Marlin, Bonnie and Selim had just stepped onto the dirt road just out side of the white, picket fence around the fourth house they'd visited (again, no one was home, just as the two bounty hunters had predicted) when a sudden crackling light surrounded them..
"What the—" Marlin started but cut off when Bonnie grabbed his arm worriedly, drawing her gun. Then, before their eyes, the Earth around them began to rise into a dome, still buzzing with the bluish energy. Selim recognized it immediately: Alchemy
In as many seconds, two memories came to Selim's mind: one where Mandy had used a similar technique to separate him from Marlin after he'd been kidnapped. The second one had happened fifteen years before when Alphonse Elric had tried to neutralize Pride's powers by trapping him in the dark.
A deep anger rushed through Selim and he immediately called for his shadows to slice through the walls. Thankfully the dome had been large, taking longer to make, even with the obvious skill of the alchemist. Funny, if they'd used a smaller trap, he probably wouldn't have reacted quickly enough before they'd sealed him. Their mistake. They'd been counting on his inability to use his shadows at a long distance.
To his satisfaction and relief (he hadn't been a hundred percent sure his weakened shadows would reach the transmuted material, although he would never admit it aloud), the walls around them crashed to the ground in great, stone blocks.
Beside him, Marlin and Bonnie blinked, trying to figure out what had just happened. They watched bewildered as he stepped in front of them and towards the two figures he could see just outside what was left of the dome. One of them had a large gun held loosely in both hands while the other squatted low, his hands on the ground.
"Why didn't you tell me this was Risembool?" Selim asked the two people behind him, although he didn't turn to look at them. It took Marlin a moment to realize he'd been addressed.
"I didn't think it was important," the large man answered finally. Slow, pathetic creatures. Why hadn't he killed them again? "Why would it be? What's going on?"
Selim ignored him, taking another step forward. "Edward and Alphonse Elric," he practically spat.
"Wait," Bonnie spoke up, "The Elric Brothers?"
"None other," Selim replied, trying to force his teeth to unclench—not that he didn't have good reason to be angry at the people standing so warily before them. They had ruined his life after all. Part of him felt hatred deeper than he had for even Mustang, especially towards the older of the two. The other part of him, that stupid human part that refused to be overthrown, felt a great deal of relief at seeing them. They could help answer questions like why he could have lived the way he did without knowing and why he was aging when he shouldn't. He had never originally been human after all.
Of course it would only be when the questions he'd originally set out to ask were answered that he'd actually meet them; when part of him wanted to desperately take revenge and reassert his superiority. His life had been one huge ironic twist lately.
He couldn't decide what to do. Should he ask his questions, or simply attack them and try to end their miserable existence once and for all? Of course, that would be difficult, seeing his body was in such poor condition. He'd had problems with them at full strength after all.
Perhaps that was what bothered him the most. Just seeing them reminded him that these abhorrent, worthless creatures had beaten him. More importantly, they'd beaten Father (obviously or the country wouldn't have existed for the past fifteen years), and that hurt. Actually, that hurt far more than his realization that they'd defeated him and the rest of the homunculi. Then, to add insult to injury, they'd taken pity on him. Him! He didn't need their sympathy!
Oh yes, he could easily say that he despised the Elric brothers. Yet he could still recognize newer feelings that countered that hate; respect, nervousness, and even gratitude of all things. Part of him felt thankful for the actions of these repugnant vermin.
He wanted to sigh. The battle in his mind had begun to get very old.
Trying to push such feelings to the back of his mind, he continued to watch them, and they returned his scrutiny. It took him a moment to realize that they had yet to make another move because they were waiting for him. Waiting for him to what? To try and attack them? He had considered it (it wasn't like he could keep his identity hidden anymore) but he still didn't want to use his shadows extensively while his body continued to heal.
Finally Alphonse (he assumed it was Alphonse, despite the fact that he'd never before seen the boy's human body) stood up, eyeing Selim curiously. "You didn't know you were in Risembool?" he asked as if finally realizing he'd missed something earlier.
"No," Selim replied.
"And if you had known?" Edward asked. Selim grit his teeth. He didn't want this person who looked so much like Father to speak to him at all. Also, he didn't know what to say. Pride would have wanted to tear over to their residences and rip their worlds down around them. Selim would have wanted to ask to meet with them. Surprisingly, still a third part of him would have wanted to avoid the confrontation altogether.
Instead of answering, he looked back at Alphonse. "I see you got your body back."
The man's own jaw clenched, as did Edward's. Not surprisingly it was the older brother who answered. "We see you got your memories back."
