"I don't care how much pressure you're under, get it done!"
A tall woman clad in a light gray suit yelled down her phone as she walked from the hotel's revolving door to the car waiting for her.
Upon returning from Switzerland she had found her firm to be in a complete mess. Another company had been taking advantage of her absence, trying to steal their clients.
All day she had been trying to smooth out the problems her employers had managed to scramble up.
Misaki smoothly sank into the car and shot a curt distracted smile at the driver closing the door for her.
It had already been a day and she still was feeling jet lagged.
Looking out of the window, her gaze landed wistfully on a couple of chattering girls sitting at the stairs of the building, eating from bento boxes.
Hopefully Shintani would have some dinner waiting for her. She was starving.
She knew he was just as busy as her, but his cooking skills were far more superior. After the whole day of dealing with people, Misaki did not feel like eating out. All she wanted was the warmth and comfort of her home.
It was a hot day. Misaki rolled down the window to the hilt and took off her suit. Stealing a furtive glance from the driver, she loosened the top four buttons of her white shirt, nearly revealing her black lace bra. She was relieved to see the driver's attention remained focused on the road, though she did not particularly care if he would consider her inappropriate.
It was simply too hot. Feeling slightly more relaxed, she took the hairpin out to release the painful bun her hair had been in all day.
She finally relaxed in her seat, leaning her head against the seat, eyes closed. Even behind her closed eyelids, she could feel the golden light of the sunset. This was her favourite time of the day.
The car stopped at the red light.
Misaki, without opening her eyes, turned her face to the slight breeze that was blowing from the open window.
It was good to be home, she thought, and took a deep and slow breath through her nose, smiling contentedly.
A car honked loudly behind them. Disturbed from her quiet bliss, Misaki lazily opened her eyes and froze in her seat.
Her gaze was met by a pair of green eyes. She blanched.
He was standing on the pavement with two other men, with his hands inside his pockets.
His eyes did not move away from hers. His expression unreadable, yet intense as she remembered it.
She sat there in the same position, the earlier smile slowly melting away from her face. All thoughts deserted her brain, her head suddenly feeling like a jar of jam.
Misaki opened her mouth in an attempt to say something, anything, even though she knew he was too far to hear her unless she yelled.
No sound came out, she just moved her mouth like a fish, before clamping it shut.
Without excusing himself from his companions who had been talking to him, without as much as casting them a glance, he moved. He took his hands out of his pockets and started walking hastily in her direction.
Misaki finally felt sensation return to her body and quickly sat up, trying to think what to do, how to react.
The traffic light turned green and the car started to move. Panicking, she rested a hand on the edge of the open window. Her throat made a strange croaky sound.
"St..", she blurted out at her driver, her voice breaking in the middle of the word.
She looked back helplessly at the pavement. His steps had accelerated at first, but as the car kept distancing from him, he stopped to stand there, still looking at her face, and then - in her direction.
"Ma'am?", a polite voice shook Misaki out of her reverie, "Were you saying something to me?"
She sank into her seat, eyes closing shut again.
Suddenly she felt nothing.
"No, nothing."
At the apartment
Her hands gripped the sheets, her knuckles turning white.
"Oh god", she half whispered half-moaned. She felt him accelerate the speed of his movements, encouraged by her reaction.
After dinner Misaki had known that there was only one way to stop Shintani's concerned are-you-okay's. She could not stand having his worried eyes follow her every move during the supper.
She had tried her best to keep up the conversation and make herself look alive, but she knew the blank expression remained etched on her face.
Finally she had sealed his lips with a kiss to shut him up. She needed to forget.
No, she needed to take her mind off the earlier incident.
She could never forget, she could never forget him, but she could distract herself.
All these years she had successfully managed to do it.
Now they were in bed, her on her knees and hands, as Shintani moved in and out sensually, languorously, knowing what she liked.
She had chosen this position so that he would not see the pained expression on her face, see the guilt.
Why was she feeling guilty?
As she felt her stomach gradually knot up, a horrible thought struck her. Was her desire directed to her boyfriend or was it ignited by her earlier encounter with.. him?
No. She gritted her teeth and forced herself to concentrate. Don't think of him. Don't even think of his name. Think of Shintani. Focus on him gripping your hips. Feel his love.
Yes.
She could feel herself nearing the climax. She focused her mind on the best memories she had with Shintani. The way his tongue and fingers had made her scream over and over again before the exhibition the day before.
