3/4/72

She said it again today, "Hello Joseph."

And I said, "Your Majesty."

Then she continued walking and so did I.

What is up with that? I seriously would like to know why she remembers my name now…

She seems a lot happier now. Last week she was screaming her brains out and now she's all cheerful and nice. The woman mind boggles me. I'm going to ask her why she remembers my name now next time I see her.

Dale came across me again today – why doesn't he just give up while he's still standing on two legs?

He said to me, "Think you're so tough, don't you bitch?"

And I said, "I don't think I'm tough, I know I am."

"You're not tough, you're weak – weak as a cat with its legs tied up."

"I could knock you to the floor with one hand tied behind my back."

"Ooh, big words!"

I punched him. I punched him so hard that blood started pouring out of his mouth and he fell to the ground.

"You bastard! I'm telling the king on you!"

I'm not usually a man who would get a man while he's down, but today I made an exception. I kicked him square in the nuts. He cried out in pain and started cursing at me. Then I said, "Dale, what the hell is your problem? I've never done anything to you so why do you insist on hassling me? Get a life, moron." And then I walked away.

Note to self: Meeting with king regarding incident with Dale – 9:37pm tonight.

It is now 9:42pm and I am in shock, yet utterly aroused. I got to the king's office at 9:35pm and knocked on the door, except instead of him saying "Come in," her majesty answered by saying, "Come in and lock the door". I did so and stopped still. The chair she was sitting in was turned the other way, so she didn't know that it was I who entered the room. I waited for her to speak and she did, "I've been waiting for twenty minutes. What took you so long?"

I didn't answer because I wasn't sure she was talking to me. I looked around to see if anybody else was in the room, but I couldn't see anyone. I took a step closer and she turned to the chair around to face me, "Aren't you going to say anything?"

And then I said, "I didn't know you were waiting for me."

Then she let out a scream, realising that the person she thought was in the room wasn't actually the person in the room.

The reason she screamed is because she was wearing this really REALLY sexy black lace and silk piece of lingerie that covered from her chest down to her...hmm…

I couldn't stop staring at her even when she was yelling at me and telling me to turn the other way. Eventually I did turn around and she quickly threw on her dressing gown. That's when the king came in asking why the door was locked. He saw me standing there and her majesty tying the cord on her dressing gown.

Then he said, "Is there something going on here that I should know about?"

And I said, "No sir."

There was awkwardness for a minute, but that soon ended when the queen decided to rush out of the room, crying. We both watched her leave, then the king turned to me and said, "Please take a seat."

He walked to his side of the desk.

I pointed to the door and said, "Shouldn't you go after her?"

"Later. Now Joseph, I understand that you've been involved in yet another incident with Dale Kerrister, so I've decided to take drastic measures."

"Should I start packing my things?"

"Oh no, no, no. I just wanted to tell you that I've already talked to him and he's packing as we speak. He leaves tomorrow."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes. Problem solving is best done when you destroy the source of the problem."

"Thankyou sir, is that all?"

"Yes, you can go now. I should really attend to my wife."

I then walked out and went back to my room.

I've had that picture of the queen stuck in my head ever since I left. She was so…alluring. If she were my wife (or even my girlfriend) I'd…never mind, it's not going to happen.

5/4/72

I talked to her majesty today when I saw her eating breakfast in the gazebo. She was trying not to make eye-contact with me, it was quite amusing. I apologized about seeing her in that…um…I guess it was an outfit. She told me that she had forgotten about it and that I should forget about it too. If she had really forgotten about it, she wouldn't have told me that she'd forgotten about this thing that she's supposed to not remember on account of her forgetting it...meh. I hate it when people say things like that, it makes no sense. I was about to walk away, but I remembered that I wanted to ask her something.

"Your Majesty, may I ask you a question?"

"You didn't give me much of a choice there, did you?"

I laughed, "No I didn't. No, I wanted to ask you why ever since I've become a security guard, you've started to remember my name."

"Oh, there's a simple explanation for that."

"And are you going to tell me what it is?"

"It was an act, I never forgot your name."

"Excuse me?"

"I am not the type of woman to forget a name or a face. You were just a gardener before and I try not to get involved with the little people by talking to them. If they think you don't go to the trouble of remembering their names, they won't want to talk to you as much. It worked on you, didn't it?"

"Isn't a security guard on the same level as a gardener?"

"No, you have to show guards that you care, otherwise they will be less willing to save your life in the event of an emergency."

"That's a horrible thing to say. I never knew you were so...selfish. Using people is a horrible thing to do!"

I then walked away feeling very proud of myself for having a go at the queen. I can't believe she pretended to forget my name just because she thought there was a chance she'd grow to like me. What kind of person would pretend to like someone just because they want them to save their life? Suddenly I feel that our figurehead is not what she seems.