Usui's features tightened as he paused at the door of her office. He clenched and unclenched his hands, feeling oddly ill-at-ease.
She had called him early in the morning. His warm greeting on the phone was dissipated by her matter-to-fact, hurried speech. All she said was she needed to talk to him urgently and that she would be in her office around the noon. She also mentioned - off handedly - that her secretary would not be in for the day and he could thus simply let himself in once he got there.
He knocked once on the white door, before pushing it open.
The brightness of the office cut at his eyes like a knife and he was blinded for a moment, making out only a vague outline of a female figure.
His eyes focusing, he drank in her image as she approached.
Her clothing made him realize that perhaps his hunch had been correct: a black form-hugging turtle-neck sweater enveloped her long neck like a fortress, a shield around her elegant, unmade-up features. The somewhat messy, high chignon revealed the whiteness of her neck, where the exposed soft skin was skimmed by the long skinny silver earrings.
Everything about her fuelled his desire, yet it was unmistakable to him that she was attired for a battle.
She halted in front of him, her hands down the pockets of her charcoal gray slacks. She gazed at him thoughtfully for a moment, as if seeing him for the first time.
As her eyes locked with his, he was overcome with the familiar feeling, like she was reaching inside his soul and strumming the most ancient, secret chords. He had to remind himself to breathe.
His unease increased when she spoke in the voice she always used whenever something weighed on her mind.
"Thank you for coming."
With her head she silently motioned him towards the armchair across her desk. As she walked away from him, the scent of her perfume washed over him. Something icy, yet flavourful and biting.
He looked around, curious about her workplace. The office was in different shades of white, in minimalist decor. There was a framed photo on her desk, turned sideways. As he sat across her, his legs stretching out in font of him to simulate a relaxed demeanor vis-a-vis her apprehension, he caught a glimpse of the photograph. It was her with her sister, both laughing at the camera. He longed to see her relaxed and happy like that in his presence.
He tore his eyes from the frame to glance up at her.
"Tonight I'm flying to Berlin, Usui."
He laughed. He did this, whenever he was taken aback, confused or angry. His brother had often made fun of the habit.
As numbness overcome his body, he was suddenly grateful for the presence of the large desk between them. Too strong was the urge to hurl himself over it, grab her by her shoulders and shake her, get inside that head, get down to the root of her mood-swings.
"I was here when you turned down the offer." He kept his voice even. His shrewd eyes dared her to recollect the events of the evening.
She met his bold gaze unwaveringly. If anything, her eyelids tightened even further.
"I changed my mind. I'm going."
Unable to trust his voice any more, he glared ahead, waiting.
"When I'm back," she continued, her voice flat and dry, "when I'm back, I will help you get your inheritance back."
She observed astutely as he slanted his eyes at her, playing that mind-poker again. Yet his thought-process was so transparent to her now - obviously wondering how much of the truth she knew. Had he not played the very same game in his hotel suit the other evening during her first visit?
Looking at him now, with the collar of his half-zipper black sweater flaring around his head, looking deviously tempting and dangerous as ever, she applauded herself for setting the appointment in the neutral, sterile setting of her office.
Now he seemed surprised, but not unsettled. It was odd, she thought, how two days ago they had unfolded the deepest desires and secrets of each other's bodies, and yet here were they now - two black-clad figures examining each other like two predator animals about to pounce.
"Now, that is not my field in law, of course", she resumed her speech smoothly, having given him time to recover after her disclosure, "but I have many connections. And I'm confident I can manoevre the case from behind the curtains, especially if I approach it as violation of human rights and well, freedom." The piercing glare she shot him hinted at their double meaning.
"You talked with Kanou again?" The question came out quietly, not giving an ounce of a reaction to her proposition.
"That doesn't matter." She snapped hoarsely.
She bit her lip, regretting.
"The point is", she got up, turning her back to him to gaze out of the large glass window. In her pockets she dug her nails into her thighs through the light lining, trying to regain the composure. "Tit for tat. You will reclaim what's yours. Considering that I was the direct cause of your misfortune, it's only fair that I help you."
"Misaki".
She turned reluctantly, facing him as he got up on his feet. He looked at her from across her desk, his eyes impossibly bright from the light.
"Don't you refer to yourself as my misfortune." Almost like a threat, his voice sounded impossibly low.
"After I help you reclaim your inheritance, I'll be out of your debt, Usui."
"Stop it".
Her lips tightened at his tone, refusing to be intimidated. Not now.
"Don't think I'm doing this on your behalf." She chirped in faux-cheerful tone, flashing him a bright, yet dangerous smile. Turning to pace slowly alongside the window, her shoulders haunched over slightly. "I'm doing this for me as much for you."
"I need to prove to myself that all this has been worth it." Her voice lowering, a shadow of anger surfaced in her voice. She approached the desk, halting before him.
