There was no way in hell she could sleep through the pain and troubled thoughts, but she was tired and ended up crying herself to sleep.
After she dozed off, about an hour had passed when Aoko felt a buzz by her cheek and the soft melody that played to alert her of a new message. Her eyes slowly peeled open and instantly, she could feel the soreness in her eyes and how dry they were from the amount of tears she shed them.
Rubbing her eyes tiredly, she slowly sat up on her bed and stared down at her phone.
Aoko was at a blank state at first, but once she sloppily unlock her phone to see the message, the tightened feeling in her chest came back as fast as a bolt.
'Sure. Where do you want?'
The explosion, the fire, the unconscious Kaitou Kid lying on the ground... She tightened her grip on her phone and laid back on her bed again.
He's safe.
A tear slowly slid down the side of her face. Aoko didn't know how on earth her eyes could produce so much tears for her to cry. She quickly wiped the side of her cheek with the back of her hand and stared down at her phone, the images of what she saw in Kaito's house slowly seeped into her memory.
He's a liar.
She wasn't ready to face him yet, not in this state. Besides, her message about wanting to meet him beforehand wasn't about this. Aoko just wanted to meet Kaito for a moment that night because she felt like she had to. And now he was asking her about where to meet after she uncovered something she knew she shouldn't...
He must have known that I knew too, from the ruckus I've caused at his house. Aoko bit her lips and sniffed. Abruptly, she sat up right, her eyes showing sudden determination.
Then this is the time to settle it all out.
That was it. Aoko began typing her reply.
'Clock tower in half an hour.'
'Okay.'
She wearily lifted herself off the bed to get ready to go.
.o.
He reached there much earlier than her. Maybe he flew here with his glider. She thought bitterly in her mind and took careful steps towards Kaito who was standing under a few lamps before the clock tower. She tried to puff out her chest to look more confident for this matter, but she couldn't ever handle her numb and wobbly legs now.
Aoko remembered how lively this place was when they first met, with happy families and couples laughing all around. The parade square now was all quiet and empty, just like what she wished for. She didn't know how she would react if they started talking. Hit him? Slap him? Either of those, maybe, and she didn't want anyone else to see that. There was nothing pleasant about it.
But she thought of wanting to end things with the same place it all started.
With every step she took towards Kuroba Kaito, bits and pieces of memories they had jabbed her like needles, slowly and painfully killing her. Still, she put on the best poker face she learnt from this so-called master and finally reached where he was.
"Aoko..."
Her heart throbbed.
"If you tell me you are not Kaitou Kid. I will believe you."
Aoko was too tired to begin an introductory speech or some sort. She needed an answer now.
She watched him as closely as possible under the lamp light. Kaito fidget a little and didn't look into her gaze for a split second, and with just those simple movements, Aoko came up with the conclusion herself. The confident Kaito she knew would never, ever show these sort of reaction to any question. This was the first time, and possibly the last time she would see him like this.
"You can't expect me to lie again."
Aoko was expecting to hear that last word of his answer, and she was sincerely grateful for that. At least he admitted and was finally truthful towards her this time round after lying for the other thousands of times. Aoko thought he didn't know he lied, or at least treated all these lies he created as something that could pass off as the joke of the century. He should know how much she hated people who lied. So... Why? Why did he have to lie to me?
"Lie. So you knew that you lied."
Kaito remained silent.
She was slightly disappointed. No, there was no way she was just slightly disappointed because Kuroba Kaito was Kaitou Kid. She was beyond devastated about that. The part where she was mildly upset was that she wanted Kaito to explain for himself. She was trying to make openings for him and giving him the chance to tell her something, anything. Or really... Was everything simply his plan, and there was nothing to explain about?
That thought crashed her.
"Is this your scheme?" She bit her quivering lips. "Asking the inspector's daughter out and playing with her feelings. You just want to get closer to her so you can plan your heists much easier and effectively right?"
He looked utterly in shock and desperate, and again, a reaction Aoko seen for the first time.
"No, no, Aoko. Don't say that."
Her heart was already squeezing too painfully and she couldn't take it anymore. Must she really be direct?
"There's got to be a reason why you became Kaitou Kid." Aoko spat the words out like poison. "I know you love magic and fun, but for you to risk everything and putting your life on the line, I don't understand. You told me before, Kaitou Kid told me before, that there are other dangerous people after you. What is going on? If you tell me, then I'll have a reason to forgive you. And please, just please-"
Aoko felt her throat tightened. She couldn't forgive Kaitou Kid for putting her life through hell for the past years. But she could always forgive Kaito. That was how their fights always worked. The amount of feelings and love she placed in Kaito was far greater and stronger than whatever she was feeling towards Kaitou Kid, even if they were the same person. That thought was the one that gave her the strength to mutter out the next sentence to Kuroba Kaito and Kaitou Kid.
