Chapter 27
You can thank crimefictionfan for the second chapter today. She talked me into it. I hope this chapter makes it all better.
"What do you mean he knows?"
Laura took a deep breath steeling herself for this last confession, "I told you he knew where I was all of those years."
Robbie shrugged, "He was a powerful man. It wouldn't have been too hard for him to find out where you were."
"That's how he found me. And he did keep watch over me." Laura paused letting that sink in for Robbie, "About three years after I moved here I finally started seeing a therapist. She helped me work through my grief, helped me put things into perspective."
"Ok."
"One of the things she insisted that I do was make amends."
Robbie looked at her, "Like a 12-step program."
"Just like that. One of the things I had to do was apologize to Malcolm. I couldn't face him so I wrote him a letter, hoping that it would be enough to let him forgive me."
"Why don't I think it was enough?"
Laura pulled her legs to her chest and hugged them to her, "I didn't hear from him for six months. I thought maybe he had forgiven me and just decided it was best to stay away. Then I got a return letter from him. It was awful, everything I feared put into written form. Somehow, it was worse than if he'd said it to me directly."
"How was a letter worse?"
She laughed, turning her head to him, a wistful look in her eyes. "When Malcom was on a rampage it was sometimes hard to tell if what he said was deliberate or just mouth working without benefit of brain. In writing, I knew it was deliberate. All of those hurtful things had been thought out, considered, purposeful. There was no spontaneous outpouring of words. But as awful as they were, I deserved them all."
"Is that where it ended?"
"No, I waited about a month and wrote back. I addressed some of the things he accused me of. I told him about my life here, asked how he was. A couple of months went by and he wrote back. That started six months of letters. Then we started calling one another."
"He forgave you?"
"We forgave one another. The next year I had to go to London for some training. We had dinner, dinner became breakfast. Before long we saw each other more regularly."
Robbie looked away, "You said you were only together for the three years."
"We were only together as a couple for those three years. After that it was more of a convenience, at least for me. Even though I was over my grief, I wasn't ready to start something more serious. I loved Malcolm but I wasn't ready for something more."
Robbie edged away from her, "But that's not how he felt was it?"
"Malcolm was a different man. He didn't want anyone close to him. I think he liked the intimacy being with me afforded him because he knew I would keep him an arm's length away. It was mutually beneficial."
He shook his head, "Well if it was so bloody convenient for everyone then why did you file for divorce."
Laura cringed at his slightly raised voice. She looked at him unbelieving, "I told you why I filed for divorce. You came back from the BVI."
"Right, because you were in love with me, all those years ago."
She pulled back slightly, "It wasn't that Robbie. I told you it was watching how devoted you still were to Val. It made me realize that I was being unfair to both myself and Malcolm."
Robbie stood, stalking away, running his hand through his hair, "Did you do the same thing with the divorce? Just file and not tell him. Did you blindside him with that too?"
Anger flashed in her, "No, Robbie. I might have been needlessly cruel to him once but I wouldn't have done that to him again. I told him over dinner that I thought it best we move on."
"And he just agreed to that."
"He said he did. Told me to send the papers. So I did, then six months went by. I called him, he apologized said he'd forgotten to give them to his solicitor. He promised to take care of it. Another six months went by."
"Doesn't sound like you were in any great hurry."
"Actually I dated someone during that whole time."
The look he gave her was filled with anger, "I thought you filed for divorce for me."
"I filed because of you but not for you. That didn't come until much later."
"Later, what does that mean?"
Laura took a calming breath. She didn't want to lose her temper. Robbie had every right to be angry, "I didn't push him on the divorce because there was no need. Yes, I was dating but no one ever stuck. And while we were getting closer, you were still a long way from being ready for a relationship."
"So it's my fault that you stayed married all of those extra years?"
"No, there's no blame. Actually, Malcolm was to blame. He had an unreasonable request. He wanted one last weekend with me. He felt certain he would be able to change my mind, convince me that we were meant to be together."
Robbie turned away. He needed to ask the question but he was afraid of the answer, "And did he, did he get his last weekend?"
"Yes, he did."
She watched him. His slumped shoulders told her everything she needed to know. She had betrayed him long before they became a couple, he'd just never known.
"I wouldn't have done it Robbie. I would have waited him out but then you asked me to go away for the weekend. I told you I booked two rooms but I didn't tell you that I hoped we would only use one. When our plans fell apart and you asked me if I wanted to try again I realized how desperately I wanted it. It was when I knew I had to get free of him. I couldn't start something with you while still connected to him."
Robbie's voice was so low she barely heard it, "So you gave into him?"
"I called him, told him to make the plans but he had to promise to sign the papers at the end. He told me if I was still certain he would sign them."
"And you had your last weekend together?"
"Not the way either of us had planned."
He turned to her. She could see the anger and hurt battling with one another in his eyes, "What's that mean?"
"Elections were going on, we couldn't fix a time. And then, those twins…"
"What about the twins?"
"They didn't kill me but they damaged me. All of Ligeia's deceit came out. I was crushed. You walked me home after her funeral. You were so sweet, you checked the yard and all of my closets, even under my beds but then you left. I wanted you to stay so badly but I didn't know how to ask."
He turned to her his expression softening, "I wanted to stay too, but I didn't want to seem to be taking advantage."
"About ten minutes after you left, there was a knock. It was Malcolm. He'd heard what happened. He said he needed to see that I was alive for himself. We talked for hours. I told him everything that happened and he told me everything that had happened to him. He'd left in disgrace. He said he was tired. He was tired of manipulating people all of the time. Tired of not having genuine moments with people. I knew what he was going through. I had just found out one of my closest friends betrayed me. You had doubted me and I wasn't 100% sure we would ever get over it."
"What happened Laura?"
"He stayed the night. The next morning he asked me to go away with him. He didn't care where, just anywhere that wasn't here or London. Someplace where no one knew us. We could start over, begin again, just the two of us."
Robbie looked at her, suddenly the story didn't seem as bad, "But you said no?"
Laura closed her eyes and shook her head, "I said yes."
A/N - I know that didn't make it better. You didn't really think I was going to resolve it that quickly did you.