Chapter 25

Laura curled into Robbie exhausted from the telling of the story. All she wanted to do was close her eyes and forget this day had ever happened. She'd revealed more to him in the past few hours than she'd revealed to anyone in longer than she could remember.

His hands rubbing her back softly encouraged her relaxation but she knew if she stopped now she would never continue. She pushed up from him and smiled, "I have more to tell you."

He nodded, knowing it wasn't the whole story. Hoping to make it easier for her he asked his first question, "Losing the baby, is that why your marriage ended?"

She shrugged noncommittally, "I think we might have survived it. It was no one's fault. But the idea of never having children broke something inside me. I wanted to have Malcolm's children from practically the first moment I saw him. We agreed on how many kids we wanted, the only thing we ever disagreed on was boys or girls."

"What did you want?"

A sad smile crossed her face, "Boys, boys that looked like him but had my temperament." She laughed, tears sliding down her cheeks, "He wanted little girls that looked just like me. I told him no because he would spoil them rotten."

"Was he angry when you found out you couldn't have more children?"

She shook her head, wiping away the tears, "No, he said it didn't matter. That one day when we were ready we'd adopt, buy them if we had to. And if that day never came, he didn't care all he wanted was to be married to me, to spend his life with me, to grow old with me."

Robbie watched her, confused. He'd been certain that was what had ended their marriage, "Then what happened?"

"I don't know that there was any one thing. I threw myself into work. So he did the same. We became ships passing in the night. Then one weekend we were at his sister's house and I watched him playing with his nieces and nephews and he was so happy. It was the first time in months that I had seen him relaxed, happy. And it suddenly hit me that I could never give him that. That staying with me would mean he sacrificed his own happiness."

"Laura did he tell you that?"

"No, he didn't have to, I could see it written all over his face when he played with them."

Robbie paused afraid to ask the next question, "Laura, did you talk to him about it?"

She nodded, "When we got home I told him I would understand if he wanted a divorce. That he deserved a chance to be happy." Robbie waited, again, letting her come to him, "He exploded wanted to know what made me think that. I told him I knew how much he wanted kids and since I couldn't, he should find someone who could."

He took her hand, threading their fingers together, "How did he handle that?"

"He handled it the way he always handled arguments. He turned it around on me. If I wanted a divorce then just say so but don't try to blame it on him. Then he stormed out."

"What happened next?"

"Nothing, he came back a few hours later. He asked me if I wanted a divorce. I told him no but I wanted him to be happy and I wasn't sure I could make him happy any longer." Laura paused, the memory of that conversation dancing through her mind.

"Laura, all I've ever wanted was you. I wanted you before I even knew you existed. Whether we have children or simply grow old in this house together, I don't care. It's you that makes me happy."

She shook her head, tears threatening, "That's not true. I saw you with the kids. You were happy, carefree. I can't give you that."

"Damn it Laura, I was happy because it was the first time in months I had seen you smile. I thought we were finally turning a corner. You let me hold you in bed for the first time since…since the accident. I thought you were coming back to me. Don't you understand, the only time I am happy is when you are happy. But I don't seem to make you happy anymore."

"No, I'm not very happy."

He walked to her, taking her hand, "What can I do? I'll do anything."

She shook her head, "I don't know. I can't…"

"You can't what Laura?"

Looking up at him the first tears fell, "I can't be here. It's all too much."

Malcolm held his breath. Every day he made hundreds probably thousands of decisions based upon less information than he had right now. He prided himself on his ability to sense which way things were going. But as he stared at his wife, crying silently in front of him, he had no idea what her answer would be, "Laura, do you want a divorce?"

She closed her eyes then looked down, "I don't know."

Laura blinked, trying to drag herself out of those memories. Robbie watched her, confused. Nothing she had told him seemed to lead to divorce, "Laura, I don't understand. How did you end up in Oxford?"

"Do you remember that DS I told you about?" Robbie nodded, "I bumped into him while I was training. He asked me to come work for him again. I told him I wasn't very sure I wanted to stay in London for much longer. He gave me his card and told me to call if I changed my mind. I didn't call him but he called me a few days later. He said if I was serious about leaving London there was a posting here. He offered to make a call for me."

"I can't imagine Malcolm took too keenly to you moving away."

Laura looked away, "Not exactly."

There was something about the way she looked away from him which bothered him, "What happened Laura?"

Closing her eyes she took a deep breath, "Nothing happened, I didn't tell him."

"What do you mean you didn't tell him?"

"I didn't tell him. I waited until he was gone on a trip, I packed my things and I moved to Oxford."

A/N - There's still more angst coming. Hope you have lots of booze around. It's about to get a whole lot worse.