Ten years ago
What happened, Usui?", asked Kanou. "Everybody's been searching for you. Misaki is.."
"I'm staying at a hotel, outside Tokyo", Usui interrupted him.
After the graduation Usui had vanished. For two weeks he never showed up at any of the group gatherings. At first people assumed he was home sick, but Misaki, Kanou had noticed, was as ignorant of his whereabouts as everybody else. She expertly changed the subject whenever somebody inquired after his absence. Kanou could tell that despite putting on a brave face, she was hurt and scared.
In the third week, she finally confided to him that she had not heard from Usui since the graduation. He seemed to have disappeared into the thin air. He did not answer her calls. Neither was he at his apartment. Unless he simply refused to answer his door.
Finally after three days, Takumi miraculously showed up at Kanou's door and asked him to walk with him.
Here were they now, sitting on the swings in a playground close to his home.
Kanou waited patiently for Usui to talk, blinking at his stern profile. His mouth was drawn in a grim line.
He had never seen him like this. Not even that day, when he had confronted him and Misaki at the rooftop. Are you trying to mess with me for real? - he had said to him then, his face dangerous and intimidating.
The expression he bore on his face now was similar, but tinted with something else, he thought, perhaps some kind of repressed sorrow.
"I'm leaving", said Usui finally.
Kanou's eyebrows shot up.
"Well, that's not big news, is it?"
Indeed, it was a common knowledge that after the graduation from high-school Usui was going to leave for Britain again, this time for a long time. Misaki had not admitted it to Kanou during their last conversation, but he knew that she was afraid he had left her without saying goodbye, without looking back.
Usui's gaze flicked on him for a second, and again Kanou was struck by the pain in his eyes.
"I'm leaving her," he half-whispered, "and I've come to you to ask you to look over her. I won't be doing it any more".
Kanou stared. For a moment he could not answer. It had to be a joke. He looked closely at Usui's profile again. He did not seem to be joking.
"What?"
Usui sighed impatiently, dug his hand inside the pocket of his trousers and slapped Kanou on the chest with the letter he had taken out.
"Read it." Kanou carefully touched the letter plastered on his chest.
"Usui...", he attempted.
"Just read it."
Digging his feet firmer into the ground for balance, Kanou opened the letter.
Dear grandson,
Soon you will be returning to England. Before you do, however, there is an urgent business you have to attend to.
As you know, your late mother's actions brought a tremendous shame to the Walker family.
She humiliated us by bringing – you – a bastard offspring into the family.
For years I have been holding high hopes for you. Expecting nothing, but hoping you would not turn out a disaster of a mongrel that you were destined to become.
Your academic achievements and undeniable talents were a relief to me, as I witnessed you grow up into a promising young man from distance.
However, your relations with the foreign woman in the maid uniform that suddenly appeared here, at my manor, revived my doubts.
I am not writing to explain to you how bringing that wench into our circle pollutes our name.
The reason I am penning this letter is to tell you , that I will not have you repeat your mother's disgraceful mistake.
I am thus giving you an ultimatum, my grandson: break off the attachment, or else all your life you will be responsible for having me ruin the girl's life you seem to be so fond of.
I know you well enough to know of your reckless character. I know no measures of punishment directed to you personally will have an effect. Therefore, I have resolved to change the course of my tactic.
I will use all my influence, all my power to make it certain that Ayuzawa Misaki never thrives in her professional life.
You certainly know I am a powerful man, thus I promise you this: I will dedicate all my efforts to showing you that abusing your own lineage will only bring you pain and misfortune to you and those you hold dear.
There is no use in hiding: I will turn every stone until I find the girl and make sure she is never employed, that she never achieves anything, that her name means nothing in any profession she chooses.
The world is a corrupt place, Takumi, and trust me, regardless her efforts and hard work, if I will her to get nothing, so will it be.."
Kanou had read enough. He looked at Usui, careful to not let his face give away the empathy he was feeling, knowing Usui would hate it.
"So you understand", green eyes pinned him down again, dead serious.
Kanou did. This was serious. He nodded and handed the letter back to him.
"Usui..", he started, searching for right words, "why me? Why are you asking me to look over her? You know Shintani.. He, well.."