"Please let me forgive you."
There was a short silence that kept her on her toes. This was the part where she wanted to hug him and tell him that she understood all his pains and misery now, about how awful he must have felt to put up those smiles and tricks just to make her feel better than before. She wanted that to happen, and she had been playing that image in her mind all the way here from her house.
Just an explanation would do.
"Would it be hard for you to hate me just like how you hate Kaitou Kid?"
She couldn't breathe for a moment. Aoko gaped at him and she could feel her eyes turning moist and the image of Kaito was turning blurry. This was far too much and Aoko felt like her heart was going to burst if she just let this conversation to continue on this path.
"So you're not going to tell me the reason?"
"There's no reason." Kaito said almost immediately.
He looked dejected, and showed no signs like he was going to give in to her request and that made her felt like shit.
In the past, they shared opinions, views and everything about Kaitou Kid, which often led to them quarreling and having cold wars for approximately three minutes. He obviously knew about her reason for hating the thief. But now that Aoko thought about it, she never really try to understand why Kaito was so supportive of Kid in the past because she had been too firm in her opinion to care. Maybe it was too late, but Aoko wanted to know his reasons now.
Was this asking too much?
Instead, he asked her to hate him like how she hated Kaitou Kid. This stupid jackass! This selfish-
"I'm-I'm already having difficulties trying to hate Kaitou Kid, and you want me to hate you?! You stupid asshole that I've known..." and love, "for so many years? Do you think hating someone is so easy, Kuroba Kaito? It's tiring as hell!"
She brought her fist to her chest and started beating it, hoping to take away the pain. It was better to be hurt physically than having to feel this pain that she didn't know how to get rid of.
"Ended up, the only person I hate is myself."
Aoko heard him taking in a sharp breath.
"I hate myself because I can't hate the man that stolen my father away." She just thought that she had to say it this plainly for him to understand.
"I hate myself for being so blind and stupid all these time."
Aoko couldn't imagine it was Kaito who saved her from being run over the truck when they first met. She couldn't imagine Kaito was the one who saved her father that night he fell into the sea. She couldn't imagine the day when Kaito crashed into the building after being hit by a bullet. She couldn't imagine Kaito was the one who held her in his arms, hiding her from the kidnapper that would harm her in sight.
She couldn't imagine that irritating, arrogant yet charismatic criminal who often rested his wings at her balcony, was Kaito.
If she didn't use her feelings to think and compare, it wouldn't be hard to realize that there really wasn't much difference between the two of them at all. She could only blame herself for being so blind everytime.
"I hate myself because I always thought you're just the happy Kuroba Kaito I know, but you're always, always hurting yourself and still putting that smile for, everyone, for me." Aoko choked.
This was what haunted her the most. She always thought she was the one hurting, the one in a mess, the one with the shittiest life that anyone could ever live. And she was wrong.
Kaito had it worst.
The bubbly and magic-crazed jerk, leading a normal life and fantasizing over Kaitou Kid like a fool. Aoko wished Kaito was just that. He would smile, laugh and be really happy. He wouldn't have to stay up late, worry about everything, about his safety, about her safety, about dodging bullets, about everything that couldn't afford a mistake to be made.
She always thought the caffeine he needed was all because of the silly computer games he stayed up for.
Why was she so blind?
"I hate-"
Her wrists were suddenly being forced to her side. "Stop-Stop Stop it, Aoko. Don't hate yourself. You never done anything wrong. It's all my fault. I'm sorry."
Aoko glanced up at him. "Is apologizing the only thing you can do?"
Kaito looked away. "There's nothing else I can do."
This was the end of the straw.
She shrugged his touch away.
Funny. She wasn't even feeling angry towards Kaito. Upset, disappointment...? Aoko really didn't know what exactly she was feeling, but there wasn't hate. She should have slapped him, kicked up, punched him and ranted at him. Why did she just gave a long speech about hating herself? It was weird how her stupid and childish emotions always ruined everything in play.
She then wondered who the fool was.
"A-Aoko...?"
"Can I ask you a question?"
"Not the reason-"
Something else that I want to know, more important than that.
"Have you, ever..." Aoko braced herself. "Have you ever lik-l-loved me before?"
He stared at her and she stared back.
That was it. The deadly silence that lasted more than an eternity to Aoko.
