-Forgive me father because I have sinned.
William was in the tiny cramped room, hands tied in front of him, eyes closed. After work that day, he had gone to church. He needed to talk, to put his ideas in clear and it has been a long time was no longer coming.
-What torments you William ? Ask the priest with a calm voice on the other side of the wooden walls.
-A woman, I'm in love and I do not know how to react.
-Is this woman who so fascinated you? The one that made you succumb to the temptation?
-She is, sighed William, I know what I am doing is wrong, I know that my actions are immoral. But I can not help myself. I fought my father, all my strength, but I can not resist, not against her.
-You are a man William, men are subject to their impulses and sometimes, when they listen to their instincts, they make mistakes.
-I've committed too often. I forgot what my faith, I turned away from God. I doubt the choice I made.
-You've realized now that that's done, you can fix your mistakes and move forward.
-I do not want to leave her, murmured the young man, I want to spend every day with her but ... but I'm afraid this is not the case on her side. I'm afraid to not be important to her as much that she matters to me. Well then, I'm afraid to continue ... to be intimate with her as I do not know if her feelings are as strong as mine.
-Did you talk about your feelings, your doubts.
-No, I ... I have not been able to.
-You should my son, if this woman is the woman of your life, if she loves you as much as you do, she will understand.
-And what if she does not?
-So she only was a temptation sent by the Lord.
-And I failed, William sighed bitterly.
-It's never too late to do the honorable almond. God forgives.
William did not reply, thinking about what the priest had told him. He knew he was right, he knew he had to talk to Julia. He could not bear to live that way. But he was afraid of her reaction, afraid of losing her forever.
-I will leave you to your thoughts. You shall include three "Holly Mary", go in peace William.
He did not answer and the curtain on the other side was closed abruptly. He closed his eyes and he recited his prayers, and after a few minutes past one in the confessional, he left the church to return to the police station. He had made a decision, he simply waited for Julia sets a new appointment so that he can have this conversation with her.
The post was booming, that morning, the drug trafficking that took place at the Phoenix club had been disbanded. The club would be permanently closed and all suspects arrested shortly.
-Garland left town, threw Brakenreid on the open space, he is probably not return to Buffalo, too risky. Murdoch contact Ogden and interview her, she will know where his companion is gone.
-She will not know Sir, William replied shyly, she sees only rarely these days.
-Interview her.
-Sir, this is not necessary, Julia ...
-Julia? You call her by her first name? He said, frowning.
-No, I uh ...
-In my office, grunted his superior immediately.
William nodded and followed him silently before Brakenreid close the door behind them.
-You personally know the owner of the club is not it? Answer me Murdoch , he said, approaching dangerously the young man.
-I know her personally. I was with her at Buffalo and ...
-And?
-And we kept in touch. We meet from time to time, but it does not interfere in the investigation and ...
-Bloody hell Murdoch, scolded his superior, to all women who are in this city it is her that you have chosen? She's pretty I grant you but she is an Ogden. One of the most influential families in the region. She attends a thug.
-I...
-Since when do you sleep with her?
-Sir! William protested. I do not...
-Do not lie! It's for her who you are makes you so elegant is not it? Damn it, it has not come to your mind that you could be manipulate?
-She would not do that, William murmured, frowning.
-Ah yes, are you sure? I know women better than you, a gentle word, a look, a caress and you are almost dead.
William did not answer his superior bit his lips a moment before opening the door and spoke again.
-Forget this woman and walk away from her, she has manipulated you.
He left the room without another word, leaving him thoughtful. William knew that his superior was fighting for weeks with his wife. He knew that his infidelities had ended up his marriage. He knew he had become a bitter man and soured since he knew that his wife would not back down. She was leaving and she would take their son with her. But William could not believe that Julia had played him, he had seen her lover looks, her tender gestures. She could not have played so well the comedy. Or maybe he was just blinded, blinded by love and admiration he felt for her and she took advantage of his naivety. No more no less.
He was pacing the room on the first floor of the club for several minutes already. He did not stand to wait any longer for an explanation for having this conversation he dreaded. Yet he felt his heart pounding, he felt his legs give way under his own weight, his hands were sweaty. William closed his eyes a few seconds to calm down but he jumped when the door swung open behind him. He met immediately the look of the young woman closed the door behind her.
-You're unconscious to come here, she said, approaching him, someone could see you and ...
-Darcy left the city and the club is deserted during the day, especially since it is threatened with closure for drug trafficking, growled William, your employees are dedicated to you too daring to say who you meet. We risk nothing, but do not worry, anyway I will be brief.
He saw her frown and he spoke immediately without giving her time to respond.
-I had to see you Julia, it was urgent.
-An issue with the investigation?
-No, it's ... personal.
-So we should talk about that later, I give you an appointment at the hotel as soon as ...
-This is the problem Julia, William cut in approaching her, I do not want these appointments at the hotel, I do not want those few hours stolen from time to time when you ask me .
-I can give you more and you know it.
-I have sacrificed my principles for you, I have given up principles that I had made teen. I made you love then I do not imagine for one second do outside of marriage.
-So we're here? Replied the young woman. You reproach me for being the cause of your actions? Yet you did't rejected me William, not once. And when we made love the first time, it was you who wanted it. I'd tell you I respected your choice, but it was you who wanted otherwise. I have forced you into anything.
-Do you love me ? William whispered without leaving her eyes. Am I the man you want to build your future or the one with which you content to sleep as you live with someone else?
-How dare you? It was you who wanted me to stay living with Darcy, I was ready to leave him but it was you who asked me not to.
-But you did not insist to do it. I wondered why?
-How can you doubt my love for you?
-Tell me, William insisted.
-I ... I can not, said Julia, feeling her throat tighten.
-You never said it to me Julia, not once then I wonder. You're happy to give me an appointment at the hotel or to come home at night to ... to ... tempt me. But is that really love ?
-You're an idiot, murmured the young woman feeling the tears born in her eyes, so you do not understand.
-It seems so, William replied in the same way as he headed for the door, I have loved you from the moment I saw you Julia, you know. And I will love you until my last breath, never forget. But I can not live like this, I'm sorry.
He met her eyes one last time and regrets, he left the office, leaving the door close behind him. He inhaled deeply. His heart was broken into thousands of pieces. He knew he had made the most difficult decision of his life, but he knew it was necessary. Heavy heart William down the steps leading to the grade ballroom. He crossed it in one go before he heard a little voice call. He barely had time to turn that arms knotted around his legs. He then looked down at the little blonde head and met her blue eyes.
-William, threw Olivia, I thought I would never see again you. When did you come to make pancakes for me?
-I'm sorry Olivia, he whispered back, but I will not make pancakes with you.
-Why?
-I'm leaving, you never see me again.
-But I wanted to see you and mom ...
-I'm sorry little angel, he said, tenderly stroking her cheek, take care of your mom okay? And be kind. Goodbye Olivia.
He saw the look of the girl take on tears and he walked away from her just before seeing Julia stand a little further. He looked down and he left the scene just without looking back, a heavy heart, consumed with remorse and grief. In passing the door of the club he slipped his hand into his pants. Slowly, he pulled out a small dark casket and opened it to look shine to sunlight a sparkling ring that rested there. Everything could have been different, if only he was sure she had loved him, if only a little.
to be continued...