That day had seemed so carefree, so wonderful compared to now. So faraway.
Stop this. You love him. He loves you. Nothing is wrong. It has been ten years.
She felt his hands grip her hips.
Not enough.
"More", she spat out through her gritted teeth. Shintani's hands tightened even more and through the veil of passion wondered if this was going to hurt her. He knew she would be bruised the next day, marked by him.
The thought almost put him over the edge.
"Misaki", he hissed and lowered his torso, his chest caressing her back. This allowed him to nuzzle her neck, whisper in her ear. Suddenly he needed more. He knew something was wrong the minute he had opened the door for her that evening. The color had been drained from her face and she looked so forlorn it had made his heart squeeze.
"Please, Misaki, look at me", he pleaded with a groan into her ear and tried to turn her face to his with one hand.
She just moaned and dug her face more deeply into the mattress.
"Shintani.. Keep going", he could hear her muffled voice. He deepened his movements, rolling his hips against her backside.
Slowly perching up on his knees again, he showered her with kisses. His lips nipped away at the distance from her neck down to her waist, where, unable to resist, he bit down.
That very second he felt her freeze.
"Stop!"
She violently recoiled from him, crawling to the bedpost on all fours. She was breathing heavily, almost wheezing. Shintani could not speak, puzzled.
A heavy minute passed.
"Misaki?", he asked cautiously. He knew his bite had not been hard enough to hurt her. After all she had always liked him giving her bites on her neck and her chest. But now, as he watched her crouching at the opposite end of the bed, as faraway from him as possible, he felt completely at loss.
She wrapped her arms around her propped-up knees and put her face between them.
He had bitten her exactly there. Goddammit. What were the chances he would do it on the day she had bumped into him?
The second he had bitten her waist, her strained focus had shattered to pieces, and she was deluged with flashbacks.
She remembered the smell of the ocean.
The walk on the beach with him.
The fireworks and the longing.
She had been so confused then. Too young to even know what love, let alone physical desire felt like.
But she did now.
When she had seen him looking at her from the sidewalk, she knew it. She felt the ache deep inside her. But had she not forgotten her? The realization had sent her body into an utter shock, voiding it of all feeling in the moment.
But here she was now. Having sex with her boyfriend and trying to not think of Takumi.
Misaki smiled bitterly.
Takumi. There, she had finally let his name resonate inside her head.
He had looked so dashing, standing on the sidewalk in his black suit. All the boyish playfulness gone from his face. His body looked still lithe and panther-like, but his face was harder, more angular and serious.
"I can't fight this", thought Misaki, tears filling her eyes. She could not keep him out of her head.
She looked up and saw Shintani kneeling helplessly before her, gazing at her with a pained expression.
For a moment they looked at each other like a couple of strangers. At least to her in that moment he felt like a complete stranger. He could be anybody. He could be somebody.
"Lay on your back", she whispered. Just this once, she thought and tried to ignore the intense feeling of self-hatred.
She mounted him.
His hands ran up and down her thighs in comfort, feeling relieved she had come around.
But her eyes were closed, not once looking at him as her movements deepened.
Misaki threw her head back. She had given in. As she rode Shintani, she thought of the figure on the pavement, his face, his reaction upon seeing her.
"Ah!", she leaned her hands on Shintani's chest and rocked faster, her movements turning frantic. This time she indulged herself with the thoughts. The fantasy. Imagining that the person giving her so much pleasure right now was not Shintani, but him. That the member against which her drenched alcove made that erotic sounds was his.
She imagined his strong neck, his strong shoulders.
"Oh god", she cried as the most intense orgasm of her life shook her all over, shattering her soul.
Later, Shintani held her, gently spooning her.
She was still sweaty, he observed.
Closing his eyes, he buried his nose into her hair and inhaled deeply. He had never seen her like that, so wild. Yet, Shintani thought with a pang of pain, she had seemed so distant. As she had screamed her lungs out, her eyes tightly shut, face upturned to the ceiling, her mind was elsewhere.
He tightened his grip around her and tried to vacate his head. He had asked her what was wrong, but she had simply shaken her head and sniffed.
He could hear her even now, crying silently with her face out of his sight. And he did not know what to do.
He would simply keep holding her, he decided. Maybe tomorrow he would get some answers and her – some peace of mind from whatever was troubling her.