The year was nearing to an end, and Lucy was there, with everyone else, though not mentally. The commotion died down a bit over at the orchard, and it was getting pretty dark.
"Awww, the day's almost over~" Mira whined a bit. She was really enjoying herself.
"Yeah... I wish it lasted longer." Natsu walked on the path to the exit, a bit agitated from the darkness of the night sky. He ignited a flame with his fist, and acted as a torch for the rest of the group.
"Hey... Lu-chan?"
"Eh?" Lucy snapped her head back up to find Levy's eyes meet hers.
"Did you travel into an alternate dimension or something? You were zoning out for awhile now... what did you see there?" Levy's eyes sparkled with interest. She was always a sci-fi type of person it seemed...
"No... I was just... thinking about some things." Lucy swiped the hair covering her eyes to the side. And Levy bumped her shoulder into Lucy's.
"Oooh~? Lu-chan's thinking about some things~?" Levy-chan deviously smiled at me, so I could tell what she was getting at. "Well I'm sure he-"
Hold on... what?
Levy realized something in the midst of her jokes. Usually, she'd imply that she was rooting for Lucy and her love interest or something... but that was when it hit her.
Wait a minute... who do I pair Lu-chan with? Is there even anyone for Lu-chan to call a crush...?
Levy decided to speculate a bit further...
In the past... I always teased her about trivial things like crushes and love because it was funny. There was always someone to see her with and it was cute, like how I saw her with Nats-
Levy froze again. Her heart jerked a bit at the realization from the possibility that Lucy might've been-
"Oh c'mon... stop it, Levy-chan! It's not like that with anyone...!" Lucy turned her head to the side with her arms crossed like she always reacted.
Levy examined her closely. Levy's eyes were full of concerned doubt, but after a few seconds, Levy stepped back, seeing no particular facial movements on Lucy's face.
"Hey Pipsqueak, Bunny Girl!" Gajeel turned back to call for them. "You can talk about your books later. We're going now."
Levy blushed at the sight of him, but the red on her face quickly disguised itself as cute tsundere love as she hollered back at him. "If you're gonna kiss someone, try not to call them 'Pipsqueak' right after you do! You... you hunk of metal!"
Lucy stared at them. What had happened earlier... acting. Lucy had concealed those feelings for such a long time, and she held such a tight grip on them. Levy had noticed the possibility too late for any hints of Lucy's true emotions to become visible. But it was slipping... her lock on them was breaking... Lucy blankly stared into the ground with an unnatural, impassive expression. Levy turned to see Lucy become paler from the dropping temperature.
Levy grabbed ahold of Lucy's hand with a warm smile, and pulled her into a jog towards the group. "Come on, Lu-chan! It's gonna get suuuper cold, even more than it is now, if we stay out here any longer!"
"Y-Yeah..." Lucy steadily entered the range of the warmth of his fire. Natsu's fire. It radiated their path with a vibrant red-orange color, and almost outshined the stars that were stitched into the night sky. She looked at Levy again, who was still holding her hand as she got closer to the group. A small smile lit Lucy's face.
Thanks for caring.
Like a bus, everyone started leaving the group once their home was near little by little. Right until it was just Mira, Natsu, Happy, Lisanna, Elfman, and Lucy.
They were finally nearing towards Lucy's house when Lucy broke off from the group.
"Well, today was fun. I'll just be going now." Lucy faked a smile as she walked up the steps to her apartment.
"Yeah, it was! Bye, Lu-chan!" Lisanna waved over to Lucy. Mira and Elfman did the same.
"Yep, we should have more days like this!" Natsu smiled his signature teethy grin. "Well we're gonna go on ahead. Later, Lucy!"
"Bye bye Lucy!" Happy flew and waved at her.
Like that, they went. And his fire disappeared into the distance.
Lucy's POV
I waved back at them for awhile, until it seemed like I was saying farewell to nothing. I unlocked my door, and entered my house. Somehow... things seemed a bit more black and white than I saw it to be. I felt really empty; as if someone took my feelings and just dumped them somewhere.
