Saturday felt like the first sunny day Cartman had seen in weeks. He thought these heavy downpours and murky overcast skies would be persistent until at least June. But he was pleasantly surprised to see splinters of sunlight laying themselves over his bed on a clear morning.

Saturday afternoon however was one of stress, sunshine was unappreciated at the Cartman household. Tonight was his and Kyle's date and Cartman felt like calling and cancelling since he had no idea what to fucking wear and God, since when were clothes such a big deal?

His docs grinned at him faithfully, his only decent pair of shoes and the thought of slipping them on and lacing them up seemed like such a relief. But he couldn't wear docs with a shirt and suit pants, could he? Besides, the only suits he owned were his Sunday bests and he hadn't been to church since he was twelve, so they were naturally too small. Vainly, he sifted through the few plaid shirts he owned, trying to detect the shirt that looked the most formal. He finally decided on a burgundy shirt, his black jeans (even though he felt hideously fat in them) and his trusty docs.

Cartman adored how Kyle looked when he was busy, his eyes brightened with thought (probably thinking of all the stuff he had to do) and his hands often fidgeted with some busy adrenaline. And when he arrived at Kyle's place, Kyle was exactly that; busy. His curls were half-styled and his cologne was still fresh, lingering with every movement he made.

"Hey!" Kyle smiled brightly, giving Cartman his usual chaste peck before casting his eyes down and biting his lip approvingly "You look wonderful"

"I do?" Cartman asked, like Kyle was accusing him "Um, thanks"

"I just have to finish doing my hair and then we can leave" Kyle grinned, grabbing Cartman's wrist and pulling him into the living room. The steam that hung around from the shower seeped in through the living room, the air feeling sticky and humid with condensation and cologne.

Cartman studied Kyle's living room, making an effort to continually familiarize himself with the place before his eyes finally landed on Kyle. Doing his hair in the mirror, his mouth set in a fine line of concentration while his eyebrows quirked judgmentally, his fingers purling around locks of hair and forming ringlets, as if his natural curls weren't good enough.

"You look good too" Cartman said flatly, too intrigued with watching Kyle than he was with the words that were coming out of his mouth. Kyle smirked at him, amused and Cartman realized that he probably sounded like some husky-voiced actor from an old, bad porno. "I mean, uh, you look great. Handsome. Fuck, I-"

"Will you relax?" Kyle laughs, mildly satisfied with his hair and grabbing his jacket, which was thrown over the back of his armchair "You're acting like we've never met before"

"Well, technically, this is our first date" Cartman reminded him, walking over to Kyle.

"True" Kyle nodded, grabbing Cartman by the collar of his shirt and pulling him closer. Their lips brushing but Kyle refused to kiss him "And to think that I'm gonna be putting out later..."

"Nothing wrong with that" Cartman smiled, pouting when Kyle pulled away before their lips could touch.

For their date, Kyle had chosen the Italian restaurant where his surprise birthday party had been held the year before. The only Italian restaurant Cartman had been to was Buca De Faggicini in South Park, it was the venue for the homecoming after party (the decorating committee were adamant in not caving into peer pressure and renting out Sizzler).

Thank God for the English translations on the menu otherwise Cartman would've ended up starving. But Kyle was as thankful as he was. However, they did receive some snide looks from the pompous couple next to them as they ripped on the menu and tried to read the names of the dishes in terrible Italian accents.

"Sorry" Kyle halfheartedly apologized to the couple while Cartman hid behind his menu, laughing even more at how pissed off the couple were.

"Don't apologize" Cartman hissed, kicking Kyle under the table once Mr and Mrs Tight-Ass turned their attention back to their meal.

"I'm being the bigger person" Kyle replied, hardly taking himself seriously.

"Whatever" Cartman smiled exasperatedly, rolling his eyes. God, he looks cute when he does that, Kyle thought dreamily.

"So should I order a scotch and a bud or are you gonna be more adventurous with your liquor tonight?" Kyle asks.

"Um, no..." Cartman blushed. "In here, I kinda have to wait until I'm twenty-one to do that"

"Oh, sorry" Kyle laughed nervously, gritting his teeth at the sudden warmth in his face. He was such a fucking idiot "Well, maybe I'll let you have a sip of my scotch"

"Fuck no" Cartman replied quickly, shaking his head in disgust. "That stuff smells and tastes like piss"

"Scotch is liquid sex, my friend" Kyle corrected him "The greatest beverage a man can ever drink"

"See, now every time we have sex I'll just think that you're fantasizing about scotch while you're in the throes of passion" Cartman joked, he would attempt to be flirtatious but he didn't know how.

"No" Kyle shook his head "More like every time I drink scotch I think of you. Because both of you feel so fucking good when you're inside me"

He hoped the couple next to them heard that and had to fight the urge to choke on their drinks.

Cartman gulped audibly and fidgeted to control the arousal stirring in his groin, making his jeans tight. "I've never fucked you, though"

"I know" Kyle sighed "But it sounded better when I said it like that"

"You somehow manage to be eloquent, smooth and crude at the same time" Cartman smirked, running his foot up Kyle's leg and feeling the most unbelievably smug satisfaction at seeing Kyle gasp, both surprised and wanton. His caustic green eyes darkened with malevolent lust.

"It's a gift" Kyle shrugs arrogantly.

"I like it" Cartman admits, his voice the smoothest it's ever been.

"I think we should move on to the 'get-to-know-you' portion of the evening" Kyle says, taking a sip of his scotch.

They had ordered their food and managed to not laugh in the waiter's face, since they promised they would try to order their dishes in Italian instead of English. They were determined not to give up with their terrible pronunciations, even when they were laughing too hard and the waiter was growing impatient.

