Hindsight 20/20
Chapter 5: 20/160
Shadow Part 1
Fanfare erupted in the streets of the sandy Sunagakure on her wedding day. There she stood on one of the large outlying balconies. In front of her, there were hordes of people coming to hear and see the newest addition of the Kazekage household. With reverence and awe, they took in the momentous occasion. The wedding was held just before sunset, so the sky itself seemed alight with fire.
And like a sculpture of perfection itself, she stood ceremonial robes covered entirely from head to toe. Her eyes were the only thing visible, as it was said to be unlucky for any other man to gaze upon her before the wedding was complete. Gaara was the same, shrouded entirely, his eyes the only thing visible.
His hands were covered as well, so that he could not touch another woman's flesh, because in Sunagakure, it was said to breed temptation.
The wedding itself was short. When Temari and Kankuro bowed reverently to her, Hinata truly felt humbled by the experience. They were royalty after all, and for them to bow so deeply was a sign of respect. It made her realize that she was indeed being given immense power by the people.
Temari no Sabaku bowed to no one, not even her own brother.
So kneeling before the couple now, prompted others to do the same. Waves of people fell to their knees, and those in the crowed from Konohagakure did the same, following along. The sight was something to behold, and would be something spoken about for years to come.
A councilmen that had long held his status officiated the event in earnest. By the end, there was only one thing left to do. "Lord Gaara, master of the sands, if it so pleases you now, please instruct your retainer to remove your headdress."
Gaara didn't even blink at the council members. He did as he was instructed, telling Kankuro to pull off his headdress.
His brother, did so very carefully, pulling the headdress and proclaim mask away, showing Gaara's face for the first time to everyone who bothered to come to the event.
The councilman nodded. "Peoples of Sunagakure, behold the ultimate power that stands before you. He is our Patriarch, the father of this land's future. Our Kin, Our better."
The councilman then turned to Hinata. "Lady Hinata, chosen to be so, if it so pleases you now, please instruct your retainer to remove your headdress."
Hinata turned to the retainer she'd chosen, nodded her head, giving the soft instruction. Hanabi, her only family member allowed up on the balcony during the service, did the same thing Kankuro had. Very slowly and carefully, she exposed Hinata's face to the whole of Sunagakure.
"Peoples of Sunagakure, behold the ultimate power that stands before you. She is our matriarch, the mother of this land's future. Our kin, our better." The councilman said. "Lady Hinata no Sabaku, your vows have been made. Yet as is Sunagakure tradition, there is one more promise you must make to your people. A promise of the flesh, and the future."
She nodded, in essence, she was promising to bed Gaara.
Many villages and clan leaders sought proof for a proper bedding. Looking for stained sheets, or other such indication. Yet a man of Gaara's standing required no proof, and Sunagakure was not a land to practice such stringent laws. When it came to when or how a man enjoyed his wife, it was no one's concern but his own. Hinata thought herself lucky that she would be saved from the tradition that took many Konohagakure clans by storm.
Still, the promise to bed him had to be made.
As she had been instructed by Temari before the service, she picked a fine crystal bowl. She set it on the pedestal between them. Inside of it was red wine. Unlike Gaara, her hands were uncovered, and it was strictly for this one reason. On one side, Temari knelt with a bowl of water. On the other, so did Hanabi. They cleansed Hinata's hands with the fresh spring water, and then Hinata dipped her hands into the wine. Cupping it as best she could, she lifted some from the bowl so that Gaara could drink her offering.
She could hear the clansman speak, but she was too flustered to really hear it. Gaara's lips were pressed to her fingers, and that was all she could focus on. Her cheeks tinged a slight pink. She was so glad she didn't have to say any words at that moment, because she was sure she'd become a stuttering mess.
The final announcement concluded the ceremony, and Gaara stood with Hinata on the balcony while the guests cheered happily. For Several moments, they merely stood, until the sun set, and cloaked the couple in darkness. Only then did they slip away, leaving the cheers of the people behind.
