Chapter 18

Here it is, Robson. As a small note, this chapter happens concurrently with the prior three chapters. Laura hasn't been locked in the bathroom for hours.

Laura looked in the mirror not quite able to meet her own eyes. There weren't many times in her life that she'd been ashamed of her actions but it felt like they were all linked to Malcolm Tucker. She thought back to that night at Robbie's flat when he'd asked her who she was. She should have told him the whole story then. She should have given him the chance to walk away, to run away.

If he'd walked away then she might have been able to recover. When he walked away now, it would devastate her. She had no one to blame but herself. She should have shared everything with him. Now when she told him it would be a betrayal. In some ways, it had always been a betrayal. She turned away from the mirror and stepped into the shower. There was no sense in delaying the inevitable.

Robbie puttered around the downstairs waiting for Laura. James' words echoed in his brain, "Don't go to her. Let her come to you."

He had agreed but hadn't realized how hard just waiting would be. It worried him that Laura believed she could tell him something that would make him stop loving her. He was disappointed in himself. Clearly he hadn't done a good enough job loving her if she thought there was anything she could do or say that would make him not love her.

He was pacing the living room when he heard the bedroom door open. He felt certain that this wasn't James had in mind when he said let her come to you. He grabbed a book and sat on the sofa. Opening the book he feigned a nonchalance he didn't feel.

Laura stood at the top of the stairs. She took a deep breath and held it. She hoped this wouldn't be the end of her relationship with Robbie but she would understand if he walked away and never looked back. She wasn't sure if she could forgive herself, much less expect him to forgive her.

Exhaling the breath she started down the stairs. At the bottom she looked around, seeing the light in the living room she turned in that direction. Robbie was relaxed on the sofa reading a book. Her breath caught at this picture of domestic calmness. She watched him for a moment burning this image into her mind. Finally with a deep breath she stepped into the room, "Good Morning."

Robbie looked up from his book and was heartbroken. He could see the anguish on her face. Putting the book aside he smiled at her, "Good morning, how about I make us some breakfast?"

"You haven't eaten?"

"No, James told me you were getting dressed, I wanted to wait for you."

Biting on her lower lip she nodded, "Thank you, breakfast would be nice. Can I help?"

Robbie stood and approached her tentatively, he wanted to pull her into his arms and tell her everything would be fine but after last night he was afraid, "I don't need help but I wouldn't say no to some company." He turned his body so he could slide past her in the doorframe without touching her. He didn't want to scare her again.

Laura watched him try to maneuver his way as far from her as he could and she almost cried. She'd caused this, she'd broken the easy comfort between them. She took a step back letting him have more room looking away from him as he walked past her.

Robbie saw her pull away then look away from him. His heart seized. It killed him that she was scared of him. He looked at her longingly for a moment before turning toward the kitchen. He held his breath hoping that she would follow him.

He entered the kitchen and started pulling things from the refrigerator. He didn't want to turn to see if she'd followed him so he raised his voice, "Do you have time for a bigger breakfast or do you just want toast and tea?"

Laura flinched at the edge of the kitchen. With a low voice she answered, "I have time."

Robbie turned to her, surprised that she had followed, "Sorry to have yelled, I wasn't sure you had followed me."

"It's OK." They stared at one another for what felt like an eternity. Finally Laura stepped into the kitchen, "I'll set the table."

Robbie set about making breakfast making sure he kept his distance. James' words echoing over and over in his head. The fear on her face the night before playing on a constant reel. He would let her come to him.

They ate breakfast in silence the only words spoken when Laura insisted on cleaning the kitchen. Robbie returned to his book. The words danced across the page. He was simply unable to focus as long as things were broken between them.

Laura cleaned the kitchen. She knew she needed to start the conversation but she didn't know how. How do you tell the man you love you aren't who he thinks you are? How do you break his heart? She looked around the kitchen at the home they had made together. This might have been her house but it wasn't until he moved in that it became her home. She couldn't tell him here, she couldn't destroy the sanctity of their home.

Robbie looked up when he heard her walk into the room. He could see the tension in her small frame. The only thing he wanted to do was take it from her, to hold her until she understood she was his home and nothing could change that. After Val died he'd been certain he would never have a home again. Laura had changed his thinking, she'd given him a place to call home. What would he do if she didn't want it with him anymore?

"Would you like to take a walk with me?"