"God, what is this?" Cartman asked wryly "Speed-dating?"

"Kind of" Kyle replied before adding playfully "Except you're stuck with me all evening"

"Trust me, that isn't a bad thing"

They held each other's gazes long enough for their hearts to start sprinting and their thoughts to become amorous. To compose himself, Kyle took the lemon wedge out of his tumbler and sucked on it.

"Why do you do that?" Cartman asked curiously.

"Do what?" Kyle asked, lemon wedge still dangling limply between his index finger and thumb.

"Suck the lemon wedge in your scotch" Cartman replied, Kyle looked at the lemon wedge and laughed under his breath, blushing slightly. "I noticed you do it at the club too. Is that just something you have to do when you order scotch with a twist?"

"No" Kyle giggled, shaking his head "It's something I have to do. I usually do it when there's hardly anything left in my tumbler. See, the lemon wedge has an undercurrent of scotch in it so I feel like if I don't suck on it, I haven't really finished my drink yet. It's kinda like when people scrape the bowl with bread or something when they've finished their soup. I dunno..."

"Great. Now I know a little more about you" Cartman grinned.

"You're not getting away that easily" Kyle scolded teasingly, kicking him under the table "Don't you wanna know anything else? Family, hometown, anything?"

"Alright" Cartman sighed defeatedly "Tell me about your family"

"Okay. Typical Jewish family. Well, Jewish in the sense that we observe the high holidays and only then do we ever keep kosher. But, I haven't been to my parents house for Passover for years. I try to call them but then I remember that they're obviously not gonna answer the phone, so I wait until after it's all over to call them, wish them a happy Pesach and apologize for not making it to Seder dinner, yet again. But then, it's not as if I'm crucial to the meal, I mean, as long as Ike is there then everything's fine, since he's the youngest-"

"Is that your brother?" Cartman asks.

"Yep. My little Canadian brother" Kyle replies. "He's adopted" Kyle added, to avoid confusion. "Yeah, he's twenty-three. He's going into law school. Which my parents are delighted about, since my dad's a lawyer too"

"Do you have any other brothers? Sisters?" Cartman asked, suddenly interested.

"Nah. It's just me and Ike" Kyle smiles forlornly. He hadn't seen Ike since his birthday last year. Stan had somehow managed to track him down and Kyle fondly recalled how the two of them hugged and Ike still felt like a little kid, although he constantly told Kyle how stressed he was about his future. And Kyle just wanted to take him away from all that, he sometimes forgot that Ike was shrewd and smart enough to handle anything that came his way. To Kyle, Ike was still a baby in a blue onesie, reading Steinbeck before Kyle even knew who that guy was, and forever his responsibility.

"Where's your hometown? Close to South Park?"

"I've had many hometowns"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, my mom and dad are originally from New Jersey. My mom met my dad in college and I have no idea how they became a couple because he was very studious and serious and she was fucking crazy. Seriously, she punched a lot of girls in the face because she got too close to their boyfriends. Anyway, they met, got married and had me. And I think something changed in her when I came along... Because suddenly New Jersey was too much of a dangerous place to raise a child. So we moved to San Francisco when I was a still a baby and I grew up in California. Although I'm still pasty as fuck. I tried to make friends there but I didn't really fit in and neither did Ike, and admittedly, neither did my parents. Although my dad tried in vain and my mom busied herself with taking over the PTA. Sometimes I think they were selfish for trying to impress these people, but then I think that maybe they were really trying to do what's best. But that's my parents in a God damn nutshell, trying so hard to do what's best without really listening or even thinking clearly. Then, when I was fifteen and Ike was ten, suddenly we're moving to Colorado. Because anywhere has gotta be better than a city in California, right? Or so my parents thought. So we moved to Littleton and I've been here ever since"

"Wow" Cartman nodded, he loved listening to Kyle talk. His words seemed like he rehearsed them in his sleep and yet they seemed so passionate that they could only be raw. "Well, I'm purely South Park. Born and raised."

"Still, that doesn't mean you haven't got a story to tell" Kyle smiled and Cartman didn't doubt that. His hometown wasn't without its craziness.

"What do you wanna know about?" Cartman asked, unsure.

"Anything" Kyle replied.

"My mom?" Cartman asked, he could tell he left Kyle intrigued when he said that he didn't, or couldn't, talk to her.

Kyle nodded, almost guiltily.

"Is it just you and her?" Kyle asked tentatively, he sensed that Eric clearly didn't know where to begin with his mom.

"Yeah" Cartman replied sheepishly "No brothers and sisters. That I know of. It's just me and her. And that's why I kinda hate how things are between us. She doesn't try to preserve the only thing she has and I'm done making an effort with her, but I can't seem to stop trying. I wish she was the same."

"But why? Why does she act that way?"

"Because of Nebraska" Cartman whispered absent-mindedly

"Nebraska? An entire state is to blame for you and your mom's relationship?" Kyle asked, taking a sip of his scotch and raising a confused eyebrow.

"No, of course not" Cartman laughed, shaking his head "That's just what I call it. Whenever I think about the time when things became so messed up, it's always 'After Nebraska' and when things were good it's always 'Before Nebraska'. Because those couple of months that I spent there with my grandparents changed everything. I came back and she was a different person and the whole world kinda revealed itself"

"What happened in Nebraska?" Kyle asked, an uncomfortable anxiety knotting in his stomach.

"It's a long story" Cartman sighed, the cop-out, default line that spews almost unwillingly from everyone's mouth. But when he saw Kyle's concerned expression and his fingers itching to reach out and grab his hand, Cartman smiled thinly "But, still, that doesn't mean I shouldn't tell it, right?"

"Right" Kyle grinned in relief.