…
A marriage of such high standing merited further fanfare, because the occasion was so rare.
In the city streets there would be more celebration, but the couple would not be attending. In fact, no one was allowed to bother the couple until the dawn of the next day. One chosen male, and one chosen female, would see to any needs the couple demanded. However, neither one of the attendants were allowed to attend someone of the opposite gender.
This meant that Hanabi could only address and help Hinata, and Kankuro could only address and help Gaara.
The three sand siblings walked down the hall, Hinata at Gaara's side, and Hanabi in tow. Gaara would lead Hinata to a private feast, where they would eat by themselves with no one to bother them. Kankuro followed them, while Temari and Hanabi stopped at the Kazekage personal rooms.
"Okay, so here's how it's going to go from here. At the start of the wedding, Gaara was ordered to give Hinata a person of his home to see to her needs. I still don't know why he chose me and not Matsuri…but he's an idiot." She unlocked the room, and ushered Hanabi inside. "Once Hinata and Gaara return, they'll enter into these rooms. At all times one attendant of each gender must be stationed outside this door."
"So why is there two of us?" Hanabi asked.
Temari didn't even flinch during her explanation. "It's common practice for the woman to be bathed by one of her two attendants and then presented to her husband."
The often unflappable of the two Hyuga sisters gawked. "Excuse me…what?"
"That's what your sister said." Temari told the younger girl in earnest. "Look, it's just the way things go around here. If you're the attendant inside those rooms though, you're going to see more of Gaara than you probably want to."
Folded on the bed were two sheer pieces of cream colored silk. Almost entirely see through, and neither one had a way to close the front of it.
"They're going to be wearing that?" Hanabi almost felt bad for Hinata's modesty.
"These robes, nothing else." Temari said with a serious little nod.
"What makes you think Hinata is going to actually leave the bathroom wearing this?" Hanabi asked, not entirely joking either.
"Honestly?" Temari asked.
"Honestly…" She held up the thin bit of fabric and started snickering. "My sister is going to combust on the spot if she wears this thing."
"Well, she's not a virgin…" Temari trailed off a bit uncomfortably. "If you want to do it, that's fine…if not, I'll take care of it." She had seen Gaara naked so many times over the course of her life she was immune to it. Being siblings, and on the same mission team made privacy near impossible. "Anyway, the attendant in here will usher Hinata out from the bathing area, light the braziers on the walls, and then will wait to be dismissed. Once dismissed, the attendant permitted in the room will sit in the hall until morning. When the sun rises, she'll be the first to go in to help Hinata get ready for the festival."
Hanabi winced, she had to admit she was rather sheltered. "Um…sorry I have to ask this, but, was my father aware of what the attendants would have to do."
"I'm not sure." Temari shrugged.
"Well, um…" Hanabi cleared her throat. "Did Hinata know?"
"I gave her a quick rundown of our customs." Temari told the young Hyuga heiress. "Why, is there something wrong?"
"Well, no, nothing wrong exactly." She was just a teenager though, five years younger than Hinata. She was unmarried, a virgin, and kept safe in the Hyuga complex. Well away from missions and the unfortunate realties that came with those missions. "I've just never seen a man naked…" It was awkward saying it aloud. "Well, I mean…this one time I barged in on Neji. Oh, but I was six, and I really don't think…that….counts…"
Hinata's blush was definitively something that was inherited, because Hanabi turned beet red.
"Ah, say no more." Temari said with a small smirk. "I'll help Hinata. There's nothing I haven't seen on either one of them anyway." The girl really was a bit too innocent for her own good. She blushed just as badly as her older sister too, it seemed. "Anyway, we have to change the linens and get the room ready, so let's hurry our asses up."
…
"It was a good ceremony."
That was the first thing he said to her as they sat down to eat.
The first real words he'd managed since taking his vows and sipping the wine she had offered him. They cut through the silence in a way that made it uneasy. His mind wasn't focused on the elaborate meal in front of him. All of his favored foods, as well as Hinata's, graced the large table. Ino had gone so far as to personally decorate the room with all of the floral decorations that one would find in a proper Konohagakure wedding.
