Disclaimer: All fandom-based and real-life entities, including other art and literary works mentioned in this piece do not belong to the author with the exception of original characters, plot, and subplots. The views and opinions of the characters do not necessarily reflect that of the author.
Zwischenzug
by four-eyed 0-0
Part IV
"So it's true, when all is said and done, grief is the price we pay for love."
― E.A. Bucchianeri, Brushstrokes of a Gadfly
o-o
Difficult
"Professor, I'm driving."
"No, my bike, I drive."
"But your hands are injured and you refused first aid."
"I'd broken my wrist before and still I was able to drive."
Kurama pinched at the bridge of his nose. She was being difficult. "It's either I drive or we're running."
"I can't just leave my bike here!"
"Then will you please just listen to me?" he said, looking her straight in the eye. "Every minute we spend arguing is a mile we could put between us and whoever is after you."
Aoshi stilled, as if finally realizing that they were still in quite a quandary. She didn't say anything before snatching her rucksack from his hold—with a sharp hiss of pain—and dangling the keys in front of his face.
Kurama released a breath before swinging a leg to right the motorbike. He put on her helmet before his. The professor strained to slip the bag onto her back but was able to clamber behind him fast enough to not add to his increasing anxiety.
When she didn't move to secure herself, he took matters into his own hands. Without asking for her permission, he grabbed her wrists after starting the motorbike and wrapped her arms around his abdomen, careful not to make her still bleeding hands touch anything other than the crisp summer air.
This course of action was too quick that she didn't have time to react. Soon enough, they were out on the main street, and he managed not to go over the limit as he drove them to safety.
His passenger seemed to still be in her senses for when they took another turn away from the general direction of the diner, she shouted over the roar of the engine, "Where are we going?"
"Kuwabara's," he yelled back.
"Why not Urameshi's?"
"Safety first."
Then silence.
It was true but he didn't have to give further details as to why they were headed to another direction. She'd injured herself and now she required a place to stay before he could arrange a meeting with the rest of the team.
He only wished that the prospect of leaving her life behind in the meantime wouldn't affect her drastically. She had already gone through so much that he didn't trust she'd be able to have the energy to dissent whatever proposal they would come up with.
After almost ten minutes of silence, they pulled up in front of one of the many houses lining the immediate street to the train station. The Kuwabara residence stood without any semblance to the people who lived in it, a house that didn't invite anyone's notice. To Kurama, it was convenient as he and the people in his association lived in the shadows.
The two of them disembarked the motorbike and Kurama ran up to ring the doorbell by the steel gate. A wheeze emanated from the intercom next to the name plate by the stone post and Shizuru's voice was heard.
"Shizuru, it's Kurama."
"Kazu isn't in any trouble, then? Wait a sec."
He saw the front door slide open and the two of them backed away from the gate as Shizuru advanced to unlock it. Kurama looked over his shoulder to see the way Aoshi was itching to ask a question.
Shizuru didn't drop smoking nonchalantly in front of the stranger, even as she surveyed the damage the professor acquired.
She merely puffed out more smoke, as expected of her. "Okay, I get it. You go and I'll open the back gate for you. I'll take her inside."
Kurama only nodded in thanks and patted the professor on the shoulder when she turned questioningly to him. "I'll join you shortly inside."
He sidestepped to let them pass and started the motorbike after taking the professor's helmet, rounding the corner to slip into the side alley and the back gate. Shizuru was quick and had already left it open. He parked the motorbike next to the fence and spiked the thorny bougainvillea dangling from the concrete fence to grow and hide the vehicle effectively.
Confident that no one would find the motorbike without looking for it, he proceeded to lock the gate and jogged up the winding stone pathway to the backdoor. He immediately found the professor sitting with her hands held by Yukina as Shizuru poured a steady stream of lukewarm water to wash the wounds. The sound of glass on steel echoed in the silent kitchen as Yukina dislodged one of the shards that had been sitting in the professor's palms and let it fall into the basin quickly filled up with bloodied wash water.
Shizuru was the first one to notice his entrance. "Kurama, could you sub me? I need to get some towels."
This sent the professor snapping from her blank staring at Yukina's work, eliciting a sharp hiss. Yukina had apparently been taken aback from her sudden movement and put too much pressure, immediately bowing in apology.
"It's okay, Yukina-san," said the professor, throwing a glare towards Kurama's way. "It's all good."
"I'm sorry," Kurama said belatedly, walking to them and taking the pot from Shizuru who jogged away as soon as he did. Even though her display of upset wasn't solicited, he didn't complain and tried to appease her, convinced that she needed a new level of understanding under the circumstances that they found themselves in. "Are you all right, Professor?"
She didn't look at him but spoke nonetheless. "I'm okay."
"Kurama-san, please pour the water," said Yukina politely.
Kurama acquiesced and Yukina gently wiped with her fingers the blood that started oozing from where she'd taken out the shards of glass.