"Even before Nebraska I knew me and my mom were a different kind of family. Everybody else had brothers or sisters and fathers. Everything was so simple with them, they knew their parents were married and that they had boring, typical jobs that kept roofs over their heads. But my mom didn't work at the stores or offices in town like everybody else's parents did. Only until Kenny told me what it was in the sixth grade, did I realize that she was a prostitute. It all made sense, how guys would come in and out, my mom would take them upstairs and try so damn hard to hide them from me. But they would come down pretty soon looking satisfied and my mom would have wads of bills in her hand. And when I found out what sex was for, courtesy of Kenny, it dawned on me that I could've been a product of one of those guys. And that he would care as little about me as he did about my mom when he was paying to have sex with her. But, before Nebraska, I was so wonderfully unaware of what was going on around me. She was my mom. She made me laugh and made me feel safe and I loved her and she loved me even though I was the most anti-social, most misbehaved kid at my school. But a couple of years after Nebraska, I realized that she was fucking dying and I didn't know. She had a drug problem and it just got more and more uncontrollable until finally she couldn't hide it. No matter how hard she tried to hide her needles and those baggies, no matter how discreetly she got her fix, I knew something was wrong. She was so pale and so thin and there were fewer men coming to the door. My grandparents started to visit more often, usually they would visit once a month and call every other day. But when she was at her worst, they practically lived with us. But then one day, I've been told I gotta pack my bags because I'm going to Nebraska, going back with grandma and grandpa. But my mom was packing her bags too, so I asked her why we were going. It wasn't Thanksgiving or Christmas, why were we going to grandma and grandpa's house in the summer? At the start of summer vacation? She started crying and trying to grab me, but I was scared of her. I didn't want her to hug me. I didn't want her near me. Although I missed her when I left. She was at some rehab in Arizona, finally getting help but it hasn't done much good"

Cartman paused then, he could still feel that heady, palpable loneliness when he spent the summer sleeping in a bed that wasn't his own, looking out of the window at a town that was still strange to him and thinking if he could have a little piece of home with him, he'd be happy. Sure, he had his faithful Clyde Frog. But he wanted his mom, the one who he wasn't scared of, who didn't cry and tremble with withdrawal.

He gritted his teeth and pressed his wrists to his misty eyes, wanting to apologize but unable to find the words.

It pained Kyle to see Eric this way, looking so detached and isolated. He grabbed his hand and squeezed it softly.

And Cartman suddenly felt safe. Kyle's touch felt like it was the only thing that had been right. What he had needed for so long. Someone to touch him gently, with understanding and protection. His willingness to be lonely was starting to feel less appealing.

"What happened when you came home?" Kyle asked softly, his thumb soothingly stroking Cartman's weathered knuckles.

"She had changed" Cartman said simply "She was tanned and she'd put on weight and her make up was pretty like it used to be. And she was hugging me and kissing me and everybody looked so pleased with themselves. Like they had rescued me. And at the time I thought they did. But something felt so unsettling and it killed me not knowing what it was. She was a stranger and I was always so defensive and on edge around her, I told her not to hug me, I told her to leave me alone when I played with my toys or watched TV. I remember, when I was nine and it was December, there was this huge snowstorm. It was crazy and so fucking cold, even indoors. And my mom asked me to sleep in her bed, so we'd be warm and she'd feel safe but I said no. Why would I wanna be that close to her? And then she cried. Sobbed. And I both resented her and loved her. I didn't want her to be upset, she was my mom. But then I hated how she was acting like everything was fine, that I was fine and that she didn't even ask me what I wanted or how I was feeling. Since then, well, over the years, we've drifted further and further apart. She just wants to fool herself that she's fine although she's still addicted. I'm sure she is, I'm sure she thinks about getting her fix more than she thinks about me. But then, I can't trust her. Even when she tries to make an effort with me. I can't do it. I can't pretend that everything is okay. Because I'm so angry with her. But when she's crying and begging for me to help her, I... I have to. It's involuntary. And that makes me want to hate her even more. You're supposed to love your mom, aren't you? Even if sometimes you don't think she'd notice if you weren't around"

"Eric..." Kyle whispers, broken. He couldn't even begin to understand what it must be like to feel as if nobody cares, to live without at least one instance of unconditional love. But Kyle cared, it was too early to say anything more. But Kyle knew that he cared about this kid, this wonderfully unordinary kid "I care about you very much. You know that don't you?"

Before Cartman could open his mouth to say anything, Kyle was kissing his fingers like he cared about every inch of him. Like he was entirely beautiful. "Yes" Cartman nodded, his voice shaky.

"What do you want to do?" Kyle asked, his half lidded eyes meeting Cartman's in an intoxicating, captivating flurry of green.

"Huh?" Cartman asked, too distracted by how beautiful Kyle appeared to him.

"I mean, what do you want your life to be like? What would be the perfect way to exist?"

"Being on my own" Cartman answered honestly, noticing the flash of sudden hurt in Kyle's eyes "Having no one let me down or leave me. That would be so much easier"

"You really think so?" Kyle asked forlornly.

"Yes" Cartman whispered "But..." He let his thumb linger on Kyle's lip, like he was about to delicately press a flower to a book. He loved the adoration, the want, brimming in Kyle's gaze, how Cartman had captured Kyle's breath and was holding it for him.

"Sometimes I feel like being with someone would make me happier. Someone who I cared about very much."

Kyle smiled gratefully and Cartman swallowed what felt like his racing heart in his mouth.

Kyle held Cartman's hand again and grinned "I think they could make you happy too"

Fuck, it was cold.

Kyle wished he had gone to his apartment to grab a blanket or something before he bought Eric here. The two of them were sitting on abandoned lawn chairs that Kyle figured somebody left here one summer but forgot about.