"Despite your precautions," Selim growled. He heard Bonnie gasp behind him, but paid them no heed. He knew he'd spoken in Pride's multiple voice, but he didn't care. The Elrics also tensed at his words, and he took some satisfaction from that.
Then he realized that he had a question both sides of him wanted to ask…badly. It took every ounce of willpower he possessed to take a deep breath and calm down. Scaring them more wouldn't encourage them to answer him. Then he glanced up, trying not to glare too hard at Edward. Judging from the shift in the long-haired man's stance, he didn't succeed too well, but he had to know.
"Why?"
The two brothers exchanged glances for the briefest of seconds. It would have been enough to attack them, and they knew it, but Selim didn't call the shadows to move. He wanted to know too much.
"Why what?"
"Why did you let me live? I was at your mercy. You could have killed me—should have killed me! Mustang killed Lust and I'm assuming Envy from what he said on the train." There was a flinch from Edward that shouldn't have been there. Selim took note but decided to address it later and continued. "I absorbed Gluttony, and that leaves three of my brothers and Father. I have no doubt both of you had your hand in taking out a good deal of them." A new question poked into his mind and his lips thinned at the thought. "Are they all dead?"
It wasn't as if he really expected them to tell him if any of the other homunculi still lived. The look on their faces, however, didn't leave any doubt in his mind that they were telling the truth when they spoke.
"Scar killed Wrath," Alphonse said softly. "Scar's lucky he survived the encounter." Selim couldn't agree more. Of all the other Homunculi, Wrath would have been the biggest threat. He didn't say anything though, mainly because it infuriated him that the Ishbalan had lived when Wrath hadn't.
"Fuehrer and General Armstrong beat Sloth," the younger brother continued.
"And Greed?"
Another uncertain glance, then they looked back at him.
"I killed him when I killed your father," Edward responded.
Another flare of anger and hatred surged through him, but he fought it down. He'd never cared for Greed or Envy or any of the others really…so why did it bother him now? He ignored the confusing emotions and forced his face into something more neutral as he glared at the blonds.
"That would be after you eliminated my threat," he managed to growl, although he was proud of the fact that he had enough control to use his human voice. "Speaking of, you have yet to answer my question. Why didn't you kill me? I wouldn't have hesitated in your position, so why?"
"Your mother," Edward said finally, his voice soft. "She would have lost both her son and her husband if I'd killed you. She's a good woman and, I suspected, completely innocent. I couldn't do that to her—take her child away from her like that."
Selim straightened, blinking. The depth of human stupidity and their weakness for compassion never ceased to astound him. His anger soared to new heights. He was alive because of his relation to a human; because someone had taken pity on that. The realization grated on what little control he had left.
At the same time, the gratefulness he felt towards the duo also increased. They had spared his mother a good deal of pain and given her a reason to live after all that had happened. Even the part of him that was Pride had looked up to her. She'd been so different from all of his previous 'parents'.
"You are so weak," he muttered. "It's repulsive. So why do I want to thank you? How have I to become so weak in less than two decades?" He grit his teeth and turned his glare back to the older brother. "Is this something you did to me, Edward Elric? Something you left me with the night you allowed just one soul to remain in my stone? The night you took my entire life away from me?" The last sentence held as much accusation has he could put into it. He felt he had to blame someone, even if he didn't expect the accused to feel guilty.
Edward snorted and rolled his eyes. "No. I only left you with enough power to survive. I didn't take or leave anything else."
Truthfully, that was the last thing Selim wanted to hear. He wanted to yell out that Edward was lying—deceiving him, but he knew that wasn't the case. After all, what would his purpose be? Demoralization maybe? No, Selim knew he had spoken truth again.
His weakness was his own.
And oh, it almost killed him to admit even to himself.
"And where did the rest of the souls you took from me go?" he asked, hoping he didn't sound desperate.
Behind him, Bonnie gasped again. He'd almost forgotten they were there. He'd have a lot of explaining to do when this was over.
Edward shrugged. "Beats me."
Pride sincerely doubted that. Of course, yet again he hadn't really expected an answer, but still. His eyes narrowed and he scrutinized the blond that so reminded him of his own father for several seconds, almost as if he were trying to gain the secret from his human mind.
It didn't work. He couldn't puzzle out where all of his energy had gone. Had Edward stored and kept the souls inside of him? He didn't act like he had to tune out a large amount of voices, and certainly only looked like a normal human, but then, so had Hoenheim. Still, Selim couldn't sense anything off about him.
