Darkness everywhere.
"I'm fine," Selim said aloud, trying his best to ignore the terror-filled tone in his voice.
It closed around him, suffocating him, cutting off his air. He couldn't breathe!
"I am perfectly good." It didn't help much, but he continued to mutter anyway. "It's alright, I'm fine," Selim whispered to himself over and over again as he huddled in the center of the cell they'd thrown him into. It was little more than a windowless room, which had instantly set him on edge. Then they'd blown out the lights and shut the door before Selim could do anything about it. That had shoved him over the edge.
At first he'd completely thrown his self respectability to the wind in panic. He remembered yelling and screaming until his voice had gone raw, but no one had returned. That could have been minutes or hours before. He didn't know, and he didn't care. All he knew was that he'd been arrested for something he either hadn't done, or hadn't realized he'd done. Now he sat in a foreign prison, in a land he'd sneaked illegally into while he confronted his worst fears.
He hadn't realized he would regret his rash actions that much. When he got home, he vowed he'd never leave his room again.
Trying to make the area feel as open as possible, he sat in the middle of it with one arm wrapped around his knees while his other hand hit the ground in somewhat consistent if random intervals. The movement seemed to be the only thing keeping him from throwing himself at the door again.
"It's just a little dark, it's nothing to worry about," his voice squeaked. Again, it didn't do much to reassure him. "There's nothing to be afraid of. Nothing…" He knew that wasn't true. He felt cut off, abandoned and completely powerless. He always did when he was trapped. He'd tried calling on the shadows, but nothing had responded. He'd concluded that to have a shadow, there had to be light, so his shadows wouldn't work in the dark. Briefly he wondered why strong sunlight hadn't been his enemy. In the desert, he'd been able to use the shadows freely.
Then the terror blew such rational thoughts away like it always did.
"Don't leave me," he found himself whispering suddenly. "Don't leave me here…"
No one answered. Even the voice in his head remained silent. He was almost desperate enough to wish it would speak up. Then again, that was probably why he hadn't heard from it. They weren't exactly friends. Then again, it hadn't spoken since he'd been in Xing unless he counted the dream. Maybe it couldn't? He doubted it. Or did he? Truthfully, he didn't know. With the state his mind was in, he was surprised he could think at all.
He'd come too far out of his element. He just wanted to leave; go home and back to his loving mother. Perhaps if Father would hurry Selim could…
He paused for a moment, his thought process grinding to a halt. Father? His father? Where on Earth had that come from? Then again, thinking back, that wasn't the first time he'd had that thought. His panicked brain tended to shoot out the strangest ideas. Too bad he really didn't have the presence of mind to do much more than realize that before the desperate panic set in again.
"Don't leave me alone…all alone…no one to come for me…" as if anyone would. He chuckled mirthlessly, sounding more than a little cracked even to himself. The noise seemed to break a dam of sorts, and he found himself unable to stop. His hysterical laughter grew louder and wilder, and he couldn't find the ability or will to control it. Then it broke to sobs, and he hoped with all his might that no one could see or hear him. He hated crying in front of others.
He didn't know how long he'd been like that when the door opened. Selim's head shot up at the sound, and he forced himself to his feet, ready to make a mad dash for the exit. He took off the moment he saw light, eyes fixed on that blessed change and nothing else as his feet thudded over the hard floor. He'd only taken a few steps when he collided with someone and they both fell to the ground.
"Ow, Selim!"
Selim paused, trying once again to blink his eyes into working in the sudden, if small illumination.
"Mandy?" he asked, hating how weak his voice sounded.
He stared down through the dim light towards the shadow he'd somehow missed earlier. Her voice had come from that direction, right? He could vaguely see an outline of someone—
The door shut again. He'd pondered for just a moment too long. The sudden loss of the comparative brightness caused him to snap his eyes towards the now vanished crack of light.
