Three:
New Beginnings

Of course, Harry had a driver and security officers. She wasn't certain she could say any of what she wanted to with a security officer sitting across from them in the limo. Of course, it was a stretch limo, not even a normal one. The Director General of MI-5 was clearly too important to take a normal hire car or a cab.

It was surreal, the drive to the hotel – holding Harry's hand and just looking out the window as uptown Manhattan disappeared behind them and they crawled into midtown. They stopped outside the back entrance to the St. Regis, and Ruth felt more than slightly faint. He and the girls were luxuriating in a hotel that charged more per night than her monthly rent; how could she compete? She didn't look like she belonged there, belonged with him…

"Ruth, come inside," Harry said softly. "Rose and Daisy are waiting for me."

She hesitated only a moment longer, then took his professed hand and let him guide her from the car and inside. They were escorted by six men and women who were probably armed to the teeth, and she wondered briefly if this is how the President felt.

"I've got two suites booked," he said. "The Imperial and the Presidential." He paused. "I suppose Jamie will be staying with us in the Presidential –"

"No, Jamie will be staying with me in my apartment," Ruth said softly. "Harry, I can't stay here."

The silence became awkward, until he said, "My security team will balk at me staying with you in Brooklyn."

"Then we're at an impasse," she said. "Not that we have room for anymore people in the apartment, anyway."

"Why won't you stay here?" he asked.

She sighed. "Because this is… too much."

"It's being paid for by Whitehall –"

"Harry," she said, "that's not the point. If this is what they give you in order for you to pick me up and bring me home, what about home?"

He blushed a little and said, "Well… we don't have the Rover anymore, or the old sedan. They've been replaced by a Bentley and a Rolls."

She blinked at him. "What?"

"All right, a Bentley and a Jaguar. The Rolls was excessive."

"Harry!"

The elevator stopped and he said, "Ruth, I'm joking. Nothing has changed at home, aside from the cars. And those only because the Home Office insisted."

"Do you do everything the Home Office insists?" she asked.

"When it pertains to the safety of my family, without hesitation," he said firmly. He stopped in front of a door and his security officer knocked on the door. A moment later, it opened, revealing another security officer who smiled at Harry. "Good morning, Irene – are my daughters finally up and around?"

"Yes, daddy," came a sweet, low voice. "Where did you go? Irene wouldn't tell us –"

"We ordered breakfast hours ago," came another voice, much higher in pitch and more melodic. "Have you eaten, dad?"

"You shouldn't worry about me," Harry said, stepping into the entry way. "I've just been out fetching a gift for you. It took a bit of persuasion, but…" He gestured for Ruth to join him. "Girls…"

Rose gasped and hurtled herself across the room as soon as she saw her mother. "OH MUM!" she shrieked, her high voice becoming positively shrill with excitement and pleasure. "I've missed you so much –" She flung herself into Ruth's waiting arms, beginning to cry.

Ruth, for her part, couldn't do anything more than hold her daughter. She couldn't see through the curtain of tears that had erupted from her, could barely breathe for the emotion that welled up within her. "Oh, Rosie," she choked out. "I've missed you, too – so very, very much, my love."

Daisy came over and took her dad's hand in hers. "Did she miss me, too?" she asked very quietly, not seeming to know how to play second fiddle.

"Of course I missed you, my silly girl," Ruth blubbered, releasing her hold on Rose long enough to pull Daisy into her arms and crush her. "I missed you both so much –" She kissed Daisy and Rose over and over again, hating all of their missed moments, not knowing when Rose had gotten so tall and so very thin, nor knowing when Daisy's hair had lightened to a strawberry blonde. Daisy was still shorter than Ruth was, and very curvaceous for a fifteen year old. Rose, at eighteen, was as tall as Harry was and willow branch thin, but with perfectly proportioned curves that she'd obviously inherited from her mother. "My god, look at you two – you're so grown up," she whispered.

Daisy smiled a little and said, "Mum, you look so different…"

"I look so different?" Ruth teased.

Harry cleared his throat. "Are you two ready to leave?"

"Where are we going?" Rose asked, immediately grabbing her coat and purse.

"We're going to where your mum is living," Harry said.

"Are you coming home with us?" Daisy asked Ruth, refusing to let go of her.

"Maybe," Ruth said softly. "It depends on how quickly we can get some paperwork done. If it's not when you go back, it will be soon. I promise."

Daisy looked at Harry. "What paperwork, dad?"

Harry cleared his throat. "Never you mind," he said. "Your mum and I will be speaking to several parties about it. Now get your coat, Daisy."

Daisy ran to get her coat – a white and black plaid wool peacoat with a bright red beret and gloves – and came back obediently. "May I sit with you in the car, mummy?" she asked eagerly, still sounding so much like the little girl she had been.