It was a small comfort from her old home...a home that was no longer hers. "Yes, it was." She said quietly.
Neither one of them were truly hungry though. In spite of their greatest efforts to be so, they were struggling through their meal. It was no question as to why. Their minds were otherwise focused, and though neither one of them said it, the day had been tense enough. Thinking about what would come later only made it worse.
"Hinata no Sabaku." Gaara murmured, saying her new name simply. "It has a ring to it."
"It certainly does." Hinata agreed. "It's a little strange, actually, hearing it said aloud." An air of power and authority, as if she was some highly prized aristocracy. Perhaps she was, but she hated feeling that way. Blue blooded ideals never appealed to her.
"Odd." You couldn't prove it by him. He rather fancied the regal title. "I find it fitting."
He was trying his best to make idle banter. Hinata could give him credit for that. Still, she couldn't ignore the slow and meticulous actions he took while eating. Those agonizingly unhurried gestures meant he was stalling. She began to feel guilty, knowing she was doing the same. They were both pushing away the inevitable. Setting down her utensils, she folded her hands in her lap.
More tense moments passed before she was able to find words. "You're not very hungry, are you?"
He shook his head ever so slightly.
"I'm not either." Hinata told him honestly. "My mind is…elsewhere."
Gaara tilted his head to the side. "Such as?"
Hinata nipped on the tip of her tongue, not knowing if she should speak freely.
Hinata didn't like comparing people, especially men. No two people were exactly alike, and she took pride in admiring each person for their differences. The only problem was, Gaara was a vastly different man than most. She had no idea what he could be thinking. Gaara's emotions were so different, so subtle. She found it difficult to properly read the man. Unless he had somehow managed to get flustered.
Even that expression ran one of two ways. Rage induced, or humorless embarrassment.
She was no longer an innocent woman, and she didn't mind the indulgencies if the sexual sort. She was a keeper of a few books that had painted a blush upon even Ino's cheeks, and that was an accomplishment. She was thankful that Gaara seemed to be a gentleman when it came to being correct with her, but even he was a man, wasn't he? Prone to desires of the flesh and ecstasy? Surely his mind was starting to wander too, wasn't it?
If she were to speak the truth, she was very nervous, and his lack of emotion was making her that way. At least if he cursed under his breath, or growled at her, she'd be able to take his expression as frustration. He wasn't even doing that…so what was he doing?
"Honestly?" She asked quietly.
"That is how a wife should be." Gaara said to her, his voice even.
"I'm thinking…or rather…I'm wondering about what you're thinking." Hinata began, as suddenly the floral décor became even more interesting. Anything so that she didn't have to face his gaze as it locked on her. He did it unknowingly, but it always bothered her so much. "…I don't even know how you feel about this whole arrangement, and so…I just…"
"Fine." Gaara said then. "I am fine. Do not worry."
"Alright then…"
"You are still worried." There was now a hint of accusation in his tone. Gentle, but there underneath his usual depth. "You don't want to, yet you seem to." He honestly didn't understand why she was so uneasy. Why she felt then need to ask of his condition, while her own was so clearly uneasy. "Why?"
She met his gaze because she forced herself to. "It's nothing really. I just do that sometimes."
Gaara nodded, but it was clear he was skeptical. "So then, it is something." He concluded, as he went back to his meal. "That's also fine." He lied simply. Not because he was intending to, but because he had no words. Only feelings, and what made it worse was that they seemed to have no name. No description. So in truth, it wasn't fine.
In the end though, his thoughts where his own. He had no intention of speaking them, no inclination at all to gift his deepest fears a voice. They were his thoughts, and his alone. Anything beyond that was completely and utterly inconsequential.
…
As they walked down the hall, Hinata felt like she was on autopilot. She walked side by side with Gaara, her hands cupped gracefully in front of her. Inwardly, she was on the verge of a panic attack. When they came to the right door, Hinata noticed that Kankuro was already in his position. Hanabi was also in hers on the other side of the door. They both nodded to the couple, but said nothing to either one of them.