A set of footsteps alerted them that Shizuru was back. "What's happening, Kurama? Where are the others?"
She stood next to them, holding out the towels for Yukina to take and dry the professor's hands with. Kurama removed the basin from the countertop and emptied it through the sink, washing it with some water and soap.
"The others took care of another attack. We found a scientist dead in the professor's apartment—"
From his periphery, he saw her perk up and turn to cut him off. "He wasn't dead, Kurama. He wasn't."
The two of them looked at each other while the other two people in the room stood to watch. Kurama decided to turn away from the professor's haunting eyes that were both angry and blank.
"I correct myself. He was impaled and we found him before he died. Some of the half-demons attacked us and she was injured."
Aoshi still hadn't taken her eyes away from him and when he caught them, she seemed to be more aware now that he had chosen to leave out certain details, like they were their own little secret.
While he was perfectly sure their companions would be able to tell anyway.
"Professor," said Yukina in her small voice, "I'm going to heal your wounds now. This shouldn't hurt."
Aoshi turned to watch without the usual restrained zeal he saw whenever something fascinating was happening in front of her eyes. Yukina's hands began to glow softly, the blue light reflected on their faces.
"What do you plan to do?" asked Shizuru, lighting up a cigarette.
He dried his hands with a dish towel and leaned on the sink. "I'll have to speak with the others."
"We're not going to run to Genkai's, are we?"
Kurama looked at the professor from the corner of his eyes. She didn't seem to be listening as she now conversed in hushed tones with Yukina, too weak to show anything akin to enthusiasm at the sight of the supernatural but unable to do away with her curiosity.
"I guess it wouldn't be surprising if we did," he said.
"How convenient."
o-o
Chiaki had to flex her hands again and again in front of her face. In the small light coming from the noon sun, her hands looked whole with no trace of the wounds that she had inflicted on herself.
She had touched his face back in that room. He was covered in broken glass and blood. Face, neck, chest, feet. Everywhere she looked at him, he was nipped in one form or another. Broken and never going to be whole again.
But even in his deathbed he was the same person she loved. Every single piece of him was a piece she adored and resented and forgave. Every single one was a piece of him that she wanted to memorize, even when they never amounted to what he was as a whole. He was the Isamu whom she accepted to be her life partner, the Isamu she promised to be with for the rest of her imperfect life.
But now he was just… dead.
And even the last reminder of how his wounded face felt to her—painful, cold, bloodied—were gone.
Her hands were healed, without a single scar.
But her heart… she wondered if it would still heal when it had been trampled on so many times in the past.
And if it did heal, would she still afford to love someone as much as she loved Isamu?
o-o
"The professor's in the guest room," Shizuru announced as soon as all of them had gathered in the kitchen.
Yukina had attended to the others who sported various cuts as soon as they arrived from G&P but Kurama had declined, healing for himself.
Botan had taken the seat by the counter, a cup of tea held by her hands as she stared blankly into space, isolated from the rest of them. Finding Urawa's body in the state that they had left it and escorting his soul must have winded her. On top everything, she was forbidden to open her lips when she must be brimming with the desire to share whatever it was that they had talked about.
When they had probably talked about his love for Aoshi, his last request… his assault.
He was made the reluctant narrator of what had occurred at Aoshi's apartment, not leaving out anything that Urawa had uttered before he died that he deemed necessary.
"He was also mouthing words to her. He said, 'Check. Book. Clues.'"
"Wow, was he cryptic," said Yusuke and Keiko elbowed him in the ribs.
"He was dying and he saved his last breath to give you clues, Yusuke! How could you take for granted his last words?"
"Suki."
Kurama corrected Keiko mentally. Even in his death, he remembered to remind the professor that he loved her.
It was moving, something so human, he realized long after his passing.
But he was distracting himself.
"He was probably referring to Yamamoto's book. We still have to speak with the professor." He was met with a series of agreement but he quickly added, "However, I believe now is not the right time to talk to her about it."
"What do we do now?" asked Kuwabara. "I'm sure as hell that the professor would have to hide."
"Not to mention the new breed of half-demons can now control both reiki and youki," said Yusuke. "We need to meet with Enki and Koenma. And Yomi and Mukuro."
Hiei harrumphed and smirked, for the first time reacting in any form.
"Grandma's place could use some visitors," said Yusuke in an attempt to lighten the mood. "We're leaving first thing tomorrow morning."
Kurama was positive not everyone liked the idea, but it was a necessity.
o-o
"Nee-chan!"
The sound of steel against asphalt coupled with breaking glass. A sharp drawing of breath. Sobbing.
"Nee-chan! Don't leave!"
Chiaki woke with a start, drenched in sweat. She hadn't dreamt of him in a long while. Come to think of it, she hadn't dreamt of him in years.
She dreamt of someone else when Isamu—
Isamu was dead.
