21/3/99

Lauren and I have totally grown apart. We still see each other on the odd occasion, but that's only when Sammy and Catherine have family dinner parties and we're obliged to go. I don't like it how sometimes she brings dates, I mean come on, technically we're still married!

She's been seeing Jonah (Blake's father) for a while now. He no longer works at the palace because a better opportunity came along – the opportunity to father a child. I don't blame him though, I'd like to spend as much time as possible with my child if I were him, even if Blake is a bit of a man whore. Ever since he turned 13 he's been interested in sleeping with as many women/girls as possible. I condemn his behaviour, he's much like I was as a boy, doesn't care who he hurts. I'd like to have a word to him about it, but apparently it's not my place to say, after all I only fathered him for the first ten years of his life!

Sammy and Philippe get along very well, they have a lot in common. Philippe is envious that Sammy's family approves of his wife and often tells him so. I feel sorry for the man, it must be terrible living so far away from the love of your life.

The two go everywhere together, they shop together, get haircuts together, drink beer and watch the football game together. Sort of like best friends.

Rupert keeps telling me that ever since Clarisse went into her "nothing" stage, she never wants to touch him anymore. I feel sorry for the man, because he can't exactly go and find some random woman off the street to sleep with like I can, and even if he could I'm sure he wouldn't because he's an honourable man.

30/3/99

Charlotte broke up with her boyfriend after a long five years and is in a state of depression. I tried to take advantage of the situation by holding her and telling her that everything was going to be alright, but then I started thinking about how wrong it was, so I just leant her a sympathetic ear and a shoulder to cry on. I don't think I will ask her out, she doesn't seem to be my type...also the fact that I'm twice her age doesn't help much either.

15/5/99

Rupert died last night, which was a real shame because we had become really great friends. The only funny thing about it was the way he died. The papers read, "King Dies on the Job". I heard the episode last night when I was lying in bed, because my suite is directly next to his.

Clarisse and Rupert were making love, she was screaming as she tends to do during their love making sessions, but her screaming quickly turned from screams of pleasure to screams of fright. I opened my door to see what was going on and was surprised to see Clarisse running into the hall wearing nothing but a sheet. The look on her face was of total shock and horror. I walked up to her and asked, "What's the matter? Why are you screaming?"

She pointed a shaky hand towards the door, "He's d-d-d-dead!"

"What?"

I ran through the door to where the bedroom was and turned on the light. He was lying naked on his back with (yuck) no sheets on. I ignored the disgusting smell of old man love and cigars and placed my hand on his neck. There was no pulse, he was dead. Clarisse walked carefully up to him and let the tears fall from her eyes. I placed a hand on her back and drew her into a hug. The sheet she was wearing gradually slipped down to the ground, so I tried not to disrespect her by observing her naked body. She clutched onto me for dear life, then I heard some of the staff knocking at the door asking what the matter was. I let go of her to pick up the sheet and wrap it around her body. She sat on the couch with her head in her hands while I answered the door and told the people that the king was dead. The shocked expressions on their faces quickly turned into smiles when I told them how he died. They tried so hard not to laugh, but some of them couldn't help but let out giggles. I asked them to leave, so they did.

Clarisse looked upset, really upset. I walked over to her and held her some more, she didn't speak. I asked her if she wanted to have a shower or a bath and she asked me to fill up the bathtub for her, so I did as she said, then came back.

"Your bath is ready. Do you need me to help you into the tub or…"

"I'll be fine, thankyou. You can leave now."

"Alright. If you need anything, you know where to find me."

She nodded and wiped her face. I walked to the door and watched her slowly make her way to the bathroom and shut the door. I made my way back to my own suite and lay down on my bed, taking it all in – Clarisse had let me hold her for the first time in years.

I stared at the ceiling for an hour and heard light knocking at my door. I put on a pair of black jeans and answered it. She didn't say anything, she just walked straight past me and jumped into my bed. I wasn't sure whether to follow her, sleep on the couch or just stand where I was.

She moved to one side of the bed and pulled the covers over her head. I took that as my sign to climb in beside her. I turned out the lights and felt the bed shaking lightly, she was sobbing. I put my arm around her waist very wearily just in case she decided to slap it away. I kissed the back of her neck, goosebumps formed almost immediately. She didn't say anything, which I guess was due to her being upset and not wanting to sound like the fragile old woman she was becoming.

I smelt her hair – that took me back. She was so young when I met her, well not really, but younger. I remembered how exciting it was when I saw up her skirt for the first time, when I walked in on her while she was waiting for her husband in his office wearing nothing but that damn sexy lace outfit (which I still have by the way), when she wore it for ME years later.

Clarisse left my suite early in the morning and went back to her own after kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to be asleep. I guess this means she still has feelings for me.

They took Rupert's body out of his suite early this morning, he's going to be buried in the royal family's tomb next week. Pierre is catching the next available flight back to Genovia to comfort his mother and brother. I have to arrange security details for the funeral and make sure all three royals are not travelling in the same car. So far Philippe will be travelling with Julian (Shades as he prefers to be called), he's the newest deputy head of security, Pierre will be travelling with Yan, his bodyguard and Clarisse and I will be driven by Santiago, who conveniently doesn't speak a word of english.

I'm having a hard time with the rest of the details, but I'm sure I'll get them done by the end of the week.