Actually, he couldn't really sense anything at all. Even through his anger he realized how strange that was. Every alchemist had a certain feel to them, something different than a normal human. Father had told him it was because of Pride's innate ability to sense the gate of truth in people, and why he alone could force that gate open, even though homunculi couldn't use alchemy themselves. He could still feel that in Alphonse's presence, but he couldn't with Edward. Had his sensing skills really become that weak?
After a few seconds, his eyes fell slightly, lingering on the shotgun in Edward's hands. That also struck him as odd. Why would he bring such a weapon? It wasn't his style. Selim doubted that would have changed in the fifteen years since the Promised Day. To humans, guns often equated killing. Edward had avoided using lethal force on many occasions and no matter what he'd gone through, that hadn't ever changed or Selim himself would not have survived.
An echo of another mind brushed his thoughts. Yes, Edward had told Kimbley they wouldn't use lethal force now that he thought about it. He had absorbed the man's memories after all. Even if Edward had altered that aspect of his personality, he had to know that a shotgun would do little more than distract Selim as the bullets wouldn't get past his shadows' shields.
Then Selim's gaze settled on the bare flesh of Edward's right arm. It should have been automail. So Alphonse's body hadn't been the only thing returned. Briefly he wondered about Edward's automail leg, but ultimately decided it didn't matter.
What did matter was the fact that Alphonse had his body while Edward had his arm and a gun. The latter still didn't make sense, though. Selim still couldn't figure out why he would he use something like that unless…. His eyes widened as he put two and two together.
"You can't use alchemy," he said suddenly. The brothers' posture had been loose and ready. At his words, they immediately tensed, and it was all the answer Pride needed. "That's what you gave up to get his body back!" A grin made its way across his face. "Impressive. I honestly didn't expect you to figure it out. Tell me, was it worth it?"
"Absolutely," Edward snarled instantly. Beside him, Alphonse gained an expression of sad guilt and looked down.
Pride's grin widened. "And you're not jealous that your little brother got off scott free while you're stuck with a…less than extraordinary life? You don't even have the means to really protect yourself anymore!"
"News flash, Pride," Edward growled. Selim noted that that was the first time he'd used the name. "I never wanted an extraordinary life. I only wanted my friends and family to be happy."
"Really? Your rather…boisterous actions from your youth would speak otherwise. Did you even know the meaning of the word 'subtle'?"
"We were children," Alphonse broke in, shaky but determined. "We did the best we could. That was all."
Oh, there were so many places he could take that! Everywhere from them using useless excuses to how pathetic their 'best' had been while the answer had been in front of them the whole time. It would have only taken just one more sacrifice on Edward's part, but he hadn't been able to, probably until it had become utterly necessary.
He saw exactly what he could do with that conversation. It would be so easy to verbally tear them down into shivering piles of flesh, but before he could even open his mouth, a shadow fluttered over his mind, stopping him. It was a nagging doubt that said it wouldn't be the right thing to do; that he'd already taken it too far. He glowered inwardly at himself. Perhaps it wasn't right from a human stand point, but he'd always been above that.
Or had he?
The frustration at his inner conflict grew again. He hated being frustrated.
"What's the matter, Pride?" Edward asked. "Nothing to say?"
Selim rolled his eyes. "I didn't feel your pathetic sob story was even worth a comment."
"You're the one that brought it up," the long-haired man said with a frown.
"My apologies," Selim replied sarcastically.
They sat there for several seconds staring at each other. Then Alphonse glanced uneasily over at Edward before stepping forward slightly.
"So, what now?"
Selim returned the older brother's frown and didn't answer. He still couldn't decide and he doubted they'd just let him walk away.
"Well," he said finally, "you could run home and call your precious general." He took a vindictive pleasure when he saw Edward scowl. So he and Mustang still didn't get along, he noted.
"And you would just let us? As if you don't want to take your revenge?" Edward asked skeptically.
"Oh I do. It's just that I would prefer to avoid a fight at the moment." He glanced down at his bandaged hands and the sling. Not that such conditions would seriously handicap him. It actually had more to do with his stamina when it came to his shadows, but they didn't need to know that.
"What, afraid to fight now that you can't heal so quickly?" Edward scoffed.
"Forgive me for not taking your example and turning suicidal," Selim returned dryly.
"You realize we can't just let you go," Alphonse said softly.
Inwardly, Selim sighed. Yes, he'd realized that. It didn't help his indecision. "Marlin, Bonnie," he said, still refusing to take his eyes off of the Elrics, "you may want to head back to the station now."
"After a conversation like that?" Marlin asked incredulously. "Just what is going on?"
"Remember how Clemin said I was a monster?" Selim asked softly, calling to his shadows in the back of his mind. They rose out of the ground around him like black tentacles, shivering with anticipation. "It turns out he was right."
