You eye the book you left on the chair. You aren't quite sure what its appeal is, and yet... you simply can't sate this curiosity any other way, can you? You look to the Tokiko. "...Perhaps I could read a book for you, too."

The taller bird looks to you. "That would double my rate of reading. I quite like this idea."

...Is she planning on reading whilst you read this to her? You shake your head and simply drag the chair in question nearer to her and sit down, flipping to page one. "Now, one might think you have odd taste for reading this book, and they would be correct, but not because you read this book, but because you are an odd person."

You can help but raise a brow. "...The title of this book is quite intriguing, no? What are the uses of chocolate in a sexual manner? Why, chocolate is an aphrodisiac, and so those uses should be obvious! You must vigorously bite copious amounts of if before force feeding those copious amounts of sweetened beans to your captive and/or captivated audience."

Your other brow joins it. "In the event that your audience is but one man, I suggest turning to page 357 on how to properly hide a body, for you just fed him lethal amounts of chocolate, which in all likelihood also ruptured his stomach. In the event of your audience is 100 men, I am required, by contract, to shun you for being promiscuous. If your audience involves women, you are odd, and I will assume that you have dressed them up to look like myself and I shall hope that you are respectful in the vigorous attentions they receive."

The Tokiko are now staring at you with rapt attention. The smaller one has relaxed and the larger one seems interested. And so, you continue. "However, I humbly request that you take no less than 17 photos and send them to me. But now I'm afraid I have gotten sidetracked. As such, it is time that I get maintracked and continue talking about the sexuality of chocolate in its many facets. This word and many more will be included in the attached dictionary."

Who on Earth includes a dictionary with such a book? "Assuming you did not kill someone, they shall now be at your mercy, and it is now time to make a decision. In the event that you [i]did[/i] kill someone, they still shall be at [i]tender[/i] mercy without having to do all the extra work. Thank you for invalidating a month of research, and I hope that you are going to [i]thoroughly[/i] enjoy yourself. You need not send pictures, however, doubly so if they are dressed as myself. After the first fifteen times, that does become unarousing."

The smaller girl's head-wing seems to be wagging as if it were a tail. The taller one seems to be dodging it with her face with every swing. "It seems that's the end of the introduction. ...Hrm."

Chapter 1: Applications of Chocolate in a Molten State

Chapter 2: Applications of Chocolate in a Solid State

Chapter 3: Applications of Chocolate in a Gaseous State

Chapter 4: Applications of Chocolate in a Plasma State

Chapter 5: How to Not Kill Someone With Chocolate

Chapter 6: How to Kill Someone With Chocolate

Chapter 7: How to Kill Someone [i]Violently[/i] With Chocolate

Chapter 7: How to Best Please a Man Using Chocolate

Chapter 8: How to Best Please a Woman Using Chocolate

Chapter 9: How to Woo Chocolate

Chapter 10: How to Dispose of a Body

Chapter 11: How to Dress a Body Up and Make People Think it's Alive

Chapter 12: How to Make Chocolate in the Skull of Your Most Hated Enemy

...Well, at least you were right about this book being quite interesting.

Now you just need to find out if that is a good thing or not.

In all honesty, you feel as if this has been a good experience for you, contrary to the downright disconcerting place you find yourself. You feel as if you could be loud and proud. You look around wildly and proceed to pick up a chocolate skull you found in the corner of the room.

Not concerning at all.

Looking to your captivated audience, you... deflate. In your long, drawn out actions you ended up losing their attention. "Ohh, woe is me!" Your head-wing touches to your forehead. "Whatever shall I do? Whoever shall I turn to so that I need not choose what chapter to read? Forsooth, for the bell doth toll for me!"

You have their attention now. Good.

You aren't sure if the looks they are sending your way are a good sign, but still, this is progress.

The tall one speaks up. "...You are quite odd." The small one agrees with a nod.

You deflate once more, as they seem like they would know. "...Please just pick a chapter." You shove the book in their faces, causing the small one to squawk and try to climb the taller, shall we say, sister. Clawings are involved.

"...Wooing chocolate does sound like it has many uses. Such as wooing chocolate! I like this idea."

The small one smiles brightly. "Plasma is such a curious subject. Let's investigate!"

The taller of the two gives her an odd look. "Plasma is-"

"No! No spoilers!"

"That is assuming much. For instance, whose choice will be chosen? I do remember something I once heard of mothers whom commonly make choices to like something or other. I will assume that it involved my opinion and move on."

"But the opinions of uninvolved mothers are hardly valid; they aren't here to enjoy such a reading.

Your brow twitches. "Look, I'll just read them both. Deal?"

They both instantly nod.

"Now, then-"

The taller one cuts me off. "But Whose will be read first?

Smallkiko opens her mouth, but I am faster. "I will choose."

Clearing your throat, you open your mouth to speak, but are cut off by the small one. "Who wrote it?"

You grumble as you flip it over. "Patricia Tannis."

