26/5/85

I came across a woman in the lobby this morning who looked like she was about my age, so I initiated a conversation and we ended up in a tangled heap on my bed within 15 minutes of my saying, "Hello."

I didn't know her name, she didn't tell me hers; it was just casual sex between two people. Why did I do it? Because she was beautiful, smart, witty and needed to kill some time. I didn't feel at all as if I was cheating on Clarisse because we've never actually discussed our relationship before. I still haven't told her how I feel about her and she's never once mentioned the word love to me, so I figured she wouldn't mind if I decided to have a brief fling with somebody else.

Countdown: 1 sleep to Clarisse's 50th. She's having a birthday ball much to her displeasure, her husband arranged it because he feels that it is absolutely necessary seeing as though she has reached yet another milestone in her life. The two princes are returning for the ball, along with his 8-month pregnant wife, Helen (I hope Clarisse will try and make an effort this time).

I encountered Clarisse once again while she was out walking. She seems to be slipping into a state that's almost like depression, but not quite so. She asked me if I'd just take her away to a restaurant tomorrow or somewhere else that she could just calmly and quietly celebrate on her own. I informed her that she was expected to be there so she smiled and decided to instead, find a way to act as if she's having a good time.

I told her I'd find some time to dance with her and that I'd constantly look for signs on her face which say, "I've had enough, get me out of here".

What I said to her was, "If I feel you're in need, I will not fail to come."

She thanked me and took my hand. I kissed hers and went off to do a last minute check on the security plans for the ball with Paul. They all seemed to be in order.

Later on, I was drawn to the gazebo by the sound of a beautiful voice, which(not to my surprise) belonged to Clarisse. She had decided to do a musical number for her party; she had a voice like an angel. I told her what I thought of her voice when she noticed me watching her and came over to say hello. She thanked me for my compliment and left for dinner, as did I.

27/5/85

Clarisse's birthday today – and what a disaster it was.

I was doing my usual rounds around the palace this morning and noticed that the door to the wine cellar had been left open, so I went to close it, but heard sobbing coming from inside. I carefully stepped into it and found Clarisse sitting on the floor downing a bottle. There were a few spilt bottles lying around her on the floor that she must have just taken sips of and tipped over. I walked over to her and bent down to take the bottle from her hand. She put her head on my chest and started shakily crying. I could feel her tears through my jacket. I kissed her head and asked her if she wanted me to take her away for the day. She shook her head and reached for another bottle, I caught her hand and kissed it. She stopped shaking and allowed me to carry her up to her suite.

I opened the door and carried her over to her bed. I'd never been in her rooms before, Paul was the only one who made security checks in there. It was a nice room, everything was trimmed with gold.

I noticed that the king was still in bed, so I lay her down next to him and kissed her again before leaving. I would have stayed a little longer if he wasn't in there, but since he was, I didn't.

After I left, I went down to the kitchens to get something to eat and met that woman again.

"Hello," I said.

"Good morning, your up early?" It was a question more than it was a statement.

"Yes, I'm always up at this time."

I sat next to her at the large wooden table and asked, "What's your name?"

She laughed, "It's Maddy. I suppose I didn't have enough time to properly introduce myself to you yesterday."

I smiled and took her hand, "Joseph."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Joseph."

"So tell me, what is it you are doing here at the palace?"

"I'm attending a ball later this evening. I've been invited to stay here for the week. So what is it that you are doing here at the palace?"

"I'm the deputy head of security."

"Oh really? Fascinating…"

Lauren entered the room and kissed me on the cheek, "Hey Joey."

I pretended to smile as she walked off to start work and then turned my attention back to the woman. Would you believe that Lauren (even after all these years) is still a kitchen hand?

The woman didn't enquire as to who Lauren was; I guess she didn't care either.

We had breakfast together then said our goodbyes, I didn't see her until later on

The ball began and I noticed that the king had entered without Clarisse, so I walked around the ballroom asking if anyone had seen her. I wasn't having much luck, so I asked the king where she was. He said that the last he saw of her, she was sitting at her dressing table, staring at herself in the mirror. I decided to wait until she came down. I excused myself from Rupert and was about to walk away, but he pulled my sleeve and asked me if I'd like to meet someone. I said, "Sure, so he took me over to where these three ladies were standing around talking with champaign glasses in their hands. One of them turned around and I noticed it was the same woman I had taken to bed the previous morning.

"Joseph," he said, "This is Madeline Chesterton, my mother in-law, Madeline, this is Joseph, my deputy head of security."

I raised both my eyebrows up so high, they almost hit the roof, then I cleared my throat, "You're Clar…her majesty's…m…mother?"

"Yes I am."

"But you look so young."

"Thankyou for your flattery, young man, Dr. Shale works miracles, doesn't he?"

She and the king laughed, I forced myself to laugh as well and then said, "Excuse me."

My breath caught in my throat, 'I slept with Clarisse's mother?'

She told me her name was Maddy, not Madeline. I didn't have time to curse myself properly, because at that moment, Clarisse came stumbling through the doors at the top of the stairs. She had the biggest smile on her face and the reddest eyes. I figured she'd been crying…but then why was she smiling?

"Hello everyone," she yelled from the top of the stairs.

Everyone turned to look at her. The music stopped and so did the talking. She held the rail of the staircase and slowly stepped down each step, being careful not to trip on them.

