago she studied him and she knows he knows about it, so she seems reluctant while being as self-assured as always, and Tony himself is not sure how that works.

So he ignores her just a little bit; he can excuse it with being sleepy and sore because he knows she is compassionate. He's done his secret research, too.

'I promised you to explain that machine I built,' he says, gesturing at Thor to come over and sit by his bed. 'JARVIS, pull up the specs,' he adds, flicking his tablet cover open.

Natasha stays in the corner, typing something relentlessly on her phone, knees up and drawn to her chest, and Tony talks until his throat's sore; Thor being Thor offers to go down and get Tony some juice, apparently having decided that water isn't adequate. Tony gets the hint but pretends not to.

But he's surprised when she comes across the room silently and climbs onto his bed and wraps her arms around him.

'I'm sorry,' she whispers into his ear.

'It's okay,' he whispers back, not really knowing what he should do. It's comfortable and comforting and he doesn't know enough about casual half-stranger interaction, so he lets her do what she wants. It takes her a few minutes to let go of him but she stays on the edge of the bed, just by his legs.

'I know we're not really friends,' she says finally, brushing a lone hair strand out of her face. 'And I know I've been reluctant towards Nate – you did a great job there, I was satisfied enough with finding out that connection that I didn't look any further, which was probably your very point – but I didn't know for sure if I could trust him. You know my story. I've got some trust issues and there was something off about Nate, if you looked closer.'

'And you looked closer.'

'Especially when you started that thing with Steve.'

'You're very possessive about your friends,' Tony notes, keeping his eyes open to see her reaction. A flicker of uncertainty passes through her face but then she nods and Tony lets his eyes relax for a moment.

'They are scarce and rather precious.'

'Got that,' Tony chuckles, 'I have my own group of misfits.'

'About that –' she starts, but Tony doesn't let her finish. It's probably not the best time, him being groggy and achy and feeling like sleeping for the next month at least, but he wants to ask her.

'Were you or Happy ever going to verbalize it to me?'

She narrows her eyes, stares at him for a moment, and says, 'I told him to just talk with you.'

'And you knew he didn't.'

'Yes.'

'Well,' Tony sighs, letting himself lay back on the bed, ready to sleep for the next fourteen hours or so, 'you better take care of him. It'll be a drastic separation and he'll need it. Pinky swear?'

'Pinky swear,' she replies amusedly and slides down the side of the bed, her flats hitting the floor with a soft sound, and she walks over to her chair and will stand guard, Tony guesses, until Thor comes back, but he's deep asleep by then.

Tony wakes up at night a few times that he can remember, feeling hurt and nauseous, and there are people rushing around in the room. He doesn't recall saying anything but when he wakes up, a nurse sitting in Natasha's chair tells him he's sweet.

'There was some inflammation, nothing unusual, you've got antibiotics dripping down that IV,' she adds, pointing vaguely at the line going into his right arm. Oh. That's new. There is another one in his left, he stares at it for a few seconds and raises an eyebrow at her.

'That's just your breakfast,' she laughs lightly, writing something in her folder and closing it with a thud. 'You won't be eating for a few days on these medicine, I don't think so, too much history of nausea, and you've already lost too much weight. Your body will be very happy with some glucose.'

'Can I still go home tomorrow?'

'If the inflammation gets better, the day after tomorrow. But you'll have a few magic food bags to go through.'

He nods, twisting the plastic line in his strange feeling fingers, enjoying her ability to say things without actually verbalizing them. Observing her leave the room, he wonders if someone taught the nurse that way of talking or if it's just her. It's nice to feel he's staying home because of food, not because of feeling bad, even if everyone knows it's a cheap trick.

Just a moment after she's disappeared in the hallway, Natasha peeks inside the room; Tony's eyes are closed and he only knows it thank to JARVIS. Thinking he's asleep or resting, Tony guesses, she takes a step back to close the door.

'Come in,' he says, his voice weaker than he's like. 'I'm not sleeping or anything, and I've got a few things to tell you. But do close the door.'

