Chapter 32

Two chapters today: back up and read 31 first. You can thank an almost 4 hour flight and crimefictionfan because she asked really nicely.

Laura had stopped her relentless cleaning. She'd fixed a bite to eat then settled in the garden to wait for Robbie to return. While not exactly angry, she wasn't all that pleased either.

She had laid her soul bare revealing all of her secrets to Robbie. And rather than accepting her and understanding those experiences had led her to him he had once again pushed her away. It seemed to be a trend in their relationship. She'd thought they had moved past it.

Today had been proof positive that the Robbie Lewis of old was still alive and well. She loved him desperately but at the moment she didn't like him very much.

Robbie stopped his car at the end of the lane. He looked down to their home. Jean's words on a constant loop in his mind, "You'd know better than me but from the outside looking in I would say no she hasn't. I would go even further and say she held on a lot longer than most would have. With a lot less to go on from you than you've had over the years."

He thought of all of the times he had treated her badly, pushed her away. He could see the hurt in her eyes as he carelessly said things to her. Never once in all of those years had she abandoned him. And now when she had revealed the most tragic events of her life he had run. Putting the car into gear he slowly closed the distance to the house. He said a silent prayer that she would forgive him.

Laura heard his car and was tempted to go into the house to meet him. Then she decided that she would rather make him come to her. She settled back into the swing and opened her book. In the past she had always made it easy for him. That would not happen today.

Robbie walked through the house looking for her. He was desperate to find her but also scared. He could see the level of clean in the house and knew how she had filled her time while he was gone. She was almost obsessively tidy under the best of circumstances but stress made it worse.

He stuck his head into the sitting room and found it empty. The same level of tidiness reined there. Quietly climbing the stairs his anxiety increased. He could smell the cleaning products which meant she'd made it to the second floor still in full cleaning mode. That would not bode well.

A quick sweep of the upstairs told him she wasn't there either. Panic set in, she wouldn't have just left would she? Her car was still in the drive, would she have gone for a walk? As he walked through the bedroom he looked out the window. Relief swept through him as he saw her curled into the swing, a book in her lap.

He watched her for a moment, trying to gauge her mood from her body language. She seemed relaxed. He walked quickly down the stairs. At the bottom of the stairs he took a single, deep breath, steeling himself before stepping into the garden.

Laura heard the door open. She kept her head down determined to finish the page she was reading. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction of looking up until she was ready. She could feel him watching her and almost sense the tension rolling off him.

He watched her reading. He wanted to say something but felt it better to let her come to him. When she put her bookmark in the book his entire body tensed.

She put the bookmark in the book, closed it then set it carefully beside her on the swing. It was done deliberately to send a message that he was not welcome on the swing with her. She cleared her face of all expression then looked towards him, "Are you back for good or have you decided I am too awful to continue being in a relationship with?"

Robbie took a tentative step toward her, an apology on his lips. She held up her hand stopping anything he could say, "You need to know something before you answer." The gaze she fixed him with stopped him in his tracks. He nodded letting her know he understood, "The way you treated me earlier was unacceptable. I shared the most horrific thing that has ever happened to me as well as the most horrific thing I have ever done. And you ran, you judged me and somehow found me wanting."

He dropped his head. There was nothing he could say to refute what she was saying. He had promised her nothing she would tell him would make him change his feelings. Then when it really mattered he had done just the opposite. He looked back to her, stunned. He'd been expecting tears, hurt, what he found instead was a coldness that scared him.

"We've known each other for more than 20 years Robbie. In all of that time I have never once given you any reason to think I would abandon you. I have taken care of you, supported you, nurtured you, loved you. And for most of those years I did it with absolutely no reciprocation from you. I stood by while you pushed me away, treated me as if I was disposable. You have no idea how many nights I went home and cried because you couldn't or wouldn't let me in."

Tears fell down his face. All of her words were true, at least to some extent. The worst part was what she didn't know. He had known how much he'd hurt her. He'd tried to push her away because it hurt too much to think he might move on, keep going when Val couldn't. There were so many times he'd looked down at her smiling face and wanted to pull her to him, to tell her how much he wanted her, to kiss her, to love her. Then the pain would return and he would purposefully push her away.

She watched him, tears falling down his, face and wondered how far she should push him. If they were being honest then she was all in, "And I tried Robbie, I tried to find someone else. I tried to love someone else to have you just as a friend." She paused the pain finally cutting through her voice, "But then you would smile at me and I knew it was you, it was always you. You brought me back from the edge Robbie. You made me understand what I wanted in life. I wanted you, I needed you. You saved me."

He looked up at her. All of these years he'd thought she'd saved him. It never occurred to him she might have needed saving too. He took a tentative step toward her, relaxing a bit when she didn't step back. Carefully he closed the distance between them and gently took her hand. He could see the tears welling in her eyes, all of the coldness from before was gone, replaced by a heartrending sadness. Taking a deep breath he said the only words he could think of, "What did you have?"