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Chapter Ten: Brokenhearted

-o-

Even in her drunken, hazy mind, Raven thought his eyes looked like the same color of the drink she was currently downing in one singular gulp. They were a deep, sort of endless green with flecks of something brighter that reminded her of malachite. And yet, in spite of this, there was something soft about them, something that felt safe almost - like home. Really, she could look into his eyes forever as they hovered above her, and he murmured something soft and gentle into her ear.

Raven shivered, and pulled her hand out of his grasp, shaking her head of those traitorous thoughts. She knew better than to be interested in someone like him. He was a rogue through and through, and even though he was charming and funny, and Raven enjoyed talking to him, there was something about him that was suspiciously dangerous. Besides, he was annoying. Absolutely annoying. Especially when he paraded around her stark naked and showed off his-

"RAVEN!"

She jerked and shook her head again, her hands starting to tremble out fear that he had known exactly what she was thinking. Her eyes blinked, regaining focus as the sound of music reverberated down her spine, thumping along with the weighty feeling in her head. There was a flash a pain, almost like it was foreshadowing the things she would undoubtedly feel tomorrow morning after she woke up, but it didn't matter. She wasn't out here for her health, she was out here to drink him away. Whatever it took, even if it meant downing every bottle of booze in this place.

Raven licked her lips and felt Jason wrap his hand around her wrist, pulling her away from the bar and weaving them both through the crowd. He was half mumbling under his breath, half trying to talk to her, but she couldn't hear him over the noise. The music continued to pulse and down her spine, gluing her to the spot as she raised her glass to her lips, taking the last dregs of liquor and ice before placing it on a random table as she walked by. Jason looked somewhere between annoyed and frustrated, and Raven couldn't quite put her finger on which emotion was reigning at that point. Not that it mattered anyway.

He waited until she was finished before pulling her to a side exit. The door in front of them was thrown open and he pulled her from the bar into the street, the sound and lights and people giving way to the sticky heat of midsummer. Sweat broke out onto her skin, and Raven pulled at the sleeves of her dress, wondering why in the world she had chosen something like this to wear. She had a sudden desire to be completely naked and standing in an ice chest.

"Thanks, Jason."

Raven looked up to see her friends eyeing her carefully before looking back at her neighbor. Traitors. They should have been helping her forget him, not sending her home with her nudist neighbor.

"It's not a problem."

"You'll make sure she gets home safe?"

"I will personally tuck her in bed."

Raven turned to see Kori and Karen looking at her with that pathetic 'I'm so sorry this happened to you' look, and she wasn't sure what she should do. So, instead of responding or thinking about exactly what had happened to her tonight, she stumbled a few steps away from her friends and sat down on a nearby bench. A few minutes seemed to pass, and she could hear snippets of Jason's conversation.

"…it was just a lot for her to handle…"

"What happened? Can I ask?"

"…maybe it's better if you ask her."

Raven's head fell into her hands and she stared at the pavement, watching a bug skitter across the sidewalk as if it had somewhere important to be. Her heart was twisting in her chest, yanking and pulling at her emotions to the point where Raven wanted nothing more than to go back inside the bar and drown in alcohol. Not feeling anything at all was so much easier than having to face the truth. The truth was disgusting and painful, and yet here she was looking it straight in the eyes and seeing it for what felt like the first time.

"Little Bird."

Raven lifted her head and looked up into those bright eyes, her lips tugging just a little as Jason held out his hand for her. He said nothing else, and he didn't push any farther than he needed to. He simply stood there and held out his hand, like a gentleman. Biting back a sigh, she closed her eyes and turned away, hoping he couldn't see her own frustration. Everything inside her was warring, not sure if she should take his hand or not. She wanted to be cautious and keep him at a distance, but he found his way soeasily in her life that it was practically impossible to remove him.

"Come on…"

Raven opened her eyes again, looking up into his face.

"…let's get you home."