"See that we are not disturbed." Gaara instructed to Kankuro quietly.
"No problems on that." Kankuro said with a grin. There wouldn't be anyone else on this level of the tower all night, not with the amount of partying going on outside.
"Hinata…" Her little sister whispered as she stood. "Here…"
The younger sister slipped something into Hinata's hand, but Gaara couldn't see what it was. He was sure that he also didn't want to know, considering the deep blush on his wife's face. She was tense now, tenser than she had been before. Hinata sent her little sister look that could have rivaled any among the Hyuga clan. Though it was mixed with something else too. If Gaara didn't know any better, he'd call it some sort of twisted sense of humor.
Hinata whispered something into Hanabi's ear that made her squeak and avert her gaze. Hinata said nothing more as she opened the door and stepping through, prompting Gaara to do the same. They parted ways in the living area. Hinata walked into the bathroom, and Gaara waited in the bedchamber.
"Wow, you guys didn't waste any time eating." Temari said, only just finishing the book she had been reading while she waited.
Hinata sighed, putting the condom that her younger sister had given her onto the bathroom counter. "Neither one of us were very hungry."
Temari said nothing to that as Hinata began to undress. The complicated fastenings that kept the corset in place were one of the things that Temari would need to help her with. The blonde was silent as she pulled at each of the knots, loosening them. Hinata's well-endowed chest came free of the confinement after a short time, and the woman took a breath.
"What a difference it makes." She murmured, realizing how hard it had been to actually take a deep breath. Hinata rarely dressed in such complicated attire. Frankly, she hated how uncomfortable it all was. "Now I know why I never made a habit of wearing those god awful things before. They're claustrophobic."
She leaned against the wall when Hinata went into the shower to wash herself off. "I put some of that oil blend you wanted in the tub. Is there anything else you want?"
Scrubbing her hair under the running water, Hinata actually let out a laugh for the first time. "I haven't been given a bath by anyone ever since I was a child. I don't intent to start expecting it now."
"I didn't think you would." Temari returned. In fact, she found the whole practice kind of stupid, but it was an old tradition. "Is there anything you actually want my help with?"
Hinata was quiet for a moment before sighing. "Actually, there is something. Can you get rid of the contraband on the counter for me? I don't want Gaara seeing that, he might get the wrong idea."
Temari looked to where the little plastic wrapped square rested. "A rubber?"
"Hanabi is too innocent for her own good." Hinata explained. "Someone really should sit down and talk to her before our father does. He'll mortify her."
"Speaking from experience, I take it?" Temari asked, taking it and slipping it into her bra.
Hinata changed the subject. "When you go back to Konoha, can you keep half an eye on her for me, please?"
"You really are worried about that kid, aren't you?"
The shower shut off, and Hinata made her way across the bathroom, and slipped into the tub, thankful that the oil and bubbles came up well passed her chest. Closing her eyes, she sighed. She felt Temari take a towel to her dripping hair. "It's not really that I'm worried. It's that I know that she's at the age where she realizes that our father is not always correct, and she's been prone to defying him. I'm glad she's willing to defy the council, and our father when she needs to. That's the mark of a good leader…even so…"
"I'll make sure she doesn't do anything too stupid." Temari finally said. "Do you mind if I ask, why do you keep your hair so short now?"
"As opposed to when I let it grow long and free?" Hinata asked. "Short hair is just more manageable. That, and…well…"
Hinata didn't like talking about it. Having shorter hair seemed to drive men wild. It certainly did for Naruto. He wasn't the only man to like that either. Looking back to her youth, Kiba and Shino both had been rendered speechless a few times. When they'd caught Hinata at a bad time, it was more than just a little awkward. Only, now she happened to know exactly why Kiba had thrown himself into more than one freezing stream during a few missions.
"Well what?" Temari pressed, seeing Hinata's eyes narrow distantly.
