A/N: Yay! Another drabble for today. I hope you all like it. Let me know what you think, okay? R&R. Enjoy!
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Heartache
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If Optimus had a heart, it would be breaking right now. As it was, his spark wasn't as bright as it usually was, but instead it was a slightly dull, light blue, and it ached. It ached tremendously. This feeling, this…this heartache was not something he was familiar with. Not this way, not with this much intensity and pain. Truly, it felt as though Optimus' spark, his soul, might very well break and shatter at any moment.
But if there was one thing he was good at, it was enduring feats of immense difficultly and pain. He had suffered greatly since his creation. He had lost so many, many comrades, friends, his own spark mate… And while this pain was so much worse, so much more intense, Optimus knew that what he was doing was the right thing.
Being with Cade, being with a human being, was impossible. Optimus was not human and although he loved humans, loved Cade, they simply could not be together. It was impossible and dangerous for Cade. Even Optimus simply residing on his farm endangered Cade and his family. That was bad enough. Bringing this weight, this…burdensome love upon him would practically be a death sentence.
Aside from the fact that Galvatron was still out there and that rogue, former CIA agents were still hunting them, there were other reasons why Optimus and Cade couldn't be together. For one, as Optimus had already stated, he wasn't human. Cade was human. Physically, it was impossible for them to consummate their relationship in anyway. Mentally and emotionally…it might be possible, but it had never been done before. Bumblebee had never tried with Sam for fear of the unknown, for fear of all of the things that could, and probably would, go wrong. Optimus shared Bumblebee's fear and thus refused to even contemplate a mental or emotional attachment.
Another reason was that Cade would, as much as it pained Optimus to even think the words, eventually die. Being human, his life span was limited. Cade might live to see one hundred, he might live to see one hundred and twenty, but in the end, he would die. While Optimus realized that he, too, would one day cease to exist, whether it be by Galvatron, humans, or some other means, he would still, more than likely, outlive Cade. Forming any sort of bond, mental or emotional or both, would only increase the pain Optimus would already feel upon Cade's death.
A third reason, Cade may not even feel the same as Optimus did. Humans did not understand many things, and when it came to relationships, that was quite and painfully obvious. While Optimus felt an incredibly strong pull towards Cade, he was unsure if Cade felt it as well, and if he did, he might not understand it completely. If he did, he may decide that he wouldn't want it, which was quite possible. Why would he? The differences between them were obvious and not even their similarities could atone for them, although they had many of those as well.
And finally, it was unfair to Cade. This bond between them, this pull, whatever they had between them, was unfair to Cade. He had never asked for this, he had never asked to be caught up in all that came with being a comrade and close friend to the Autobots. Hadn't he suffered enough? Optimus knew that Cade could be strong and resilient, but he was still human and he could break so easily, too easily. While Optimus felt a vast amount of heartache and pain over this, he knew that it was nothing that would cripple him. He would endure; he had to. But Cade…Cade was not like him; he was different. And there was only so much he could handle before he broke.
No. Optimus would not force that upon Cade. Not Cade. Never Cade. Therefore, he would remain silent about his feelings, his desires, and leave Cade be. In the end, it was for the best. For both of them.