a/n: Arcs and curves.
"To think. To believe. To really and truly understand. Is that what you want?"
Today, the sun could not wane.
Standing high, feet planted firmly on the ground. The sun's warmth slipped through but it was cold enough for jackets. Parkas lined with white fur, one pink and one purple.
They stood with an ice hotel lurking in the distance beyond, glimmering in the sun's light. Snowmobiles would occasionally pass by with their loud hums.
Amy toed the frosty ground with a white boot as she waited for an answer.
"Will it hurt you?" Rouge asked, her voice timid.
"Of course it will. But you're good to me. It's not your fault."
"It's...a condition, you know? Of being here, in this kind of place. I know we haven't talked about it much."
"Yeah. I'm really sorry, you know."
"About what?"
"Just...being reckless. About him. And you. When I mention it, I don't mean to make it sound like that."
"I know you don't."
"But I do anyways. It's fine...I can confess to that much."
Rouge let a breath condense in the air. "We should...work on making this a healthy relationship."
"Something like that?"
"What's wrong?"
"That's...that I don't think has any place in our reality."
"What doesn't? A proper relationship?"
"I'm not questioning what it means, but..."
"Amy? You realize what you're saying, right?"
"I understand perfectly," she said with frosty breaths. "And I understand why it won't work out."
"Are you scared of starting from square one?"
"What square one? Going back to a beginning that we never had? Rouge...we started out together in chaos."
"Amy-"
"The aesthetics don't matter anymore. They don't."
Rouge sighed. "It's not just that. You have to understand..."
"Where we're heading now isn't the world of adults. We're supposed to be talking in there."
"..."
Amy's gaze softened. She placed a gloved hand on Rouge's shoulder.
"It's happening again. Sorry," Rouge said.
"It's fine. I know it's hard."
"Kind of...a defensive thing. I guess. I want to open up. Show you all of that darkness. I'm not scared that you'll hate me, I'm scared that you'll try and rationalize it."
"..."
"Tell me if I'm wrong."
"It's all with the best of intentions. But you're right. Have I been...?"
"When it comes to that, we see the same kind of light. That much is fine. It's just everything else."
"Was I...trying to clean a wound that wasn't there?"
"Yeah."
"Maybe that's also a vice."
"It might be. But I don't mind it. I understand it."
"I like to have a hold of things. Maybe much too tightly. Rouge?"
"Yeah?"
"I really do love you. Not just as a product of what happened. I just have no idea what box to open up to you. And more than that, I keep putting up that partition without knowing it. Or thinking about it," Amy said. She let out a smoky breath.
"It's not a lie, is it?"
"No. But it's still a barrier. A wall, no matter how thin. 'For his sake'. 'Because he knew'." Amy scoffed, staring at her boots. "I'm an air headed bitch."
"Don't think like that."
"No, it's the truth. I owe you a lot. For that, especially."
"I kinda closed myself off too."
"Reflex."
"You're rationalizing it."
"I've always found pessimism too bitter." She looked up at Rouge, shaking her head. "Not my kind of flavour."
"Be honest for me?"
"What is it?" Amy asked.
"You see the beauty in the jagged edges. And you don't want to change that."
"That's part of it."
"What's the other?"
Amy closed her eyes as a chilly wind blew past her. They slowly opened, and Rouge felt that gaze on her soul.
"What else is there to go back to?"
"You don't want to start again? Start clean?"
"You don't remember what we talked about in the car?"
"That was almost two years ago. But I remember. It's never clean, right?"
"It's never clean at the start. We can spend all the time in the world cleaning up the old wounds, or starting from square one, or opening ourselves to the world. But it won't mean a damn thing."
"So what's your solution?"
"We die, we dream, we wake up, and we think about it over breakfast. And then you repeat it. And you chip away from day one to day forever."
"God. You're cheery today."
Amy shrugged and zipped up her parka.
"Can you still be good to me, Rouge?"
"Of course I can."
"Then be good to me. That's all that matters."
Rouge tilted her head at that.
"Did you know, Rouge?"
Another lead in.
"Know what, hon?"
Amy put her hands into the pockets of her parka. Her green eyes cast a glare into the curve of the horizon.
"Appearances are fucking overrated."