28/5/85

I didn't see Clarisse today; she spent the whole day in bed. I don't blame her though, last night was quite a night. I spoke to her mother this morning and somehow ended up back in bed with her. I know it was wrong, seeing as though now I know who she is, but I couldn't help myself, she looks so much like Clarisse. She's also really good in bed and she leaves right after we've finished. However, this time she didn't just leave straight after, we had a bit of a conversation first.

I said, "I can not believe you're Clarisse's mother."

"Is it really that shocking?"

"You look more like sisters."

"Thankyou, I do like to keep young."

"How old are you?"

"A woman never reveals her age."

"You can't be any younger than 65."

"I had Clarisse when I was 21."

"Well you look terribly young for a 71 year old woman."

"Once again, thankyou for the compliment."

I looked at her figure and decided that it can't be healthy to be that thin, "You should really put on some weight."

"I beg your pardon?"

"If you get sick, you're at a higher risk of dying. You should really put on some extra weight."

"Never. My looks are all I have and if I do happen to die, I'll go down in style."

I watched her brush her hair, "You're not close are you?"

"How do you mean?"

"With your daughter."

"We're close enough."

"I heard you yelling at her last night."

"Oh, she deserved that."

"How so?"

She slammed the brush down, "What sort of woman makes a complete fool of herself in front of all her guests on her own birthday ball? That's not how I raised her. Do you have children?"

"I don't think so."

She smiled at me (everyone does when I make that joke), "Well, if you did have a child and it make a complete ass of itself in public, then how do you think you would react?"

"I get your point, but still…could you please try to be nicer to her? She's been really upset lately."

She put her hand on my cheek, "Alright then, nicer…I think I can handle that."

"Good."

"I'm going to go see her now then, see you later."

She walked out the door and shut it behind her. I re-dressed myself and headed off to start my rounds and check on things. Nothing else exciting happened today.

29/5/85

Clarisse emerged from her rooms today. I came across her in the kitchen, she was picking at her food with her fork, but not eating any of it. I sat down next to her and stared into her eyes, she didn't acknowledge my presence. Her face was very pale and she wasn't wearing any make-up at all, she was just sitting there in all her natural glory. I spent quite a while just watching her, I wondered how long she had been sitting there. There wasn't any steam rising from her waffles, so she must have been down there for a while. After ten minutes, I decided to speak:

"Those waffles aren't just going to grow wings and fly into your mouth all on their own, you know."

She didn't say anything…did she know I was there?

"Hellooo? Is anybody home?"

Obviously there wasn't.

"What's wrong?"

I took the hand she was holding the fork with and brought it up to her mouth. It didn't open, so I used my other hand to hold her nose. I knew that eventually she would have to open her mouth to take a breath, so I waited and waited and finally, it opened. I tried to shove the fork into her mouth, but she turned her head slightly and the fork scraped across her cheek. I put my hand over my mouth and reached out to touch her face, but I thought it would be best not to fuss. Instead, I very softly said, "Sorry."

She didn't look at me, she just resumed fiddling with her food.

"Have you eaten anything today?"

She still didn't say anything! I got up and walked over to the fridge to find her something else to eat, I found exactly the thing – chocolate.

I placed it on the table in front of her and sat down to look at her again. The expression on her face didn't change, so I broke a piece off and opened her mouth to put it in. She closed her eyes and started chewing – that's when the tears came. She started sniffling as the tears rolled down her cheeks and she banged her head repeatedly on the table. My immediate reaction was to hold her, so I did and she cried into my chest. We stayed there for a couple of minutes, then I lifted her up and carried her back to bed. She didn't say anything, didn't move, she just lay there like a statue. I stared at her for a while and then went off to find the king.

He was in his office at the time, so I stood in the doorway and waited for him to get off the phone. I then led him to his room and found that Clarisse wasn't where I left her, she had gone. He asked me to find her, so I said I would and raced off. I knew she couldn't have gone far, so I checked all of the places that she was likely to be (the kitchen, the library, the lobby), but couldn't find her anywhere. I looked in the gazebo, but she wasn't there either. I then realised that she was probably at the stables getting ready to take off on a horse, but when I got there, I noticed that all twenty horses were in their stalls. I decided that she was probably on foot, so I mounted a horse and rode around the grounds in search of the missing woman. She wasn't at the lake, or any of her other favourite hiding spots, so I rode all the way down to the beach to see if she was there. Of course, she wasn't so I rode back to the palace in hopes that somebody might have seen her, but I asked around and nobody had! I was really frustrated and upset by that time, so I requested back up and then went to my room for a large glass of brandy.

Guess who was lying in the bed when I walked into my room? It was Clarisse! She was in my room for the whole three hours that I was out looking for her! She was asleep, so I carefully closed the door behind me and went to call off the search. When I returned, I noticed that she was violently tossing and turning under the sheets. I woke her up from what appeared to be a nightmare and held her in my arms; she was soaked in sweat. I asked her if she wanted to take a bath, but she still wasn't talking.

I started removing her clothes, but she whispered, "No."

I withdrew my hands and folded them on my lap.

Clarisse turned to face the window, "I am such an idiot. A stupid, stupid, idiot!"

"Surely it's not all that bad."

"Have you seen yesterday's newspaper? I made the front page!"

"I haven't had a chance to look at it yet. I've been in search of a young lady who disappeared without telling anyone where she was going."

"Queen of the Pills Spills!' Is what it said. Couldn't they have thought of something wittier like 'Queenspills'? Get it? Queen Spills/Queen's pills. Haha."

She laughed very loudly for a few seconds and then wiped the smile off her face, "Mother wants to take me home for a couple of weeks until this all dies down and I learn to be a better person. Do you know what it's like being under her control?"

I laughed, remembering yesterday morning when she tied me to the bedposts, "Yes I do."

She shot me a questioning glance, which made my eyes widen, "I mean, no, no I don't."

"She told me that she's really disappointed in me and that she's going to disown me if I don't come with her and let her teach me the correct way to act. Now I know how Philippe felt when I said it to him all those months ago."

She started crying, so I held her again, "I wouldn't worry about. It's only a couple of weeks right?"

"I can't even stand spending a couple of days with that woman telling me what to do, she's a monster with a horrifying plastic mask covering her face."

I knew that she was referring to the plastic surgery, so I allowed myself a short laugh and kissed the back of her neck.

"This has to stop, Joseph. I can't use alcohol to avoid my problems anymore, nor can I run off every time I become upset, or take pills to avoid the real world. Also…"

She took my hand, "I can't come here anymore."

She turned to face me, "You've been so kind in letting me come to you for comfort and support, but it has to stop. Sooner or later someone's going to catch us in here doing…god knows what and you'll lose your job and my family will send me into exile and…"

"That's not true…well, about the family part anyway. I came to check on you the other night and your husband was holding you and kissing you even after you announced to the world that you cheat on him…he doesn't care."

"Only because he doesn't love me, but that's not the point. I can't keep doing this to him. He's been nothing but the perfect husband and I feel that I owe him the decency of staying faithful to him."

"I understand."

She paused for a minute, "You weren't the only one."

She then kissed my cheek and left.

What was I not the only one of? Were there others before me?

I am not going to sleep tonight, that's for sure…

A/N: No, Clarisse's mother is not married in this. Divorced is what I was thinking.

Also, I too am wondering if she'll have Mia in Genovia, lol! Haven't given much thought to it :)

Did I answer everyone's questions?

R & R