30/5/85

This morning I walked downstairs and found Clarisse and Philippe's wife, Helen actually holding a civilised conversation. Clarisse was telling her about the boys when they were young and Helen was laughing and having a genuinely good time. She excused herself to go to the bathroom, so I walked up to Clarisse and smiled at her, "So you two have sorted things out then?"

"Well, sort of. She can be really nice when you get to know her."

"I told you!"

"We're having tea in the gardens after lunch."

"Tea? Wow."

"Philippe will be joining us of course."

"Aha."

"And Rupert."

"Aha."

"And mother…I don't want her there, I just know she's going to make fun of me and yell at me in front of everyone."

I held my hand up, "Don't worry about a thing, Your Majesty, I'll make sure she's not there."

"How?"

"Just don't worry about it."

"Well, thankyou then."

I left her and went to find Maddy, which I did; she was in the wine cellar with Paul pointing at the doorframe. I walked closer and heard what she was saying:

"Now you see this? It should have some kind of motion sensor along here so we can tell if my daughter has been trying to get in. And over here! Couldn't you at least put bars over the windows or something? We don't want her getting in and making a fool of herself again, now do we?"

She looked at her watch and placed a hand on his chest, "Oh I'm so sorry, I have to leave now – I have a lunchtime appointment. Thankyou for all your help and get that door put up as soon as possible, please."

She started walking towards where I was standing, when she walked passed me, I grabbed the end of her jacket and pulled her back.

"Oh Joseph, I didn't see you there. I'd love to stay and chat, but I have a previous engagement."

"I know, but there's something I want to show you."

"But…"

"It will only take a minute."

"Can't it wait?"

"No."

"Oh very well…"

I took her arm and led her up to the attic, she looked around as I closed the door behind us and locked it with a key that I carefully hid in my pocket.

"So what is it that you wanted to show me?"

"Oh, just this thing over here."

I quickly looked around for something to show her and found a large portrait of the king and his mother; it had to do.

"Look at this painting, it's really…nice."

She violently pressed her lips against mine and pushed me onto the floor, "I know why you really brought me here."

I was quite taken back by the fact that she just jumped on me; I thought she'd at least corner me against a wall first.

She pulled down my pants and quickly had her way with me, after that, I buckled up my pants, walked to the door and fiddled with the nob, "It's locked!"

"What do you mean it's locked? I've got a lunch appointment!"

"I'm sorry, I can't get the door open."

"Let me try."

She twisted and turned it, but it remained closed. She then found an old baton and started hitting it in hopes that it would fall off…it did. I stared in amazement as she whacked the knob right off the door and pulled it open.

"How the f…"

"Joseph! Shall we go?"

"Uh…uh…yes."

I became frantic – how was I going to keep her away? I'll tell you how! I picked her up and took her to my room.

"You're not going to let me go, are you Joseph?"

"No, madam. I am not."

"Well I'm sure they could go without me for a few more minutes."

"I think it will be a bit more than that…"

"Oh, Joseph!"

I managed to keep her held up in my room for the duration of the family lunch (she asked me to tie her to the bed, which of course I didn't object to).

I let her go about two hours later, she kissed my cheek, dressed herself and hopped off down the hallway. I collapsed on my bed out of exhaustion, three times in two hours is just too much for me.

31/5/85

Clarisse was happy to see me this morning, she came right up to me and said, "You kept your promise, how did you manage? "

"I made sure she was a little tied up."

See? I didn't lie to her…

"Well I'm glad. Thankyou, I had a wonderful time with Philippe and Helen. I didn't think I could come to like the woman, but look at us now."

"I'm very proud of you."

She smiled at me and asked if I'd join her for one last cup of tea and a chat before her mother took her away. I accepted and we had a nice quiet tea complete with cake and biscuits in the gazebo. As usual we talked of nothing in particular and laughed at the most non-humorous things. Fun times were these. I'm going to miss her when she's gone. I know she's only going away for a couple of weeks, but still.

2/6/85

Well, she left today. I could see the fear and sadness in her eyes as the car pulled her and her mother away. I had a word to Maddy before they left, a word this time, not sex. I asked her if she'd go easy on Clarisse and she said she'd see what she could do. I bid her farewell and watched them leave. I'm wondering exactly what they're going to be doing while they're away – Clarisse said "learning how to act responsibly". But Clarisse always acts responsibly; it was just that one night that she lost herself, it's alright to just lose it sometimes, I mean she was upset and tried to make her pain go away by swallowing a couple of pills – what's so wrong with that? It's not like she was hooked on the stuff. I feel sorry for her.

8/6/85

It's been six days and I've been missing her like hell, I've never realised it before but I really do enjoy her company. REALLY enjoy her company – the secluded strolls in the garden, the occasional stolen kiss…I look forward to seeing her every morning, even just a glimpse of her makes my heart melt and her scent…boy her scent sends my temperature sky-high. When did I become so sensitive? I'm going to stop now, I'm scaring myself…

10/6/85

Still missing her. I thought I saw her today sitting under her favourite tree, but I was just imagining things. Is this what love is all about? Missing the person so much that you start imagining they're right in front of you? How long will this go on?

