It Aint Pretty
I was scared of telling anyone what was going on. So when I had gotten to the border of La Push, the first person I had called was Sue. I knew I could trust Sue. I knew I could tell her anything and she wouldn't tell anyone; I knew she wouldn't tell Jake.
"Bailey? Are you okay?" I shook my head and covered my mouth with my sleeve and tried to keep tears back. I was trying and I was failing.
"Bailey?" A second voice came from behind Sue's and I pulled away and in my blurry vision, barely made out the image of Seth. He was standing outside of the car and was looking at his mom and me, worry in his eyes.
"Seth give us a minute." Seth ignored his mom and took more cautious steps towards us.
"Is it something he did?" I forgot that Edward was still there until Seth started shaking. I looked back at Edward.
"I'll tell Carlisle to give you a call." I nodded and looked back towards Sue and Seth. Seth was still glaring at Edward and still shaking, but he had calmed down.
"Are you okay?" Sue brought me back to the present and she brought me back to the realities. I was sick. I was positive. My hair was falling out and I may lose Jake.
I shook my head and wrapped my arms around Sue's frame when she pulled me into a hug. I let out a few sobs and felt warm, moist tears falling down my face and onto Sue's clothes. I could see the wet spots on her shirt, and I could see Seth in the background looking awkward.
"I'm not okay." Sue gave me a squeeze and I started to feel better, being able to release some of my emotions.
"Do you want to go home or come back to our place?" I pulled away and brushed stray tears and sniffled. I wanted to go somewhere but I couldn't go home. I couldn't go back to Jake yet. I knew that if I saw him in this condition, I would break down. I needed some time to just soak in this information before I told Jake.
"Okay. Come on. We'll go. Seth you can't tell anyone." Seth nodded and got into the backseat of Sue's vehicle, even though he was squished, he never complained.
I got in and buckled up, still feeling like I could shed the water works, but feeling better. I knew that this was going to be an uphill battle and I wasn't even sure what my chances were, but I knew that I was going to fight. I was going to fight my hardest and despite what may happen, I wasn't going to just give in and give up.
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I was wide awake in the middle of the night. Jake was out on patrol and I was stuck at home by myself. I knew that Jake wouldn't be back until the early morning and that gave me about 4 hours to do what I wanted. I knew I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep, so I decided to go for a drive.
I pulled on some sweats and one of Jake's old hoodies and got into my car and drove. I had no idea where I wanted to go, but I was just going to go. I just wanted to go…somewhere.
I turned on the radio, and cranked up the volume, letting the music fill the space in the car. I needed an escape, a distraction. I needed someone to talk to. I needed answers. I need to be better.
"When you feel my heat, look into my eyes. It's where my demons hide, it's where my demons hide. Don't get too close. It's where my demons hide, it's where my demons hide." I had to stop the car on the side of the highway. I parked the car and covered my face with my hands and started to cry.
I was angry that this had happened to me; happened to Jake. I was angry that the treatments may not work, I was angry at the fact that I had such a good life ahead of me, and it could get ripped away from me. It could get taken away.
"Dammit!" I swore and started hitting the steering wheel with my hand, feeling like this is the only way that I could get my anger out. I was so fucking angry at the situation and I hadn't even told Jake yet.
"This is not supposed to happen to me!" I quit hitting the steering wheel and got out of the car and started pacing back and forth beside my car. There were so many emotions running through me, and it was really starting to make me feel lost. I didn't know what to feel and I didn't know how to deal with every emotion.
After a few minutes of me, standing outside my car, letting my anger out, I got back in my car. I started it and flipped the drivers mirror down and stared at my reflection in the small rectangle piece of glass.
I was tired and my eyes were red because of the crying, but beside the tiredness, I could see my old self. The one who had no other concerns other than graduating and being with Jake for the rest of my life. The girl who had wanted kids with Jake, a little girl and a little boy. The girl who had dreamed of her wedding day since she was little.
My thoughts went from myself to Jake. Jake had fought vampires, a newborn army and he had come out a winner. But this was something that Jake would not be able to fight just by being a werewolf. This was not something supernatural that he and the pack could fight. This was a different fight. Jake wouldn't be able to do anything. Jake wouldn't be able to make this go away. Jake couldn't protect me from this.
This was something that wouldn't just affect me. This would affect Jake, Bella, Charlie and who knows who else. I needed to start telling people. I needed to tell Jake. Jake needed to know.