It must have been a sight to see him standing there with his monstrous shadows because both Bonnie and Marlin stood staring with gaping mouths and pale faces at the scene. He refused to turn around. For some reason he could not fathom, he simply couldn't stomach the idea of facing them, so he kept his eyes on the Elrics, watching the mercenaries that had accompanied him through one of his shadows' eyes. For a moment he considered taking them hostage, but in the long run doubted it would make much difference. It wasn't that he didn't want them hurt, he told himself. And he most certainly did not care about their well being at all.
"M-monster?" Marlin said shakily. Selim tried to hide his flinch. Hearing him say the word didn't exactly help his state of mind at the moment. Even as Pride he'd never considered himself a monster. He'd reserved that label for weak, power-hungry humans.
It felt like a stalemate with the tension filled atmosphere loaded and ready to break at any second. No one seemed to want to make the first advance.
Then the person Selim least expected anything from moved. He watched through his shadow's eye in surprise as platinum blond strode purposefully past him, positioned herself between him and the Elrics, and faced him with folded arms and an unimpressed expression.
"Monster, huh?" she asked. "You know if you would have told me that even a week ago, I'd have believed you. The way you spoke to me on that first day didn't sit right with me, but let me tell you what I've noticed since then:
"You are a spoiled brat."
Selim bristled, but she continued before he could say anything. "You're used to a soft life filled with wealth. Despite that, you were naïve enough to do everything you could to keep other people out of danger." Selim frowned, remembering how he had indeed asked them to leave Mandy alone when they'd been cornered in New Optain, and how he'd gone to Xing to try and get answers. His intent at the time had been to control his power and the voice in his head so that he wouldn't hurt people around him.
Of course that hadn't been the only reason he'd gone on his little adventure. He opened his mouth to say as much, but Bonnie plowed on.
"You're intelligent and calculating and one of the only people I've ever met who would walk into a dangerous situation to save a stranger."
The train, Selim realized. "That was my fault to begin with."
"So? You still risked your life to save that man and paid for it from what I heard. How long did it take for you to recover? Days?"
He didn't really have anything to refute that, but he couldn't find himself quite able to accept her words. Face grim, he wiled one of his shadows forward. It complied, stopping just in front of her eyes. She paled and took a step back despite her words. Her reaction was less than encouraging.
"Take a good look at this—at what I can do," he said softly. "I'm an artificial being created with alchemy. Did you know that? I'm not even human." He snickered mirthlessly at the comment. He still couldn't decide whether he liked or hated that fact, but that was beside the point for the moment. He went on, leaning forward for emphasis. "And I've killed people. Hundreds of people. I killed and ate my own brother! Do you remember the day fifteen years ago when every person in the entire country collapsed? I played a large part in that whole incident! I almost helped destroy Amestris and was disappointed when I found our carefully laid plan had failed! I've manipulated and blackmailed people for decades at a time and I still find myself looking down on all of you pathetic weaklings that infest the face of this miserable planet!
"Now look at all of that and tell me I'm not a monster."
Her eyes had widened, and she looked extremely unsteady, but then her expression hardened with determination and she stood straight. Behind her, Edward and Alphonse had begun to advance, probably coming to her rescue, but at her reaction they stopped, looking on warily.
"We all have our pasts, Selim," she said, voice firm but soft. "Some worse than others. The thing is, just a few days ago I saw a boy forgiving and thanking his would-be kidnappers as they tried to escape possible custody. You didn't dwell on the fact that we'd put you in danger, or the fact that we had indeed meant you harm. You didn't even acknowledge what kinds of inconveniences we'd caused you, or the worry that we'd given your family by our actions.
"Monsters don't do that. Maybe you were a monster at one time, Selim, but you're not now."
The world seemed to slow around them as he stared at the Ishbalan, mind blank. He hadn't moved his shadow, but she refused to back down, standing there expectantly, arms still folded firmly in front of her.
"That boy you knew had fifteen years of experience," Selim said softly. "The monster has over three hundred. Once I regained those memories Selim Baker was doomed. How long do you think the conflict will last? And which one do you honestly think will win?"
Bonnie shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly. "Dunno. The thing you're overlooking is the fact that there is a conflict. I don't know how bad it is, you're pretty good at hiding it, but you just admitted that it's there. Fifteen vs. three hundred, you say? Why hasn't the three-hundred-year-old monster won yet? Seems to me that that side should have completely annihilated Selim already."
He was surprised she'd caught on so quickly. He hadn't even really explained half of the situation and she'd grasped it surprisingly well. For a human, that was.
