It Aint Pretty
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I knew I needed to tell Jake. I knew I did. But having him sit across from me, talking about a trip he thought we needed to take, or him going on about how we were going to one day get married, and then to burst his bubble by saying that I was sick, very sick, wouldn't be fair to him. But it wouldn't be fair to not tell him.
I was stuck between a cliff and a waterfall, so to speak, and no matter what I chose, I would be going over.
"Emily's having a party Friday. She wants us to come." I nodded and finished eating my dinner, finding that it was hard to swallow, like a pill.
"I can't wait." I tried to smile, I tried to make it seem like nothing was wrong, but everything seemed to be going wrong.
"Are you okay?" I looked up at Jake, looked into his eyes, and lied right to his face.
"Yes." Jake smiled and kept eating, and I looked down at my food, feeling sicker than ever, at lying right to his face. I knew that every couple lied but this was Jake, my best friend, the person I was supposed to be spending the rest of my life with.
"That's great Bailey." I nodded and shoved food in my mouth to stop myself from spilling everything right now. I wanted it to be at the right moment. I needed to tell him soon, that I knew, but I needed it to be a good time. Not like this.
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There were people everywhere. They were celebrating Kim and Jared's engagement. There were faces passing back and forth, mingling and talking, and then there was me. I was leaning on the cupboards in the kitchen, just watching and observing people as they came and gone. There were times when I would completely tune everything out and drift into my thoughts, only to be brought back by a tap on the shoulder or a pinch on the arm.
There were times when the noises around me got so loud that it made my head pound and ache. I often went back and forth between the two.
"Hey! I haven't seen you all night!" Kim pulled me into a hug and I tightly hugged her back. I was happy for her and Jared. I was ecstatic that they were going to be getting married.
"Congratulations Kim!" I found it easier to fake normal around others, than it was for Jake. That took real effort.
"Thank you! I couldn't believe it when Jared had asked! Isn't the ring just beautiful?" I nodded and smiled at Kim. She was so bubbly and happy, it was clear to see that she had never been happier. The ring that sparkled on Kim's finger was beautiful.
It was simple yet beautiful. It was white gold with two infinity shapes on both sides, that hugged and outlined a single diamond. It made the diamond pop and it really suited Kim. She wasn't the type of person that liked overly shiny and expensive things.
"I love it Kim. Really." Soon Kim left after saying goodbye and made her way around the house, socializing with other people that attended.
"You wanna come to the beach? They're starting a bonfire and they're going to tell the legends." There were two new members of the pack. Brady and Collin, both 13 and both much smaller than the other guys in the pack.
"Sure." I set my drink down and grabbed Jake's hand and followed him out of the house and down to the beach. I loved the beach. I loved the sand between my toes and the feel of the water on my feet.
"I love you Bailey. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you. We will you know." I looked at Jake and smiled. He was my very best friend and he knew so much about me. So much more than I knew about myself.
"I love you to Jacob Black." Jake stopped walking and turned to me. He bent down and kissed me, and I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my body against his. I deepened the kiss and Jake responded by wrapping his arms around my waist.
It was a perfect moment and everything in the world melted away. There was just me and him. The sound of the waves and the slight breeze. The feel of his lips against mine. Everything was perfect right in this moment.
"Hey Jake! Come play soccer!" The moment ended with Jake pulling back and laughing. He pulled away and gave me a quick kiss, before running towards his brothers.
I walked over to the fire that was now built and sat down on a log. The fire was warm and welcoming and I enjoyed the heat that flickered and warmed my toes.
"How are you? Sue said you were upset?" Emily sat beside me and she wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me into her. I rest my head against her shoulder and sighed.
"Things are complicated, Em." I felt someone brush up against me, and Sue was on the other side, giving Emily and me a smile.
"We're here to talk." I knew I should've told Jake first, but I was scared. I needed to talk to someone and Edward and Carlisle weren't exactly the best people to talk to when it came to being sick. They were going to be living for forever.
"I…I'm sick. Sue, Emily, I'm not well." I had learned that there were certain ways I could style my hair to cover the bald spots. And now, I was going to show them.
I pulled my hair from my pony tail and shook it out. I moved it out of the way and let them see the smooth skin coloured area that was my scalp. It was big and ugly and it was my skin tone that shone against my dark hair.
"Bailey is that…" Sue reached up and touched the area. She didn't say anything, but just touched it and stared. I didn't know if she was in shock or what was going through her mind.
"I have cancer." That was the first time I had actually come out and said it. It was hard for me to say because it made it real. I had thought that if I hadn't said it, it wouldn't seem real. Maybe it would go away and I would wake up from this bad dream.
"Bailey…" Two sets of arms wrapped around me. I felt like the floodgates had opened because I couldn't hold back tears.
"I'm so scared. I'm terrified. I don't know what to do or think. I haven't even told Jake yet." They didn't say anything, they just hugged me and let me cry. They gave me comfort that I really needed.
"You need to tell him." It was a few minutes of silence, other than me crying, when Emily had spoken up. I knew I had to tell him. I knew that. I just didn't know how.
"How do I tell him something like this? How do I tell him that I am sick and my hair is falling out? How do I tell Jake?"
"You sit him down and you tell him straight out. You hug him and your cry on his shoulder and you just try and get it all out. Then you fight it together. You fight this and you win." I nodded and wiped away the moisture from under my eyes and sniffled.
"Thank you."
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