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Jac's fitful sleep had been disturbed by a child's shriek and mournful crying of 'Auntie Jac'. Jac hurried from her bed and into Ava's bedroom. The child was sat up and was sobbing as though the world was ending.
Jac let her maternal instinct take over as she scooped Ava into her arms. 'Shh shh' she soothed the crying child 'what's wrong Ava?'
Ava clung to her Auntie as though her life depended on it. She let out a jumble of words though her sobbing. Jac only managed to make out 'Mummy' and 'gone'.
'It was just a dream Ava.' She rubbed the child's back 'Just a bad dream. Mummy is fast asleep next door.'
Ava's sobbing was not relenting and Jac was worried the little girl was likely to make herself sick if she continued. She stood up of the bed with Ava in her arms and walked over to the rocking chair, pulling the light patchwork quilt that was at the end of the bed with her as she went. She sat herself down in the chair and leaned Ava against her chest as she covered the child's small frame with the quilt. She rocked Ava and smoothed the child's hair with her hand. After a few minutes Ava's sobbing subsided.
'I don't want anything bad to happen to Mummy' Ava spoke against Jacs chest.
'Nor do I Ava' Jac said sadly. 'Do you think you might be able to go back to sleep?'
'No' Ava sniffed. 'I don't want you to go.'
'I'm not going anywhere.' Jac kissed the top of Ava's head as she continued to rock her.
'Is everything alright?' Jonny appeared at the doorway blearily rubbing his eyes.
Jac nodded her head. 'Ava had a bad dream that's all.'
Jonny came into the room and rubbed Ava's back whilst Jac still gently rocked her. 'Poor Ava' he murmured. The couple watched as Ava's tired eyes slowly closed as she was lulled back into sleep once more. Jac waited until she was sure Ava was in deep slumber before standing and carrying Ava back over to her bed. She laid the sleeping child down and covered her over with the duvet whilst Jonny picked up the discarded quilt and folded it neatly back onto the end of the bed.
Jac rolled her eyes at him 'You can't let anything be out of place for more than five minutes can you?' she whispered.
Jonny stuck his tongue out at her. 'Was that about her mum?' he whispered back.
Jac nodded her head. 'Do you think I should stay in with her?' She watched Ava sleeping.
Jonny shook his head firmly 'if you start that we'll get into bad habits and before we know it she'll refuse to sleep on her own.' Jac sighed knowing he was right. 'Come on' he lightly pulled Jac's arm leading her out of the room. They left the door open so they could listen out for any signs of Ava having another nightmare.
'Do you fancy a hot chocolate?' Jonny whispered as they tiptoed past Jasmines door. Jac nodded her head knowing sleep would be completely beyond her now. She paused on their way to kitchen, convinced she had heard the muffled sound of crying.
'I'm going to check on Jasmine' she whispered. Jonny nodded his head and continued on his way to make the milky drink.
Jac opened Jasmine's bedroom door as quietly as she could. Her suspicions were confirmed as she saw the frail frame of her sister shaking with the force of her muffled sobs. Jac sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed her sisters back.
'She cried out for you' Jasmine gasped as she tried to gain control over her sobbing. 'She called for you and not me.'
'She thinks you are cross with her' Jac said bluntly.
'I'm a terrible mother' Jasmine sobbed 'why don't you just say what you are thinking?'
'I think you're an amazing mother to Ava.' Jac lay down on the bed next to her sister. 'Today is the first time I've seen you not do the best for your child.'
'I'll be gone soon anyway.'
'But not yet.' Jac sighed. 'I hate to say it Jasmine but pushing Ava away like this is doing what our mother did to me, it's cruel.'
'I'M DYING!' Jasmine sat up as she shouted 'I'LL BE LEAVING HER FOR CERTAIN SOON.'
'Do you mind?' Jac spoke calmly and evenly 'I just spent ages settling your child back to sleep and you've just gone and undone that.' The two woman listened as Jonny went back into Ava's room to settle the child once more.
Jasmine lay back down. 'You cannot possibly know what this feel likes' Jasmine said bitterly, sobbing now replaced by anger.
'No. You're right I don't know what it feels like for you. I don't know what to say or do for the best. But I know what it feels like to just suddenly lose a mother and we need to work out what to do for the best for Ava.' Jac reached out for her sister's hand and squeezed it. 'I do know that the way you're currently going about it is going to make Ava despise you and I know that isn't what you want.'
'How did she do it?' Jasmine asked quietly.
'How did who do what?' Jac was confused.
'Our mother. How did she leave you?'
'I came home from school and she was gone.' Jac closed her eyes. 'The neighbours saw her leaving that morning and then saw me sat on the doorstep that afternoon so they called the police'.