"I don't know," he heard himself say, unable to keep the frustration from his voice. "It makes no sense to me. Pride should have overwhelmed Selim. There's no contest. Selim is weak, and Pride is strong. Selim is human. That in and of itself should say everything. So why isn't he gone? Why does he still influence me just as much as Pride does? It shouldn't be this way and I don't know why it is."
He felt almost naked—completely defenseless standing there in broad daylight. Part of him just wanted to curl up in a corner with a blanket and hide, while the side of him that was Pride wanted to tear everything around him into pieces in his embarrassment and anger.
"I'm so tired of not knowing," he muttered wearily, closing his eyes for a moment. When he opened them a few seconds later, he caught sight of the Elrics again—still standing there warily—and his eyes narrowed.
Bonnie followed his gaze and turned to look at them.
"You asked 'what now'," she said. "Now I'll ask you the same question. You won't let him go…"
Edward shook his head and Alphonse sighed. "I don't think you quite understand how irresponsible of us that would be. He's dangerous."
"So are you," she returned.
"Al's not going to try to kill anyone any time soon."
"Selim hasn't killed anyone recently."
"No, but he tried to kill Major General Mustang," Alphonse said in that quiet tone that refused to waver. Sometimes Selim thought the quieter of the two could easily be the scariest. "And all of his men."
Selim saw Bonnie's mouth thin from the side, and then she turned back to look at him. He couldn't meet her eyes. It took him a moment to realize that he was ashamed. He—the physical embodiment of pride—regretted his actions. Well, somewhat. He still felt a smoldering hate for the Major General.
His reaction was all the answer she needed. "So what happens if he goes with you quietly?"
Selim answered that himself. "They'll kill me."
"What?" Bonnie asked.
He raised his eyes to meet hers. "I'm too dangerous to keep around. Less than two decades ago, I almost destroyed the country. They won't allow me to live. Either that or they'll lock me up in a pitch-black room with no light and no contacts…if I'm lucky."
She glanced back at the brothers. "Is this true?"
Alphonse looked troubled, but Edward refused to back down. "It isn't our concern," he said. "But I refuse to let him go free when he's already killed hundreds of innocent people."
Selim wanted to flinch. Pride wanted to gloat.
Bonnie glanced at Selim for conformation, and again he refused to meet her eyes. All of him hated the shame he felt once again. Pride wanted to deny he felt any shame. Out of the corner of his view, he saw the bounty hunter look back and forth between Selim and the Elrics for several seconds, obviously trying to work something out.
"I don't get it," she said finally. "You all are describing a horrible, despicable being," Selim bristled again, looking up at her angrily. Homunculi weren't despicable! Humans were! Weren't they? "But all I've ever met is a completely normal teenager with very good qualities. Conflict or not, how can we be talking about the same person?
"Either you're the most incredible actor in the world," she nodded to Selim, "or both of you are wrong."
"We're not wrong," Edward insisted.
Simultaneously, Selim spoke softly. "I wasn't acting."
Bonnie put a hand up to the bridge of her nose and began to massage it, saying something under her breath that sounded like 'stupid, egotistical males'. Selim found it funny that her comment about his gender didn't nearly bother him as much as the comments about his race.
After a few minutes, she rounded on Selim. "Alright, you say you killed people. Do you regret it?"
Selim blinked. "What?"
"Those humans you killed three hundred years ago or whatever it was. Do you regret it?"
Yet again, his mind ground to a halt and he couldn't even seem to formulate an answer. Did he regret it? He could remember almost every face, if only because Pride had enjoyed their expressions of horror and pain. It sickened him.
"I-I don't know," he said again, hating how unsure he sounded. "Part of me does. Part of me hates who I used to be and is completely disgusted by it. How could I have ever treated life so carelessly? But part of me…" he felt a slight grin come over his face, and felt himself grow even more disgusted inside because of it. "Part of me would do it all again in a heartbeat. Part of me can't help but think that humans are a disgusting blight and that the world would be better off without them.
"Can you imagine anyone thinking like that?" He realized that his voice had gained just the slightest touch of hysteria. "I can't, but I am. How can that be?" The stirrings of a migraine began to rise in the back of his head. He'd known it was only a matter of time before the warring personalities that constituted his current state of mind began to take a physical toll. Of course, it would come at a time like this.
The older woman sighed again and leaned back with a grim expression. "You're not making this easy, you know."
He chuckled wryly under his breath. "I thought you could talk your way out of anything."
She shot a sharp glance his way. "Who told you that?"