She does as she's told and then sits on the edge of Tony's bed, directly in the soft autumn sunlight. She looks tired, unlike the Black Widow most would expect to see; her hair is up in a messy bun and she's wearing old jeans and a t-shirt matching her eye color.

'I know I mentioned it yesterday but I didn't really finish the thought,' he starts, letting his hands play with his phone in calm repetitive motions. 'If you and Happy – if he's – you know him a bit, don't you? He likes to pretend. Learned that from the best, I tell him, but he was already good when I adopted him like a damn stray dog. He won't admit it, of course,' Tony chuckles and Natasha allows a small smile onto her red lips. 'He's worked for me for over fifteen years.'

'Fifteen? But –'

'We had a complicated start. But yeah, fifteen years. I told him about my cancer, not anyone else. He's been in my game since before it even started. He's had, for a long time, nothing but his work. Which is me, I am his work, so no matter how crappy and romantic that sounds, I was his everything. Sure, he has some friends, but you know how friends are, it's the kind he's meet with for lunch or for a drink and come back home wishing he didn't. So. I'm glad he's found something else because I have no fucking idea what he'd do otherwise.'

'Pepper would take him from you.'

'She would, but what he needs it something that steals a hundred percent of his time, and Pepper isn't that. You should be.'

Natasha stares.

'I know you'll go away and save the world and all, but still, it's a different kind of an… engagement. To substitute me. Love, you know, if something more and something full-time, and most humans don't have the capacity to be non-romantically full-time. Am I even making sense?'

'Kind of,' she smirks and Tony gives her a hurt look.

'There aren't many people in the world that can keep you as entertained as I can. There. And it becomes a habit. Happy will need a new habit when I'm gone, and don't let him take up banjo, he's terrible at music, no matter what he says. And don't let him eat away his boredom, he's already put on like a ten pounds in the last few months.'

'You're a cruel man, Tony Stark,' Natasha decides gloomily, but her eyes are contradicting her voice. Come to think of it, Tony's never seen her look so… glowing. Tired but happy. 'He can take up all the instruments he wants to. I believe in freedom in a relationship.'

'You'll change your mind,' Tony mutters and Natasha just laughs lightly, sunrays flickering golden in her hair, just like in Pepper's.

He misses Pepper. She left like five days ago for her trip and he just misses her.

'So, miss superhero, you'll have a lot of leftover responsibility after I die,' he continues, 'because you've got to look out for Steve, too. He claims you're his best friend, how that came to pass, I have no idea, but if he insists… So you got them both. I hope you realize. I expect them to be taken care of.'

'Of course,' she nods curtly. 'You have my word.'

'I hope it means something,' he replies; it's a bit cruel but not undeserved; they both know perfectly well what Agent Romanoff is capable of, and how difficult it is to sometimes ignore that one part of your personality.

'I wouldn't swear to a dying guy. I hear it's bad for your moral integrity –'

'As if you had morals,' Tony comments with amusement and lets himself close his eyes. The sun is beautiful, but he's more tired. 'I'll sleep now. See you later?'

'You won't get rid of me that easily,' she threatens, waving a book at him that came out of nowhere.

Tony's released home two days later and he's just managed to take his shoes off when someone barges in and sweeps him off the floor.

'It's been only five days, you possessive freak,' Tony mutters into Steve's neck affectionately, surprised by how comfortable he is in this weird position in Steve's arms, being held almost bridal style. Of course, Steve being considerate of his sore side.

'Extremely boring five days for me, genius. You can tell, I'm home early,' Steve says back, putting Tony back on the floor and placing his duffle by Tony's shoes. 'I don't like being the ambassador of peace. Much prefer action. Do it and be done with it.'

'How many cartoons did you draw during those meetings?'

'… a few,' Steve admits, pretending to look innocent.

'Also, be careful of what you say. Someone might think you're being swayed to the dark side.'

'They have cookies.'

'Oh, you're getting better, Mister Clueless,' he adds, and then shouts, 'Happy!'

'I've got a sensitive hearing,' Steve mutters, taking his shoes off; Tony ignores him boldly.