Heh, I was alone again. I oughta be used to this by now.
But... I couldn't. To be realistic, no one really gets used to being alone, and it had only been a year for me... no? However, I was planning on replenishing myself, and just move on.
The year is almost done, Lucy, just hang in there...!
Easily, I could be called a drama queen for getting so depressed for a whole year just because my best friend started dating someone I held love for ever since I was just a untrained and unexperienced wizard... but...
I knew full well... the reason why I ended up like this... it was because... I was foolish from the start.
If I had just cried... and told my feelings to someone. If I hadn't stupidly held all of this loneliness inside of me... I would have been able to move on...
But pain grows... it sticks, it plagues. Like the salt of tears clinging onto a person's face, except it wouldn't wash off so easily. I acted and realized it too late for the steps to move on then and there. Now... my life really will be as colorless as I made it to be... and now my tears will be invisible... as I made them to be.
(New Year's Eve)
I arrived at the center of town. There, was a huge clocktower imported to Magnolia a week ago. It was made of a dark brown wood, and had glimmering lights wrapped around itself. At the top, a wreath detailed enough to be called magnificent, hung around the frame of the clock. It was guarded by red cables, and surrounded by most of the townspeople, including me and the others.
"Ah~! The clock used for the countdown is beautiful! Look, look! Gray-sama!" Juvia turned to see Gray chatting with Lisanna.
"Love Rival #2!" Juvia's eyes became a demon's glare.
"H-Hey Ice Bastard! I bet I could withstand this cold longer t-than you!" Natsu called out a challenge to Gray. He was trying to hide his shivering, but he wasn't doing a very good job.
"..."
Gray looked at Natsu with the most dumbfounded face. "I'm not even going to try you on this."
"Natsu..." Lisanna covered her the side of her face in unamusement, then smiled again. "You know, you look like you're freezing."
"I-I'm not-!" Natsu turned to Lisanna. "Actually, where the hell is Ice Bastard?! Shying out of a fight huh? Just goes to show how I won!"
"He went over there with the others." Lisanna giggled as she pointed to Gray, who was trying his hardest not to notice Juvia glomping him.
Then Natsu looked over at me.
"Yo! Lucy." Natsu firmly called.
Startled from suddenly being called out, I looked at him.
"Why are you so far away? If I didn't have a dragon slayer nose, I wouldn't have known you were there."
"Ah, Lu-chan!" Lisanna waved over at me gleefully. "What are you doing over there? Levy-chan was looking for you."
"A-Ah, Levy-chan was looking for me?" I looked around. I felt a bit guilty for making Levy-chan go out of her way for me. "In that case I should go to her, where is she?"
"Hm? Oh she's up there! With Gajeel and the others." Lisanna winked at me as she pointed towards the the clock. I forced a giggle to show I knew what she meant.
There was a big clump of Fairy Tail members up nearer to the clock, where I found Levy-chan.
"Lu-chan! Where were you? I was searching for you!" Levy-chan complained.
"Oh, I was just taking a bit extra time dressing." I fumbled with my hair.
"Hehhh? Well, whatever, you're here right now, so that's fine."
I looked up at the pendulum. The clock actually looked a lot like Horologium, but even more grand. It was only about three more minutes until midnight struck, then I realized I might have forgotten to lock my door. Though most of the people in town were probably where I was, I didn't want to come back to find my things vandalized right when the New Year started.
"Hey Levy-chan, I think I forgot to lock my door, I'm gonna go see if it's locked."
"But the clock is just about to strike midnight, can't you just stay a little bit longer?"
"It's really uneasing me~" I clapped my hands together in front of my face. "Please~?"
"Fine, just hurry back! Missing this would suck!" Levy-chan looked back up at the clock.
I hurried off out of the crowd. On my way, at the corner of my eye, I saw Natsu and Lisanna. Their faces seemed to get closer. I didn't notice at first, but as I watched them, my jogging pace was steadily slowing down to a stop. Natsu slightly turned his head, and his lips aimed for hers. Leaning in, he closed his eyes, and Lisanna's delicate lips touched his. Her reddened face leaned into a kiss, and she placed a part of her weight onto his chest. Natsu placed one arm on her waist, and had his free arm grasp her shoulder.
