Disclaimer: The show Victorious, its characters and other associated copyrights are property of someone else and not me.
Revenge of the Wolf
Chapter 14 – Bridge over Troubled Water.
Jade's POV
I got here 12 days ago and was unconscious for the first nine. My body is healing, but very slowly. Werewolves can regenerate very serious wounds in a matter of seconds. The sole exception is silver. Anything caused by that, can't be regenerated. But my body had taken so much damage and I was so close to death, that the whole system came to a near standstill. It's taken a while for my body to get back to healing normally and even now, it's much much slower than normal.
Even if I could get up and walk, I'm extremely weak. Right now, a 5 year old with a toy baseball bat would have no problem what so ever in beating me to death. Too bad, there's not one around, when you need one.
But my body hardly matters at the moment. Right now it's my mind. Every waking moment, I feel the pain, the depression, the remorse, the guilt. I'm practically drowning in it. I feel like I'm lost at sea, treading water and floating in the midst of a raging storm, during a starless night.
I try to keep above the waves and just manage to stay afloat, but each new wave threatens to send me under.
Jadelyn has been keeping me company, when she's not in class or going to auditions. She torments me a lot, constantly reminding me how stupid I was and how she would have seen through Margo's bullshit in a second. One thing she's been doing is putting my bedpan in the fridge before putting it under me. The fucking thing is ice cold; rotten bitch. Of course it doesn't help matters that she looks identical to me. I hate her more every day. If I do get out of bed, it's going to be to kill her.
I still haven't seen Victoria yet. Jadelyn says, I'm not ready yet. In that case, I think she's right.
Sometimes I wonder if I really am dead. That this is hell and my punishment is to lay helpless in this bed for all eternity, with Jadelyn as my tormentor.
If that's the case, I'd say the punishment is fitting.
On my 3rd day awake, I went to sleep hoping I the nightmares would stay away.
They didn't. Again I dreamed I killed her and happily walked hand in hand with Margo away.
The next morning, Jadelyn rolled in a TV into the bedroom. She propped me up a bit so I could see it and said she had a surprise for me.
It was seasons 3-9 of Invader Zim on DVD.
Yes boys and girls, you heard me right, seasons 3-9. In this particular universe, the best cartoon show of all time, was not canceled in the second season. In season 9, Zim is now in college, living in the dorms and trying to keep the truth from his roomate, Dib. It actually was a pleasant surprise. I'm told it was Victoria's idea and though it was nice gesture, I was far too depressed and guilt ridden to enjoy it.
That didn't stop me from watching it, as it could at least serve to help pass the time and occasionally distract me from the pain.
So over the next few days I watched that cartoons. Jadelyn offered the scissoring, but I had her turn if off after the first death It cause me to start to flash back to Tori.
So I just watched cartoons on dvd over the next few days. Invader Zim, Scooby Doo, though nothing with Scrappy Doo, whom I hate with the passion of a thousand burning suns, Johnny Bravo, Ren & Stimpy and the old Bug's bunny Cartoons. Jadelyn offered books and the like, but I only wanted to watch cartoons.
Jadleyn would come in, change the disks, feed me and of course, do her best to make me feel like crap. She'd frequently mock me and would usually refer to me as, the cripple.
Finally after me being awake after 6 days, she removed the cast. She said my bones should be healed now and I should try to get out of bed. I could move my arms and fingers so she was probably right. But I didn't care. I just lay there, watching cartoons and feeling more and more depressed.
2 more days past and I could tell Jadelyn was getting frustrated. She kept urging me to try and get up. She would alternate that with taunts about how stupid I was.
The next day which was my 9th day awake, day there, Jadelyn came in with a tray with breakfast and a sneer on her face.
"Well here it is, breakfast, for the useless, broken werewolf."
"Fuck you, just give me my breakfast, put on the dvd and leave me the hell alone!"
"So you can lay here in, eating our food, taking up our separate bedroom for yet another day. Get out of fucking bed."
"NO!"
With a clatter, Jadelyn slammed the tray down on the night stand. "I get it you're depressed and guilt ridden. But Tori's out there and lost and still you don't fucking care."
Jadelyn then pulled out a pair of scissors from her boot and stuck the point under my chin. "These are pure silver. All I would need to do is push this up and you'd die. Then I could get rid of you, you worthless piece of shit. You failed, your people, you failed your children, you failed Tori and do you even try to fix things. NO! You just lay here. Tell me right here and right now! DO YOU WANT TO DIE?"
