XII
'Rachel!'
What a dream. Did you feel the same way, Bruce?
I got swallowed by a well and cut myself down its sarcophagus...I mean, esophagus. There were silver dollars at the bottom and they were all winking at me.
"Rachel!"
Huh...that's my name, isn't it? Though it's hard to tell since it's being filtered in and out my subconscious. I know it is. I haven't really been awake, have I? Who forgets their own name?
My mind may be a sieve but it holds onto what matters. Though I can't determine whose voice holds it in. People do come and go, right?
Maybe I should open my eyes then, have it settle in one place. Enough guessing. Guessing got me nowhere elsewhere.
But...I can't open my eyes. And the weight upon them is more than fatigue. I'm not tired of surprises.
Maybe my eyes have been held down by rationalization before. Held down by the weight of the answer before me. Which voice is more wanted?
And I won't be able to answer off the top, can't skim answer off the top. I had my chance. I didn't have enough time to say.
But how to know...I can't go with what's known.
I was once so certain that the logical choice was what worked. But now, I feel that what's known isn't enough. Logic isn't enough after what I've had been through.
No, so-called logic is, I don't want to push away if that's what I meant. I've been in hibernation, see? Harvey and Bruce have been stored away in my mind for the longest while. Nothing else caused it.
If only I could hold onto possibility. There's no way I can't let that go.
The sound's still persistent. It wants me, needs me. Not like I ever had a choice.
My crusty eyes pry open just in time for the door to do so. At least, that part's convenient.