Chiaki twisted in the semi-darkness. Turning to the window, she saw that half the moon had risen. It was a cloudless night.
She didn't know what time it was, but she felt it was night time. How long had she been asleep?
"Professor, are you awake?"
It was the redhead. His silhouette was seen through the material of the door, a dark figure standing in clear contrast with the light out in the hallway.
"Would you join us for dinner? Shizuru had just finished cooking."
She hesitated; she wasn't in the mood for food. But she didn't want to be a terrible guest. She would also have to know what happened to the others.
She was heartbroken but it wasn't like she'd had her heart broken the first time only today. She survived the first times and she would survive this. She was grieving, and she would grieve in her own way.
Lacking the strength to stand up, she struggled to make it to the door and slide it open. Kurama was standing with his hands in his pockets, his lips neither in a smile or a frown.
"How long was I out?" she asked. She must look terrible.
"A couple of hours," said Kurama, gesturing for her to follow. "By that I mean we were able to convene, break up, and reconvene."
She reached out to fix her bun. "You've spoken with the others?"
"Yes," he said. He paused as they stepped on the bottom landing, turning to her with his head cocked slightly to the side. "But don't worry. I haven't told anyone. By the way, I asked Botan to pack more clothes from your apartment. She brought your laptop as well. They're in the cabinet in your room."
She didn't know what to say and he left it at that.
They proceeded to the dining area and found the rest of the team gathered about the table, their chat cut off as soon as they saw her. It was a deafening silence, shattered by the scraping of a chair on the wooden floor.
"Professor!" said Botan, going up to her and giving her a hug that effectively knocked the wind out of her.
This gesture took Chiaki aback, as though something else other than relief brought it about. It wasn't that she thought of Botan any less than a friend, but her embrace felt too tight and—
Chiaki's tears suddenly fell and she buried her face into the ferry girl's shoulder.
"Did he put you up to this?" she whispered against the fabric of her shirt.
Botan only tightened her hug.
Chiaki took it as a yes.
o-o
It took a while before Aoshi was able to recover from the series of condolences that were offered. It took a while before she could consume her share of food. It took more than coaxing to make her see the reason behind their sudden exile to a place she had never heard of before.
Kurama was surprised that she was able to argue with them regarding the plan despite the awkward start of the evening. She made it seem like she was all right when she still had to have a good cry about her loss.
But he didn't hear anything from her. The morning after, before it became too bright to be inconspicuous in the streets, their group headed for the bus terminal in a tight knot. The professor didn't separate from the girls who were occupied with trying to talk her to forgetting even momentarily.
"Is there another reason you keep looking her way, fox?" asked Hiei as the bus went through a tunnel, rendering the glass window a reflective surface to see his seatmate's smirking face with.
Kurama closed his eyes and leaned onto the backrest. Aoshi was seated by the window across from them, already asleep.
"I don't need to answer that, Hiei."
"Is she a prospect?"
Shiori's voice on the phone rang in his ears once more. He had called his mother as soon as he woke up to tell her that they would be away for a while. She readily burst into tears and he had to reassure her that everything was fine.
At least for now.
"Take care of yourself. Remember what I told you."
"I don't have an answer to that, Hiei."
He heard his seatmate scoff. "Whatever you say."
Kurama had dozed off, and he woke to the motion of the bus stopping at the next terminal. Their group quickly disembarked and were greeted by the mid-morning summer sun.
"I'm starving," said Yusuke, already sweating from the heat in the open area.
He was met with a chorus of approval and they all headed for the cafeteria. They took the largest table in a corner and rid themselves of their baggage, letting Yusuke and Kuwabara take their orders.
Kurama sat next to Aoshi who automatically scooted farther along the bench next to Botan. She had already taken off her jacket, her skin exposed through her white sleeveless shirt. She busied to put her hair made unruly from sleep in a messy bun all the way to the top of her head.
Hiei sat across from him, eyebrow raised.
Kurama ignored him, a bit dejected for the trouble that his silent friend was going through just to insinuate something as detestable as taking advantage of a woman in grief.
"Are we going to see Jin and Chu?" asked Kuwabara between bites of his gyudon.
"They live there, stupid," said Yusuke.
Aoshi paused from drinking her iced coffee. "Who're Jin and Chu?"
"Oh, you'll meet them soon, Professor. They're fun people," said Yusuke, grinning
"And 'fun' is what, exactly?" she said, cocking an eyebrow at them.
"I'd bet they're throwing a drinking party."
"Which is totally unacceptable!" said Botan, wagging a finger in front of the best friends. "We need to speak with Koenma and Enki."
"I know that. But have you ever tried to talk some sense to a drunk?"
"And have you ever tried catching the wind?" Kuwabara added.
The two men busted out laughing and they were met with disapproving glances from the other diners occupying tables in their immediate vicinity.
The professor didn't bother with pretense. "I don't get it," she said, finishing her pitiful meal of coffee and bread. "But whatever. I'll get our tickets while you finish that up."