I decided to push back and I did so with venom in my voice. "I hear when you first got mixed up with this parallel universe business; your precious Victoria had a wild threesome with the other Jade and Tori. You KNOW!, You'll never be able to satisfy her like that. You know every time you sleep with her, that pops into her mind. You're a real piece of work, why would Victoria or anyone else want to be with you. At least your mother had good sense to die after having you. She didn't have to put up with your shit!"
I had hit the mark and boy did I ever.
Her eyes suddenly growing ice cold, she pressed the point of the scissors into my skin to the point where it just broke the surface. For a moment I thought she was really going to kill me.
I realized something in that moment.
I didn't want to die.
The tense moment seemed to last forever, until Jadelyn screamed, took the breakfast tray and threw it against the wall. Now my breakfast was lying on the floor, amidst the broken dishes.
"FUCK YOU! I'M DONE!" She bellowed, just before she ran out of the room and slammed the door shut behind her.
At first I felt a strange sense of triumph but after an hour alone and the fact that I was starting to get hungry, it started to fade. Not to mention my bedpan needed changing.
2 more hours past and I didn't hear one sound out of the rest of the apartment.
Around Lunch, I called out for Jadelyn. There was no answer.
By 3 in the afternoon, my bedpan was full, I was starving and was pretty sure I'd been abandoned.
Suddenly hearing a noise in the apartment I called out and the door opened. Only it wasn't Jadelyn, it was Victoria.
While she wasn't my Tori, I know Tori's facial expressions well enough to quickly deduce she was furious. But I hardly had time to process that, as just seeing her, made me tremble.
Her face hard, Victoria walked up and slapped me..
"WHAT ON EARTH DID YOU SAY TO MY JADELYN! I GET OUT OF CLASS AND FIND JADELYN IN BED, STILL CRYING AND STILL UPSET. IT TOOK ME OVER AN HOUR TO CALM HER DOWN! ALL SHE SAID WAS THAT YOU'RE MEAN. WHAT DID YOU SAY?"
"I….I….I'm sorry, Tori." I bellowed as I burst into tears.
"Don't give me that. I'm not your Tori. Why is my Jadelyn so upset!"
"I taunted her about the threesome you had with the other Jade and Tori and how she'd never satisfy you like that. I also said her mother at least had the decency to die after having her." I said, continuing to cry.
A stream of obscenities in Spanish, all directed at me, erupted from Tori. Finally she switched to English.
"GOD DAM YOU! Jadelyn is horribly sensitive about 2 things. That threesome, which was a terrible mistake and her mother, who died 2 minutes after she was born. Don't you EVER, say anything like that again, or I'll deliver you to this Claudia, myself."
That was no idle threat either.
"She's been tormenting me, since I woke up! Constantly making me feel bad about how I screwed up."
"She did it because to make you angry, deliberately angry. To keep you from getting depressed. To try and motivate you to get up and get better. She chilled the bedpans so you might have a reason to get up and use a real toilet. Yes, her methods were crude, but she wants you to get better."
I'd never thought of that. Jadelyn was provoking me, to keep me angry. To keep me from sinking even deeper into depression. It was something I would do, if the situation were reversed. I just never saw it.
"Oh!"
The next thing I know, Victoria grabs me and shoves me out of bed. I quickly landed on the floor with a painful thud.
"Jade, no more bed pans, we have a bathroom. No more food delivered to your bedside. You want food; you'll find it in the kitchen. You are going to get up, you're going to walk and you're going to apologize to the woman I love. I'm done with your self-pity bullshit. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to attend to Jadelyn."
Then I was alone.
Just seeing Victoria, the exact image of my Tori, deeply shook me up. But to have her angry with me, really cut to the bone. I should have realized what Jadelyn was doing and now I've destroyed her. Yet another one of my casualties.
For almost an hour lay there on the floor, feeling terrible.
Eventually the gnawing in my stomach, which I've been aware of all day got to the point where I simply couldn't ignore it anymore.
I admit it was simply hunger that made me try and get up. I put my hands out and tried to push up, getting a few inches of the ground only to collapse again.
I tried again and got a bit further up but still collapsed. Now I was in tears again, upset, hungry and on my own.
Struggling, I took 3 more tries and failed.
"Tori" I called out, knowing it was in vain.
In my despair, I found myself thinking about the movie, The Shawshank redemption." And I suddenly remembered one of the quotes by Tim Robbins character.
"I guess it comes down to a simple choice, get busy living or get busy dying."
If Jadelyn had taught me one thing by nearly killing me it was one simple fact.
I didn't want to die.
I wasn't even sure why, but I knew it to be true.