"NO!" he yelled, forcing himself to his feet and launching his body at the door desperately. "NO!" he shouted again when he collided with the hard material and began pounding on it, to no avail. "Don't leave me here! Let me out! Let me out now!"
It was the beginning of his captivity all over again. He just couldn't seem to stop panicking or pounding at the door.
"Selim!" he heard a voice behind him. "Selim stop!"
"I can't!" he retorted. "They'll leave me! There's no way out! I have to get out! I have to get back!"
"Back to where?" Mandy asked.
"To Father!"
That caused him to stop and he blinked, trying to force his hysterical mind to process that. It didn't work very well, but he was able to calm down somewhat.
"Father? I thought you didn't know who your father was," Mandy said slowly.
"I…I don't," Selim managed to respond.
"Then what are you talking about?" she asked, trying to speak in soothing tones.
"I don't know…" he whispered. "I don't know...I...I-I'm not exactly rational right now if you haven't noticed!" The whisper grew to a yell before he'd realized it.
Mandy sighed. "Selim, I'm here, alright? I talked the Emperor into letting me stay here with you. He also told me he won't hurt you. You're safe, alright."
He was still breathing hard, but her words did far more to calm him than he'd ever let on. Just needing someone else to be there was already a huge blow to his pride. He doubted it would ever recover from the strike of actually admitting it aloud. He felt so weak.
"H-how can I be safe?" he heard himself ask. "I'm stuck in a dungeon in a foreign kingdom in the dark! Why would they do that? It's so dark…"
"It's not a dungeon," Mandy said, still trying to calm him down. "It's a simple holding room, and you're only here until the Emperor decides what to do with you. He will come back. Until then, I'm here, alright?"
"Can't you just use your alchemy and get us out?"
"No," Mandy replied softly. "They took all my circles and drawing implements away."
Selim cursed.
"Watch your language," the girl said sternly.
Selim turned and blinked at her, despite the fact that she couldn't see him. The comment was so…ridiculous—so normal that it almost distracted him. Almost.
"Did you really just say that?" he asked incredulously.
"No," she responded dryly, "it was the tooth fairy who also happens to be in here. Her house is in the corner."
Selim paused again, finally beginning to feel himself calm down ever so slightly. He couldn't help the feeble chuckle that escaped him. "Sarcasm is a new thing for you. Besides, you're wrong," he heard himself say. "If she lived here, she'd be glowing. We'd have some light."
It was a pathetic attempt at a joke. So pathetic that he only managed to remind himself of the smothering blackness.
"What did I do?" he heard himself whisper again. "What did I do to deserve this?"
Mandy snorted. "You know, I was just about to ask you the same thing."
"I don't know!" Selim shouted. "I have no idea what I did!"
"Calm down," she said. "And why don't you start at the beginning."
He contemplated her request for a moment before nodding. He knew she couldn't see him, but it comforted him a little when he responded as if she could. "Alright."
xXx
Discussing his day with Mandy helped. By the time he finished, he'd gone from 'frantically hyperventilating' to 'extremely jumpy'. It was an improvement neither one of them dared to either acknowledge or complain about.
"So you looked up without him asking?" Mandy clarified. "Because that's the only thing I can think of."
Selim shook his head. "No. He asked me to stand up. He seemed so friendly until he looked at me."
"Hmm," she responded thoughtfully.
"You're drawing a blank too, aren't you?" he muttered.
"Maybe you remind him of someone?"
Selim snorted. "Who? And why would that give him a reason to imprison me?" He didn't sound bitter. He didn't.
He heard Mandy shift and assumed she'd shrugged. "Don't know."
They sat in silence for several seconds, contemplating.
Finally, Selim spoke up. "I'm sorry," he said softly.
"Sorry for what?" Mandy asked.
"Sorry I dragged you here. I should have listened to you."
She snorted. "Yeah, you should have." Then she sighed. "But you didn't, and you had your reasons."