'Don't pretend you can't hear me! I've got something for you!'

Now it's just a second before Happy sneaks out of his room, looking as impeccable as always, a pen stuck behind his ear. He stops a few steps into the living room, assesses the situation, and glares at Tony expectantly.

'Natasha says hi,' Tony simply states, raising an eyebrow and stopping himself from grimacing at that damn soreness in his abdomen that's more than the pull of the few stiches he got. Painkillers time it is.

'I hate you,' Happy states cheerfully and disappears back into his room.

'Please tell me you knew,' Tony says flatly, and Steve nods in confirmation. "Good. Okay. I'm gonna be busy for the rest of the afternoon – don't make that face. I have things to do. Important things, like, finishing some of the specs I promised to work on with my people in Stark Industries and we're on a quite tight schedule these days.'

'I know, I know,' Steve sighs and gives Tony a kiss on the forehead. 'Go on, then. I'll unpack your things and then go to HQ, if you need me. Don't tire yourself out too much.'

'Too much, ha. And leave my things alone,' Tony grins and almost turns around to go, but he changes his mind and gives kiss a proper kiss that lasts enough to leave him breathless and almost dizzy. 'Go, now.'

Steve rolls his eyes but obediently walks towards the door.

Tony ends up working for a few hours, completing most of the things he wanted to get done with, but when Steve comes back, he's dozing off on the workshop's sofa, with soft music playing in the room. He wakes up to the sound of the doors being open and suddenly becomes aware of the song playing: You must be the DJ today, he's the only one with fine appreciation of 70s classics, the other bots prefer the following decades.

He can feel his eyes getting wet at the thoughts and rolls on his side, away from Steve, to blink them dry. That's stupid, caring so much for a random thing like that. But there's no one in the world who knows these things. That'll make the bots even sadder when he's gone. He probably should have JARVIS start a robot depression prevention program.

JARVIS says something Tony can't really hear and a moment later the soft noise of the doors being closed echoes in the room, but there are no footsteps following.

'I asked Captain to give you a few moments, sir,' the A.I. says in the softest voice. 'I was hoping you'd appreciate the thought.'

'Take care of the bots for me, J,' Tony just mutters in response, trembling with half sobs, half laughter at his own ridiculous ideas. 'Okay? I know you'll be around whenever you're needed, Iron Man and not, and I'm not donating you to anyone's care 'cause you're a big boy, and even though I trust Rhodey with them, please tell me you're gonna take care of the babies. Are you gonna take care of them?'

'Of course,' JARVIS vows, 'to the best of my ability.'

'Good for me,' Tony agrees, closing his eyes and wiping his eyes with the bad of his hands, like a kid. He doesn't care though. 'C'mere,' he adds, turning back to face the openness of the room; the daylight is almost blinding.

The bots cuddle their arms up to Tony and stay there with him, unmoving, until he's ready to take a few deep breaths and stand up.

Of course, standing up after such a long time sitting curled up isn't a good idea, his legs are asleep and he almost falls down as soon as he puts his weight on them, but the bots catch him and make some concerned-annoyed beeps.

'I know, silly me,' he laughs lightly, petting them, ''m just human, should consider it next time, right? JARVIS. Ask Rhodey if we can meet tomorrow? Or no. Tell him I need to see him tomorrow. Don't ask.'

'Of course I will not, sir. And I will deliver your message. Anything else?'

'Get my coffee started. If you try to tell me I shouldn't drink coffee, I'll mute you.'

'Caffeine works as a stimulant. Your body might benefit from it,' JARVIS says in a perfectly sweet voice.

'Sucking up won't help you, sweetheart,' Tony says, standing up for the second time, this time with a much better result, and makes his way to the kitchen.

The next few days aren't good. Tony is familiar enough with bad spells by now; he made sure JARVIS checked him for internal bleeding and the like, improbable but just in case. It's nothing more than the usual though.