Flipping it back over, you begin flipping to the proper page. Clearing your throat again, you begin in your most dramatic tone of voice, trying to match what you imagine this woman to be like, "Now, I shall assume that you have already turned your gaseous chocolate into a plasma, for I see absolutely no reason as to why you wouldn't. My preferred method is by way of electromagnet. Applying heat to the gaseous chocolate might also be successful, but electromagnets have magic fingers like few others."

You cautiously look to your crowd, finding them to be giving you their rapt attention.

Tallkiko is also a little flushed and tugging at her collar, which disturbs you more than it should.

"Now, with your chocolate forever preserved as a plasma, or at least until you decide to attempt to eat it as you are an ignoramus, there are many options before you. For one, and I find this one quite amusing in between my fits of vomiting from having spoken to someone, you may make a chocolate star and drop it in water. Some may ask why this is amusing. I, too, find myself baffled, but I have decided to simply laugh when people laugh near me. I consider this a defense mechanism by this point, and have even begun to enjoy these bouts of laughter, as strange as that seems."

You turn the page. "When I'm not participating in the aforementioned bouts of vomiting, of course." You eye your audience, finding that the shorter one has a look of awe on her face, while the taller one seems to writing these things down. It would appear that this writing is quite pleasing to her, for she has quite the smile on her face, likely simply from the ability to write due to that sickness she has.

You think you'll take credit anyways, however.

Smiling, you continue your dramatic reading. "Another use, obviously, is to make a long since outdated Tesla coil and modify it so as to shoot flavored lightning. It is difficult to tell if it works, for all tongues were removed in testing. It is also difficult to tell if that was their fault for licking it, or if it were my own fault for telling every single person among us that this lightning tastes like chocolate and that the bowl does needs licking."

"There also is the option of making a simple neon sign, but that would be boring, unless you make use of my lesson on the solid uses of chocolate for chocolaty glass tubing. But then, you likely wouldn't have a sign for long, as the sign would be considered a truly scrumptious treat."

"It would also likely give you lead or mercury poisoning in some way, shape or form. These things are the prices one must pay for genius, however, I'm afraid, and so you will have to deal with the inclusion of mercury and lead in the recipe. If you remove those ingredients, you may have issues with the food mafia breaking your legs. However, this has nothing to do with why I have included such things in the recipe, and you would be silly to think otherwise.

"Finally, and most importantly, you can use this to devise a sort of chocolate nuclear plant. Outdated, yes, but none the less dangerous in the wrong hands. However, I have yet to attempt dabbling in this new form of outdated, and possibly flavored, radiation. I would need individuals as skilled as I, where as I have... forty men who willingly lick a Tesla coil at the promise of chocolate flavoring. The first several I could forgive, but it would appear that pattern recognition is not a skill these men employ, if they even posses it any longer. I sometimes wonder what life would be like were I not stranded with these ex-miners turned bandits on this rock. Watching them devour their "bacon" and those crumpets I know not from where they procure. It's quite sad, really."

You turn the page. "But then I remember that they licked a Tesla coil, one after the other, in a long, strangely organized line."

Honestly, you feel a bit sad after reading that last bit, even ignoring the crazy. Even through all the insanity, you can't help but wonder what this woman has to go through on a daily basis amongst such people. It's a wonder that this book managed to get published, honestly. Well, unless it was self published. Still, you have to admit, though obviously mad, she does produce... interesting literature.

Flipping back to the table of contents, you then turn to the intended section: Wooing Chocolate.

...You're honestly concerned as to if she intends to do anything with this knowledge. You're just going to bury that mental image niiiice and deep. "If you are reading this, you either are a curious individual or a curious individual. I quite hope it is the latter, for I get along with such people well. The first step to the heart of chocolate is a gift! I suggest chocolates. And, if you are a particularly lucky girl, you might even find a chocolate chair. This would be quite pleasing indeed. The key to the heart of a chocolate chair lies in lavishing it with sweet nothing, sweet somethings and chocolates full of splinters taken from other chairs. This gives them solidarity with their more wooden cousin. Ahh, but now I am getting off track."

"Now, at the end of the day, this book was made to facilitate the inclusion of this portion, and all the sections before this have led up to this moment. It shall be a particularly long moment, however, to the point that one must wonder if even it is a moment. First, one must create a rapport. This can be rushed by way of primping, as others might call it. Myself, I call it sleeping. A properly kept head of disheveled bed hair can be quite appealing, and those that disagree are imbeciles who know not the value of the wild and unkempt. You get bonus points if you begin to wear skulls of small rodents. Furthermore, bathing is optional, to say the least, if not wholly unnecessary."

"This goes triple for the brushing of one's teeth and sextuple for the application of make-up. One must maintain a constant state of arousal to maintain an alluring flush like my own, and the released pheromones shall likely drive the chocolate into a mating frenzy. I mean, yes, occasionally a skag does give me the look, but that can hardly be helped when one smells as I do."

You're starting to think that she's beyond help, at this point. "Now, where was I? Ahh, yes. You must drizzle piping hot chocolate all over your—" You slam the book shut with a blush.

You look to the other two. They are staring expectantly.