12/6/72
The queen is happier than I've ever seen her before. She found out that the child she's carrying is indeed female. She's already picked out a name, which is ironically the same name I would choose if I were having a child – Amelia. We must have more in common than I thought.
She informed me while we were out walking today that I'm now allowed to address her as Clarisse, but only when in private. We now both consider ourselves friends. She got rid of her bodyguard, Baxter and put me in charge of her safety because according to her, he didn't take his job as seriously as she'd have liked him to. I was glad to get the promotion because it makes me feel as if she values me. Another good thing about it is that I actually get paid for chasing after her when she has an episode.
Lauren has been teasing me a fair bit lately about my feelings for Clarisse and I still deny that there's anything going on. She can be such a pain sometimes.
17/6/72
Clarisse received some devastating news today – her mother in-law died. Apparently they had been very close and that her passing had been totally unexpected. I don't think it was unexpected considering that the woman was 89 years of age. Her husband, the former king, had died 20 years before hand, leaving young Rupert to take the throne.
Anyway, after she found out about her passing away, she immediately ran to the stables and mounted her horse. I tried to catch her as she started cantering towards the lake, but the horse was too fast for me, so I mounted the king's horse and chased after her. For once she didn't stop at the lake, instead she saw me and kept on riding. The sound of the horse's feet pounding against the ground started drowning out and eventually I lost her. I spent ages searching for any sign of her or the horse, but had no luck. I was just about to turn around for back up, but then I heard her moaning a few feet away. I looked around and saw her lying on the ground with her arms around her head. I jumped off the horse and ran right over to her. She had dirt and blood stains all over her and her hair was in a real mess. I bent down and asked her if she was alright. She said she wasn't so I rolled her onto her back and gently lifted her off the ground. I wish someone would invent some kind of portable communication device that one could use to call for help in the event of an emergency. I'm sure they will one day.
Anyway, I tried carrying her back to the palace, but she was quite heavy so I had to take a break every now and then. When we were about two kilometers away from the palace, I took another break and asked her how she was feeling.
She said, "I'm in pain."
Then I said, "Physically or emotionally?"
"Both…why did she have to die? She was the only person who I could ever really talk to."
"You can talk to me."
"It's not the same. She could always make me feel as if everything was going to be alright. She made everything make sense and she was so looking forward to having a granddaughter, but now she'll never get to see her, never get to hold her and never get to know her."
"I'm sure she'll be watching from heaven."
"Heaven? No offence, but you don't believe in that sort of thing do you?"
"No, no I don't. I was just hoping it would offer you some comfort."
"You're a very sweet man, aren't you?"
"Mmm. So what happened to you out there?"
"I was trying to escape you because I wanted to be alone, but the horse collapsed and I tumbled off."
"I'm sorry, I was only doing my job."
"I know you were and I'm grateful…god I have the biggest migraine."
"And the biggest lump."
"What?"
"That lump right there."
I pointed to her forehead and she touched it with her hand, "Ouch!"
"Clarisse, do you want me to run ahead and get help?"
"No, I want you to stay with me…your chest looks perfect for a pillow."
I laughed and let her rest her head against my chest. The thought of her using my body as a pillow made me feel all tingly inside. It also gave me the perfect opportunity to smell her hair, which fortunately hadn't been affected by the fall.
About an hour later, she decided that she was fit enough to walk with a little of my assistance, so I slung her arm around my shoulder and put an arm around her waist. We made it all the way back to the palace within 30 minutes. We had to walk very slow because she was still in pain. When we got back, there was a whole search party looking for her. Practically half the guards were surrounding the back of the palace. When they noticed us, they all came rushing over to take her inside. She thanked me for my help and allowed herself to be escorted into the palace.
The last I saw of her today was her being led upstairs for a thorough examination to see if any real harm had been done.
When Lauren heard about my little expedition she couldn't help but tease me by singing, "Joey's got it baaad, Joey's got it baaad."
I replied to her by saying, "Why don't you care?"
Then she said, "Because I don't love you."
Then she left me alone. I don't understand it, I've had plenty of girlfriends in the past who weren't in love with me but they still got jealous if I even looked at another woman. Perhaps I've finally met my match.