She somehow kept her balance, "I'm glad you could all…come here this evening. I'm delighted to…welcome you here this evening. How…are we all this evening?"

Everybody stared with their mouths open as she descended the last of the stairs. I walked over to her and asked her if she needed any help, she said she didn't and that I shouldn't worry so much. The king motioned for the orchestra to resume playing, so they did and he took Clarisse into his arms. I saw that he was talking to her and that a frown was forming on his forehead, so I waited until the end of the dance and then asked him if I could cut in for a minute. He let me, so I started dancing with Clarisse. She still seemed to be stumbling a bit, so I decided to make a further inquiry, "Is there something going on that I should know about?"

"No."

I studied her carefully, "How much did you drink?"

"I don't know, a half a bottle this morning, half a bottle before I came down."

"I don't believe you."

"I did, really I did."

I held her face in my hands and studied her eyes carefully, they seemed distant and lifeless, "What have you taken?"

"Nothing."

"Tell me!"

"Nothing!"

She relaxed against my chest, "Happy-pi…"

"What?"

"Happy-pi."

I grabbed her face and stared again, "Drugs?"

"Happy-pi…"

The dance ended and somebody else took her away. I decided to confront the king, who at the time was dancing with Madeline aka "Maddy". I asked if I could speak with him, so she went away for a moment. When I was convinced that nobody could hear, I quietly whispered, "I think she's taken something."

He was about to reply, but he closed his mouth when he noticed that Clarisse had appeared on the small stage with a microphone in her hand, "Greetings everyone, I would like to sing a…song for you all if…that's okay with you."

She put a tape in the tape player and pressed play, almost tripping over her microphone cord as she began to sing:

'Listen,

Do you want to know a secret?

Do you promise not to tell?

Woah-ooo-oh-oh

Rupert,

Let me whisper in your ear

I am sick of living heeeere

You're sick of it too

Ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo

Listen,

Doo da doo

Do you want to know a secret?

Doo da doo

Do you promise not to tell?

Woah-ooo-oh-oh

Rupert,

Been cheating on you for years

Almost makes me fall to teeeears

Not in love with you

Ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo

Ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo'

She started stumbling around again and fell right off the stage. Luckily for her, it was only a short fall and she wasn't seriously hurt. Everyone stared as I rushed over and lifted her into my arms. She was in tears and the fact that everyone was staring at her in disgust didn't make things any better. I carried her up the staircase while everybody gawped and whispered nasty comments to each other. As the doors closed behind me, I heard the music playing again and looked down at the teary-eyed beauty in my arms. She was fumbling with my bowtie. I didn't say anything and I couldn't exactly stop her from doing it because my hands were full, so I just let her untie it and let it fall to the floor. I reached her door and asked her to open it for me. She did, so I carried her through to the bedroom and set her down on the bed. I kissed her forehead and tried to pull myself away, but she pulled me on top of her and started kissing me. She undid my shirt buttons one by one and as soon as she undid one, I did it up again. I got to the last one and noticed that she was unbuckling my belt, "Clarisse, would you please…stop."

"You never mind me doing this any other time."

"But you're not you today!"

"Of course I'm me."

"Would you please let me up?"

I pulled her arms off me and put them by her sides, then tried to get up again. No such luck there, she had her legs wrapped around my waist.

It took me a whole two minutes to detangle myself from her and when I headed towards the door, I found her mother leaning against it with her arms crossed.

"Hello, Joseph."

I froze, "Madeline."

She walked slowly over to me and asked me to leave, so I waited outside the door and listened to what was going on.

I heard her shouting at Clarisse, "When are you going to grow up and start acting responsibly? Do you not remember anything I've ever taught you? You're supposed to be a well-refined woman who people look up to, but tonight, you were a drunken stumbling baffoon. And where do you even get off talking about things that should be kept private! What did I tell you about affairs? They happen behind closed doors and should bloody well stay behind them! And what are these, hmm? Happy Pills? What kind of stupid idiot are you? You're supposed to experiment during your twenties, not your fifties, for heavens sake! You are a disgrace to your own family, not to mention your country! I hope you're happy!"

She stormed out of the room without noticing me and stomped right back down to the party. I opened the door slightly to see if Clarisse was okay, but she wasn't, so I walked to her and sat on the opposite side of the bed, "Are you okay?"

She didn't reply. There were tears everywhere, on her face, her hands and the sheets. I stroked her hair and bent down to kiss her.

I stayed with her until I was sure she was asleep and then left. The party was over by 11, so I showered and went to check on Clarisse once more before going to bed. She was still sleeping. The king lay beside her, holding her in his arms and placing soft kisses on her face. It made me sad to watch so I left. I can only imagine what tomorrow will bring.

A/N:

In reference to an earlier chapter: Rupert didn't go to meet Helen because there was work to do in Genovia and he wasn't the one who disapproved of her in the first place. I made it this way because everyone always makes Rupert the bad guy and because Clarisse said that people thought it was her that made him give her up. Y'know?

Good news for people who like me updating (lol, aka most people): I have 4 days off in a row; Sat, Sun, Mon and Tue. I plan to finish the rest of this book I'm reading and start another one. Oh, and I have to do some homework, but I'll do that at the last minute :D

I think that's all I have to say…?

FYI: I'm Australian and the song Clarisse was singing was my re-made version of the beatles' "Do you want to know a secret" which is too cheery a song for this, but has appropriate lyrics.

Thanks for reviewing, keep them coming!