"Do you have money on you?" asked Keiko.
She was already standing up, swinging her legs to get out of the bench. "Yeah, Yukimura. Don't worry," she said, nodding.
"I'm coming with you," said Shizuru, wiping her lips with a paper napkin. "We'll meet you there."
"One of the boys must come with you," said Botan.
"Botan, do you honestly think they're stupid to attack in a place like this?" said Shizuru, inclining her head as a warning. "We'll be fine."
The two of them took their bags and ambled away without another word.
Botan huffed, crossing her arms along her chest. "Get that, boys? Drinking and partying while someone is grieving? Just how insensitive can you be?"
"What was Urawa to her anyway?" Yusuke turned to Kurama, completely ignoring Botan but understanding her drift. "Do you know?"
Kurama felt Botan looking his way, her eyes wide. There was a glimmer in them, pleading that he spilled what she was dying to say but was not allowed to.
He understood Botan's inner turmoil, but it was never their story to tell.
"All I know is that they're close friends."
"So he's her boyfriend."
"I can neither confirm nor deny that." When Yusuke opened his mouth to say something else, Kurama added in haste, "I rest my case."
It effectively put an end to the topic.
o-o
"Wow, they're taking their time," said Kuwabara. No, Shizuru. The situation Chiaki found herself in was difficult. Now that she knew two Kuwabara's, she was having a hard time.
Kuwabara Kazuma would always be the first Kuwabara to her.
The two of them were smoking by the entrance to the train station, waiting for the rest of the group to join them.
Chiaki couldn't care less about the boys. She didn't want to be pissed but she was livid anyway. How they could joke about drinking and partying while she was feeling low was beyond her comprehension.
Well, she wasn't trying to act important and mighty, but couldn't she at least mourn properly?
So yes, she was asking for special attention, after all.
"They're rude and tactless, I know."
"But that's what makes them boys," Chiaki finished, letting the smoke rise from her nostrils. "I understand and I'm not in the position to complain either."
Shizuru chuckled, cigarette on her lips. "Why do you say that? Because you're new to all this and you've signed up by choice?"
"Yeah, sort of."
"And because you had to take everything that goes with it."
Chiaki didn't agree to that. But she didn't disagree either. She was the one who asked for help when she wanted answers that they, ironically and conveniently, required, too. And now that she was in trouble and needed protecting, she must put up with everything that came with this mayhem.
"But you don't have to be always nice about it," Shizuru continued, smiling. "If you want to be a bitch, be a bitch. They would never have to know why. It's one of our self-entitlements as women."
"Let them suffer and keep thinking we're having PMS over and over," said Chiaki.
The two of them looked at each other and exploded in a laughing fit.
"You have a sadistic streak, Professor," said Shizuru, wiping her face to compose herself.
"You can say that," Chiaki said, taking a long drag from her cigarette.
They were silent for a while, given the lack of anything else to talk about. Chiaki racked her head of other things that she could start a conversation with, eager to know this stranger who shared her drug.
"How do you deal with it?" she asked, rubbing at her nose.
"Deal with what my brother's doing?" Shizuru said. "Well, if you're born with a heightened awareness, you'd have to live with it every day. I guess Kazu just had to make it worse when he decided to grow up and be more responsible."
Chiaki's jaw dropped. She turned to the straw-haired woman she was betting to be at least thirty years old. "You're a psychic?"
"Unfortunately," she said. "Well, not exactly. At least I get to see what my brother sees and take care of him better lest his idiocy made it too difficult for him."
"Nee-chan!"
Chiaki's heart was beating miles per minute as the conversation fetched a distant memory buried in the deepest recesses of her brain.
To be able to take care of a younger sibling all her life… Chiaki was suddenly brimming with envy.
"I sense you can see them, too," she said, effectively pulling Chiaki from her reverie.
"I just see them. I can't do anything else other than that, but it still gave me quite a fright a lot of times when I was younger. Though I think I should thank the gods. I don't notice them that much now," said Chiaki, waving her cigarette in the air as if to point out the silvery entities hovering about. "It's as if I got used to their presence everywhere I go."
"It would take some getting used to, too. Being with the guys and all," said Shizuru.
Chiaki couldn't have said it any better.
"But trust me, they won't drop you."
When the rest of the group finally made it to the train, Chiaki made sure to sit next to her Woman of the Hour even though they wouldn't be able to talk too loudly the whole ride.
o-o
After another bus transfer, the nine of them finally set foot in the familiar territory. It was just as they remembered, even from the foot of the hundred-step stairs lined with forest trees and adorned with enchantments and wards that flickered even in the sunlight.
"Are you kidding me?" Aoshi whispered, squinting at the sight, trying to make out the property on top of the stone steps.
"Nope," said Yusuke who crouched to offer a ride to Keiko.