She was too tired to wait for the answer that she already knew.
"I'll do as you wish." Aoko muttered. "I hate you. To make my job easier, please pretend that those years and times we spent together doesn't exist."
Finishing what she had to say, she spun around and bit her inner cheeks, stomping towards the shadows of the streets without looking back once. Once again, her tears began flowing like it would never end.
.o.
When Aoko reached home after the confrontation, she stayed up all night, ignoring all her dried stained tears and wondered how she would cope with the pretense and act once school began.
She wasn't surprised when Kaito missed school. Aoko was tempted herself, but if she wanted to keep to her words, she really had to act like nothing happen. And missing school would be exactly going against what she said
But the next day, Kaito didn't turn up.
The next too.
And so on.
"Aoko! What on Earth happened to Kuroba-kun?"
"I don't know."
It had been the second Friday since Aoko last saw Kaito. With the bundle of worksheets that their teacher made Aoko to be in charge of handing them to Kaito, she stared down at the papers before looking up at the door she had been seeing for the past two weeks.
Aoko sighed.
Of course she couldn't say no to her teachers, and definitely she couldn't fake and act all happy about this table-partner responsibility she had to carry. Aoko just had to do it impassively like she always did before she realized the truth. But her heart was a million times heavier that the sheet of paper she took from the teacher's hand.
What if I saw Kaito? What if he just happen to open the door as I slip his papers through?
Life just got to mess with her like this.
Aoko took in a deep breath and squatted before the door, slotting each piece of papers through the gap beneath the door one by one. She was just sticking in the second piece of worksheet when she realized something was stuck and she couldn't slot in any more papers. She stood up, her frown deepened.
What the heck now?
She couldn't see what was beyond the door through the tiny gap and obviously, she had no key to find out what was inside Kaito's house either. She glanced down the walls of Kaito's house and walked down to the sides before she reached a window. Aoko didn't have to try hard to see what was inside.
Her eyes widened.
Nothing but papers were scattered over the floor right behind the door. She easily recognized a few by the big titles printed on the worksheets; those were all the worksheets Aoko had been pushing through the gap for the past two weeks.
Aoko's eyes lowered back to the remaining worksheets in her hand.
What she thought she had to do was to pretend and act like nothing happen between them since the past. No longer friends, just classmates, just someone that passed you by along the corridor without a smile.
But Kaito did the job in a different way than she expected, but perhaps far more easier for Aoko to handle.
He left without a word.
Aoko slammed the pieces of papers onto the glass window, not realizing her face was already wet with tears.
How the hell did it make easier? Nothing was easy at all. She bitterly admitted in her mind.
.o.
Her teachers stopped giving Aoko the responsibility to pass him the homework too. They were all informed, like what her homeroom teacher had privately told Aoko in the staff's room, that Kaito had went overseas after being scouted during one of his magic performance.
Aoko wasn't sure if it was true. How could everything be timed so perfectly? But she half believed so because she always knew one day Kaito would be scouted by some great magician. Japan was too small for Kaito to explore and show off his magic skills and-
She shook her head. Enough. All Aoko need to know was the news and there shouldn't be any reason for her to think more than that. It was none of her business.
But then Aoko knew everything was a lie when a heist was held nearly after a month since she last saw Kaito.
It wasn't at a place where Aoko could conveniently go. Of all places, the thief choose Osaka to settle his wings and show off his feathers. Aoko gritted her teeth and tried not to rip her phone in half after reading the updates. She really, really wanted to go there since ages ago and now her father was going to go, but for what? Not for her, but for him.
Aoko tossed her phone into her bag after the next teacher came to class.
Hakuba joined her for lunch that day, obviously a little annoyed after reading about Kaitou Kid's plans too. He sat on Kaito's seat and Aoko had to make sure to keep up that cheery and oblivious smile she always shown in front of the detective, and of course that raging fist and disgusted frown when their conversation led to Kaitou Kid.
The last thing she needed was for Hakuba to know she knew about Kid's identity. And it was hard when her true emotions usually or always win over her poor acting skills.
"Haven't you wondered why Kuroba-kun left so suddenly? Like why of all times, he choose now to go?"
"Who the hell cares even if he chok-" Aoko straightened her posture. She almost, almost wanted to blurt out a curt remark about wishing he would choke on a Takoyaki ball. She cleared her throat. "What do you mean? Go where?"
"Wasn't it Las Vegas? He was being scouted by a magician there, right?"
"Oh, yeah. To Las Vegas. Where else?" She added a laugh before biting a piece of meat from her bento. She never think it like this before but she wished she could eat her lunch alone.
