This story is a bit AU. Neverland happened, but Pan never switched bodies with Henry, the curse didn't happen again etc., and there was no Zelena. So basically, life returned to normal after Neverland. This story is set some time after that.

There's some dark stuff in this one, just be wary. Some of it is more from Emma's point of view.

WARNING: Mentions of attempted suicide.

Chapter 5

Present Day

The doorbell rang. When Regina opened the door she found Henry standing there with a frustrated look on his face.

"Henry?" she looked at him, confused. Henry's glare ceased immediately as he saw just how much pain she was in and how much she'd been crying. He sighed. She wasn't going to like his suggestion. Well, more of a demand really.

"Mom," he said before wrapping his arms around her waist. She almost collapsed at the touch. She needed Henry to love her now more than ever. He pulled away and without preamble began. "You need to come and visit Emma."

She looked taken aback and panicked. "Come on, Mom. She probably won't even be awake. I don't care what happened between you two. Come and see Emma." His tone indicated he wasn't taking no for an answer. Regina nodded weakly and let herself be led out of the house. They drove to the hospital, and found Snow and David already around Emma's bed.

Snow looked almost murderous as Regina entered but a look from Henry silenced her. "Can she…just be alone with Emma for a few minutes?" he pleaded. "Please." Snow was about to protest but David cut in. "We'll be outside." He led Snow out by the arm and Henry followed, shutting the door so they could have privacy.

Snow rounded on them both immediately. "Are you insane? What do you think you're doing? She caused this! She-"

"Grandma," Henry stopped her. "I know. I know she did. But you're forgetting something." Snow looked at him quizzically. He looked back sadly. "She knows. She knows it was her fault. She's suffering enough, trust me."

At this, Snow quietened. Henry had a point. Regina was likely suffering the most having been the cause of it all. "Fine," she gritted her teeth. "But she doesn't get to be alone with Emma for long." Henry smiled back up at her. "They both need to heal," he said quietly. "Hopefully this is the beginning."

Regina approached Emma's bed, tears welling in her eyes. She took in Emma's paleness, thinness and evident weariness. She stroked Emma's cheek and tucked a loose strand of blonde hair behind her ears. "Oh Emma," she choked before dissolving completely into tears.

"Emma, I am so so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. Or maybe I did, but not this much. I was protecting myself. I was so selfish, I know that now. I never deserved the love you gave me."

Regina looked over Emma's body and hesitated before taking her hand. The blonde was fast asleep.

"I–I love you, Emma. So much. I think I have for a while. I was just too scared to see it or let you in, and I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for ruining what we had, and hurting you in the process. I will try and make this up to you. I'm not sure I ever will, but I will never be so cruel ever again. I'm still scared, but it's nothing compared with the fear of losing you. I'm not sure if you'll ever forgive me, and I don't know where we will be, but I hope at least we can be friends. I love you, my dear Emma."

Regina let go of Emma's hand, tears streaming down her face. She backed away slowly from the bed and then left the room, walking silently away from the Charmings and Henry, only stopping when she reached the bathroom. Once there, Regina let the tears fall again as she tried to deal with her conflicting emotions.

2 days ago

Emma slowly became aware of her body. She noticed an ache that seemed to permeate every fibre of her being, and groaned slightly at it.

Slightly confused at the noises that were happening around her, Emma noticed a steady beeping sound. She wondered what it could be, and then she remembered.

The pills.

Had she succeeded? Was it all over? Emma opened one eye only to be met by a bright light. She quickly shut it, before trying again.

The light faded slowly, and eventually her surroundings came into view. She lifted her head and looked around, horror and dread swirling in her stomach. She was in the hospital, which meant–

She'd failed.

If the beep of the machine indicated anything, it was that she was still alive. Emma sat up quickly, causing the beeping to quicken. She looked around the room in fear. How long had she been in here? It looked like it was getting lighter outside, which meant it was either the next morning or days later.

Before she could rip out the tubes on her arm and run, Dr Whale came into the room followed by some nurses, who were carrying various trays of 'examining' instruments. Mostly it looked like they were going to check Emma over and take some blood samples.

"Ah, Miss Swan," said Whale, his stoic face ever present, "you're awake. Good."

"What the hell, Whale?" Emma spat out.