The murky city lights made their features somewhat distinguishable through the dark, but it was so windy and biting, even in April, that their vision was blurry.

"Well, what do you think?" Kyle asked cheerfully, squeezing Eric's cold hand and nudging him.

"It's amazing" Cartman gasped. Denver seemed to bloom in front of him, apartment buildings and offices soaring and greedily catching stars on their concrete tongues, spitting constellations. The horizon was a flatline and the mountains in the distance were the spikes of an inky pulse, prepossessing and rigid. In the daylight, everything seemed so random and colorfully messy. Now, everything seemed hushed, even when the night was filled with echoes. An intricate, carefully planned accident of different hues of grey, blue and black. "There's fewer stars than in South Park. But why would you even wanna look at the sky?"

"I thought you would like it" Kyle beamed "I certainly do"

Cartman hadn't thought of home all night. Even when he was telling Kyle about his mom, or when they were talking about high school and growing up and everything in between, Cartman wasn't totally absorbed in home. To him, it seemed like someone else's story, someone else's concern. Instead, he thought about Kyle. They had laughed and played footsie under the table and talked about all manner of things, things that they hardly knew about and they swapped desserts because they didn't like their own but liked the other's. On the walk back to Kyle's apartment, they held hands and exchanged kisses sporadically.

But Cartman was sobering to the fact that he'd have to leave pretty soon. That this night wasn't eternal or on a loop in a relentlessly cyclical existence. He remembered the coffee shop then, and Kyle's words about infinity.

"Do you really think things can be infinite?" Cartman asked.

"Is the view making you philosophical?" Kyle teased.

"No" Cartman blushed "I was just thinking about what you said in the coffee shop. About how if you don't know what you want then the possibilities are infinite. But does that apply to other things?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like... Time" Cartman explains "Or the future. Can a certain event be infinite?"

"I don't think so. And that's not me being negative, that's just fact" Kyle replies "The universe isn't kind enough to let us enjoy things a little while longer"

"Fucking sucks" Cartman mutters, irrationally and childishly disappointed. What else did you expect? He thought meanly.

"Yep" Kyle agreed, resting his head on Eric's shoulder "The future isn't infinite either. It's unpredictable but at least everybody knows that it's finite. I guess that's the kindest thing about it. You know what's gonna happen at the end point but you don't know how you're gonna get there"

"That's not so bad" Cartman realized, before sighing "Still, something has to be predictable, right?"

"Does it?"

"Of course it does!"

"Okay, tell me how"

"I don't know how..." Cartman whined helplessly "But it just has to. It's just, like, this impulsive thing that I know is right..."

"And you're too stubborn to be proven otherwise?" Kyle smirked, licking his teeth.

Cartman thought for a moment, before deciding firmly on "Yes"

"Alright" Kyle nodded thoughtfully before adding "So what if we make each other the predictable thing?"

"Go on..." Cartman said, turning to face Kyle, whose features were highlighted by the distant, chalky glow of the moon.

"We don't know what's gonna happen in the future. But we can promise each other that at least we'll be there. I can be your predictable thing and you can be mine" Kyle offered, squeezing Cartman's hand and hoping the night was dark enough to hide the fearful expression of rejection on his face.

"It's a deal" Cartman grinned, figuring that if tonight was one of the many finite things that will eventually get lost in time and space, at least he kept the best piece of it. Kyle.

"Great" Kyle smiled, kissing Eric's forehead "So, I'll be there at your high school graduation"

"And I'll be there when your first novel gets published" Cartman promises.

"Sounds good" Kyle smiles, before they both turned their attention back to the city. They huddled closer together as a gust of wind rolled along the roof.

"Making pacts with the universe on our first date" Kyle joked "Don't you think we're going a tad fast?"

"Not at all" Cartman replies.

Yep, they were just two predictable things. Longing to be more, wondering if they were. But for now, they were perfectly content with a satisfied silence.

It's startling how time and space can move so rapidly. It seemed like mere seconds ago that Cartman was sitting with Kyle on the roof, admiring the view and talking about the unpredictable future. It seemed like a heady, lucid dream that he could vividly recall. But that was last night.

Now, he was in his kitchen with Kenny, eating breakfast. An annual event that had been held every Sunday since Kenny got expelled.

Cartman had, once again, regrettably left Kyle's apartment at some ridiculous hour and almost fell asleep on the eerie bus journey home. He was still in bed when Kenny appeared at his door, looking sprightly in a trippy sort of way, still, the morning sun was doing radiant favors for him.

As Lianne made breakfast, Kenny made more idle chat with her than Cartman did. He was too tired and pissed off with himself, his fingers twitching with the urge to grab his phone and call Kyle.

Lianne never ate with the boys. She'd serve up their breakfast and quickly depart to the living room, enjoying a black coffee whilst watching the shopping network.

"So" Kenny said, taking a bite of the delicious bacon that had been generously served on his plate. He had grown more accustomed to having his stomach growl, dissatisfied at him, than feel full. And he had trained himself to barely run on mountain dew and frozen waffles throughout the week. Sunday was the Lord's day, and for Kenny it certainly felt that way at Cartman's house. Maybe if the church served breakfast he'd attend. "How was your date?"

"Good" Cartman nodded distantly, moving his food around with his fork and smirking "Great, actually"

"Did you put out?" Kenny grinned, attempting to diffuse his crude laughter by taking a bite out of his piece of toast.