"Doesn't erase the fact that I was stupid enough to come here to begin with."
"Amen to that," she muttered, then her voice rose a little. "Why did you do that? It bothered me at the time—that you wouldn't listen to me at all. Just acting like that isn't like you. What happened?"
It was his turn to snort. "How do you know what I'm like? You've known me for all of what, two days? Three?"
"Six," she admitted. "If it's after midnight here. It's just, you always seem like you think things through. You're very methodical except when you're panicking."
He didn't want to admit how her words seemed to shame him. "I guess," he muttered.
"So what happened to make you suddenly traipse about the country side and sneak illegally into countries?"
"I don't really know," he muttered, tapping his hand on the floor again, welcoming the slight comfort it brought. He couldn't exactly tell her about the strange voice in his head that wanted him to kill people or looked down on them as inferior beings. He could, however, tell her why he'd decided not to go back to Central. "I guess I was sick of waiting for answers to come to me. I think I knew I'd have to go looking for them if I wanted to find them."
"You know, you still haven't told me what kind of answers you're looking for," she said softly.
He sighed. May as well. "When Clemin tried to kill my friend and me, he called me a monster. He said I was a homunculus named Selim Bradley."
He practically heard her raise her eyebrow. "And you didn't think that maybe it was just because Clemin's crazy and you looked like the kid?"
"Of course I did," he scoffed. "But something about his words…they felt true."
"Selim, you can't really believe you're some sort of artificial being, can you?"
"I don't know," he responded honestly. "I didn't want to think so, but it just wouldn't leave me alone. I looked everywhere, spent months researching, wrote down everything I could about my abnormalities…"
"Abnormalities?"
Selim rolled his eyes and began counting them on his fingers. "I can control shadows. That's the biggest one."
"Point," she conceded.
"I don't know who my birth parents were, and my adopted mother avoids the subject like the plague, which I found rather suspicious." He paused, but Mandy didn't comment, so he continued. "I've always been athletically fit. You pointed out that it's strange because I don't actively try to be. I've always been really strong compared to other people my age. Plus I could probably eat the entire country of Amestris out of their back up food supply in a month if I really tried to."
Mandy giggled. "That's not too abnormal."
Selim smiled in spite of himself. It only lasted for a moment before he was back to being serious. "I've always felt different from everyone around me. I can't explain it, but I just knew I was. I couldn't ever tell my mother because she'd get so sad if I tried, so I started pretending I was normal. I tried to fit in, I really did. I just never…could."
"You'd be surprised," Mandy said quietly. "I felt the exact same way growing up."
"You're an alchemist," Selim pointed out. "Child alchemists aren't exactly normal. At least you had a reason."
"But it's not uncommon either," the dark-haired girl protested. "Besides, I felt like that long before I started practicing alchemy. I don't know why I always felt different. I just did. Sound familiar?"
The small smile returned, and truthfully, Selim found himself enjoying the fact that he was even able to do so at all.
"You know, I actually started believing my father was a homunculus," he admitted. "When I finally found a book that explained them, I went through and checked off what traits did and didn't fit me. If I count the ability to control shadows, I have about half of them."
"Oh? Can I hear them?"
He shrugged his shoulders as if to say 'why not?' forgetting once again that she couldn't really see him. "Homunculi are artificially created humans, so they're inherently different simply because they're unnatural. Every homunculus has a philosopher's stone at their heart. I don't know if that means it is their heart or not."
"I doubt you have one," Mandy said, snickering. "They don't exist."
"One way or the other, I'm not about to tear my chest open to find out."
"Sounds smart to me."
He shot her a half smile and continued. "The homunculi are sorted into two categories: greater and lesser. The lesser homunculi are ravenous and don't let anything stop them. Their entire existence revolves around feeding. Now I know I'm a tad on the gluttonous side, but not to that extent, so it would make more sense that if I was one, I would be one of the second category; greater homunculi. They have their own personalities and powers."