He thumbed over his shoulder to where Marlin was standing quietly, suddenly seeming uncomfortable under her gaze. Funny, hadn't she been there at the time he'd told Mandy and Selim that? The memory seemed fuzzy and inconsequential next to everything else, so the homunculus dismissed the thought and watched Marlin fidget through his shadows. That's when he realized that perhaps having them waving around in mid-air like that might not be a good thing. They'd already been out for several minutes.
He felt the stirrings of panic rise within him. He hadn't used them a great deal, but he was afraid it would still take a toll on his body. Slowly, he began to retract them, hoping to conserve energy but afraid he was already too late.
"Selim, do you think you could win in a fight against them?" Bonnie asked as she gestured to the Elrics, voice low enough that only he could hear.
He blinked, surprised. "What do you mean?"
She took a preparatory breath and continued in the same tone. "I don't know exactly what the deal with those black things are," she nodded to the retreating shadows, "but if you think you can take them, we can make a run for it."
He was so shocked he dropped his connection to his shadows completely and they all shot back into the ground. As always, he felt the draw on his body's energy most when he released his hold on his powers, and couldn't help but stagger. It wasn't as bad as it had been, just sudden—like that first night on the train.
"Selim?" Bonnie asked worriedly. It was the first real expression he figured he'd seen on her face, and couldn't help but feel touched, even as the Pride side of him scoffed at such a pathetic, useless display.
"I'm fine," he muttered, glancing past her and at the Elrics, who seemed to be in the middle of their own heated discussion. "I don't know if I can. My shadows take a lot of energy to maintain. Without more energy in my stone, the odds are stacked against me."
"You've mentioned that before. What is this stone? Is there a way to get more energy to it?"
Selim snorted. Her reaction to this should be interesting. "My body is maintained by a philosopher's stone. Philosopher's stones consist of living, human souls. The only way I can replenish the energy is to kill people and absorb their life force. It's what maintains my own."
She blanched again and brought a hand to her mouth.
Then she lowered it to reveal tight, thin lips. "You were planning on killing us, weren't you." She didn't say it as a question.
He looked down. "The thought had crossed my mind."
It seemed he'd finally gotten the nature of his very being across to her. Well, that was a good thing, wasn't it? Disgusted and horrified, she and Marlin would finally leave and he could concentrate on—
"Why didn't you?"
He froze. "Why didn't I what?"
"You had plenty of time to kill us and I'm guessing from what you said earlier that it would have completely healed you. No one would have noticed if you had, so why didn't you?"
He could only blink at her, knowing the answer but unwilling to say it. He didn't want to admit it. He really didn't want to admit it. Yet another blow to his pride that he'd been trying to avoid.
Finally he forced himself to answer. "I don't know, okay! I don't know why I didn't kill you, I just couldn't! Just like I couldn't kill Mandy; stupid, pathetic weakling that she is! She got in the way and I stopped and I don't know why! It shouldn't be like this, and it's killing me! I am two separate people who have almost nothing in common and it's made me weaker than all of you!"
He stood there with his fists clenched, entire body shaking with anger and frustration. His weakness disgusted him more and more with every passing second. It was almost as if he didn't have any pride anymore.
Did he? Did he even deserve his name now?
Oh, Father would be so disappointed.
"Humility isn't weakness," Al said, pulling Selim out of his depressive thoughts. What had brought that thought on?
"What do you mean?" he asked, wishing he didn't sound so dull and lifeless, but unable to muster the energy to respond differently. "Of course it is."
"Why?"
Selim blinked. Were they really that stupid? Wasn't it obvious?
Was it obvious?
"When you have no pride, you have no motivation," he said finally, carefully tip-towing around every word. He'd never had to voice it before. It felt strange.
"That's not completely true," Alphonse said.
"Oh?" Pride scoffed. "You two fought because of your pride in your family. I'm assuming that's why you're still fighting. You got it from your father. He had that pride too." Edward opened his mouth to protest, but Selim kept going. "Greed's container and that little Xingese girl had pride in their clans and countries." Surprisingly enough Alphonse tensed up at that. Pride hadn't even realized there was a soft spot there. He noted that for possible use later. "Mustang has pride in his alchemy and office. Hawkeye has pride in her superior officer, as do most of the Colonel—I mean General's lackeys.
"Everyone who fights has pride."
He expected outbursts, protests and all sorts of arguments that he could work with. Alphonse seemed ready to jump in for once, angry expression twisting his innocent features.
Strangely enough, it was Edward who seemed to remain calm. Sighing, he lowered his gun and raised a hand to rub at the back of his head. He almost seemed disappointed.
Selim scowled. "You disagree?" He wouldn't let them know how much their little switching act had thrown him off balance. They had always been such a constant before…
"You really don't get it, do you," Edward muttered, just loud enough for Selim to hear. He didn't say it as a question.