"Okay, Hiei," said Kuwabara, appearing ten times taller than the fire demon. "You take care of my Yukina."
Hiei didn't respond before carrying the ice maiden bridal-style and dashing up the stairs without waiting for the rest. Yusuke and Keiko took off after him while Kuwabara took everyone else's extra luggage before walking away with his sister who refused his offer next to him.
"Is this a ritual?" asked Aoshi, incredulous.
"We do it to save time. Most of us are fast runners," Kurama explained. When Aoshi didn't respond, he swallowed, trying to appear cool. "Shall we?"
She looked at him. "I think I can take the walk. You should take Botan."
"Oh no, Professor, I'm all right!" She conjured her oar. "See you at the top!" she said before whizzing by and away.
Aoshi only stared agape as the flying ferry girl became smaller by the second. "This is insane," she said, blowing at the wayward lock of hair that escaped her bun. "Honestly speaking, I don't want to take your offer but that wouldn't get you out of my hair fast. I can do some exercise but I'm not crazy to jog up that many steps when I'm sure I'll shrivel up like a prune. I can't take another blow at my femininity by feeding your ego through acquiescing to this offer disguised as chivalry but I don't want to look stupid and ridiculous. So, okay, I'm trusting you not to drop me and not break a sweat."
Kurama fought back a snicker. She was rambling, and he could see through her front. "I will not drop you, Professor, make no mistake."
After eyeing him levelly, she slung her rucksack securely behind her back and wrapped her arms around his neck. He placed his hands under her knees and hoisted her up.
"Are you sure it's okay?" she said close to his ear, her breath smelling strongly of tobacco.
He didn't turn his head. "Yes, Professor. Are you ready?"
"Yeah."
"All right, then."
He started running and the feeling of having someone on his back as he jogged up the familiar steps came off as alien. The inevitable tightening of her hold, instinctive wrapping of her legs around his waist in fear of being blown away and her face buried in his hair. Everything surprised him, and even as he'd expected all these from her, he almost lost his balance.
But he didn't, and soon enough, they were on the top landing, the others waiting.
"Professor, you can let go," he said, straining to see her eyes closed and the side of her face pressed to his hair.
"We're still running!" she said.
Kurama suppressed a laugh as everyone else. "We're not. Anymore, that is. You can now let go."
It took a while before she heeded his advice and set her feet on the stone path. She said her thanks under her breath, too ashamed for having panicked. Kurama only smiled. He'd seen many instances of the professor's weaknesses and they all made her seem more human.
"Oi, Jin, open up!" Yusuke yelled at the towering wooden gates.
Several birds took flight just as the trees rustled with the sudden gust of wind. The gates creaked and swung open, revealing the huge temple and the front lawn. Another gust of wind and Yusuke was sent catapulting inside and face-first onto the grass.
High, ringing laughter echoed through the garden and Aoshi was heard saying, "So this is what fun's like. Greeting your guests by sending one of them flying in the air and getting a good laugh about it."
"Hiya, fellas! Great teh see all' yeh!"
Aoshi jumped higher than she had ever jumped before as Jin came zipping in front of her, feet crossed in the air. She was the picture of fright, a hand on her chest to calm her racing heart.
He bowed to the professor. "Welcome teh Genkai's abode. Name's Jin, wha's yers?"
Her face scrunched up in concentration to comprehend the rapid, accented speech from the wind tamer but managed to introduce herself.
"JIN! THAT HURT, YOU BASTARD!"
Jin uttered a quick, "'Scuse me, madam, got teh run," before levitating himself and whooshing away from Yusuke who was charging toward him.
"Just where am I?" Aoshi whispered more to herself than anyone else.
o-o
After another round of introductions to demons that she didn't know would be co-inhabiting with them for the length of their stay, Chiaki was at her wit's end.
The drunk Chu kept on insisting that she joined him and Botan had to use her oar to put him to sleep. Rinku the perpetually young demon was running around playing pranks with the perpetually egoistic Suzuki. And while Shishiwakamaru and Touya sat still in their respective corners, she couldn't shake Jin and his constant talking in the dialect that she found hard to process.
Urameshi should have put him to sleep, but even the team leader was no match to Jin's speed without using his powers that could blow the whole temple to bits—as Kuwabara attested to. And so after the windy welcome, they just ran around the yard, chasing each other with Urameshi occasionally throwing an attack as light as Jin's.
Men's perception of fun was too much for her.
"So yer a scientist?" the demon was now asking. "D'yeh know why—"
"Jin, I think that's enough for now," said Botan. "Let the professor rest. She's had a long day."
Chiaki turned to the red-haired, single-horned demon to apologize but he only grinned at her and Botan, patting Chiaki on the shoulder.
"Aw, tha's a'yt wi' me. Yeh go, Professeh, I'm gonna see yeh lateh!"
"Oh, okay," Chiaki said before Botan whisked her from the sitting room.