Cartman smiled dreamily to himself as he thought about what happened when him and Kyle came down from the roof. In Kyle's bed, they fucked in the missionary position (which Cartman always thought would be boring, but with Kyle it certainly wasn't) his legs trembled like crazy when Kyle was in between them, fucking him slow and deep. They fumbled with their kisses when their mouths collided, their tongues licking at each other's lips and Cartman's hands dragged across Kyle's skin and tore into him mercilessly. It was the heaviest, most intense orgasm Cartman had ever had, coating his and Kyle's chests in white.

"Yeah" Cartman whispered weakly, the memory of Kyle's voice in his ear, begging him to keep moaning his name, repeated itself like a beautiful combination of chords. "Kenny, being with him... It's probably the best I'm ever gonna have"

Kenny swallowed harshly, his wide aqua eyes that seemed as open as an August sky struggled to stay calm. They brimmed with an envy and spite that made Kenny nauseous, he wasn't used to feeling such bitter emotions. Although he had every right to. His fingers felt clumsy and numb as he set his knife and fork down on his plate. He feared that if he tried to talk now, his voice would waver and crack. Damn, he thought he was through with this ridiculous feeling. He guessed it wasn't gonna shift any time soon.

"Easy there, sports fan" Kenny laughed nervously, the asphyxiating hold on his chest loosening once he spoke. Clearing his throat, Kenny continued "Don't you think you're saying that a little too soon? I mean, this is like, what the third time you've had sex-"

"Keep your voice down, God damn it!" Cartman hissed "My mom can hear you!"

"What, since when do you care about what she thinks?" Kenny asked, rolling his eyes.

When did he care? Only last night he was telling Kyle how strained things are between them and how he's slowly becoming totally indifferent towards her. But it was that familial bond that refused to break, that involuntary reflex of love that was tripping him up. The only reason he came home from Kyle's last night was because he couldn't leave her on her own. Staying at Kyle's would've been preferable, but he'd still be begrudgingly worried about her.

"Anyway, the point I was trying to make before you so rudely interrupted" Kenny smirks, glaring at Cartman with a false malice, which Cartman goofily reciprocated "Is that you're eighteen, not even outta high school! You've got plenty of wild oats to sow and trust me, there are other Kyles out there-"

"Fuck you, no there isn't!" Cartman shouted defensively but Kenny didn't even flinch. He had known the kid for fourteen years, he was used to Eric's tantrums "You don't even know him, Kenny! So don't try to say he's just another guy to fuck when you haven't even met him!"

"Alright, I'm sorry!" Kenny snapped, raising his hands in defense "What I meant was, there are other older guys out there. In this instance, 'Kyle' is shorthand for 'older guy', okay?"

"Why do you think I'd wanna be with older guys?" Cartman asks.

"Because of Kyle!" Kenny explains, like it's totally obvious "The first guy you sleep with is a guy ten years older than you!"

"That doesn't mean I'm only attracted to older guys though..." Cartman mumbles, blushing.

"Again. Sorry" Kenny replies, talking to his scrambled eggs when he says "I just thought maybe there were some daddy issues, I dunno..."

"Please, I am the embodiment of daddy issues. And mommy issues. And issues with people in general"

"Anyway" Kenny says impatiently, rolling his eyes and hoping that maybe he can get to the point "The world is filled with guys who are as good as Kyle in the sack... If not better"

"I don't care about those guys!" Cartman snaps, running an angry hand through his hair. Why was Kenny trying to make Kyle seem so unimportant? Why wasn't he getting that it wasn't just sex, it was something else... Something that Kenny would never understand, Hell, Cartman wasn't even sure himself. "All I care about is Kahl!"

"So what does that mean?" Kenny asked, his mouth shaking and he cast his eyes down so it wouldn't be noticeable.

"Dude" Cartman mutters, fractious. And when Kenny looks up, his eyes are glassy and his face is daring Cartman to make the next move. Albeit rather forlornly and cautiously. "It means that I think I'm falling in love with him"

"Oh" Kenny whispered, his mouth set in a defiant, fake smile of resignation as he limply said "Well, I mean, that's good, terrific, right?"

"Yeah" Cartman whispered softly, the confession exploding like invisible confetti in the space in front of him. "It's amazing..."

Monday morning arrived too quickly, bringing English class (and the last act of Hamlet) with it.

Broken, expressionless Shakespeare flew around the room like an irritating bug.

But he wasn't paying any attention.

The news was filled with sadness and panic.

The future was unpredictable.

The universe was folding inch by excruciating inch.

His mom was still a lost cause. Apparently, so was he.

And escape from this town was still on the far horizon.

But Cartman didn't care.

Because, starting at the margin of his English notebook, were the words that had knotted themselves around his heartline.

You're beautiful and doing okay

And the more Cartman wrote that sentence down, the more he was starting to actually believe it.

The Jefferson County rugby team were an easy team to beat. Even when the Cows weren't exactly on top form. Still, that didn't stop coach from getting a 'bad feeling' as the Jefferson bus rolled in, their players stepping off sheepishly, like they hadn't been here dozens of times before. This 'bad feeling' was the driving force behind the passionate pre-game speech in the locker room, coach would remind the team to stay alert and sharp and would basically reenact the speech from Any Given Sunday. Like Cartman needed to be reminded of football.

But, on a brisk Wednesday evening, beating Jefferson and celebrating another victory wasn't Cartman's main concern right now. Kyle was here. And that terrified him more than any defeat, than any injury, ever could.

It had been such a long time since Kyle was in a mountain town like South Park, as he walked through the school parking lot, he realized how easy it would be to close his eyes and feel like he was back in Littleton. The smell of gasoline, pine trees and mountain air never differed.

Over the phone, Eric had told him to look for Kenny; if Kyle could see an emaciated kid, with infuriating good looks and a mop of blond, unwashed hair, who was probably shivering and smoking, then he'd found him.