"You see, when you reclaim your money, I will regain my dignity. I need to secure it for myself, cement it down to ensure that no hypnotist in the world can rip it off me again."
With bitter delight, she saw him freeze in the spot.
"I'm not going to apologize for it." The obstinate admission finally broke the heavy silence.
She eyed him coldly, leaning her backside against the desk, not minding the slight loss of height. Now that the whole truth was finally out, she did not feel the need to stand as tall as him. When she spoke, her tone matched his.
"And I'm not going to thank you for it."
He blinked, before letting out a small laugh again. With one hand he brushed through his hair, betraying his exasperation.
"I think I have already told you before, Misaki, that hypnotism only works on one condition." He leaned in slightly, towering over her. His breath fanned her face as he enunciated her name.
Softly, she grabbed the edge of the table at her sides, resisting the urge to escape from the space he was invading. At his words the flood of memories caused her breath to hitch.
She remembered the sleepless night, sitting on the stairs at the rooftop of the school-building, desperately fighting off slumber. The splashing rain. Usui murmuring sweet nothings while he stroked her head, trying to keep her awake.
His voice shook her out of her reverie.
"It only works if the.. victim", he said, cocking an eyebrow provocatively, "if the the victim believes in at least some part of it." The slight frown between his eyebrows betrayed him, exposing the fraudulence of his acidic smile.
He paused, his smile receding before he spoke again.
"When I asked Kanou to destroy your feelings for me, I wished it would not work." He exhaled with difficulty, having voiced out the thought that had been festering in his heart for a decade.
"When I learnt that it did work, that your feelings for me did vanish, I had to come to terms with the fact that you did want me out of your life after all."
She flushed with anger.
"Of course I wanted you out of my fucking life." She spat out. "Of course I wanted it to stop hurting. Why do you think the whole thing with Hinata.."
His eyes blazed at the mention of Hinata's name.
"Don't get me wrong, I'm not mad about Shintani", he barked out laughingly, yet the lines between his eyes deepened. "On the contrary, I'm grateful to him for training you so well in things that matter..."
Her hand flew to slap him, but he caught it just before it reached his cheek.
Hazel dots tinted her amber eyes, as it happened whenever they filled with tears.
Cursing under his breath, he pulled her by the wrist, trying to embrace her, get the pained expression out of the field of his vision, out of his mind.
"Get off me!"
She shoved his face away violently with her free hand. His head snapped aside from the impact. He stepped back, feeling the sting, but not bothering to wipe the blood away.
Realizing what she had done, a sharp gasp escaped her throat. Few flecks of blood oozed out of a small cut on his jaw. A long fingernail had accidentally scratched the skin when she had pushed his face.
She stood frozen, her eyes wide with tears. She touched his face, yet not daring to meet his eye.
"Oh god," she pulled a sleeve down over her hand to dab at the wound, smudging the reddness. "I'm sorry".
"I'm so sorry". Frantically she tried to stop the trickle of blood as he stood motionless, his downcast eyes unreadable. The ball of emotions strangling at her throat erupted in a single sob. Her limp hand fell from his jaw helplessly to her side.
As she came apart, he cradled her head, murmuring something unintelligible in her ear.
He finally spoke, when her sobs quieted down.
"It broke me in half, doing that to you.. Letting you go."
She clutched his sweater in a ball of fist at his back.
"I know." She whispered.
Holding her close, he stepped backtracked to stumble down onto the armchair with her nestled on his lap. Burrowing his face into the crook of her throat, he nuzzled her there with his nose.
"Do you really have to go to Berlin?"
She stroked his cheek, nodding. He understood her need to remove herself from everything, to think and re-evaluate her life. He could only hope he would have a place in it after her mind would be made up.
She looked at him searchingly, finding the reluctant understanding in his expressive gaze.
"If the Berlin case is successful, my competence as a lawyer will have increased considerably, Usui." Her sad smile was in stark contrast with her words. "Which will increase the chances of winning your case, after I return."
"I have not yet agreed on letting you take my case." His hand stroked a trail from her hip to the underside of her breast, making his perfectly innocent words come across as suggestive. He could not help it. He knew this was not the right time to touch her like that, but the proximity of her body worked like a narcotic on him.
"I cannot allow myself to love you unless we're equal.. Takumi." She whispered against his cheek, before planting a careful kiss on the slightly swollen slit on his jaw.
Hugging her tighter, he gazed into her eyes. Her eyelashes still glistened with tears from earlier.
"Will you return?"
The fear in his voice made her break the eye-contact to cradle his head again, burying her chin in the blond locks.
She knew what he was really asking. Will you come back to me?
She inhaled the unique scent of his scalp. Sweet and musky. Closing her eyes, she threaded her fingers through the sandy tresses, pulling them slightly in consent.
The End