As I lay there thinking about it, a voice broke the silence. It was less of a voice and more of a whisper. But I knew it intimately. It was Tori. It was probably just a trick of my broken mind, but I heard it.
"Get up."
I had to get up, get busy living or I would die. Claudia would win and maybe even manage to befriend my children and warp them. I'd never see Tori again if I lay here. Tori wants me up.
Get busy living.
Trying again, I grunted, cried and groaned as I used every ounce of my strength to pull myself off the floor. I could have sat on the bed and taken that as a simple victory, but no I kept going.
Up…Up…further up.
Using the nightstand I pushed myself up and for the first time in 12 days, stood on my own feet. I had to lean against the wall but I was up.
My head felt dizzy, my leg's ached, but I was up.
Get busy living.
I took an uncertain step, all the while continuing to lean against the wall. Then another, then another.
Get busy living.
After a whole minute I managed to make it to the door. It was hard walking and at least once I almost fell, but I kept going.
In the hallway, I could see a few pictures, brown carpeting and tan walls. To my left was a bathroom, so I made my way there.
In the bathroom, I stood at the sink, gripping it as if my life depended on it and looked in the mirror.
Looking back me was, what could only be described as a scary creature. One I simply did not recognize. I'm not simply taking about the fact that my hair was a mess or the fact that I hadn't showered in almost two weeks.
It was the look in my eyes, the look of someone who was utterly lost. I did not like what I saw, not even remotely.
After a moment of self-assessment, I turned on the spigot and splashed some cold water on my face. Though chilling, it also felt refreshing.
That done, moved to the toilet and used it. Thank god I don't have to use one of Jadelyn's chilled bed pans again.
Getting back up, I found myself just a bit steadier on my feet and worked my way to the kitchen. I found a couple pieces of pizza in the fridge and some milk.
So I sat down and ate.
Getting up again was just a bit easier than before. I was still weak and an emotional wreck, but doing this made me feel, a tiny bit less horrible.
Emerging from the kitchen, I looked to see Victoria and Jadelyn emerging from their bedroom.
Victoria had her arm around Jadelyn, whose head was lowered. In a way, she almost looked as broken as me. As Victoria walked Jadleyn down the hallway, she said in soothing tones.
"You're my special girl. You're my Jade. You always will be mine. You know I love you."
"No one ever loved me." Replied Jadelyn in a low voice.
"I do and I always will. We'll go to bed early tonight so we get extra cuddle time. Good?"
"I'd like that."
Seeing me, Victoria nodded and showed the slightest hint of a smile. "Look who's up. I think she wants to say something."
I then made the first of about a thousand apologies I'd have to make. The first step in the long and very humble road ahead of me. "Look Jadelyn, I'm sorry I said those things. It was wrong. You were trying to help in your own way. I just didn't see it and I lashed out. I guess I didn't see a lot of things. Please accept my apology and my thanks."
Jadelyn sighed and lifted her head, showing me her bloodshot and tear stained eyes. "Accepted. Maybe I should have used a different way."
Victoria smiled and kissed Jadelyn on the check. "You sit on the couch and I'll make dinner. Ok."
"Ok"
Jadelyn quietly walked out into the living room, sat down and without saying another word turned on the tv. After that, she seemed to pay me no attention what so ever.
I then turned to Victoria, but found myself unable to look her in the eye. I felt ashamed.
"I'm sorry."
"I know you are. And I accept your apology. I'm glad you're up. I'm going make some dinner. If you're still hungry when it's ready, you can join us. But in the meantime, perhaps you'd like to take a shower. I can get a towel for you."
"That would be good…thanks."
Victoria quickly grabbed me a towel and I staggered into the bathroom. I wasn't quite up to walking alright yet, but I was getting there.
I turned on the water and striped out of the very dirty and smelly pajamas I was in.
Only then, did I notice the scars.
Four new ones, all I'm pretty sure put here by Tori. One on my lower back, one on my left forearm, one on right side and another one on the front of my right shoulder. There were other marks. The injuries inflicted by the falling building were still visible but those would fade soon enough. The ones put there by Tori, would remain there permanently.
But those were only the ones that showed on the outside. The ones on the inside, were far too numerous to count.
I turned on the shower and got in. As soon as the water hit me, I felt a rush of about a hundred different emotions overpower me. Soon my tears mixed with the warm refreshing water that washed away the grim and sweat.
In all this, I found myself saying one thing over and over. It was a simple phrase, but one that I clung to, like one could cling to a life preserver in a stormy sea.
"Get busy living"
The song title, Bridge over Troubled Water, is from the Simon & Garfunkel song of the same name.