"No," Harry said firmly. "You and Rose will sit across with Ray and Irene. I will sit with your mother."

Ruth looked at him, incredulous. "Excuse me? Are you honestly going to sit there and dictate what's going to happen in the car like some kind of bloody Winston Churchill, Henry James Pearce? I'll bloody sit by whom I like, I'll have you know –" Harry silenced her with a kiss that was just barely on the side of decency.

"Dad, get your tongue back in your mouth," Rose scolded. "Don't you dare give Daisy any more ideas."

Harry pulled back and blinked at Ruth, as if startled by the intensity of their desire. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to –"

Ruth blushed and smiled. "Not in front of the children," she murmured. "Let's go – I'm suddenly quite anxious to get home."

The drive was a blur – all they did was talk and smile, happiness radiating throughout the car. Rose was going to start at Oxford in the fall, reading Classics like Ruth had. When Ruth asked why she wasn't already doing it, Rose had hesitated and looked at Harry, then gotten very quiet. Daisy immediately took over the conversation and started to talk about her friends and her boyfriend. And Ruth suddenly knew what Rose had meant by Harry not giving Daisy anymore ideas.

She was not ready to have teenagers: in her mind, Ruth's daughters were still on the cusp of teenaged, not the semi-adults that they had become. It was quite jarring, the fissure between her mental image and reality.

They pulled up to the curb outside her building, taking up most of the street-side parking. Ruth didn't even wait for the security officers, just burst out of the car and hurried to the door. There wasn't a doorman, and it was a walk up five stories to a two-bedroom apartment, but it was home. And Jamie was waiting for her.

When she let herself into the apartment, she heard Ellen reading in melodious French to Jamie, who was joining in with her excited voices. "Bonjour, Jamie!" Ruth called.

The reading stopped and the little boy tore out of the living room. "Mummy!" he cried. "Why are you home so soon?" He flung his little arms around her legs.

"Because I had to see you, my love," she murmured, picking him up and hugging him tightly. She gave him a kiss and smiled. "I have a surprise for you, Jamie."

"A good surprise or a bad one?" Jamie asked suspiciously. "Brussell sprouts were a bad one."

She laughed and kissed him again. "A good surprise," Ruth murmured. "Do you remember when I told you about your daddy Harry?" Jamie nodded and watched her intently. "And your sisters Rose and Daisy?" He nodded again. "They're here to meet you."

Jamie stared at her warily. "Why haven't they come before?" he asked with that taciturn almost anti-socialness of his.

"Because," Ruth said gently. "Remember I told you that your daddy and I love each other very much but had to live in different places?"

"New York and London," he said softly.

She nodded. "Daddy didn't know I had you," she said. "He didn't know you were in my tummy when I left – and neither did I. You're very special, James Henry," Ruth murmured. "You're our very special boy – and your daddy came to see you as soon as I told him about you."

"My daddy is here? Really?" Jamie asked very quietly. When Ruth nodded and gave his chubby cheek another kiss, he smiled. "Mummy, what if daddy doesn't love me?"

"He does," Ruth promised. "Of course he does – why wouldn't he love our special boy?"

"Will you be there?" Jamie asked shyly.

"I will," she murmured. "I will be there always, Jamie."

Ellen watched the exchange, then spoke up. "Should I make some coffee, then, or some tea?"

"You don't have to," Ruth said, "nor do you have to run off and lock yourself away, Ellen."

There was a hesitant knock on the front door, and Ruth moved down the entryway to open it. "Welcome to our home," she said softly, leading the way to the living room, Jamie still in her arms. He was watching the new arrivals with nervous, shy interest, but hid away in her shoulder as soon as he and Harry made eye contact. "It's not much."

Ellen smiled. "Hi, I'm Ellen – do you want some tea or coffee or Coke?"

"If it's not too much trouble, I'll help make a coffee," Rose said, following Ellen into the shoebox that was the kitchen.

Daisy looked around and said, "It's very small, mum."

"And there's four of us here," Ruth said cheerfully. "But we make do."

Daisy smiled at Jamie when he looked up at her. "Hello, there," she said. "What's your name, love? Is he Ellen's? He's lovely –"

"My name is Jamie," Jamie spoke up quietly. "Are you my sister Rose or my sister Daisy?"

Daisy stared at her mother. "I'm… I'm Daisy," she stammered.

Jamie smiled at his sister and said, "You're pretty, Daisy."

Harry laughed and said, "Yes, she is, isn't she?" He came closer and reached over to stroke the little boy's hair. "Hello, Jamie. I'm Harry."

Jamie hesitated a moment, pulling away from him, then said, "Daddy Harry?"

Harry nodded and echoed, "Daddy Harry."