Hakuba gave a smile that sent shivers down Aoko's spine. It wasn't the polite smile that Hakuba always showed, but more like a triumphant smirk, as if he just finished a case.
"Kuroba-kun messaged me a few times, he said all was well."
Aoko really didn't know what to say.
"I guess you probably didn't care, like what he said too." Hakuba suddenly stood up from his seat. "Not even if he chokes on a Takoyaki ball."
Her head shot up as she watched the detective strolled out of the classroom.
He couldn't have... Aoko bit her lips.
She didn't quite understand anymore.
.o.
After her father, like usual, failed to capture Kaitou Kid and came back from Osaka, his mood wasn't as dampened like he often was. Instead, he came back with a few goodies that Aoko never expect her father would buy, for her.
"How did you know I always wanted to try these? Thanks Dad!"
"It was Kaito-kun who told me."
Aoko instantly stopped ogling at her snacks and turned to stare at her father. It took her a few seconds to process what he said. "What do you mean?"
By the time her question was asked, her father was already munching onto one of her titbits while she was too distracted to notice. "I was consulting him on the phone about Kid's case, and he told me afterwards." He waved the half-eaten biscuit in his hand. "This is good."
If Dad knew who Kaitou Kid really is...
It had been a long long time since she told Kaito about her frustration of not able to find time to go Osaka to buy all these food she wanted to try. Even she herself had forgotten the day they both sat at the cafe and chat about random little things like this. Her dad was the one who brought the memories back.
Aoko told her father she needed to use the bathroom as she quickly skipped to the toilet and shut herself inside. She cupped her hand over her mouth, hoping to suppress the sounds of her hiccups.
Until today, she realized she was rather immersed in her role about pretending those pasts didn't exist anymore. She never think about going to their cafe to drink, or to that aquarium shop that Aoko loved to purposely pass by when Kaito was with her. She never consider finding any cheap places to have fun, or bother about the number of leaflets she kept a while back regarding skiing classes.
Other than the existence of Kaitou Kid's heist, a month from not seeing Kaito really made her thought lesser of him, although that was for the best. What she least needed was more heartaches and tears.
But at this rate of things and memories slipping away, it all seemed too frightening for her.
Deep down in her heart, Aoko just wanted to pretend and not really forget. How the hell could she forget all those memories? She couldn't and she wouldn't, but she had to, or else... or else what?
Or else she would end up randomly crying in the bathroom, like now.
Just then, a thought suddenly struck her.
Maybe Kaito couldn't bear to pretend those memories didn't exist like what she told him to, which was why he choose to leave. It made her easier to forget, but harder for him.
She wasn't sure if she was right, but a part of her heart whispered that it must have been this way.
.o.
It had been a month, but Kaito still wasn't getting used to it.
He opened his eyes and the first thing he always saw was his father portrait, but when he turned his head to his side, it was just a piece of blank wall.
Kaito pushed his covers away and dragged himself out of the room. The first thing he looked was the windows by the corridor, watching the dark clouds drifting past the moon.
This had been going on for the month too. Sleeping in the day, waking up at night. He just need to grow a pair of wings and he would officially be an owl.
The glider didn't count.
His eyes cast at the full moon hanging in the sky. He wasn't sure how long he had been standing outside the bedroom dumbly, watching the bright moon shining its glow through the gloomy corridor. Kaito only began to notice himself in daze when he heard a noise at the end of the darkness. He turned his head sharply and was expecting something there.
But definitely not a vampire.
He let out a short shout in surprise.
It took him a split second to also realize that the surprisingly small Dracula wore big round spectacles too.
"What the hell man!"
Conan winced. "Are you trying to turn me deaf?"
"Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" Kaito snarled. "What the hell are you wearing? Where's your usual dumb bow tie?"
There was a short pause and Kaito could tell the detective was reluctant to explain, but with the prolonged silence and his refusal to change the conversation or breaking the silence, Conan had no choice but to answer to make things less awkward. "It's for Halloween."
The word hit him like a truck.
Halloween...
Conan was too focused and affected by his costume to notice Kaito's sudden change of mood. "Ran made it for me. She sew all the extra cloth and buttons by hand too." The little brat muttered and mindlessly caressed his tiny Dracula costume before he poked his fangs uncomfortably.
Kaito would have puked at how disgustingly romantic it sounded, but deep down, he really thought it was nice. Still, he would rather die than to admit that. "How great. You can save it for your future kids too. Kill two birds with one stone."