"Like your shadows," the older girl said softly.
"Exactly," Selim replied, voice equally as soft. "Anyway, every homunculus has a mark—"
"Like the one on your forehead?"
"No, it's different," he responded with a wave of his hand. "I've looked everywhere, and no I don't have one."
"Good enough for me."
He snorted. "They're supposedly very difficult to kill. That's another one I'm not about to test." She didn't respond so he went on. "Plus if a greater homunculus is transmuted, it would make sense that they're more or less indentured to the person who formed them. I'm assuming that would have a limit if each homunculus has its own personality, but I can assure you I have never been overly loyal to…" he faded off, memories of his dreams where he knelt before the cold, blond man and how he desperately wanted to help and serve that man in those dreams.
"Selim?" Mandy's voice broke through his thoughts.
"Yeah, never been subservient to anyone," he forced. "At least not that I can remember."
"So, homunculi are difficult to kill, fueled by a mythical wonder stone that doesn't exist, subservient to the person who created them, have special powers, and are difficult to kill."
"Don't forget the markings," Selim confirmed. "They also tend to have more stamina and strength than a human and think of humans as lesser…beings."
A sudden stab of fear jolted through his heart as he recalled the words of the new voice in his head. He gulped.
Mandy didn't notice. "Okay so that's three of what, eight traits?"
"Yeah. Well there are a few more."
"Like what?"
He shook the previous train of thought from his head and continued. "Most homunculi don't grow and change like humans do. They stay the same age for their entire existence. Some do have that ability, but they usually start out as humans to begin with."
"How does that work?" Mandy asked. "How can they be artificial humans if they started off as humans to begin with?"
Selim shrugged. "No clue. The book didn't go into an explanation."
"Oh. So you think that because you have some traits of a homunculus that your father might have been a homunculus."
"Yeah," Selim nodded. "It would explain everything."
"It would," Mandy conceded, but she didn't sound too sure. After a few moments, she finally spoke up again. "Do you really think the Elrics could answer your questions?"
"Well, everything I just told you I read from a book the Elrics published. It sounds like they've run across a homunculus or two, and so they might be able to answer my specific questions. They may not be able to tell me conclusively, but any information they have could help to clear some things up."
They sat there for several seconds, contemplating their discussion while Selim continued to absently tap the floor.
"I didn't know you knew Morse Code," Mandy said suddenly.
Selim paused, blinking in her direction. "What?"
"You just gave a latitude and longitude in Morse Code."
"I did?" Selim asked, blinking down at the hand he couldn't see.
"You didn't realize it?"
"No," the dark-haired boy replied. "I…didn't. What were the coordinates?"
"About half-way between Central and the Eastern Province boarder, I would think. I'm not all that good with latitude and longitude."
"Oh," Selim muttered. Then a thought occurred to him. "How do you know Morse Code?"
"My father taught me."
"I see." That reminded him. "Hey, when I woke up earlier you were gone. I asked the servant who brought me food where you were and he said you'd gone to use the telephone. Who did you call?"
"He said that?" Mandy asked, sounding suddenly nervous.
Selim leaned back against the wall behind him. "Yes, he did."
She didn't respond for several seconds. When she did, it didn't escape Selim's notice that she was talking much more slowly than she normally did. "I contacted a friend, calling in some favors to get us back to Central once we decided to head back to Amestris."
"Oh." She was hiding something from him. The realization hurt. What could she possibly be hiding? Did she look at him differently now that he'd told her his theory concerning his father? He hoped not, but his sinking heart had already figured otherwise. "Did you get ahold of them?"
"Yes," she said. "They'll help if we can get to Amestris ourselves. I was planning on meeting them on the way there."
"Someone you met in your travels?" Selim muttered, hoping he didn't sound too upset.
"You could say that."