Botan didn't seem to understand the concept of personal space—she held onto Chiaki's arm like her life depended on it. She maneuvered the two of them to the west wing, stopping in front of the room three doors down to their right.
She slid open the door, shouting, "Ta-da!" Chiaki craned her neck without moving from her position to get a better look at the room designated as hers for the duration of this stay. It was small with four and a half mats yet didn't feel cramped at all, fit for a single person.
Chiaki looked to her left and right. The whole stretch of the hallway they were standing on to the end of the opposite wing was lined with numerous doors.
"Botan, how many people are living here, exactly?" Chiaki asked as she entered the empty room and sat on the floor, opening her bags.
The blue-haired ferry girl sat next to her after sliding the door closed. "We're the only ones occupying the rooms right now, including Jin and the others. But from time to time other apparitions would come seeking refuge."
Chiaki unpacked her things and placed them beside her. "It's a sanctuary."
"Uh-huh!" said Botan, helping her fold the clothes that she had tossed inside the rucksack without exactly thinking the day before. "Genkai left this property to us asking that we put it to good use."
It was a neutral ground for humans and demons and apparitions to coexist. More than a month ago, she would have never thought this was possible even with the occasional news she considered gaffes and blunder most of the time.
But now nothing seemed impossible anymore.
"I'm sorry about the guys. They're rowdy as usual."
Chiaki smiled at Botan. "Don't apologize, you don't have to."
Botan returned the smile with one of her own. "You'll make fast friends with them, I'm sure."
Chiaki saw no need to say anything to her after that.
"I guess I'll leave you here then, Professor. You go get some rest."
"I'll join you later to help out with dinner."
Botan left, closing the door behind her as she went. Chiaki was left alone, placing what she was able to take with her in the small cabinet that occupied one corner of the room. She left the window slightly open before lying on the futon she found next to the cabinet.
It was an insane day, but at least for now she was surrounded with people she could be safe with. She couldn't properly mourn the way she wanted to with the lack of expediency in behaving that way under the present circumstances, but she couldn't lament their presence and the situation either.
With the sense of urgency of the matter and Isamu's sudden passing, she felt full and empty at the same time. It was nothing like she'd felt before, not even ten years ago.
She wondered if she'd used up all of the luck that she was born with for this to happen to her again. For someone to leave her again. Alone and heartbroken.
A tear escaped her eye and she wiped at it hastily. She'd had enough crying to last her a year.
God, Chiaki, you have to stop.
But he's gone.
He's never coming back and you have to do something to make sure his death wouldn't be in vain.
I need to avenge him.
Not by killing someone else. You're not that low.
How then?
I dunno. You're a smart, independent woman, aren't you? So quit this pathetic excuse for slacking and show them you're reliable in the face of jackshit.
Chiaki opened her eyes and stared at the wooden ceiling. She was right. At least the voice in her head was.
She'd recently been talking to herself more often than she liked. God, was she in a pickle.
I'm a strong, smart, independent woman. I'm a strong, smart, independent woman.
With a sudden resolve to do things right, she got up despite feeling weak, no surer than she was a moment prior of what course of action to take. But she should try to empty her mind in order to make clearer her thinking process.
I am a strong, smart, independent, reliable woman. I am a strong, smart, independent, reliable woman.
She stood up. She jumped up and down. She jogged in place. She punched in the air.
I am a strong, smart, independent, reliable, capable woman.
"I AM A STRONG, SMART, INDEPENDENT, RELIABLE, AND CAPABLE WOMAN!" she yelled, jogging faster and jumping higher in the air, even when her lungs felt like giving out.
I should quit smoking.
"Professor?"
Chiaki whipped her head to see Kurama's face in the open window, his eyes bearing a question for the woman in mid-air.
And Chiaki landed on the matted floor, wobbling on her knees. "Yes?" she asked, barely audible from the lack of oxygen in the suddenly suffocating room.
"Are you all right?"
She released a breath. God, she needed a cigarette. She ran to the cabinet and slid it open, finding her box of deathsticks. What was she honestly thinking when she jogged and jumped like she didn't smoke five sticks a day?
Wait, I shouldn't even be smoking.
But I need to relax.
"I'm fine," she said, puffing out smoke at the rate her chest rose and fell. Sweat dribbled from her forehead to her neck, and she felt clammy all over.
She should have stopped smoking right there and then. Her breathing didn't even out. She started coughing. Her hands were trembling.
But she had to relax.
A cigarette would let her relax.
"Professor, I think you should stop smoking that stick."
Chiaki covered her mouth as she dissolved into a coughing mess. The red-haired demon was right. What was she honestly thinking?
"I. Am. Fine," she said anyway, after every cough.
"You're not. I'll get Yukina for you."
"DON'T!" Yukina couldn't make her feel whole again. Chiaki would not let it happen. "There's no need," she amended after seeing the surprise on Kurama's face.