'You couldn't get in the house?'
'There was usually a key kept under a plant pot but she'd locked up and returned all the keys to the letting agency so, no I couldn't get in.'
'What was she expecting you to do?'
'I have no idea. I suspect she didn't either.'
'I don't know how she could do that' Jasmine looked at her sister's face as she lay with her eyes closed.
'That's why you're a good mother. You love your child'. Jac felt Jasmine squeeze her hand back at last.
'I don't know what to do Jac' Jasmine started crying once more 'I'm so angry and bitter and sad I can't bear for Ava to see it.'
Jac opened her eyes. 'I don't know what to do either but you need to let us help you. Let us in and try really hard to be positive for Ava because she loves you with all her heart.'
'I'm wallowing and I know it' Jasmine gave Jac a watery smile.
'You're grieving for yourself I think.' Jac said after a moments thought.
'Possibly. I wouldn't know I've never died before.' Jasmine joked.
Jac rolled her eyes 'enough with the death humour'. Jac sat up 'Although it is better than the wallowing. Jonny is making hot chocolate if you're interested?'
'No' Jasmine shook her head 'I also feel sick to my stomach'
'Try to get some sleep' Jac said as stood up off the bed. She paused as he reached the door. 'Jasmine?'
'Hmm?' the young girl mumbled
'I didn't mean it sound like I thought you were as cruel as our mother. I wasn't comparing you.'
'I know'
'I think you're a great parent'
'Well I'm just doing the exact opposite to whatever our mother did.'
'That's funny. That was my theory when I was expecting Amelia.'
The two sisters sniggered
'I think you should try to sleep now.' Jac said
'Ok' Jasmine mumbled 'Thanks Jac'
'For what?'
'For everything' Jasmine yawned. Jac slipped out of the room and quietly shut the door behind her.
Jac met Jonny in the hallway as he tip toed out of Ava's room at the same time as Jac walked out of Jasmine's. They tiptoed to the kitchen together and Jonny started to heat the milk for the hot chocolate. Jac sat at the table and put her face in her hands. 'Jasmines emotions are so all over the place, I had no idea what was going to come out next just now. I'm not sure if I've helped her or made things worse' she confessed to Jonny.
'You know, stupidly, I thought we would manage just fine because we're used to dealing with patients' Jonny spoke as he poured the hot milk 'but this so much harder because its family. I've never known myself not being able to offer words of advice or comfort before.' He set two steaming mugs down on the glass table and slumped down into one of the chairs.
'Don't you remember what people were like with us when we had Amelia?' Jac looked up at Jonny 'Our entire support network is made up of medical professionals and not one of them appeared to be confident when offering us support and comfort. Even Mo struggled to be positive one hundred per cent of the time' Jac gave Jonny a wry smile.
'I guess not' Jonny said sadly 'I can remember when I lost my parents I thought that the nurses appeared so in control and knew the right thing to say at the right time, I guess I'd hoped I had developed that.'
'You do have it' Jac nudged his foot with hers under the table. 'I'll regret saying this but you are a brilliant nurse, one of the best in fact, but Jasmine isn't a patient who is meaningless to us.'
'I guess that's why they don't let you treat your own family huh?' Jonny mused as he took a sip of his drink.
'You've only just worked that out? Your genius astounds me every time' Jac joked as she rolled her eyes at him.
Jonny nudged Jac's foot hard 'you know what I mean. I thing is I've never had extended family before, I don't know how to feel or act or what to say.'
'Nor do I' Jac sighed 'I'm just making it up as I go along.'
'You were stronger than I was when we had Amelia too' Jonny looked down at his mug.
'Well it was same for that situation too, I'm forever just figuring things out as they happen.' Jac nudged Jonnys foot again 'And you were strong for me, I never would have coped if it hadn't been for you.' Jonny looked up and they shared a smile. 'I'll admit I haven't got a clue what to say to Ava.'
'Ditto' Jonny nodded. 'How on earth to brake bad news to a child knowing it will break her heart?'
'I've emailed Peter for advice. He said he might be free tomorrow to pop over for a chat.' Jac rubbed her tired eyes.
'That's a good idea' Jonny sipped a bit more of his drink. 'I'm sure he just loved receiving a late night email from you' Jonny smirked at Jac trying to lighten their sad moods.
'Oh don't start that again' but Jac grinned in spite of herself.
'So I'm one of the best nurses hey?' Jonny grinned back at Jac.
'Don't push it Maconie'
'Drink your hot chocolate; you need to get more calories in you.'
Jac sighed but she took a sip of her drink anyway, just for Jonny.