"Mummy, let me down," Jamie murmured. "I gotta show daddy Harry my teddy Harry."

Ruth let the struggling boy down to the floor, and he ran off to the bedroom. When he came back, he had the old fuzzy teddy bear that had seen better days in his hands. "Daddy Harry, this is my teddy – his name is Harry, too," Jamie announced. "Wanna hold him?"

"I would love to hold him," Harry said, accepting the toy, understanding that it was important to the little boy that he did.

Ruth said, "He doesn't let anyone hold his bear. Not even me. I have to wait till he's asleep to wash Harry Bear up."

Jamie was looking at Harry expectantly. Harry smiled down at him and passed the bear back to the small boy's waiting arms. "He's a very good bear," Harry said softly. "He takes good care of you."

Jamie nodded. "Mummy said he's for when I don't have my daddy. But you're here now."

"I am here now," Harry agreed. "And I don't ever want to be apart from you and your mummy again."

The boy's face lit up and he clung to Ruth's leg. "Mummy, did you hear that?" he whispered.

Ruth nodded and ruffled his hair. "I did," she murmured.

Jamie shyly said, "Daddy, can I have a hug? I like hugs; mummy says hugs are the best because you can feel the other person's heart beating."

Harry shared a meaningful look with Ruth, and she bit her lip. Then he knelt down and opened his arms, murmuring, "Jamie, come here and give me a hug, please?"

The little boy released his mother and took the few steps to fall into his father's arms. He hugged Harry as tightly as his little arms would allow, and then he smiled. "I never had a daddy before," he said in quiet wonder.

"Will you show me your room and your things?" Harry asked softly. Jamie nodded and took his hand eagerly, all but dragging him from the room.

As soon as they were gone, Daisy rounded on Ruth, betrayal in her eyes. "You just had another kid to replace us, then?" she asked, her voice clipped and full of anxious hurt. "How could you, mum?"

Ruth felt dreadful, like she'd been punched in the gut. "I would never replace any of you," she said very quietly. "Never –"

"Then what's this?"

Ruth hesitated. "Daisy, we'd been trying to have another baby for over a year, and we were about to give up. I had an in vitro implantation done only a couple of days before I had to leave – I never thought it would actually succeed when the others had failed," she said honestly. "And once I knew, there was no going back; I wasn't going to let anything happen if I could help it. And your brother is an amazing, very special boy. Just as you and Rose are incredibly special, strong women. I would never try to replace any of you because I just couldn't possibly do it."

Rose came out of the kitchen with a mug of coffee and a thoughtful look on her face. "I almost died," she said very quietly. "About a year ago. A man named Mani kidnapped us; he said you and dad knew where some very valuable cargo from Baghdad was and that if daddy didn't tell where it was, we would all die one by one."

Ruth's hand flew to her mouth, but she couldn't say anything: what could you possibly say to that?

"His thugs killed Ginny," Rose continued. "And I was next."

"Oh god, please tell me he didn't –"

Rose shook her head, almost imperceptibly. "No, daddy didn't break," she said very quietly. "But I was so scared, mum. They had a gun to my head and… and Uncle Malcolm talked him down. The man who was going to shoot me. But all that time, I was sat there, thinking I'd never get to see my mum again." The tiny, vulnerable side that her daughter exuded made Ruth feel so very, very guilty for not having been there. "Mani was very mad that you'd managed to hide yourself so well from him," Rose said with a little smile. "He slapped me when I said it was because you're the best spook there was, and it was so worth it."

"But I'm not," Ruth said very softly. "I'm just a teacher –"

"No," Rose said simply. "You're my mum. And that's enough."

Ruth was careful not to jostle the mug as she took Rose into her arms, knowing how difficult it was for her to talk about what had happened. "I love you and your brother and sister more than I can ever say," she whispered. "And I never wanted to leave you. Not ever."

Rose nodded and whispered, "I know. Daddy said you didn't have a choice."

"I didn't," Ruth said softly. "But now I do."

Daisy said, "What's that, then?"

"Whether I stay here tonight or go back to the hotel with you lot," Ruth said softly. "Either way, my intention is to go home with you as soon as Jamie and I can."

Daisy joined the embrace and held on for dear life. When Harry and Jamie came back into the room, Jamie said, "Mummy, my turn, please? Please don't cry, mummy – you're s'posed'a be happy!"

But even as they all held one another in a large group hug with Jamie and Ruth at the center, she couldn't help but cry for all the time they'd lost. She couldn't help but cry, thinking that her girls had ever doubted how much she loved them. She couldn't help but feel nervous and upset and emotionally exhausted by everything that had happened.

But Jamie's dimples on full display as he smiled happily at his father and sisters for the first time made it all so much better.

END PART THREE