Chiaki finished the stick and wrapped the butt with paper from her rucksack after much struggling. The coughing didn't come to a stop until after a while of doubling over and gasping for much-needed air but her throat felt raw and bleeding.
"Do you need someone to talk to?"
She looked at the redhead, surprised that he was still standing outside her window. His eyes were dark in the afternoon sun, but there was no pity in them, just a neutral shade of green.
Did she need someone to talk to right now?
"No, I'm fine." She lied.
"I see. I'll leave you alone, then."
The redhead turned to go. Then he hesitated.
"What you were shouting earlier, I just want you to know that I believe it's true."
I am a strong, smart, independent, reliable, and capable woman.
She looked at him again. He was now smiling. It was not the happy type of smile, but a consoling one.
Suddenly the tears came.
o-o
She was openly crying to him, her knees giving out under her. His chest started fluttering in panic, and he supressed the desire to shuffle in his feet, not exactly sure what he would do.
Should he vault the window and sit next to her?
Should he run and ask someone else to console her?
Oh, he hated this.
Aoshi was wiping at her tears and looked away from him. "Don't look at me."
"Ah, I won't. I'm not," he said hastily, panicked at the way she sounded in command.
"You can see me."
It wasn't a dismissal, and he didn't know what else to do. He turned his back to her and sat down on the grass below her window.
Of all the things that he could come up with, he chose to sit outside as though it would placate her anxiety toward being seen as she lost control and finally cried. She needed someone to talk to, he was quite sure of it, and although it was an impulsive decision in his part, he hoped she would at least appreciate this gesture in exchange for being terrible yesterday while she dealt with her shock at their assault.
Laughter ensued from the room. He must have really looked like a fool.
"What are you doing?"
"I won't see you crying this way."
Silence descended upon the two of them anew. Kurama didn't fully understand why he was doing this—why he was putting up with her when he could have thrown his care in the air—, but the professor needed help even if she denied it.
It was probably presumptive in his end, but Kurama felt partly responsible for Urawa's passing. He was the only one in this temple who knew of his relationship with the professor besides Botan. Given that the grim reaper was forbidden from opening her mouth even when she wished to, he felt that he should offer a hand to the professor.
Believing this truth, he only concerned himself with the effect her temperament would have on the investigation. She needed to be well before she could meet their superiors.
He knew Youmi and Mukuro would frown on her if she continued to be catatonic. Koenma and Enki had a lot more patience, but he lacked confidence they would allow her to stall the mission when it was now of this gravity.
When he saw her through this window as he was walking outside, he surmised she was probably having a terrible fit. But when he heard her cheering herself, he'd wanted to make sure she believed in it.
He'd seen his share of humans breaking from loss, and he wasn't about to sacrifice their mission with the professor's fragility finally taking over her.
At least that was what he wanted to believe in.
He must have gone really soft.
She hadn't even had a good cry about Urawa's death. He'd been with her since the last attack, even requesting to stand guard outside the room she occupied the night before. He never heard her crying, not even when she took a last look at him. Knowing how she valued the man for all that he was worth, she must be brimming and in the verge of snapping if her earlier display wasn't any indication.
She must get a hold of herself.
"I think it's so unfair," she said out of the blue, her trembling voice carrying through the silence of this part of the temple. "He tells me he loves me and then dies on me."
Kurama didn't dare speak. His heart was suddenly fluttering with her confidence to finally confide in him.
She sniffed. "He was a great man. Admirable in his work as a scientist, intelligent and handsome to boot. Of course I didn't give a care about it at first—I was too absorbed in trying to prove my worth as a scientist, too happy about my line of work. Until he actually asked me out."
He just listened, trying not to imagine the smile on her tear-stained face while no longer repressing the memories resurfacing from the past.
"At first I didn't like him. He was as every bit obnoxious six years ago as he was yesterday. Too full of himself, he liked to make fun of his junior colleagues including me. I was careful not to snap and give in to his taunting, but one day I decided enough was enough."
She chuckled, not stopping for a good minute.
He tried but failed seeing her talking Urawa down.
"Then the next thing I knew, he was crazy about me. Head over heels and crazily in love with me. It was flattering and he didn't give up pursuing me."
He heard her shuffle and light up another cigarette.
"That man never failed to make me feel that he was proud of me for being who I was. He placed so much confidence in me, happy that I was just as capable as he was, if not more."
She paused, and he heard her taking a long drag from her cigarette and blowing out the smoke with a heavy sigh.
"He was the first man who didn't think of me as a competition. I inspired him to do better, not because he wanted to be better than I was but because he wanted me to feel confident in him as a man, as a partner… and as a husband. He asked for my hand. Of course I said yes. I loved him more than anyone else in the world."
A voice in the back of his head told Kurama this wasn't supposed to be conversed between the two of them. But it was too late to leave and not hear all of it.
Another pause. She drew a sharp breath.
