Thanks for the reviews! Much appreciated.
wardlyman: I'd rather let the story speak for itself, but you do raise an interesting question there. I think it was clear in the chapter that she was not mad at Usui, but at Usui's assistant who was very rude to her. As for her feelings about Usui's love-life.. I would imagine her to be unaffected by it, let alone angry. You're right, it'd be silly and unrealistic to imagine him staying chaste for ten years, waiting for her to pop his cherry one day. However, that being said, humans are complex and have complex emotions: I would expect Misaki to be as jealous and bothered by the fact that he slept with other women just as he was resentful of the fact that she got together with Hinata. As much as they'd rationalize the situation, as adults would, I think they'd both still feel jealous and possessive, especially after getting back together.
It was early evening when they finally made it home. Flinging her clutch onto the bed, Misaki grabbed a pair of yoga pants and and a long-sleeved T-shirt, making her way to the bathroom to change.
She had left the luncheon after-party faster than lightening. After her unsavoury encounter with Usui's assistant, she had grabbed Hinata by the arm, who, thankfully, was not standing with Usui any more. He had maneuvered her dizzy form through the crowds, muttering polite apologies and goodbyes as they quietly made their exit.
She found him in the kitchen, making herbal tea, his tie loosened. He cast one glance in her direction, shooting her a tentative smile which she could not return.
Sighing deeply, she slouched onto the couch, her feet propped up on the armrest.
Watching Hinata preparing her drink, sweetening it with a spoonful of sugar as he knew she liked, she was overcome by an odd out-of-body sensation. Who was this man who knew her so well, yet so little?
Eventually he sat down on the edge of the sofa, grazing her side and set her mug of tea on the coffee table. She met his grim expression as he hovered over her.
"How are you feeling?"
She rubbed her eyelids with one hand, avoiding his inquisitive gaze.
"Yeah."
His mouth tightened in an impatient line.
"Misaki..", he inhaled, as if bracing herself, "We should be able to talk about this. I know seeing him there upset you."
He leaned forward to cup her cheek, his brow furrowing when she flinched her face away from the warmth of his hand.
"It's not like that. I'm not upset." She murmured, feeling like a prepubescent kid making excuses to her father.
"Misaki, please. Talk to me".
She could not stand his pleading tone. Sharply turning her head back to look at him dead in the eye, she bit her lip. She wished he was not sitting so close, invading her space.
"You don't understand." She sat up to gain the same eye-level, feeling the need to be in control of the situation as much as she could afford.
"I'm not upset, because I'm not angry with Usui."
She swallowed with difficulty, preparing herself for the truth. At least some of the truth.
"I know why he left me ten years ago." She paused, letting him take it in. "And I know you're aware of the circumstances, too. Kanou told me you knew all about it." She managed to finish the sentence without blinking away from his intense gaze.
She expected him to be shocked, alarmed but his response took him by surprise. Pale as a sheet, his pupils reduced to the size of a couple of ink-dots.
"You know everything?", he whispered, abashed.
"Yes."
She could see him fighting an inner battle, looking for the right words in his head. Nervously, he licked his lips.
"Misaki.. I'm so sorry. For keeping this a secret from you all these years. But you understand it was for your own safety.."
She smiled sadly at his angst. Poor, conscientious, loyal Hinata.
"It's okay. I know." She interrupted him weakly.
At the back of her head she wondered if this was the right moment to reveal the other truth to him. The terrible truth of her infidelity, of the cruelty she was going to commit.
"I understand if you're angry with me for not being honest with you about this, but you have to know I was against the hypnosis when they.."
She froze. Hypnosis?
His sentence trailed off at the sight of her expression. Slowly, she removed her hand from his.
"What did you just say?" A low whisper.
He stared back, wide-eyed.
"You said you knew.. everything". He whispered back, his voice seeping with a mixture of confusion and dread.
Suddenly her eyes stung, the feeling of betrayal making her palms sweat.
"What do you mean you were against the hypnosis... What hypnosis?" She leaned forward and tilted his face back to face her.
"Hinata..". The agony and confusion in his eyes mirrored hers.
"Tell me!"
He turned his back to her, burrowing his face in his hands.
She grabbed his forearm, squeezing it in consternation, her voice gone. Tears streamed down her cheeks at the anticipation of his answer, while wishing she would go deaf, brain-dead before she could hear it. She could sense the truth would destroy her, but she had to know.
Taking the mug of tea from the coffee-table, he gulped down the lukewarm liquid, before gazing ahead in distance.