Pride didn't answer, frown deepening.
Alphonse turned to stare in incredulity at his brother for a moment. Then his face melted back into its normal, neutral state.
Pride knew he'd missed something.
"It's not pride," Edward said as if reading Selim's mind.
"What is it then?" he scoffed. Neither one of them answered. Then something clicked, and Pride couldn't help a condescending chuckle. "Sentiment again? Love? Foolish humans. Love is just another form of pride."
"You're wrong."
Surprisingly enough, that hadn't come from either of the brothers. Actually, it had come from behind him. Surprised, Selim turned and glanced at Marlin.
He cleared his throat and spoke again. "I just have to say it. Love is the opposite of pride. Pride is selfish, and sometimes rightly earned. Love—real love—is selfless and completely unpredictable. You'll do what's best for the other person, no matter what. There are all types of love and all types of pride, and sometimes they overlap. But they're not the same by any stretch of the imagination."
Okay, hearing that come from a man that big was just strange.
Selim opened his mouth to say just that, when a new voice called out in the distance.
"Sir! I found them!" Everyone turned to see several men in blue suits come marching over a lip in the road some distance away. One man, probably a scout of some sort, was waving to them as they caught up to him. At that point another, all too familiar man took the lead. A tall man with short, dark blond, spiky hair.
Selim felt his features tense angrily. That was one of Mustang's men. Havoc, if he remembered correctly. Yes, he was the man Lust had supposedly 'taken care' of.
"There you two are!" he called with a wave. "Sorry we're so late. We got stalled leaving New Optain because of the new FFO situation. Then we got lost."
How could anyone possibly get lost in a farm town like Risembool? Selim found himself wondering. Then he realized what their arrival meant: Reinforcements. He might have been able to hold his own against Edward and Alphonse, especially if only the latter could use Alchemy. He couldn't do so against so many men in this kind of an open space. He could try and keep a shield up while they escaped, but then what? He couldn't hold one up indefinitely, especially not in his condition, and he had no doubt the soldiers would be able to follow easily.
Then his mind caught something else about the same time as the Elrics.
"What new situation?" Alphonse asked worriedly, turning to look at the approaching men. Apparently they hadn't recognized Selim yet. He thought about taking the opportunity to get away, but Edward refused to look anywhere but at Pride. Not surprising, but highly inconvenient.
"Oh, you haven't heard? We managed to evacuate most of Central, but apparently the FFO got wind of it and decided it made a good target. They've been…"
He froze, finally seeming to recognize Selim. He looked rather comical, standing there with his mouth open, cigarette almost dropping out of it. Then he raised his weapon, swearing loudly. His men followed suit, minus the language.
"You finally noticed, Havoc?" Edward called over his shoulder.
"What's going on, Fullmetal?"
"That's not my name anymore."
A pause. "Sorry, Ed."
Edward shrugged. "We ran across Pride."
"I can see that," Havoc snapped. "What's going on?"
"He's down to one life in his stone still," Alphonse supplied. "So he heals like a normal human. In his condition," the blond glanced back at Selim with hard, blue eyes, "he can't fight much."
"'He' is also right here," Selim heard himself growl. "And I can fight. Want to test me?" he glanced over at Havoc. "I could easily put you back in that wheelchair if I so desired."
He couldn't help the swell of satisfaction that came with Havoc's suddenly pale face and narrowed eyes.
"Hold it!" Bonnie said, stepping forward again. She shot a glare at Selim. "You aren't making your situation any easier. Do you want them to kill you? This is the military we're talking about. They're not exactly saints and they don't need much provocation."
Havoc grit his teeth, but didn't say anything. Selim scowled, but backed down. It felt like someone had punched his gut to do so, but he swallowed the feeling, albeit with some difficulty.
"And as for you all," she turned and glared firmly, not seeming to care that she now stared down the barrels of at least five rifles. "Until you came in, we were making some progress here. My recommendation is to stuff it and keep your ugly mouths shut until we can figure this out! Got it?"
"And just who are you?" Havoc returned. "And why should we listen to you?"
Bonnie's mouth thinned. "We're friends of his."
Edward's frown deepened. "He doesn't have friends," he practically growled.
"Will you get over yourself?" Bonnie practically exploded. Edward blinked and straightened with surprise. "We get it! You hate him! He did bad things! He's dangerous! But that does not give anyone here the right to kill him!"
"We have been given permission to use lethal force," one of the lackeys that Selim didn't know said.
Havoc shot him a glare and he backed down.