"I thought I'd finally been successful in placing my trust in a man but then he suddenly asked me how I did it."
Do what? He wanted to ask, but he didn't.
"He asked me how I earned merit to become the esteemed Yamamoto's second-in-command. If I had to sleep with the old man who was twice my age," she said hastily, as if she didn't want him to hear it. "What a freaking cunt. He didn't trust me enough. Not even when we were about to get married. What a freaking cunt."
She continued without pausing, and he heard her voice breaking. She was crying again.
"And just when I thought I did it right by breaking up with him and leaving him to rot with his pride, he would tell me he was sorry and that he was stupid and that he loved me. Just before dying on me."
Kurama could almost see her gritting her teeth in an attempt to control the tears welling up from her still swollen eyes.
"And it's so unfair! He was so unfair! I could have loved him again if only he said he that he was sorry! I could have forgiven him and mend what was broken if only he'd let me! But he didn't!
"He was so unfair. He couldn't swallow his pride and own up to what he did wrong and he refused to let me love him again when I never stopped. He was so stupid, a coward. And I'm so stupid for not learning to hate him for that. I hate myself for it. I hate myself for not seeing it."
And then she stopped. She just cried quietly, drawing sharp breaths as though doing so would help her not to break into a million pieces in a room no one would dare enter, not even Kurama.
He struggled for words when she had said so much. He suddenly pitied himself for not being able to comfort her properly. Women were difficult and the professor was more so. He'd seen enough of her to know that she was as complicated as she liked them to think without pretending otherwise.
If only he could come up with something to tell her…
If only he could offer perspective…
Of course, he could.
"Professor," he spoke, softly but loud enough for her to hear.
She sniffed again. "What is it?"
"I don't understand how you feel right now and I wouldn't make you feel better by trying to put myself in your shoes. I don't know him that well and it's not my place to say this but from what I gathered from everything that has happened, I think I know what he could have been thinking when you appeared to him as an employee, when he was granted the chance to be beside you again."
She didn't say anything. It was his time to speak, he surmised.
"He kept you at a distance because of the fact that he didn't want you to be involved with him any more than with the alliance that he regretted to be part of. He had fallen in too deep and he wouldn't want you to commit the same mistake and suffer like he did, like Yamamoto did. He wanted to chase you away and protect you.
"But when he finally realized that you are working for the other side, he learned it was too late for the two of you to reconcile."
"He could've asked for my help!"
"You know him better than I do and you said he was a proud man. If there was one thing that he would have regretted, it was not letting go of that pride and asking for the help of someone whom he knew he'd hurt deeply."
There was silence. Kurama recoiled, surprised that he could be saying this as though he perfectly understood the man he barely knew.
"He was a proud man and even in the last hours of his life he only thought of protecting you, of helping you instead. He believed he was a hopeless case. Yes, he was wrong to not trust that he could still be saved, but he was right to have trusted your cause for choosing a side.
"He believed in you, Professor. He made the mistake of doubting you in the past but he tried to make it right in the only way he could without losing his pride as a man. I don't expect you to forgive him for being a prideful coward but believe me, he only cared for you."
He didn't know if it was enough to make her realize Urawa's sacrifice but it was all that he could offer. He was afraid to go near her when she made it obvious that she didn't want him to see her while she broke down. He wasn't comfortable with the thought, either.
He released a silent sigh, feeling that he was at his limit after that speech. He was never made to angst over the matters of the human heart that was fragile and easily broken, something that had absolute reign on their actions. He was analytic and he saw things matter-of-factly.
In this game of chess that they played, allowing her emotions to take control of her actions would only put the professor in danger. He wouldn't consent to it, and that was why he was there, sitting on the almost dried grass, bathing in the afternoon sun.
And even if she decided to continue crying after she mulled his piece, he would walk away and let her be. She was fragile but she was level-headed, two different things that were too much for him in a single day.
Women were difficult after all.
Aoshi Chiaki was no exception.
As he rose from his perch and left her without turning back, Kurama wondered if he should have asked for one of the girls to talk to her in his stead.
A/N: I know! This is awfully fast! But I have so much time in my hands and I can't stop writing. I've put this on hold for too long because of college and undergrad thesis so I have to make up for it.
This chapter is kinda heavy, I know, but Chiaki needs time to mourn and be upset, right? It's Urawa we're talking about, and I just had to have Kurama console her. It felt off, but it was what I wanted the whole scene to feel like. Awkward but touching in a way. Haha.
And a clue to her past, yes? And more demons, yay! Jin gave me a headache, somehow. I still can't wrap my head around his accent. It was a Japanese dialect in the original anime and was substituted with Irish accent in the English dub so it was quite the challenge.
* Japanese room area is usually expressed in the number of tatami mats used for its flooring.
So did you like the chapter? Tell me by leaving a review! Thanks to everyone who added this story to their alerts and faves and especially those who left reviews in the previous chappie!
See you soon!