It seemed like it was a good time to change the direction of the topic, for Conan at least. He took out a packet of documents he had hid inside his coat and handed it over with his tiny hand. "That rendezvous at Osaka wasn't for nothing. Hattori rarely disappoints me."
"I'm not even complaining anymore, so can you stop advertising how great your other detective friends are?" Kaito mumbled and pulled the papers out from the folder before slotting it back in.
"Your face says otherwise. I just thought you need a reminder since you always build those unnecessary barriers and it's really time-consuming to break them so as to properly work together."
Jii said something similar to him before. He kept that in mind, but never really bother to change himself for this saying. Like he always swore to himself, he wanted the least possible of people to be involve in his case, and best if he could work alone. But apparently this tiny brat started gathering people like they were in some sort of campfire and now even that so called detective of the west knew something about him. Kaito just didn't like the feeling when someone was onto him. Hakuba was a great example for his dislike.
For Conan's repetitive comment, Kaito decided to keep any remarks to himself, saved for more arguments. He needed to read up on the information that was supplied to him and he thought that today was nothing but the best day to do it for him.
"You should get lost. Don't want to be late for your Halloween Party."
Conan gave a dry laugh back. "And are you getting ready for yours?" He waved at the lights above them, which were not switched on.
"You won't be laughing when you see your bills."
"I'm charging you."
"Haha." Kaito shot a withering look.
With nothing more to say, the detective poked his fangs for the last time and turned his back towards him. When Kaito focused hard enough, he could hear a soft click, which he didn't first notice when the brat entered the house. Knowing he was definitely alone, he dragged himself to the other side of corridor and to the study room.
He switched on all the lights in the room, in hopes to raise the bills just a little before he slumped himself on the chair behind a desk and in the middle of the tall shelves of books surrounding him. Ever since he began moving here, Kaito didn't care if he acted like a proper and well-mannered guest. Some books were taken from their shelves, some of the things that belonged on the desk were placed on the floor... He wonder what would the brat says if sees this mess, but that was the least of his worries. Conan often dropped by for a minute before leaving. He thought it would be too suspicious if he came back to his great Shinichi-niisan's house too often and long.
Kaito patted the document he received. It was time to begin his work.
Ten minutes passed was all it took for Kaito to throw the chunk of papers onto the desk and sighed deeply into the air. It was just one simple word from that detective brat that brought his mind towards Aoko. All he had been doing was reading the same sentence over and over for the whole time.
So much for being hardworking today.
There were piles of other files that contains little bits of the Black organization, maps, plans and blueprints for his future heist that he had yet to declare to the social media all scattered across the desk; but all of these didn't matter to him now. Simply the thought of Aoko possibly smiling about today's event seemed like the most important thing in the universe.
Dates and time were something he often lost track of, unless it was related to his heist. But he knew how excited Aoko was about Halloween.
He tried picturing her in a costume and importantly, a cheeky smile on her face. His brows furrowed at the image he tried to come up in his mind. It was all foggy and hazy so he gave up in the end.
This was giving him hell.
Kaito began swirling around the large room in his roller chair, using the shelves to push himself around. Something to do when he wanted to keep himself cheerful.
He heard Aoko was organizing a Halloween Party, then again, he also heard from a source that it had been cancelled.
His chair stopped in the middle of the room.
"I want to see her." Kaito abruptly said.
When those words mindlessly left his lips, his heart dropped, if possible, to the bottom of his feet. He stared up at all the hovering tall shelves, watching them seeming to be mocking about his pathetic thoughts once again. It must be his imagination, but when he closed his eyes, he could hear murmurs speaking closely to his ears, telling him things he already knew.
You don't deserve Aoko. He didn't deserve Aoko. Aoko don't deserve this. Aoko deserved better. Aoko hates you. Aoko-
Kaito pursed his lips, his shoulders slouched terribly.
He decided he had enough of thinking today. He had just woken up a while ago and he would be drained if this continue. A distraction was what he needed and work was the only thing that could help. Kaito pushed himself back to his original position and began what he was going to do from the start.
.o.
Barely half an hour had passed before Kaito jumped off his seat and headed back to his room.
It wasn't just his mind. His heart, his body, every fiber in his being wanted to see Aoko.
And he had to see her now.
Awfully thankful to everyone who reviewed the past chapters, YOU GUYS ARE ALL SO KIND AND AWESOME UGHH T.T
I'M UTTERLy Sorry FOR THE Sudden lack of updates. It wasn't on purpose. My internship started and many shitty things happened but i guess those reasons aren't important because VIOLA, the update is already here. Thanks for reading, review is much much appreciated!