Raven could feel her hand moving long before she willed it to, and without much thought, her hand slipped easily into his own. He smiled and pulled her to her feet, letting her teeter for a moment before she fell against his chest. She could feel the soft thump of his heart, and Raven felt him wrap his arms around her, pulling her close. He tucked her easily under his chin, his arms wrapping tightly around her waist until Raven felt like the world around them had faded far away. Her fingers tightened in the stretchy fabric of his shirt, and she rested her forehead against his collarbone.

"Look, Raven… I know we're not best friends, but… if you ever need to talk…"

Raven closed her eyes again.

"…I'm only across the courtyard."

She nodded.

"Okay." Jason stepped back and looked down at her, placing a kiss to the top of her head. It was a gesture of warmth and happiness, and something about it soothed her. He tugged gently on her hand. "Can you walk by yourself?"

Raven shook her head, feeling the world around her start to spin into too many lights and colors and sounds. Jason shook his head and laughed, and before Raven knew what he was doing, he had knelt down in front of her, bringing her arms tightly around his shoulders. A bolt of lucidity seemed to clear her clouded mind, and Raven's face flushed brightly. He was out of his goddamned mind.

"You can't be serious."

He shrugged. "You can't walk. You said so yourself."

"I am not going to ride you home."

Jason turned around slowly, the corners of his lips pulling up in a positively devious smile. That sight alone made Raven realizeexactly what she had said, and suddenly her heart jumped into her throat. Face flushing bright red, she pushed at his shoulder and started to move past him, stumbling over her own feet. She just had to respond to him, didn't she? Well, she was perfectly capable of making it the four blocks to her apartment, she just needed to-

The sidewalk seemed to suddenly loom up into her face, and before Raven really knew what was going on, her body was swept up into his arms. Jason held her tightly against his chest and looked down into her eyes, a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth.

"Do you need me to carry you?"

"You're not carrying me three blocks!" Raven felt like her heart was going to explode and something tightened around her throat. Her head grew even more hazy and she struggled against his hold, trying to keep her mind together. It was too late though, between the scent of his cologne, the warmth of his body, and the last drink she downed, she was already losing herself. Her eyes flicked up to his face and she pursed her lips. "I cannot believe you."

Jason adjusted her in his arms and shook his head. "Why? Because I'm actually helping you out? Miss I-Can't-Feel-My-Own-Feet-Enough-To-Walk." He took a turn down a side street, the noise from the main road fading away. "Your friends asked me to take you home and take care of you, and that's what I'm doing… taking care of my completely and utterly drunk friend."

Raven glared, but Jason just shrugged.

"You'd do the same for me."

"No I wouldn't." She leaned against his shoulder and closed her eyes, letting herself forget why she was so drunk in the first place. It felt good to forget, and even better to be completely numb. "I'd let your ass lay in the gutter until you woke up."

"You wound me, Little Bird."

"You'll be fine."

His chuckle slipped into her veins, and Raven felt her lips curl up at the edge. Why was everything so much easier with him around? Her arms wrapped around his neck, resting against his shoulders as he turned down another side street, and Raven could feel the question press against his chest, almost as if it were trying to escape. She sighed and brushed her nose against his neck, taking in the scent of the hot summer night and his cologne again.

"I know you want to ask."

There was a brief pause, as if he considered pressing the issue, but he didn't. "I don't want to pry."

"Mm…"

He licked his lips, and the words finally spilled out. "…but what happened?"

He adjusted her in his arms and turned another corner, and Raven could see their apartment building just a little ways away. All she had to do was make it to her room and then she could lie down and forget that this day had ever happened. She might even open a bottle of wine, because fuck feelings. She closed her eyes again and let a soft, low sigh escape.

"I was the other woman."

Jason stopped walking, and Raven thought he might drop her. Her eyes shot open and she looked up into his face again, watching the anger and shock mingle into something volatile. It was as if she had somehow set off a kind of fuse inside him, like a bomb that was ready to blow at any second. His arms tightened around her and he pulled her even closer to his chest.