19/6/72
I feel so sorry for Clarisse. Yesterday morning she once again ran to the stables, mounted her horse and rode off with me in hot pursuit. This time she didn't stop at the lake, in fact she didn't go anywhere near it. She rode right out the front gate, onto the road, all the way across town and down to the beach.
She came to the rocks and jumped off her horse. I followed her as she ran and ran in attempts to get away from me. She was eventually forced to stop when she came to a large rocky wall. I slowed right down to walking pace and kept a slight distance between us. She looked at me with mascara running down her face and started shouting, "Well you've caught up to me, are you happy now?"
I swallowed and walked over to her, "I'm not going to be happy until you are. What's going on? You shouldn't be riding in your condition."
"What condition?"
"You're a pregnant woman!"
She collapsed on the sand and buried her face in her hands, "I lost it!"
"Lost what?"
"I lost the baby! I fell off the horse and I lost my little girl."
"Oh my dear. I'm so sorry."
I bent down to hug her, but she brushed me away, "Would you please just leave me alone for five minutes?"
I backed away and decided to keep an eye on her from a distance. It was a secluded area of the beach so if she had tried to escape, I could have easily caught her. I watched as she sat there crying, wanting to hold her and tell her that everything would be fine, but she didn't want me to interfere so I let her be.
An hour passed and I noticed that she was walking very slowly towards the water. She stopped when she felt it touch her feet. I rushed over to her in order to offer support but she just stared at the ocean and said very quietly, "Did you ever imagine what it would be like to live underwater?"
I didn't reply, instead I watched as she walked through the water with her long nightgown dragging at her heals. I called out to her, but she wasn't listening, she just kept walking further and further out to sea. I honestly thought she was going to stop and turn back, but as I watched the water rise up to her chest, I immediately realised she wasn't.
In a hurry, I removed my jacket and shoes and ran in after her, jumping the waves and watching to see if she was still afloat. When the water reached my elbows, I started swimming and I noticed that her head had gone under the water. I was panicking and trying my hardest to swim over and save her, but the waves kept pushing me back. Eventually they became my ally and pushed her into my arms. I made sure I kept her head above the water while I dragged her back to shore.
Fortunately she was conscious when I pulled her onto the dry land, but still I leant over her to make sure she was alright. She obviously wasn't since she started screaming at me again, "Why did you have to be the hero and save me? You don't understand what it's like to lose a loved one...or two!"
"Perhaps not, but I would have if I had let you drown out there!"
"Oh don't pretend you care about me!"
"I do care about you! Would I have risked my life to save yours if I didn't care?"
"Of course you would, it's your job."
"It may be my job but I would have dived in there after you even if it wasn't."
"Oh bull…"
"It's true!"
"I don't believe you."
"Clarisse, listen, you have to understand that just because someone you cared very much about died, doesn't mean you have to beat yourself up about it. They'd want you to be happy, I want you to be happy…like you used to be."
She looked into my eyes and started crying again so I helped her sit up and place my coat around her shoulders. I then picked her up and started walking back, but she asked me if we could stay for just a little while longer.
That little while longer turned out to be all night. I sat against the rocky wall with her using my head as a pillow again, which I didn't mind because I had my arms wrapped around waist just in case she decided to escape again. It was very painful leaning against that sharp rock, but that was nothing compared to what she was going through. She cried on my shoulder all night until she fell asleep. I tried to keep myself awake by watching the stars, running my hand through her hair, kissing her forehead and enjoying being able to hold her in my arms, even if it wasn't supposed to be a romantic situation, but I eventually fell asleep.
I woke up this morning and was surprised to find Clarisse staring at my face and running her hand up and down my cheek. She wasn't smiling and she wasn't crying, she was just…oh great, Lauren's here to tease me some more. I'll finish this off tomorrow – goodnight.
Haha! Cliffhangerish sort of thing. Don't worry; I'll most likely update it tomorrow night so you won't be waiting too long. Curious question: does anyone take note of the dates I put up? I know I wouldn't, but you should.
Wasn't that sad? I was thinking about this all day and decided to rush into it in case I decided that I didn't like the idea later on.