Suddenly, a pang shot through my heart. The pain I was feeling felt so familiar, and it hurt so much. It was the same pain I had felt awhile back when Natsu announced he and Lisanna were together. Everything felt like it was too much. My eyes wouldn't move from the two, and I suddenly felt the difficulty to breathe. My thoughts were darting.
What is this? Why am I looking at this? Why do I care so much? Why do I love him?! Why Lisanna?! Wasn't I going to renew myself?! Why? WHY? WHY?!
I couldn't take it, everything hurt. Just watching them kiss for the first time, just watching them be so... happy! I ran. The fastest I could, just so I can stop myself from these ugly thoughts. Just so I could stop myself from interfering with anything.
I reached my apartment, and slammed the door so hard that I would have broken it. I slowed myself down. I backed up to the wall and sat down. I hung my head as if it would help anything. I felt my vision blurring.
Am I... crying?
I could feel my eyes getting warmer. Though this time I didn't scold myself for my tears. I scolded myself for hating the fact that Natsu and Lisanna were together.
It happened awhile ago. And everyone is happy with those two being together. My friends, who are my everything, are happy. If anything, I would give my happiness up for them. In fact, I should be cheering on for them. So why...?
Though after I thought for a bit, I realized. I didn't feel one tear drop from my eyes.
Wait. Why am I not crying? I'm not even holding it in and yet...
Then it hit me. Have I... lost my ability to even cry? I can't even let out my feelings?!
Then, clock struck for midnight. I could hear the bells' melody ringing, and the townspeoples' cheers. I could feel the positive moods from all around. It just stabbed me even more. I used the wall I had backed up on to slide down. I squeezed my knees, and made my fetal position even tighter. My hair covered my eyes, and I couldn't see as well.
Then, I let out a scream. Just a scream. I grasped my head as I squeezed my eyes shut, and let out a scream.
Natsu's POV
I parted my lips from Lisanna's. They tasted like sweet pineapples.
"So... this marks our first kiss huh?" I scratched my cheek with my index finger.
"Y-Yeah..." Lisanna shied away from my eyes. She looked so cute... wait... what?!
Lisanna always kept telling me to save our first kiss for the new year. I never really understand why, but I guess I abided with it.
But then... when we were kissing, I swear I smelled Lucy's scent run into the direction of Lucy's apartment. I could even hear faint steps. Now that I think about... I'm pretty sure I wasn't mistaken.
"Hey Lisanna."
"Y-Yes, Natsu?"
"I'm gonna go check something, wait for me here okay?"
"Huh? Where are you going?"
"I think I saw something... anyway, just stay here 'kay?"
"A-Alright."
I ran on the trail of her scent. Yup, no mistake, I could smell the scent of her perfume growing stronger as I went closer to her apartment. As I jog towards her scent, I hear a blood curling scream. It rippled the the atmosphere, and I could feel my hairs standing from the sheer feel of it.
It sounded so hoarse, so hurt, so... lonely. As through that scream, the pain of their confessions and secrets were told. Though I wasn't near the location, it was loud. What was worse... was that the scream had the same vibration of Lucy's voice.
Lucy screamed.
I started sprinted towards her apartment even faster, and reached her door only to barge it open. There... I found Lucy, by herself... shaking.
Third Person POV
Lucy's ears picked up the sound of her door opening. While still keeping her head down, her eyes slowly looked up. Natsu was standing there, concerned and shocked at the same time.
Her eyes looked so dead. The lively chocolate brown eyes she always met Natsu with looked nothing like they were now. There was no joyful sparkle in her eye. They carried the same hue and feel of decayed wood, and it was as if all hope had been drained of her.
Lucy hung her head even more, and her hair covered her eyes to the point where they were completely covered. Natsu's pupils slowly absorbed and examined the sight of Lucy like this. That scream... the pain he heard in it... he knew he had heard it before. It was back when he told her that he and Lisanna got together. That painful edge in her voice. Of course, with how optimistic she always acted, it seemed insignificant, didn't it? Though, he always did notice how sudden her optimism was.