"Hi, um, please tell me your name is Kenny?" Kyle asked, the flask of coffee in his hand the only thing keeping him warm.

"Yeah" Kenny smiled politely, taking a thoughtful drag of his cigarette "And I'm guessing you're Kyle, right?"

"I am" Kyle replied, extending his hand to shake before wondering if that was too formal for this type of introduction.

"Pleased to meet you" Kenny smiled warmly, cigarette clamped between his gleaming teeth and God, he was good-looking. Eric was right. But Kyle wasn't into pretty boys, even when they had holes in their sneakers and dirt on their fingernails.

"You too" Kyle said, shivering from the cold. Even though the crowd was sparse, Kyle still felt like he was in high school, surrounded by teenagers and feeling self-conscious and uncomfortable.

"What's in the flask?" Kenny asked curiously.

"Oh, uh, coffee..."

"Is it Irish?"

Kyle shook his head.

"Big mistake" Kenny warned "It would've made this whole thing a lot less painful"

And Kyle didn't doubt that.

Before he went into his first scrum, Cartman caught a glimpse of Kyle in the bleachers. He blinked as a dizzying panic seemed to flood his vision with cloying stars. Kyle shouldn't be here. This was too close, too real. In Kyle's apartment, with the wonderful view of the city and the warmth of his bed, everything was secure and unbreakable. In this town, it was. Especially here, in school, filled with people he could barely bring himself to look at, let alone talk to. Everything was so imperfect and he didn't want Kyle to be witness to that.

He winced at the contact, all these people surrounding him, strangers pushing into him and even the floodlights descended into the horizon of his vision. It was darkness and dirt and the referee's voice barking into the cold, April evening.

He was concentrating so hard on avoiding a panic attack that he didn't notice the ball had left the scrum and an opportunity was wasted. Like he gave a shit. He just wanted the whistle to blow and for it to all be over.

"What the Hell are you doing?!" A familiar voice shouted. It was his opposite number, a tall, dark-haired guy who looked like he hijacked cars in his spare time. Cartman had problems with this guy before and, on multiple occasions, would've punched him in the face if it was allowed. But he guessed hitting him hard in a tackle, or scoring a try, was as sweet.

Cartman just shook his head and glared at him, he'd rather play the game than argue with that dickhead.

"So..." Kyle began, trying to start a conversation "Do you have any idea what's going on?"

Kenny had hoped they could spend the rest of the game in a civil, if not slightly awkward silence, but Kyle was actually trying to talk to him. And Kenny was too much of a nice guy to even attempt being spiteful and bitchy. The thought of being any of those things made Kenny laugh sadly, God, he'd fail miserably.

"Nope. None at all" Kenny grinned and when Kyle gratefully smiled back, he realized why Cartman had made such a big deal about him. "I mean, Cartman tried to make me watch a game on ESPN but I had no fucking clue. I'm not really into sports."

"Me neither. Except for basketball" Kyle replied, relieved that at least they were attempting a conversation "My homework for tonight was to do research on the game"

"And did you?" Kenny smirked

"Yeah, but it kinda went over my head" Kyle admitted.

As the game went on, Cartman tried in vain to keep focused. Jefferson County were making their usual mistakes and the Cows were using that to their advantage, effortlessly scoring try after try and unabashedly soaking up the lukewarm applause of the crowd. And Cartman hated how he couldn't join in with all that, since he was letting all of Jefferson's mistakes clumsily slip past him, infuriatingly missing opportunities.

Meanwhile, Kenny and Kyle went about their civil conversation and Kenny was finding it harder and harder to feel envious. Although it often swelled, sad and self-loathing in the hollow canteen of his chest.

Since an arrogant Clyde had dropped the ball, another scrum was formed. Cartman gritted his teeth and rolled his eyes at having to be in that suffocating position yet again. Although he didn't love rugby, he found some escapism and relief in playing it, channeling his anger into competition and having a victory to focus his mind on was something he usually welcomed. But now every anxious thought was trained on Kyle and how wrong it felt that he was here, he wanted to keep Kyle separate from all this bullshit.

Cartman sighed frustratedly as his side of the scrum collapsed and he had to fight the urge to walk off the field and hang around in the locker room until the game was over. Fuck what the other guys thought. Fuck this whole game and fuck this stupid anxiety.

Still, everything carried on as normal and Cartman guessed he just had to keep his mouth shut and keep playing, albeit half-assed.

He was so distracted that he didn't even notice Clyde passing him the ball (the poor guy probably thought he needed to give him a chance).

"What the fuck are you doing, fatass?" Clyde yelled as Cartman naturally dropped it. Jesus Christ, Clyde was competitive, but his words sounded like a puppy's feeble bark and Cartman didn't have time for that crap.

"Suck my balls, Clyde" Cartman snapped, running a dirty hand through his messy hair, not even waiting for Clyde's reply.

Cartman had never been so thankful for the half time whistle and when he saw Kyle in the bleachers, he couldn't help but smile.

Kyle and Kenny both waved and Cartman felt no anxiety at all as he quickly waved back.

Being substituted for Brydon Gueermo in the second half didn't come as a surprise to Cartman, but he would've rather gone straight to the locker room, had a shower and got dressed before the end of the game than have to sit on the bench and watch the Cows win without his help. And the fact that Brydon was correcting all of Cartman's mistakes within the game in such a short amount of time made the whole thing more bitter than sweet.

Cartman watched with tired, half-lidded eyes, his expression that of both indifference and impatience and he couldn't bring himself to cheer as yet another try was scored.

The Cows won 21-6 and Cartman didn't join in with the celebrations, instead he went straight to the locker room. And he was still in the shower when he heard the ecstatic, rowdy cheers of his teammates as they obnoxiously burst through the doors, still teeming with aggressive adrenaline and the heady high of their win.