Clarisse has had to take on a lot of new responsibilities, mainly answering letters, signing things, organising funeral details – Philippe is helping her to get things sorted out.

18/5/99

Pierre came today and as soon as Clarisse saw him she broke down into tears. I suppose he reminded her of his father, he really does look so much like him, grey hair, blue eyes.

I was doing some thinking earlier today when I went down to the kitchens to get breakfast. Now that Rupert's out of the picture, Clarisse is free for me to pursue! I know that sounds sort of selfish, seeing as though I really liked the man, but I fell in love with Clarisse long before he and I became friends. Of course I will wait a while for her to get over the death, but as soon as she stops wearing dark colours, I will make my move…so I should only be waiting a couple of months.

20/5/99

I finished all the security details for the funeral this morning, so I went to Clarisse's office to clear them with her. When I got to the door I heard her talking to someone on the telephone, she said, "…well I don't know, how soon can you get it here? Alright, I'll put the money in a briefcase and discreetly pass it to you under the table…then you pass me yours…"

I decided to knock on the door.

"Hang on a tic, someone's at the door," she raised her voice a little, "Come in, Joseph."

How did she know it was me?

I opened the door and closed it behind me placing the security brief on her desk. She was facing the wall with the phone in her hand. She turned her head to look at me and smiled, her hand pointing at an empty chair. I sat down and she resumed her conversation, "Yes I think I can handle that…I'll see you on Tuesday then? Okay bah-bye."

She put the phone down and sat opposite me on the other side of the desk, "Sorry about that."

I didn't dare ask what the call was about and to whom it was, even though it did sound strangely suspicious, so I cleared my throat and pointed to the file on the desk.

"Oh yes of course, the brief."

She opened it and flicked through it, "Well, this seems to be in order. Good job."

"Don't you want to read it properly?"

"No, I think I trust you enough by now to know your work is always up to standard."

"Thankyou, your majesty."

"Is this all you wanted?"

"Are you busy?"

"Flat off my feet."

"Oh, okay then, I'll eat lunch with somebody else."

"I'm afraid you'll have to."

I do enjoy Clarisse's company now, she's become much more cheerful since last month, though I don't know why. I guess she just got sick of being a boring person.

I am so curious as to who she was on the phone with. She said "I'll put the money in a briefcase and discreetly pass it to you under the table". What did she mean by that? Did she pay someone to dispose of the king? No, that can't be it, the look on her face that night was too real, I know when she's faking her emotions and she wasn't then. What could it be then? Is she being blackmailed for some reason?

On a cheerier note, since Clarisse didn't have the time to dine with me at lunch, I ate with Charlotte up at the lake. She seems to have found herself a new love interest, apparently he doesn't say much, which she thinks makes him more appealing. I'd have thought that would make him more unappealing. How's she supposed to get to know him? He's mysterious, she thinks, with blue eyes that sparkle brighter than the stars (her words, not mine). She says his name is Tom and that that's all she knows about him. Good luck with that.

23/5/99

Rupert's funeral is tomorrow, I'm not looking forward to seeing his 80 year old body lying in a coffin – very depressing. Clarisse seems to break down every time I mention his name, but whenever someone like Charlotte mentions him, she only gets a few tears in her eyes. Perhaps she feels that I understand her and that she can cry in front of me because I won't judge her or tell anybody. I lend a shoulder to cry on, which she seems to be using a lot lately. I know she's going to need my support more than ever tomorrow. Watching your husband of many years being lowered into the ground is something nobody ever hopes they have to witness. My heart will be crying for her tomorrow.

Clarisse took a "shopping" trip today, at least that's what she told me before we left. It turned out she was actually dining with a "friend". She asked me not to come, but I insisted, so she told me to wait in the limo. I secretly followed her in and watched her the whole time she was in the restaurant. I knew right away that this was what she was talking about on the phone the other day because she took a black briefcase in with her. I saw her sit down with the same man who she had faked a kidnapping with a few years ago. I saw them slide the briefcases to each other under the table. I felt like running over to see what was in them, but I knew I'd be fired if I did. When I saw her get up to leave, I quickly hurried back to the limo and stepped in. She came a few minutes later and put the briefcase in the middle of us, I stared at it all the way home, "I'm sorry I kept you waiting so long, I had some…business to attend to."

"So I see."

I decided to stick to rule one of 'Talking to Clarisse': Never question your monarch's motives (don't ask about the secret briefcase).

There were locks on it, combination locks – I figured they'd be easy to open, so I decided I'd try and open it when she wasn't around. No such luck, that briefcase never leaves her side. I asked her if I could carry it into the palace for her, but she declined. I waited to see if she'd leave it in her office while she went to dinner, but she took it with her. I decided that the best time I'd have a shot at it was when she was asleep.

That didn't work either, she heard me sneak into her room, so I faked a security check and left. I'm thinking about going in there right now to get it, but I'm afraid she'll catch me again and this time I wouldn't be able to make the security check excuse because I can only make one once every two hours. I think I'll just go to sleep.

Clarisse's birthday is in four days – I totally forgot. I should pop down to the shops and buy her a present.

Since you pretty much all asked, and since I'm dead bored of writing the stuff that you find interesting that I find remarkably boring, I decided to skip ahead to '99.

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