The man in question was unfazed by her outburst and merely frowned. "You gave everyone a bit of a scare, Miss Swan. You are still alive, and your family is very worried about you. They've been waiting for hours, but I wanted to make sure you woke first before relaying the news."

Emma's thoughts were running about a hundred miles an hour. She'd failed, which meant that her family were going to know. They were going to know the pain Emma was in. And–Oh no.

They were going to ask why. They were going to look at her with sadness and a million other emotions Emma couldn't deal with. They were going to make sure she 'got better' and watch her every moment of the day. She was going to have to deal with everything again, yet it would be a million times worse.

The voice in her head told her to try again. They won't miss you, it said. They only brought you here as a smokescreen. Your parents won't want to deal with you now. Not with a new baby on the way. All they want is to raise a child from birth; they don't want some washed-up excuse of a person for a daughter. And Regina? She doesn't care. She's ignored you for the last month. You let her into your heart and she destroyed you from the inside out. And Henry's just a kid. He doesn't understand. He won't be able to deal with you. Soon enough, he'll grow tired of you and leave, just like everyone in your life. He'll see what a mess you are, and that you aren't fit to be a mother. You aren't fit to be anything. Just end it now. It will be easier for everyone. Do. It. Now.

She couldn't watch as people pretended to care for her. She couldn't see them all leave again when they thought her to be 'well enough'. She couldn't go through being abandoned again.

"No!" Emma yelled, tears running down her face. She looked round frantically and her eyes zeroed in on the nearest sharp object she could see. It was a scalpel on one of the trays a nurse had brought in. She reached for it, bringing it up to her wrists.

She started to cut but a strong hand grabbed her wrist and pulled it away. She felt other hands restraining her and the next thing Emma knew was that everything was going fuzzy again, even as she thrashed about and tried to escape.

The nurses and Whale had been startled by her sudden yell, and by the time they'd shaken out of it Emma had grabbed the scalpel. Whale lunged and grabbed Emma's hand just as she started to make a cut while the other nurses held Emma back and one administered a sedative.

Whale shook his head as Emma faded from consciousness and ordered the nurses to remove anything sharp from the room. It was saddening to see Emma like this. He prepared himself to go and talk to her family, who were waiting anxiously outside, not knowing what to say about their obviously troubled daughter.

Emma woke again, quicker this time. She knew where she was before she opened her eyes. The beeping noise gave it all away. She reluctantly opened her eyes before sitting up again.

She felt a little woozy, and realised she had been sedated. She inspected the cut on her arm. It was barely there; Whale had grabbed the scalpel before she'd made any real damage. Looking around the room, Emma noticed everything sharp had been removed.

Before she could make a run for it again, Whale came in. It was like he could predict when she would wake and bolt. He didn't seem so cocky this time; he actually looked slightly concerned.

"Miss Swan." It wasn't said with his usual arrogance or bite. He sounded…cautious.

"What do you want Whale? I'm not in the mood for games. I'm guessing by the way I feel that I've been sedated. Not a cool move, I'm just saying."

He seemed to get angry for a moment, but calmed himself and spoke in an even tone. "You tried to hurt yourself again, Emma. It was for your own good. And in any case, it saved you from having to encounter your parents earlier today."

Emma blanched. "They were in here?" At his nod, she shook her head and ran her hands through her hair frantically. "No no no no, this is not happening. Oh god, no. Why the hell did you let them in?"

"They requested it. Your parents were very persistent and very worried. And they had good reason to be. Now, just so you know, you're under suicide watch until further notice." A kindly looking nurse followed him into the room and nodded in Emma's direction before sitting down on an available chair and proceeding to read.

Emma sighed. She knew she couldn't get away with anything now. She was going to be watched like a hawk for a long time to come, she knew. Just like last time. But like before, she thought no one would care after a certain point.

She slumped back on her chair, trying to push the sadness away and feel nothing. But she was unsuccessful. The tears pricked at her eyes. Eventually Whale left and she was left to turn her head away from the nurse and resume her silent crying. She'd been doing it for so long it was like second nature.

Present Day

Snow, David, Henry and Regina were all in the waiting room again. Whale had requested to see them to discuss Emma.

He came out to greet them and drew up a chair, facing the four.

"I want to discuss Emma," he began. "She is physically fine now. It is normal hospital policy to release someone after a few days if they are physically well. While Emma may feel a bit tired, that is all that will trouble her physically. But I want to speak with you all." He eyed the four, who looked a bit relieved at his words. He sighed.