"Not a lot of people came..." Kyle quietly observed as him and Kenny waited for Cartman in the parking lot, next to a rusty pick up truck.

"Nah, they never do" Kenny shrugs "You should see this place during football games, fucking crazy"

"Really? You come and watch?"

"No, I can hear the cheering from my house" Kenny explains "It's not too far from here"

"Oh" Kyle nodded to himself, clearing his throat before asking "How long have you and Eric known each other?"

Kenny laughed quietly before saying "It's cute that you call him 'Eric'"

"Well, that's his name, isn't it?" Kyle asked, confused.

"Yeah, but everybody around here just calls him 'Cartman'"

"Cartman" Kyle spoke to himself, with an amused half smirk. No wonder he introduced himself as that in the club, if he's so used to everybody calling him it "Do you think I should start calling him that?"

"No. I think he likes it that you call him by his first name..." Kenny replies "But to answer your question, I've known him since preschool"

"That's a long time" Kyle mused, staring up at the sky, blinded by the unpolluted stars that craved to be watched. Kyle wondered if Kenny knew about Nebraska and if he did, what could he remember about the whole thing. After all, Kenny was only a kid when it happened and Kyle doubted he had an understanding of the whole thing. Hell, Eric was the one who was witness to it all and he couldn't understand it. But there was something about Kenny, something untimely wise that seemed almost unnerving. This kid had probably seen suffering, felt it, saw the worst sides of human behavior. But still, here he was, smoking his cigarette and smiling genuinely. "Kenny, thanks for tolerating me tonight. I don't know if Eric has divulged many details about our relationship-"

"Not that many. He's a private guy" Kenny interrupted before smiling knowingly "But I know that he really likes you"

Kyle couldn't stop his eyes flickering in a wonderful surprise, but he cleared his throat and shyly continued "Well, the feeling is mutual. And you have every right to be cynical, but I hope that you meeting me has kinda made you feel better about it all. But, anyway, thanks for being so cool. I really appreciate it"

Kenny frowned at Kyle's blatant and sincere kindness, not sure how to erase this guilt, since he had felt such bitter animosity towards a guy he hardly knew and who was actually pretty cool. But he tried to smile, hoping his eyes illustrated something more genuine "Thanks. And it's no problem, you're a nice guy."

"Thanks" Kyle mumbles, they both fidgeted and blushed awkwardly at the cloying sentimentality that was growing like a hideous virus between them.

"Hey, sports fan!" Kenny suddenly called, making Kyle jolt and almost drop his flask. Kenny had never been happier to see Cartman's sulking self.

"Hey" Cartman smiled meekly, itching to leave. His attention quickly turned to Kyle, who was staring contemplatively at his flask, not sure how to conduct himself. It reminded Cartman of the way Kyle looked at the club, circling the rim of his tumbler. Cartman remembered how he kept looking back, to make sure he hadn't imagined it all, that he wasn't losing his mind. But in the present, with his shoulders still aching and the scent of grass still lingering on his skin, he felt his heart swell with a love that could've been unreciprocated. But he didn't care, because that feeling was all his.

"Hi" Cartman said gently, directed at Kyle.

"Oh, hi" Kyle replied moonily, a fidgeting hand running through his curls and his shoulders seemed to drain with tension. Before he could let himself argue against it, he threw his arms around Eric's shoulders and pulled him into a tight, safe embrace.

Kenny dug his cold hands into his jacket pockets, biting the inside of his mouth and hating how Kyle could unabashedly hug Cartman in the middle of the school parking lot and confidently know that his affection wasn't going to be rejected.

"You were great" Kyle murmured lovingly, before kissing Cartman's neck.

"Thanks" Cartman muttered bashfully, untangling himself from the embrace.

Kyle beamed at him, coughing into his fist in understanding and the both of them shared a dreamy, knowing look.

"Yeah, you were great" Kenny said, interrupting their moment "It must've taken a lot of practice to be able to sit on the bench for the entirety of the second half."

"Shut up, douchebag" Cartman smirked, kicking Kenny's ankle and laughing infectiously.

It was a Saturday the next time Kyle and Cartman saw each other and when Kyle answered the door, he was his usual busy self. It was almost as if he couldn't function in a way that wasn't restless.

"Hi" Kyle breathlessly whispered when he finally managed to pull his mouth away from Eric's. "You're right on time..."

"For what?" Cartman asked, kissing the tip of Kyle's nose.

Kyle grinned and grabbed Cartman's wrist, leading him to his rather small bathroom for his rather small apartment.

"For this" Kyle gestured, beaming proudly. For the bathroom was glowing with the trembling, honeyed flames of what seemed like a thousand candles, burning brightly. The antique bath tub that Kyle spent a fortune on and was easily one of the most expensive things he had ever bought (even though him and Stan had split the cost) was bursting with glistening pink bubbles that shone with every flame that kissed them and the heady smell of scented candles and Jasmine pervaded the room, erasing every dull flaw and making them blush shyly with romance.

"A bubble bath?" Cartman asked, his voice lost in his throat. He never thought anybody would do something like this for him, Hell, he didn't think he would ever let anybody. "Really?"

"Yep" Kyle nodded, rather proud of his handiwork. Who knew such a dismal, plain room could look so romantic and inviting and all in under an hour? "Cool, right?"

"It is pretty impressive" Cartman agreed, smiling uncontrollably when he felt Kyle's arms wrap around his shoulders and he turned to meet his bright, Emerald eyes. "But why did you go to all this trouble?"