"After Usui left for Britan...", his mouth pursed bitterly as he pronounced his name, "You were not in the best shape for a while."
He glanced at her face to receive confirmation. She looked away, recalling the events reluctantly. The depression, the unexciting first days of college. Her struggle to motivate herself to study, to get through each day. Her worried family.
"For three years, you mourned." His voice broke. "You were inconsolable, Misaki. Even though you got excellent grades in college and seemed to be highly functional as always, everybody noticed you were fading away. We were worried sick."
"Get to the point." She spat out, phlegm making her voice rattle. The bile forming in her stomach made its way up to her throat.
He knelt in front of her. He searched her eyes, pleading her to understand.
"This is why Kanou did what he did. You don't remember any of this, of course.. But he used his skill to make you forget Usui, to stop your suffering."
She sprang to her feet and ran to the bathroom. He hurried behind her, squatting next to her as she emptied her stomach. Holding her hair, he caressed the nape of her neck, willing her to not cry.
She pulled down the toilet seat and slumped over it, her cheek hot against the cold surface.
He paused, wounded by the sight of her body shaking as she sobbed quietly, bitterly into the palm of her hand. He would have preferred anything to this. He would rather have her slap him, hit him, than see her in the state.
"Did Usui know?" Her strangled whisper broke the silence.
He could not stand the sight, the sound of her voice any more. He crawled to the door, sitting with his back pressed against it. He tilted his head back, gazing at the harsh fluorescent lights on the ceiling.
"It was him all along, Misaki. It was Usui who asked Kanou to hypnotize you."
He heard her gasp, or was it another sob?
"How did he know about me in the first place? Did Kanou report to him?"
He could hear her struggle to regain calmness.
"Partly.. But Kanou did not need to tell him anything." Hinata shut his eyes, pausing.
The teary ambers eyed him warily. She could tell he had arrived at the heart of the matter, the key to the question.
"In your third year of college..you got rejected from an internship. Remember?"
She nodded. Few of her classmates had gotten in, while she had been unapologetically denied the position. Her teachers simply said she had not applied early enough, but Misaki knew it was not true.
"You got rejected, because Duke Rochester pulled some strings. He had found out about your attempts to establish correspondence with Usui.. He read your letters. So, as a warning to Usui, he tried to ruin your chances. His people in Tokyo surveyed all your actions. Acting on the behalf of the duke, they had enormous power and influence.."
He took a deep breath, before continuing. She looked like she was going to be sick again.
"So, Usui got in touch with Kanou and asked him to make you forget him through hypnosis, so that you would stop writing to him and provoking the duke.. Then he cut the ties with his family for good."
"He disowned himself?" She whispered.
He scowled, nodding.
She maintained her position on the floor for a few minutes longer before getting up on her feet.
The skin on her face itched from the dried unwiped tears. She made her way to the sink.
"Leave, please." She seemed weak and haggard, but there was a determined note in her voice which made her sound like herself again. Not arguing, he clumsily erected, shutting the door behind him carefully.
Returning to the living room, he dropped himself into an armchair, his shoulders square with tension. He sat unmoving, until the golden rays of the sunset filtered through the window trailed across his face, leaving it cold as they dissipated into the dark corner of the room.
Eventually he heard her in the bedroom. The silence was broken by her voice.
"Ayumi?", he could not help overhearing. "This is about Berlin. Tell them I changed my mind.. Great, even better. Tell them I'm accepting."
As she talked on her cellphone, he could hear her fumbling around the bedroom. The sound of the wardrobe opening, something heavy – her suitcase? - being dragged across the floor.
"Never mind why. Just book me the earliest flight.. Please."
He zoned out after that. Losing the sensation of his limbs, an abyss opened at his feet.
He had known the consequences of her finding out the truth. Had he taken advantage of her after she got hypnotized to forget Usui? Of course, he had seized the opportunity. How could he have resisted the temptation? She needed comfort, and he, well, he had needed her for as long as he could remember.
For years he had justified himself by refusing to correlate the occurrences of her getting hypnotized by Kanou and him making a move on her as two separate events. He refused to admit to himself that he had found a place in her heart because it had been left vacuous and raw, her feelings for Usui having been aborted from it forcefully. He had done everything to make her genuinely fall in love with him and hoped that perhaps eventually, her feelings for him would be as real as they had been for Usui.
As he listened to the sound of her unzipping the suitcase, however, he knew; he had known since he had found out about Usui's return, since he had witnessed them exchanging glances at the luncheon: the spell was broken.