They sat in an awkward silence for quite a while after that, neither one wanting to break the quiet atmosphere. Of course, the lack of sound and distraction only served to fuel Selim's fear. He scooted away from the wall and wrapped his arms around his knees again, rocking back and forth.
Fortunately, before he could get to a full-blown panic attack again, the door opened a third time, allowing a great deal of light into the room.
Looking up, Selim blinked at the brightness, but managed to make out the form of the Emperor and at least two body guards. The door shut, leaving them with just a candle in one of the guards' hands, but Selim almost wanted to kiss the thing. Any light was better than none.
The Emperor no longer looked angry or surprised, but he did still seem confused. His stony expression masked it well though. He glanced at Mandy once but then completely ignored her, turning to Selim instead.
"How did you leave Amestris?" he asked bluntly.
Selim hated the tone in Emperor Yao's voice, and something inside of him refused to allow him show his fear in front of the man. He forced an expression of neutrality onto his face and gazed up defiantly. "By train."
Emperor Yao frowned. "How were you able to?" the Xingese man said as if to clarify.
"Uh," Selim wasn't sure how to answer. He didn't exactly want to bring up the fact that he didn't have travel papers. "Why shouldn't I be able to?"
"Because Amestris is your container," the Emperor said, unable to mask the barest hint of frustration in his voice. "You shouldn't have the ability to leave."
"Wait," Selim replied, surprised, "The government is containing me? And you knew about it?" Well that didn't bode well. If the government had something to do with it, then they believed Selim was a threat. He didn't particularly care for the connotation that went along with that thought.
"That's not what I mean and you know it!" Emperor Yao growled.
"No I don't!" the Amestrian boy responded angrily. "You want to know how I left? I got on a train. That's it."
The Emperor seemed to contemplate this for several seconds. Then his expression hardened. "So you got around it somehow. Fine. Then how did you mask your presence?"
"Presence?" Selim asked, brow furrowed. "I didn't know I had a presence to mask."
Emperor Yao ignored him. "You feel so similar to everyone else! How did you do that? Even I couldn't do that!"
"How can anyone 'feel' different? That makes no sense," Selim retorted, trying not to let his anger and frustration build up. He was half tempted to just knock all these guys out with his shadows and make a run for it. Somehow, though, he thought that probably wouldn't end well.
"I didn't think your ego could handle you playing dumb," the Xingese leader muttered. "It's pathetic. Have you sunken so low?"
His words hurt more than they should have. Selim not only realized his intellect—something he had always taken pride in—had been insulted, but also that the insinuation was worse if only because Selim wasn't playing at anything. It bothered him on such a deep level, and he couldn't figure out why. It felt as if a friend or close relative had somehow betrayed him and he couldn't help but sense that the Emperor had known exactly where to hit.
"Pathetic?" he responded, voice getting dangerously soft. "This coming from a man who gets a rise out of verbally sparring with fifteen-year-olds? A man who can't seem to decide how he wants to act at any given moment? Who says one thing and does another all while lying through his teeth? Do your subjects not pay you enough attention that you have to get your fix from other countries' people?"
One of the guards started yelling out in Xingese and stepped forward as if to strike Selim, but Emperor Yao held out his hand. The bodyguard froze, then stepped back as he muttered something that sounded like an apology.
Selim and Yao both ignored him as they continued to glare at each other in silence. After a while, the Emperor spoke again. "Why did you attack the train you were riding then?"
All of Selim's defiance practically vanished as his intestines plunged to hit the floor.
"H-how…no. I didn't attack it!" Well, he hadn't meant to.
The Emperor scoffed. "'Giant, black monsters of indefinable shape'? Did you really think I wouldn't put that together?"
His stomach decided it hadn't gone low enough and started digging, making him nauseous. "How do you know about that? I haven't told anyone but Mandy…" Then he put two and two together. It was so simple, why hadn't he seen it before?
"You knew my father."
The Emperor snorted. "Of course I did."
Selim licked his lips. "Who was he?"