Kanou stopped mid-sentence as he saw Usui's eyes turn several shades darker. His face was now openly giving away his grief and something else, something more feral, something terrible.
"He is blinded by passion", his hands gripped the swing chain, "I don't trust him".
Jealousy, thought Kanou, but nodded in response.
"But I trust you, Kanou", Usui's gazed at him fixedly. "You are intelligent. And stronger than you seem. Look over her, and one day I will repay you for your effort."
Kanou looked away in embarrassment.
"Don't say that. Of course I'll try my best. She saved me once. I owe it to her."
"Good".
An ice-cream van could be heard approaching the playground. The jingle it played was "Let Me Call you Sweetheart". Both of them went silent and listened to the tune.
Children stopped their playing, chirped excitedly and flocked to the van.
"One more thing", Kanou heard Usui's quiet, but firm voice.
"Don't tell her anything. She's fearless and stubborn. She won't let anything stand in her way, unless she believes I'm leaving her on my own accord."
Kanou did not dare look at Usui's face as he said those words. His tone was already dense with enough vulnerability to make him cringe with discomfort.
"I'm so sorry."
Usui shook his head. His fringe shadowed his eyes.
"I.. just can't do this to her," his voice broke.
The hotel
By the time Misaki finished talking, she had drained her glass. She had told Usui everything. Everything Kanou had revealed to her five years ago.
Five years ago, they had met up for a coffee and he had spilled the beans. Duke Rochester had died and as she was no longer in danger, she could learn the truth. Also, five years after Usui's departure, Kanou's words had implied, she was not going to run after him, was she? At the time she was already in a long-term relationship with Hinata. Her story with Usui, Kanou believed, had become a thing of past.
"So, thank you." Misaki looked earnestly into Usui's unreadable face. He said nothing.
"You were right, if you had told me about your grandfather's letter then", her eyes shone in anger, "I would have defied him, I would have come after you."
Suddenly she realized how intense her declaration sounded.
"And that would have ruined my life", she added quickly.
Usui stood up abruptly and walked to the window.
He had to put some distance between them. He leaned against the large window with one hand and put his forehead against the cold surface.
During her whole monologue he had been discreetly caressing her face with his gaze. Whenever her expressive eyes left his to glimpse down at her glass, or to smooth over her skirt over her knees, he would steal a glance at her mouth, at the way her fingers skimmed over her throat to remove an untamed hair strand from it.
He was completely disarmed and suspected that his reserved facade would crumble soon. Listening to her talk in the clear voice of hers, he had been afraid he would grab her there and then, bury his face in her hair and sob in relief and longing. Just like he had wanted when he saw her in the car the day before, her hair gently swayed by the breeze, loose strands tickling the deep plunging neckline; her serenely smiling face upturned to the sun.
In the reflection of the window, she saw him shut his eyes in resignation, fogging the window with a soundless sigh.
"I saw you the other day. At the exhibition. With him".
Misaki startled.
"What?"
Usui opened his eyes. It was beginning to rain. Through the layer of glass he could smell the scent of wet earth.
"I was there. I spent the whole evening observing you two, looking so happy".
She did not know what to say. She remembered how intimate her and Hinata had been that evening, him caressing her hip for everyone to see. The memory brought back the previous night, the wildness, the fantasy.. She blushed.
"Look, I.."
"How can you thank me", his sudden low growl was almost a whisper, "how can you thank me for tearing us apart?"
Misaki knew this was not a question he wanted an answer to.
She gingerly put her glass down and stood up to walk in his direction. She felt slightly wobbly on her feet from sitting in one position for too long.
"Because I love my life, Takumi", she halted to stand behind him at an arm's reach, her voice firm. "I would not give this up for anything. Or anyone."
"I know."
He turned to face her. She was startled to see a strange mixture of sadness, tenderness and anger in his eyes. Slowly, he lifted his arm and cupped her cheek.
"I've been seeing your name all over the press, reading about your success," his chest rose as his thumb lightly stroked her cheekbone, "feeling so proud of you, Misaki."
Her heart squeezed to the size of a plum at his words. She closed the distance between them and feeling his arms embracing her, nestled her face in the crook of his neck. Outside the clouds had completely covered the sun, turning the room gray.
"I'm here now", she whispered, feeling his adam's apple bobble up and down, grazing her nose. He smelled like home.