Bonnie scoffed, her face falling into a despising glare. "That is something I would expect from the government. On the face of it, you're all just and fair, but in actuality, nothing has changed. All of you are just like you claim he is," she pointed back to Selim who happened to be just as surprised as everyone else there. Perhaps more so. He'd never heard anything like that come from the false blond.
"We're not backing down." Marlin said, coming to stand by her. Selim found himself suddenly uneasy. He could tell where this was going, and he knew it would not end well. These two were in the habit of standing against the government whenever and however they could. He'd known that before, but he could see it now: they hated the military almost as much as Pride did. Their eyes held a defiant, dangerous glitter that Selim could only barely see from his angle, but it was there.
Yet again, he found himself at a decision he couldn't seem to make. One thing was for sure, he did not want them caught in the middle of his fight. All of him agreed with that, but he wasn't concerned for them. He most certainly wasn't worried about how they might get hurt because of this. He just wasn't…was he? Part of him screamed 'no', while the other side firmly stated 'yes'.
What surprised him, though, was that the calmer, human side was stronger this time…just barely, but enough that even he could tell.
"Stop!" he yelled. Bonnie and Marlin turned to look at him with confusion.
"What?" Marlin asked.
"Don't get in the way," he muttered, feeling his cheeks heat up with embarrassment. He hated feeling embarrassed. It usually meant his ego had taken another blow. He really wouldn't have any of his pride left by the time he was done. That scared him; it was all he had left…but that same pride wouldn't allow him to back down now.
"What do you mean, 'get in the way'?" Bonnie asked angrily.
Selim shot a glare at her. "I'm not some martyr for your cause or some wronged being you need to protect. Technically I'm older than every single being here combined and truthfully I deserve their distrust. Those two have personal reasons to hate me as much as I hate them," he nodded at the Elrics, then turned his glare to Havoc. "And my sister crippled him. I'm surprised he can walk at all." And there wasn't any begrudging respect in that either! Aarg!
It had become a difficult chore to keep his face neutral.
Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath and as calmly as he could, considered his options. One: He could fight. It was his preferred reaction but if he tried to attack in his condition, he had very little chance of survival. It bothered him that such an outcome would have any merit to him. Two: He could run. The problem in this lay with the fact that he'd be unable to run for long, again due to his physical condition. This option also had a high possibility of failure, and if he had to die, he would not run away like a cowardly human. Three: He could turn himself in. He hated giving in at all, but if he did so, it could buy him at least a day while having the added benefit of giving him more time to recover.
He already knew which option he would choose. That didn't mean he had to like it. Gritting his teeth, he moved past the two bounty hunters.
"If I go with you," he said as neutrally as he could, "I have three conditions. One, let them go. They have nothing to do with this. Two, I wish to speak to my mother when we return. She will be given unlimited access to whatever containment I will be committed to." He didn't add the 'as long as they keep me alive' that everyone knew was tacked onto the end of the sentence. "Three, we wait for the normal train back to New Optain. You create whatever arrangements you feel will be necessary for travel and containment, but it will be on that train." Which meant he'd end up in the dark again, but he was proud of the fact that he'd lengthened the original amount of he'd thought he could buy himself off the top of his head like that.
"And where are we supposed to keep you now?" Edward asked, bristling.
Selim shrugged. "You work out whatever you wish, but I will not attempt to escape whatever prison you come up with."
Edward scoffed. "Like we'll believe you."
"I didn't expect you to. Do we have a deal?"
"Yes," Havoc said, stepping forward. "We can construct a temporary containment at the Elrics, correct?" He nodded at Alphonse who returned the gesture firmly. "Just know that if you try anything, we will use lethal force."
"Of course," the homunculus wanted to roll his eyes, but felt he'd already lost enough dignity as it was. Havoc gestured for his men to surround Selim, who didn't move. He kept his eyes focused on Edward's, glaring with as much disdain and disgust that he could manage.
"Selim," Bonnie spoke, sounding both disappointed and confused, "you don't have to do this."
"I'm not doing this for you," he said as coldly as he could. "I'm doing this because it's the best option for me." He knew the truth though. He'd only considered his options because they'd gotten in his way, and was doing this for them as much as he was for himself.
They didn't answer. He knew they continued to watch him as the small contingent of army men marched down the road, rifles at ready. He hoped they'd take the chance he'd given them to get out of this mess now. With the way the situation had developed he wasn't sure he would still care enough to save them later.
Phew! Long chapter, but I hope it lived up to expectations. ^^;
I only have one chapter after this written...and it's not even completely done. . . . So, I'm going to try and get that chapter done for next week, but no promises. After that, I'm pretty definitely going to take a hiatus. A lot of that is because I'm going to be looking for a new job. ^^; Wish me luck.