"Are you telling me that you were the…"

"Side piece." Raven wiggled free of his arms and set herself down on the pavement before kicking off her heels. "Yep. I was his little toy the whole time. He's been engaged since before I met him, and this entire time he played me and his fiancee for a damnedfool." Raven stumbled down the sidewalk, hunting through her purse for her keys. "He took fucking advantage of me and threw me into the garbage when his wedding approached. Because it's easier to cheat on a fiancee than it is on a wife."

"Raven…"

"And you know what's worse?" She stumbled through the courtyard of their building before setting herself down on the steps outside the main entrance. "You know what the absolute shittything is? Is that in spite of all of that, I still fucking miss him. Like… like some kind of cheap date! Like I'm clinging to this complete and utter piece of garbage and I still want it. I want it because for once in my whole fucking life he gave me someone I could relate to and love and… what the fuck is wrong with me? I should loathe him with every fiber of my body and yet… I can't be anything other than mad at myself. I should have fucking seen it. I should have known. But I followed him like some fucking kitten needing a home."

Jason sat down next to her, but he didn't say anything. He sat there, in complete silence, and rested his hand on her knee. Warmth flooded her body again, and Raven turned to look into those malachite eyes, her heart fluttering against her ribs. Why did he have to be here? And why did he have to be looking at her like that? Not like she needed to be pitied, but that she needed to be protected. Raven swallowed air and she turned away, hoping to keep a hold on her thoughts. He was the only thing keeping her from drinking until she drowned in alcohol. Because even though she wanted to feel nothing at all, she still wanted to feel him.

"I just…" Raven's head fell into her hands and she stared at her bare feet. "I just want to be numb. I don't want to feel anything anymore."

"Raven…"

"Don't look at me."

"Raven…"

She let go of an annoyed sigh and lifted her eyes to his face. He leaned close to her, resting his forehead against her own. His hand squeezed her knee and he nudged his nose softly against her own. It felt playful but intimate, as if there was something more that could easily happen if she just let it. If she could just let go…

"Let's get you to bed."

"I'm not a child."

"You need to go to sleep."

"You need to quit babying me."

Raven tried to stand up, but her legs forgot how to hold her weight and she pitched forward, nearly smacking her face on the ground again. But Jason caught her just in time, and hefted her over his shoulder as if she were nothing more than a sack of potatoes. He snatched her keys from her hand, picking up her heels from the pavement as he made his way up the rest of the steps to the front door.

"Enough arguing. It's time for bed, Raven."

"You're such an asshole."

"I'm just taking care of you."

She looked at the back of his head, finding it so much easier to talk when she wasn't looking into those endless eyes. When she looked into his eyes, it felt like everything was going to escape all at once. At least when she avoided his face, she could pretend to control the situation. Sighing, she pressed her face into his back and groaned. "Will you at least stay with me?"

"Sure." He made his way up the stairs, hand resting on the banister. "I'll sleep on your so-"

"In my bed."

"Oh."

There was a slight falter in his step, and Raven suddenly cursed herself for not being able to see his face. Why was she cursed to make this so damned awkward? She should have turned it into a joke and tried to save herself before it became to awkward for either of them to handle. But she didn't. Instead she watched the floor slip by underneath his feet, and she began to count how many times she thought the pattern was repeated. Raven got to fifteen before Jason spoke again.

"I'm in my work clothes."

"So?"

Jason cleared his throat and another chuckle escaped. "I follow all the uniform guidelines."

"Which include…?"

"Going traditional, as the name implies."

Oh. Well, that question was finally answered.

"It's not as if I haven't seen your… machinery before, Jason." She licked her lips, somehow managing to bite off the desire to follow up her observation with a few crude comments. "If you don't mind, I don't mind."

"That I'll be sleeping in your bed? Completely naked?"

The idea had merit, that was for sure.

"Just sleep." Raven lifted her head and looked at the floor again, feeling his pace slow. "I just need a little bit to remind myself that I am worth so much more than what he said I was, and that he's a fucking piece of shit." She licked her lips and closed her eyes. "I just need you to chase away the bad thoughts… just for a little bit longer."

There was another long pause, and she could hear her key sliding into the lock.

"Alright… but, I'm warning you, I sleep in the nude."

"Of course you do."