'Rest,' Doc tells him on Sunday morning. It's almost the end of September, the sun laying low and peeking from behind the clouds shyly. The last thing Tony wants to do is rest, he wants to go out and walk walk walk endlessly, take advantage of the warm air outside, let the sunrays soak through his pale skin. Soon, autumn weather will take the Indian summer's place and none of this will be possible.

There is no saying if he'll see the warm days again, early windy spring.

'I will,' he swears because he's genuinely too exhausted and dizzy to walk around.

Rhodey and Pepper come by in early afternoon and stay with Tony and Steve in the bedroom, talking, sharing dinner, and playing JARVIS-made holographic board games. It's a far cry from Las Vegas but Tony decides it can do.

He can't swallow any proper food so Steve makes him a lovely shake which fills his stomach pleasantly and gives him a bit more energy.

When the evening comes, everyone goes back to their own homes to enjoy the last hours of Sunday laziness. Happy comes back from his date and goes straight to his room, having J say hello for him, and Steve's on his evening run.

The house is too silent.

'JARVIS,' Tony says, getting up from bed, the blanket wrapped around his bare chest protectively. His legs are shaking much less than expected, honestly.

'Sir?'

'I want to fly.'

'You are not well.'

'I want to fly,' Tony repeats, staring wide-eyed at the sea of city lights. 'I want to fly, okay?'

'As you wish,' J replies. It takes him two minutes to have one of the Marks sneak into the bedroom almost soundlessly. 'Full autopilot.'

'I wouldn't dream of anything else,' Tony smiles, feeling the armor's delicate frame wrapping around his body. He hasn't done this just in a few days. It feels like ages. 'Take me home,' he says almost inaudibly. JARVIS picks it up, of course, and gets it.

When they're back, Tony's lungs full of the fresh evening air, dizzy with excitement, he almost collapses when the armor is not supporting him anymore; he lies down on the bed, feeling soft vibrations not unlike almost-passing out all over his body, and falls asleep just like that, in his day clothes and shoes.

Steve wakes him up with kisses.

Tony can tell Steve was crying and he feels guilty. It's really easy to push the feeling away though so he does.

'Work today?' he asks, handing Tony his morning medicine.

'Work every day,' Tony replies, taking the pills and pretending not to notice that there are more supplements than usually; he's had the talk with Levy, too. He dry-swallows the meds, making Steve frown and sigh disapprovingly, pointing at the water bottle right on the nightstand. It washes out the powdery feeling at the back of Tony's throat easily.

'I'm training some probies today. You do your work and I'll see you in the evening, okay?'

'Okay.'

'Good day,' Steve winks at him and makes a perfect salute before walking out.

Tony salutes back. Steve doesn't see it; it doesn't matter anyway.

When he's feeling human enough to get out of the bed, he puts in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, shaves himself clean, and emerges his quarters to see Happy reading today's newspaper.

'Billionaire disappears after his confession,' Happy reads out loud, raising one eyebrow, and looks up at Tony. 'Considered the press yet?'

'Nah.'

'Thanks. Keep my life amusing,' Happy decides, looking back at the paper.

Tony doesn't reply and doesn't really move, arms wrapped around his stomach protectively – he's been doing that too much, he's perfectly aware – and it take Happy only a moment to close his newspaper with a loud rustle, roll it, and put it securely in his jacket's big pocket.

'Yeah?'

'Could we go driving today?'

'You don't have to ask, boss. Now?'

'I want to be outside. The weather's nice. New York looks inviting. I don't think I could drive or walk for long enough,' Tony explains even though he doesn't have to.

'It'll do you good to get some fresh air,' Happy agrees lightly. 'But, breakfast first?'

'Could drink something.'

'I made strawberry pudding yesterday, you know, but you didn't eat it. Ungrateful. So I made some weird icebox cake, can't go wrong with strawberries and crackers, it's delicious. Safe foods put together into a cake. Breakfast cake.'

'You're ingenious,' Tony agrees, thinking that he might actually eat some almost-solid food today. Sounds like a plan.

They drive for over eight hours; it's only afternoon when they are back though. First round of meds is at six in the morning, it was barely seven when they left and got stuck in Manhattan traffic. The sun is still high and warm.