"Boys always played with my hair when it was short. At first I thought Kiba was the only guy who did things like that, but I later found out otherwise." That's why Hinata kept it only long enough for it to touch her shoulders now. The back of her neck was sensitive, and she loved soft touches there.
"I think they're all obsessed with that to be honest." Temari said with a small chortle. "If I leave my hair down for even a second, Shikamaru will start to fidget with it."
"I'll bet you like it…" Hinata laughed in return.
"He's so lazy about it." Temari shrugged. "I guess, it's relaxing."
"Yeah, it can be." Hinata said.
Hinata finished her soak quickly, and once she was dry, she let Temari apply honey dust to her. It made a person's skin silky smooth, and every kiss as sweet as honey itself. The powder was a special blend, and it was one that Hinata could even smell the sweetness of as she slid the open robe over her shoulders. With that done, there was nothing more she could do, except give herself over to her new husband.
…
Temari was the first to set out into the dark bedroom, ushering Hinata out with a suppressed grin. She brought Hinata to stand in front of Gaara, and then gave a short bow, ignoring her brother's nudity, and finding humor in the fact that Hinata seemed to have an impossible time doing the same. Temari lit the braziers that were meant to both light the room, and to keep it warm.
It was only then that she came back to Hinata's side. She asked one last time. "Is there anything more I can get for you?"
In Sunagakure, this question was meant to provide a woman's safety. After all, some men were known to be forceful, and to attend them was to also protect them. Temari had told Hinata before that all she had to do was ask her to stay, and she would. This would of course halt the expected marital relations, and would continue to do so until Temari was permitted to leave Hinata's side, but Temari was sure that at one time, those old laws had a place.
In fact, knowing the council as she did, these particular laws were probably made to keep a woman from being raped. Back during the days of war and famine it was all too common a practice. During the second and third shinobi world wars, the village was ravaged and on its last leg. During those times, women particularly faced ridicule, and Temari herself had grown up during a time when the whispers of that terrible past were finally starting to heal.
She dearly hoped that one day, these traditions would be done away with. That, somehow, there would no longer be a reason to maintain them.
"Nothing that I can think of." Hinata said softly. She glanced over to Temari and nodded, as if to say that everything would be okay. "That will be all for tonight."
Having been dismissed, Temari turned on her heel and exited, leaving the couple to their own devices.
Gaara hadn't moved, hadn't said a single thing once they were alone. He was like that a statue, but far too perfect to have been carved from stone. His eyes were especially dark in the firelight, and the way the shadows moved over his body left nothing to her imagination. Hinata was sure that nothing was left to his, either.
Her nipples were hardening in the cold air, straining against the thin robe's fabric. She watched his gaze as it traveled over her.
There was a flicker of something there. After long moments of standing across the void, he made a few steps forward, cupping her cheek and sliding his fingers down until they met fabric. It was the only thing on it, but still, he felt as if it was far too much. He had heard stories of frisky lovers who did the deed wearing the robes only to rip them at the seams and tossed the garments out of the window the morning after…cheekily pronouncing that they'd made love long into the night.
That was not something he saw fit to do, as he never intended to speak of this matter outwardly.
"May I?" It was a harsh whisper. He wanted to see her, all of her.
Hinata nodded, words impossible to speak at that single moment.
Sliding his fingers under the fabric, he pushed it away from her shoulders. It hit the ground softly. To both of them, it seemed louder than it really was, as if that was the last hammer to fall. Hinata took a breath, startled out of the hesitance that had been plaguing her mind, and she lifted her arms to shield her chest. Trying to hide herself from his view, but it was to no avail.
His arms wrapped around her, the silence between them offering only questions and no answers. They both took a breath.
Hinata took several more. It had been longer than she wanted to admit since the last time she made love to anyone.
His flesh was warm against her, his breathing deep, and his embrace uneasy. He shook a bit, his nose burying itself into the nape of her neck, exhales drifting across her skin in a way that she actually quite liked. A small sound let her know, he was not in his element here. Like a fish out of water, he was searching for the right things to do, and he was failing utterly in finding them.