The question seemed to take the other man back for a moment as he grew very still, watching the teen before him warily.
"Please," Selim continued. "Please tell me!"
"You don't remember?"
The teenager swallowed his annoyance, but was unable to do so with the anticipation. "How could I? My adoptive mother told me my parents died when I was a baby."
Realization and shock washed over the Xingese leader's face. For a moment, everyone in the room froze. Then the Emperor brought a hand up to his forehead and stared blankly ahead, struggling to figure something out. He stood like that for several seconds, not seeming to really see anything as he muttered unintelligibly under his breath.
"Then they…" The Emperor said a little louder as he glanced between Selim and Mandy for several moments. Then he let out a sigh. "I'm sending you back to Amestris."
"What?" Selim asked. "Wait! What about my parents! I've been looking for these answers for months! Please! You have to tell me!"
But Emperor Yao just shook his head. "I can't. It isn't my place to say."
"Not your place?" Selim was starting to get angry again. "Then exactly whose place is it? Because everyone seems intent on hiding the truth from me!"
"Have you ever considered that there's a reason for that?" Ling asked softly.
The question seemed so unlike the man that Selim felt his anger settle ever so slightly despite himself. "Of course I have. I know it could be hard to accept, and I know it will probably mark me as different for the rest of my existence…but how can I go through life living a lie? Pretending to be something I'm not?"
The Emperor watched Selim for several seconds, as if he couldn't make up his mind about something. Then he shook his head. "I should kill you. But you risked your life to save my subject's. For that, I will grant you safe passage back to Amestris." Selim felt his spirit fall lower and lower with every word. "Just know this; if I ever catch you in my country again, I will not show such mercy."
With that, the Emperor turned to leave, robes swinging stiffly around him as he moved.
"Wait," Selim called. Emperor Yao paused at the door and glanced back at the teenager. "My father…was he a homunculus?"
That same contemplative expression fell over the older man's features again. Without speaking, he turned to go, and Selim grit his teeth in frustration. Then, just before the Emperor moved to step into the hallway beyond, he spoke.
"Yes. He was."
Selim didn't know exactly what to think at first. He felt both excited that he'd finally received a straight answer that he somehow knew he could trust, but sad that what he'd feared had been the truth.
"Thank you," he said, voice barely above a whisper.
"You should know," Yao said, "I was going to simply kill you, or leave you here to rot." Selim felt fear clutch at his heart at the Emperor's words. "It was your apology before that caused me to consider even keeping you alive. You've shown that you can put your pride aside if necessary. I didn't think that would be possible for you." He glanced back at Selim once more. "If you ever lose that trait…you will become the monster your father was."
With that, he left, bodyguards following after him. The door clanged shut, and the room fell into darkness once again.
"H-hey!" Selim called fearfully. "Hey! Let us out! You said you'd let us go!"
"Selim," Mandy said quietly. "Give them a few minutes. You can handle that, right? With me here?"
No. No he couldn't. But, in light of everything he'd just heard, he could try. "Alright," he managed to say, forcing himself to sit down. Instinctively, his body returned to his previous position, with one arm wrapped around his knees while the other one struck the floor repeatedly.
Mandy didn't speak again. After a few moments, he heard her walk over to him and sit down somewhere nearby. Then he felt her hand wrap around his, stopping the tapping on the floor.
At first he wanted to tell her to back off, but after a moment's contemplation, he realized that her gesture seemed to give him much more strength than pounding the floor ever could.
They sat like that until the guards came.
No, I'm not going to pair Selim up with Mandy. At least not by the end of the story. I didn't create her for that purpose, so it's not happening. She's supposed to be the anti-thesis to Selim's...well, pride. ^^; Always taking him down a notch or two when he needs it, and she's there to be annoying/pushy/blunt enough to make him stop and think about what he's doing. It's kind of the point of her character. ^^;
That and I needed her for something later on...
Anyway, please reply!