25/1/85

Okay, we caught the bad guy. Turns out that it was some guy who was hired by some other guy who remains a mystery. Apparently it was a plot to take over the crown, they thought that since Pierre wasn't going to be king and that Rupert is getting older they were getting closer and closer to victory. I kept my eye on Clarisse all night, checking to see how she was feeling, admiring her beauty, her choice of clothes. I liked the thought of her wearing my clothes and I still had her lingerie in my pocket. I waited until her husband directed his attention from her before asking her if she wanted it back and I was quite surprised when she said, "You keep it."

Wow, I get to keep her lingerie!

You know, I came to the realisation late last night that if I hadn't spent all that time looking for a condom, I would have actually gotten around to making love to her before they dropped the bomb or if she had told me that she was got the needle earlier.

I am such an idiot, a stupid, stupid idiot.

I was quite relieved when we were finally able to get to bed early this morning, because I was really tired. Clarisse went back to her suite with the king after I bid her goodnight, I am so jealous of him – he doesn't know how lucky he is to have a woman like her.

30/1/85

Clarisse hasn't come into my room since that night we were so rudely interrupted. I think she's scared that she might end up doing something she'll regret. There isn't any weirdness between us, which is always a good thing, but I feel that she may be slipping away a bit. She just seems more distant these days.

13/2/85

I've noticed that the king seems to be paying Clarisse a fair bit of attention lately, they get up early, go riding for about an hour or so, eat breakfast together, work together in his office, have lunch, do their own things (the only time I can talk to her in private, meaning out in the garden), eat dinner, then have an early night. They do this every day without fail. It annoys me because I'm jealous, jealous of him, jealous of them, jealous because she'll never be mine. I guess he's been spending time with her because she would have died the other week if I didn't invite her in. I am so glad I acted on my impulses; otherwise she wouldn't be here now. Isn't it just a huge relief when you find yourself in a situation like that? To know that you saved somebody's life, especially the person you love.

17/2/85

She came to me last night in a dream. I was sleeping in my bed and she flew in through the window and we made sweet sweet love until our bodies were sore. I thought it really happened, but then I woke up and she wasn't there, so I punched my pillow and said, "DAMN!"

And it was exactly how I imagined it – gentle, sweet, loving, pleasurable (VERY pleasurable) and oh so fine. I long for the day that she really does fly through the window to visit me again – or at least come through the door.

I haven't spoken with her for two days, it seems every time I go to talk to her, somebody else rushes up and beats me to her. I'm beginning to feel a little lonely, the boys in the security room don't have much to say, well not anything I'd find interesting anyway and I'm sure that if I tried to talk to any of the maids, they'd try to make a move on me. They're always doing that nowadays, I thought people were supposed to get less attention as they got older. They always give me looks when I walk past, the looks which say, 'Ooh I'd like me a piece of that'. It's starting to disturb me because I have no interest in any of them. The only one I'm slightly attracted to is someone called Chastity.

She looks the way Lauren used to look when she was 30. She's 37 now (same age I was when we met), sure has aged a hell of a lot. I saw her yesterday and the day before, I went to her room because I needed some…company.

Sorry it's short and BORING, but I got really really bored of writing this chapter and I want to move onto something else that I have in mind.

A/N (facts):

I blew up the tower because I felt that you can't have a 30-year storyline without something big like that happening and I wanted to make it different than what everyone else uses. I also wanted to interrupt them somehow.

In the beginning I planned for Clarisse to not notice Joseph until he became head of security.

To explain the Clarisse and Rupert thing from an earlier chapter: the way I see it, if I was married to someone I didn't love, I'd still be willing to get physical with them if I wasn't allowed to go to anyone else.

I'm not familiar with the concept of "Spring break", we have two weeks of holidays every 8 weeks or so and about 10 at the end of the year, however I finish school for good in October.

I will not be having more holidays until July or something.