– Will, I have to go to the hospital but I'm hurrying back.
– Okay, but be careful.
– I always am.
And he went to his chemotherapy. It has been two years since he turned out to be cancerous. At first I went with him to his therapies but now I don't because he told me not to. Now we have been together for more than 4 years and I have a question to ask him. I know that it's not legal for 2 men to get married but maybe I can engage him at the least. I want him to know that he belongs to me and only me. And maybe, just maybe we could raise a child. So when he comes back I can...
– Hi, baby, I just checked my phone and the doc texted me that he has an important meeting and he will do my therapy tomorrow... Hey anything wrong? You look really red, like a boiled lobster.
– No, nothing wrong... I'm just... I have to... Have to ask you something...
– And are you embarrassed? I thought we share everything with each other...
– It's not like that... Sonny, you know… ehh... So... Am... Well... Uh...
– What is it? You are not asking me to marry you, why are you so hesitant?
I just stood there and stared at him, not knowing what to say...
– Oh my god, you're asking me to marry you! – I must have looked at him so scared that he guessed my exact plan.
– Actually... Yeah...
– Gosh, Will, I'm so, so, so sorry... I screwed it... Oh god, please, Will, I'm so embarrassed, sorry, don't be angry.
– Well, I won't be if you wear my ring...
– So the offer still stands?
– Yeah of course! So... Sonny, the love of my life, would you please be my husband or at least my fiancé? - And I pulled out the mentioned ring.
– Oh Will, of course I will! – And he held his hand out and I put the ring on his finger. He hugged me and buried his face in the crook of my neck. He softly kissed my skin, and I felt his hot wet breath. He stared deeply into my eyes with his light sky-blue eyes and he kissed me, a kiss filled with love and passion.
– Do you... Would it be...? So... Are you... Don't you know what I mean?
He was talking so nervously but I knew what he meant. We hadn't made love to each other for the last two years. Actually we did and we didn't at the same time. We did things that got each other off but I stopped him when he wanted to move on. He's not worrying if it's going to be the last time we do it. I am. I'm terrified. He said he has asked the doctor about it, and she said that his anus is okay and nothing will happen if we have sex.
– ... I don't know, you know, it's not that I don't want to... I love you and I want you, you are the sexiest person in the world, and I can't lose you! That's why I'm so careful and distant. I'm scared... I need you, here, with me.
– I know that, and I love you for that. But you have to accept what the doctor said. The cancer is out of my ass, so there will be no consequences. And the chemotherapy is going pretty well, so I can tell that I'm much better than I was 3 months ago and my percentages are better too! And I need you too, Will! I promise you nothing will happen! And if something does I won't say anything else ever again!
– Sonny...
– Please, Will, you are going to be my husband! We have to sleep together if we want our marriage to be valid!
– I wouldn't say a word if it would be just sleeping...
– What's happened to us? When we were in high school you were the one who rushed it and I wanted to wait. And now? You keep turning me down.
– Sonny, please, don't...
– Don't what? Force it? I'm not forcing it; I just want to live in a healthy relationship with you. I miss you... And you know what I mean. The max we did in the last 2 years was a blow job maybe? And before Amsterdam you were excited and passionate and you felt the desire between us just as much as I did. So what is keeping you back?
– I'm afraid of losing you.
– You won't lose me. I PROMISE!
Sonny's POV
He still had a worried face but he leaned closer and our lips touched. I softly bit his lip and I felt him smiling. This was a little habit of ours before I turned out to be cancerous.
I lied a bit. My statistics are getting worse. The carcinoma is spreading in my body and growing bigger and bigger tumors. I'm actually dying. But Will can't get to know that... Because he wouldn't understand it and he wouldn't survive it. So I lied to him to protect him. I had to have a last time together with him.
– I love you Will!
– I love you too, Sonny!
Every time he said 'I can't lose you' I knew he will. Fortunately he didn't talk to my doctor. I have to do this my own way. And I'll tell him the truth in the right time. But not now. Now I need him.
– Please, Sonny, just go slow.
– Baby this is our second first time. I want everything to be special and perfect for you.
– Okay. But you act like I was the one who is...
– Shush, Sonny, I act like neither one of us is cancerous.
I leaned closer to him. I kissed the sensitive skin of his neck. I made him tremble. I undid the first button on his shirt, then the second and each and every one afterwards. His chest was still the best view for me. Hm, maybe the second. I rubbed his well-toned stomach and his arms as the shirt slipped to the floor. I'm going to marry this god! Well, if I'm lucky. He was still unsure of doing this, and I remembered how to make him secure. I grabbed his ass unexpectedly, which made him laugh.
– Wow, Kiriakis, you still remember?
– You still like it?
– I still like everything about you!
– I wasn't sure...
– Than you are stupid – And he kissed me passionately.
– So I'm your fiancé now?
– Totally! – And he pulled my shirt up. My plan had worked. More than I expected. But now I felt so guilty...
– I need you now! – And I grabbed his waist and pulled him to the bed. He climbed upon me, and he scratched my skin. I was on the edge of crying. My arms got so weak; I knew this was maybe our last time together. I let him do everything he wanted to. He got us naked, and I melted when I saw him again.
– Please, Will! I can't wait! Please...
– Sonny I'm here! Nothing can get me away from you.
– Yeah... Oh YEAH! – He touched me down there.
– Please don't stop!
– I wasn't going to.
And he pulled lower, and got me in his mouth.
– OH, Will! I can't... – My stomach started jumping. – I will die here... – I whispered to myself. He stopped.
– Never make fun of that! – I saw the worried look on his face. I knew he deserved to know the truth. I decided fast. I had to tell him the truth. Now or never.
– Will... I am not.
– You are not what?
– I'm not joking.
– What are you talking about? – he was so confused.
– I don't know how much time is left for me.
– What? But you said that...
– I lied to you okay? I just feel so guilty that I didn't tell you earlier.
– What didn't you tell me?
– Will, you have to remember that I love you and I lied to you just because I wanted to protect you. But the truth is that my results are getting worse and my condition is serious. It's hard for me to breathe sometimes.
– Sonny... – I just watched his face when he started to cry. My heart broke inside... He walked out of the room. And I knew that this was the right thing to do, to tell him, but now I had lost him. I heard him crying in the aisle. My heart got really heavy. I got dressed slowly; I had to memorize this place. For the last time.
I made the hardest decision in my life. If I stay with him I can only hurt him. I don't want Will to be my widow. If I let things go on like nothing had happened he wouldn't be able to get through it. And I won't be able to go away.
An hour ago when I pictured my life I saw blooms and flowers and I saw Will standing next to me before the altar.
It will never happen…
If I look into my future now I see empty eternity. Maybe this is my way. Maybe I was born to give Will hope or I don't know what but nothing more. Maybe not. Maybe this is just a joke of destiny or the devil. A really evil joke. Nothing matters now. Will deserves to be happy and I can't give him that. He deserves a healthy life and he can even find love. Somebody on the Earth will make him happy. But this is not going to be me. I knew what I had to do.
– I better go. Will, I love you so much you know that. But because of that I have to leave you. I don't want to hurt you more than I already had. Please forgive me. – And I stood up from the ground and walked towards the door.
– You… No… You can't walk away just like… No please, don't go! You have to Stay by my side! I'm nothing without you! We can get through this, I know we can! You can get better I would do anything! Please…
– I have to Will! Sorry. You deserve happiness and I won't be able to give you that. Good bye, Will!
And with tears running down my cheeks I walked out of his apartment, out of his life.
To be continued…