He was a red blooded male though, she was very aware of that. Aware of the way his body seemed to respond to merely feeling hers.
It was absurd, honestly, that she was stuck frozen in place. She wouldn't have married him if she didn't trust him. Modesty aside, she wanted to feel his touch. Maybe it was lonely desperation that made her to feel that way. There was a knot in her chest. It hurt, hurt in a way no physical torture could.
"Gaara…" She closed her eyes, burying herself into his chest. Trying to bury the strange feeling between them.
He pulled away slightly, but Hinata didn't let him stay that way. She followed his movement with one of her own, her hands clutching onto the he fabric that still donned his shoulders.
He froze, and that fabric slipped off, bunched in Hinata's fist.
In that moment, eyes wide, the firelight flickering over them, they could do no more than look each other. The emotions on the edges of both of their expressions. She let go of the robe, and it fell to the floor. What was he even thinking? She wished she knew.
"Glass." His voice was soft.
"What?" She was sure that she had heard him wrong.
"You." Gaara murmured. "Are like glass." The fingers that trailed along her back slid away, finding a different perch along her forearms, barely resting there at all. "When thunder strikes sand, it makes glass." Although sand was the thing he commanded, he could never command glass. Even more than that, it was always too fragile. "I could never hold the glass made by thunder." His thumb ran across her skin, his eyes drifting from her beautiful face and lower. "I tried. I failed."
Hinata had no idea where that admission had come from, but, his reason for saying it came in loud and clear. He was afraid, but of what she couldn't be sure. She guided his hands. One to her waist, and the other to her hip. "Like this." She murmured, sliding her own hands up his arms, and down over his chest. "Try not to think." She said, giving Gaara the same advice she had been told. Over and over in her life, it served her well.
When her mind and her fears crippled her. Try not to think so hard, feel, and act. Fighting in battle, or sharing a moment like this, the same rules applied. "This isn't something you can fail."
Everything had a condition for failure, Gaara was sure of that.
He leaned in, kissing her anyway, and as chastise as it was, timid and yet forceful as it seemed to be, Hinata wrapped her arms around his neck. Slowly, she parted her lips, and Gaara soon followed her lead, depending the kiss in a way that forced a hiss from the back of his throat. He broke the kiss a moment later, a deep breath for air and a close of his eyes shielding out the world around him. That only made him more aware of the breasts that were supple and soft, pressing against his chest, more aware of every little movement she made.
More aware of his own arousal as his length grew hard.
A fingertip trailing down the bridge of his nose elected a soft, yet little growl. Not unhappy, not angry...something different...something hesitant and wishful. Cracking an eye open, he saw Hinata gazing back at him.
"Are you nervous?" She asked him almost too gently, he had to strain to hear it.
He responded to the question not with words, but with actions, guiding her to the bed, laying her down, and positioning himself on top of her. That nearly instantaneous act surprised even himself, and he was stunned the moment he realized that if he looked down, he had a full view of the voluptuous woman below him. He gripped the sheets in his palms, blinking slowly a few times, breaths still deep.
Another kiss drowned out the staggering feeling in his mind. Hinata's hands, her fingers mapped out circles on his back, and her legs instinctively spread, one long toned leg swinging around his hip. It was all blur for him, hands and legs tangling together, kisses, and the dragging of those lips across his flesh…the wetness that he coaxed from her as he ever so slightly nipped at the nape of her neck.
The sound she made then would forever be burned into his mind.
And though he wanted to stay like that forever, that inexplicable tide of mindless emotion that had no rhyme or reason. He could do no more than bury his face into the crook of her neck when she guided his length into her soaking womanhood. Do not more than follow the tide of her hips against his, until he was spent, and she was left wanting.
Until he didn't realize who he was anymore. A stranger to even himself in this woman's embrace.
Lost….
He could be a failure, he was a failure, and once again, he couldn't lift the fragility, couldn't maintain it.