"Keeping Emma here won't help with her mental recovery, in fact I think it will hinder it. But the question remains at where she will go." He held up a hand as Snow opened her mouth. "She will need round the clock supervision for a while. This can't happen again. I don't know where the best place is for her, and I doubt she'll be willing to return to any of your homes." His gaze flickered over Regina, then the Charmings.

"I'm sorry if it hurts, but it's the truth. Emma needs to heal, and I don't see that happening where she has a reminder of everything that contributed to where she is now. I think that ultimately it should be Emma's decision where she goes, but I think you should figure out some suitable arrangements in the most likely case that she won't live with any of you."

They nodded, and he hesitated again. "Emma…doesn't have a wish of seeing any of you right now. Except Henry. She might change her mind in a few days, but for now I think you should all go home. There's no use in staying here when you won't be able to see her."

Snow and David looked downcast as they nodded in acknowledgement. Henry seemed distressed but glad that his mother still wanted to see him. Regina retained an impassive mask, but behind it were flickers of guilt and fear.

"Ok then," said David quietly. "Lets go grab some food now and go home. If Emma doesn't want to see us…then we have to respect that. We'll bring Henry tomorrow."

All four stood up, and there was a moment of awkwardness as to where Henry would go. Regina spoke first, bending down slightly so that she was at Henry's level. "Henry, I think you should stay with your grandparents tonight." At his worried look, she tried to smile reassuringly. "I will be fine dear. I'm under no illusions that this isn't my fault, and I just need some time to deal with that. Besides, I don't want to argue with everyone any more, and I think this is the best way to avoid that. But I would love for you to come home as soon as you wish. I know you all want to be together right now, so I'm not going to get in the way of that. "

Henry nodded and then hugged her tightly. "Ok Mom. But it would be better if we were all together, including you."

She merely hugged him tighter. "Henry, I love you so much, but I don't think that's going to help right now."

Henry nodded, stepping back. "Ok, I love you too." Then he, Snow and David left, and Regina went back home, alone.

Emma was idly picking at her blankets when Whale came in. "Good evening," he said pleasantly. She raised an eyebrow at him. Whale was never pleasant. Creepy and a bit of an ass? Sure. But nice? No.

"What do you want, Whale?" Emma asked, scepticism clear in her voice.

He sighed a little before speaking. "Well, Emma. We have some things to discuss. You have physically recovered, so you should be fine to be released in a few days."

"W-what?" Emma's thoughts were racing a million miles a second. She hadn't really thought about that. That would mean she would have to go home. But where was home? It wasn't at Regina's any more. It wasn't really at her parent's house. She didn't want to see any of them except Henry. She'd made that clear. But where was she going to go?

"Relax, Emma," said Whale, clearly sensing her discomfort. "Nothing has been decided yet. Ultimately the decision is yours. I've asked your family to come up with some arrangements as I guessed you wouldn't want to go with them. They were a little hurt but promised they would figure something out."

The tension in Emma's body released as she heard this. She wasn't going to be forced to live with her parents. Thank goodness. She couldn't even see them now; living with them would be ridiculous.

"Oh and also," Whale began casually, "there's going to be someone checking up on you at regular intervals. Just to make sure you're alright. It's policy."

Emma scoffed. "Since when was that policy? I don't need a babysitter, Whale."

"There are some who disagree, Emma. You may not like it, but it's happening."

Emma rolled her eyes. "Oh great. Just what I needed. Some old hag coming round to my house every few hours and making me answer all these ridiculous questions like How are you feeling? And Do you feel well today? And Any strange thoughts as of late? Seriously, the calming tea they make you drink tastes like vomit. Gross."

Emma realised how much she'd said when Whale's eyes widened and he gave her a curious look. "How do you know the questions they ask, Emma? How do you know what happens after a situation like this?"

Emma guessed he'd already figured it out but chose to feign ignorance. "Just a guess. Well, I'm really tired right now, so I'm going to sleep. Later Whale." With that she lay down and closed her eyes, not daring to move until she heard him leave the room.

"Damn it," she mumbled, berating herself for the slip.

Outside, Whale was on the phone. "Get me Emma Swan's hospital records. Yes from outside Storybrooke. That's none of your business, just get it done. Good." He hung up with a grimace and walked down the corridor and out of sight.