18/6/85

God, I thought she would have been back by now, but no sign of her. I asked the king if he knew when she'd return, but he said he wasn't sure. He said that she would be away until her mother decided she was fit enough to help him run the country. He agreed with me that she didn't need further instruction and that it was just that one night that she played up, but apparently trying to convince Clarisse's mother of something she's already made her mind up about is a futile task. I wonder what she's doing right now…probably disciplining or beaten her daughter or something else I don't want to think about.

20/6/85

2 weeks since you went away,

So many things that I want to say.

I love you and wish you were here,

Come back and pour me a beer.

Lay down, I wanna stroke your hair,

Forget your worries and show me you care.

Oh great, I'm writing poetry now? I'm InSAnE with love…god, what has become of me?

25/6/85

I am so bored! She's been away for too long! What could she possibly be learning that takes 3 weeks to learn?

I resorted to spending time with Lauren today, somehow she's gotten herself pregnant again and there are over ten possible people who could be the father…ha, I'm not a suspect this time, thank god. She said she's going to keep this one (instead of adopting it out like last time) and raise it on her own. I offered her my help and support, which she gratefully accepted, I told her I'd be there this time when she's in labour. She says she thinks this man called, "Jonah" is the father, but she's not completely sure because in the last two months she has also had sexual relations with Harry, Bert, Lucas, Gerald, Jazz, Gary, Paul (would you believe?), Mark, Terry and Carlos. However, she says that with Lucas, Paul and Mark, she used protection. What a slut, of course I can't talk – I used to sleep with about four women every night when I was younger. Oh well, it's her life and her body so she can do what she likes with both.

Here's something I haven't done in a looong time:

Possible names E – girls:

Erin

Ellie

Elise

Emily

Possible names E – boys:

Eric

Ernest

Ethan

Edward

Haha…always keeps my mind occupied, I ought to write out a full list and give it to Lauren.

30/6/85

Still waiting for Clarisse to come back, however I won't have to wait much longer as the king informed me that she should be arriving late tomorrow morning, it's about time!

I know I won't be able to spend much time with her tomorrow, but seeing her is enough to satisfy me. I've been counting down the hours until she comes back, I'm even going to bed early even though I'm finding it impossible to get to sleep. I've been trying to master my artistic skills by drawing the two of us together, but so far I haven't had any luck. Everything I draw turns out either looking like some sort of abstract monster or a bunch of stick figures. I'd love just once to be able to perfect my drawing skills. I think I'll keep myself busy by drawing all night until I fall asleep.

31/6/85

Clarisse came back today! I haven't had a chance to speak to her yet, but there's always tomorrow. I did see her from a distance of twenty meters, but she was talking to someone else, so I couldn't exactly go up and enter the conversation. Maddy looks quite pleased with herself, I hope she treated her daughter with love and respect just as I requested her to. I caught Clarisse's gaze when she entered the palace and her eyes looked sort of…I don't know…vacant? Does that sound strange? She didn't smile at me or even look at me for long before she went upstairs. I decided to follow her up, but she was already in her suite by the time I reached the door.

2/7/85

Finally I spoke to her! People have been crowding her ever since she got back and I hadn't had the chance to speak to her. Finally I found her alone in the garden staring at nothing, just like the day I met her. I walked up to her and gracefully sat down beside her, "Good afternoon, Clarisse."

She tensed, not daring to look at me, "Good afternoon, Mr. Alexander."

I was surprised – was she toying with me?

"I missed you, I spent the whole four weeks waiting for you to come back."

"You shouldn't have bothered."

"Did you have fun?"

"Fun? Between my 8am to 8pm lessons on how to act like a proper lady and mother's four hour nightly lectures, I had no time for fun."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

We sat there for another minute before she spoke again, "I beg your pardon, is there something you wanted, young man?"

"I just wanted to talk with you."

"Oh, I'm sorry, look at the time, I really must be off…"

She stood up, but I grabbed her wrist and pulled her back onto the seat, "Would you mind letting go of me?"

"Clarisse, is there something going on that I should know about?"

"Do I have to remind you that you are an employee of this establishment and you are supposed to treat royalty with respect?"

"What?"

"You are Mr. Alexander, deputy head of security, I am your majesty, queen of your country. Please try to keep that in mind."

She got up again and I followed her, "I thought we were past all of that status bullshit."

"I BEG your pardon? Please refrain from using such language in my presence."

"What's happened to you?"

"Whatever do you mean?"

"Last month we were naked together in the bathtub and now you won't even look at me, nor will you acknowledge that I am a human being who should be treated with respect."

"I don't know what you're talking about…"

"Yes you do!"

"I'm sure I haven't the faintest…"

"Yes you do!"

"Goodbye."

My eyes narrowed as I watched her disappear, "GOODBYE YOUR MAJESTY!"

What the hell did her mother do to her? It's like all the life has been sucked out of her! I can't believe she denied everything we shared, they were precious moments – how could she "forget" them so easily? I'm going to have to have a long talk with Madeline tomorrow.

Sorry it's very late, I had trouble figuring out where it was going and then my keyboard had an accident involving icy cold water so I had to wait for mother to buy a new one XD