Tony's had enough of it during the drive, sitting in passengers chair with his legs up on the cockpit, enjoying the sunrays, the feeling of the air swirling around his limbs, all of the windows half-open, and the constant buzz of traffic in his ears. They didn't even exchange a word, apart from Happy asking chicken noodle or something creamy when they stopped for lunch.

Back in the house, content with the movement he spent part of the night and the day within, Tony gets to the kitchen island and calls Happy to come over.

'We're making a chocolate cake. With chocolate icing,' he states; they both know he means mostly you but I'll hang around.

'Ehm… why, boss?'

'I've always wanted to eat a whole chocolate cake,' Tony declares, taking the groceries he had JARVIS order out of the bag and placing them on the counter. 'And I need to hurry up.'

'You're gonna throw up if you eat a whole chocolate cake,' Happy notes but takes the butter out of the fridge without being asked and right now Tony loves him for that so much.

'Well, I'm gonna throw up anyway so I prefer it'd be because of a chocolate cake,' Tony explains and there's a moment of silence before Happy clears his throat loudly and gives Tony a resigned look. 'You in?'

'As long as I get my own chocolate cake to eat.'

'Deal,' Tony agrees and they go on working.

He eats the whole cake – doesn't matter that it's a small one, it's still a whole one – and throws it up half an hour later without any regrets, and retreats to the 'shop for the rest of the evening to work slash play with JARVIS.

Happy shares his cake with Natasha who comes over for the first time ever. Tony decides it's sweet and very romantic and doesn't give it a second thought, focusing on the body armor specs for S.H.I.E.L.D. he wants Peter to have a look at tomorrow.

'I couldn't sleep for the last few days,' Peter tells him when they're in the big workshop, several half-transparent holograms hanging in the air around them as they inspect every detail with attention. Undivided until now, Tony thinks amusedly, and nods at Peter to continue. 'I was thinking.'

'I figured.'

'I mean, you said you've known for so long…' he says reluctantly; Tony nods at him again. 'How do you deal with it? Knowing for ages and not being able to do anything? I think I'd rather die quickly. You know. Otherwise I think I'd just go insane – how come you haven't gone insane?'

'Who says I haven't?' Tony laughs, gesturing at JARVIS to rotate the female armor III, looks Peter in the eye and declares solemnly, 'I pray. I meditate. I eat chocolate. I go dancing.'

Peter's face is priceless.

'Erm… I wouldn't take you for –'

'Sir has been watching too many movies of mediocre quality,' J comments drily but Tony knew if he could, he's blink at him mischievously.

'Hey, I do eat chocolate,' Tony protests, frowning at JARVIS' camera, thinking about the chocolaterie he's been to so many times with various people, and the cake, of course. 'And I should go dancing. Haven't been dancing for too long… But seriously? Seriously. I spend too much time talking to myself, I do Good Things, and I'm heartened by the fact that my awesomeness will be immortal within my sassy babies.'

'Why thank you.'

'You see, sassy as hell.'

'Tell me about it,' Peter sighs theatrically, 'I've had enough to do with Ijon in my life. I mean, don't get me wrong, I like him, but's he's a double-faced bastard. He'll call you by your name in this sweet voice, but if you annoy him, he'll keep playing music you hate or tell you disturbing jokes that make you choke on your food when you're alone in the house so that no one can help you if you can't breathe –'

'Good boy,' Tony laughs, ignoring Peter's glare. 'And don't lie, Peter. Kids shouldn't lie, Ijon is very sweet.'

'… he still tells disturbing jokes.'

'Only because he knows you like them.'

Peter pouts.

'Okay, stop this now, I'm actually trying to teach you something while we consult on this, and I don't have endless time.'

'Let's finish this,' Peter agrees quickly, blowing up specs of the waterproof seams, and they easily get lost in work.

A/N: Thank you very much for your comments, I was happy to know that a few of you still remember the series ;) I hope you enjoyed this part, there are 2 more to go in this part. I'm always very grateful for any feedback!