Then, Natsu broke the silence, and in the deepest and quietest voice he could muster, he spoke.
"Why are you here, alone?"
"..."
"You missed the big clock strike midnight."
"..."
Natsu raised the volume in his voice a little bit.
"Why are you crying?"
Lucy jerked at his question, and her hair cleared way for her vision. Then... in a quivering and weak voice, she responded.
"I wasn't crying."
"Lucy."
Now, Lucy spoke clearer and firmer.
"I wasn't crying."
"Lucy!"
Lucy stood up on her feet, and shouted.
"I WASN'T CRYING!"
"YOU WERE! WHY WOULD YOU BE ALONE HERE?!"
Natsu stepped closer to her, and took ahold of both her wrists. Lucy lifted her head, and looked him dead straight in the eyes.
"I WASN'T CRYING!"
"LUCY! YOU-"
Then Natsu weakened his grip on her wrists, with widened eyes, he stared at her. She lowered her head again.
"...I wasn't... crying..."
Natsu could see Lucy's lips shaking. Of fear, or of anger, he didn't know. However, he could tell he shouldn't dig into Lucy anymore. She was hurt, frustrated, and confused. Natsu's grasp on her wrists was nonexistent at this point, and he was just touching them now. Lucy shook off his hands.
"Levy-chan is waiting for me..." Lucy quietly spoke. "I have to apologize to her... for not seeing the clock when it struck midnight..."
Lucy walked with nearly no balance to the door, though Natsu wanted to help her to keep her from falling, his feet felt like they were drilled to the floor. Slowly, she made her way out, and started towards the clock. Natsu just watched her from the opening of her door. His heart ached. To think, he, someone Lucy was able to call a best friend, didn't see how much she had suffered all this time. His salmon hair covered his forehead and eyes.
I'm sorry.
Author's Extras
AlllRIGHT. I UPDATED. And I made it suuper long to make up for making you guys wait a month haha (sorry). I guess you could say I got a bit lazy? And I became addicted to playing 2048, so there was that too. Okay so I did indeed read your reviews. There were suggestions for different ships. Well I thought it over, and I got a lot of suggestions to keep Nali I guess. Well, just a small heads up, the genre of this fanfiction might change a little bit, and I am unsure if it can end with Nali, BUT it doesn't have to end up Nalu either, so you can tell me if you want Nalu or if you just want to keep the relationships mutual or 'friendship-y'. As for the Graylu and Lolu fans... hmm... I can try to develop those a bit, but it might be a bit sudden because they aren't really an important part of the story to begin with... but I'll take the considerations. Also, please tell me if I am developing the story too quickly, because upon rereading my work, I'm starting to think I'm pacing the story waaay too fast. So tell me that too. Well, I'm done I guess.
Lucy: Pfft. You know how long your followers waiting for the chapter to come out? Prioritize the people who read your work at least.
Me: Uhhhh.
Lucy: Tchhhh. Seriously, your damn SUMMER already started, and you still just waste your time slumping around. I DON'T GIVE TWO SHITS IF YOUR FAVORITE ANIME ENDED, DON'T KEEP YOUR FOLLOWERS WAITING.
Me: Okay das eit. Why am I always getting lectured by you every time I finish a chapter? Are you my asian mom or something?
Lucy: Pffft. Well, whatever. You suck at 2048 by the way. Playing constantly, yet your highest block is still 512. And plus, no one really plays 2048 anymore. Did you just decide to join the party late or something?
Me: I... I THOUGHT IT WAS A MATH GAME OKAY. AND I DON'T LIKE MATH GAMES.
Lucy: IT IS A MATH GAME, YOU RETARD.
Me: I am so done, just...stahp... *leaves*
Lucy: ...She's hopeless. Well, please follow, favorite, and review if you want to. If you thought it was bad, and I don't blame you, spam her inbox with hate messages 'kay?
Me: So not cool.