Kyle frowned, puzzled before pulling Eric closer so they could taste each other's already kiss-stained lips in a teasing proximity. "Because I thought it would be fun, don't you?"

"I guess" Cartman grinned, uncomfortably warming to the idea.

"Right?" Kyle smiled, giving Eric a chaste peck on the lips with every pause "It'll be romantic. And fun. And we get to see each other all wet and naked..."

And with that Cartman was convinced. His eyebrows quirked in surprise and he shifted slightly so Kyle couldn't notice how excited that last point made him. He grinned before wrapping his arms around Kyle's waist and replying huskily "Okay, I'm convinced, take off your clothes"

Kyle giggled smugly, his face growing warm before murmuring hotly into Cartman's mouth "I was kinda hoping you could do that for me"

Cartman bit the inside of his mouth to control his shy, giddy smile as he tried to sexily say "As long as you return the favor"

Running his hands under Eric's shirt Kyle smirked "I'd be more than happy to"

What followed was a wanton, giggling session of French kissing and undressing each other (their tongues occasionally slipping away from their kisses to trail along exposed chests, thighs and stomachs). Their mouths fell to each other's shoulders and necks and their hands managed to find purchase everywhere. After a while they forgot there was a bubble bath waiting for them, especially Cartman, since Kyle's hand was paying special attention to his cock and he would've come right there if Kyle hadn't cruelly stopped what he was doing and informed him the water was going cold.

As much as he loved the pre-bathtime activities, as soon as they got in the tub, Cartman became reluctant and indifferent again. Sitting there awkwardly as he leaned against Kyle, his head resting on Kyle's shoulder, their hands intertwined under the water and both of their feet hanging over the edge. But as soon as Kyle started kissing up his neck and murmuring dirty promises in his ear, then Cartman started to enjoy himself, and dare he say it, relax.

Their bodies were dusted with a sultry sweat and heady scented bubbles, wax dripped silently and unimportantly and everything was hushed and perfect.

"Eric" Kyle teased, taking a break from his rhythmic kisses "Are you actually enjoying this?"

"Shut up" Cartman moaned, with only a slight keen of irritation to his voice.

"You know, this is very Pretty Woman" Kyle begins, "When Richard Gere and Julia Roberts are in that enormous bathtub and there are candles and it's super romantic. This is close, right? I mean, I know my bathtub isn't huge but-"

"I haven't seen it" Cartman interrupts.

"What?" Kyle asks incredulously "You've never seen Pretty Woman? It's a classic!"

"A classic I have never seen" Cartman pointed out "Is it old? When did it come out?"

"1990"

"So it's an old movie?"

"I wouldn't class it as an old movie..." Kyle replies, his movie geek side embarrassingly revealing itself. His geekiness, and sometimes snobbiness, when it came to movies was kinda like a werewolf curse or his Jersey side. Something he tried to keep hidden but often a trap he couldn't help but fall into.

"Well, what would you class as an old movie?" Cartman asks.

"Personally, classical Hollywood movies, we're talking late 1920s to the early 60s. The Golden Age. Actresses like Elizabeth Taylor, Audrey Hepburn, Lauren Bacall. And then there's the actors like Tony Curtis, Paul Newman, Clark Gable..."

"It seems like you're quite the expert" Cartman smirks, nuzzling into Kyle's shoulder. Like always, he loved to witness Kyle's passion, for whatever it may be. And he secretly hoped that Kyle felt as passionately for him as he did for old movies, writing and his beloved scotch.

Kyle blushed then before admitting softly "I love old movies"

And Cartman didn't doubt that.

"Have you seen any?" Kyle asks, running a gentle hand through Cartman's damp hair.

"Sorry" Cartman shook his head.

Feigning disgusted shock, with a gasp that could've easily strolled out of old Hollywood, Kyle grinned into Cartman's ear "Well, that has to change..."

So as soon as they were out of the tub and dressed, Kyle was breezily flitting around his apartment, making microwave popcorn and laying out his extensive collection of old movies on his living room floor. They lazily snacked on the abundance of popcorn, lying on the floor and deciding what movies to watch. Kyle loved each and every one of them, pouring over the scripts, acting and cinematography.

Finally, they decided on Cat On A Hot Tin Roof (since that was, in Kyle's opinion, the best Tennessee Williams play ever and Elizabeth Taylor was a terrific Maggie), Some Like It Hot and Breakfast At Tiffany's (Because of the excellence of the 'mean reds' speech).

Cartman supposed he could see the appeal of these movies, the spitfire wit, muted, saccharine colors and the camp music that often appeared from nowhere. Everything and everybody seemed so flamboyant, even in their most somber moments. Often, he was more interested in Kyle's Elizabeth Taylor impression, nailing the voice of a Southern Belle. And he laughed at how Kyle could quote Tony Curtis word for word.

But when Holly Golightly found her cat, kissed Paul Varjak and the score for Moon River started to swell, Cartman and Kyle had already fallen asleep in a loose, non-committal embrace.

The TV was still on when Kyle woke up, the cruel early morning sun shooting through the window and blinding him. Jesus Christ, did he need coffee. What time was it exactly?

He carried out the usual morning task of observing his familiar surroundings; there's always that fear when you wake up, like something seems off and peculiar in a way that you're not sure you like. It just takes a few minutes and a few cautionary glances around the room to calm that primal instinct in you that clings to survival, that there's no danger.

The popcorn was knocked over and his old movie collection still lay on the floor.

Kyle jolted at the sound of soft snoring next to him, Eric was still sleeping heavily and Kyle could still feel the warmth of his body pressed against him all night.

After cleaning up the popcorn and making himself a cup of coffee, Kyle chose to lay back and let Eric sleep. Watching his chest rise and fall, watching him block out the messy world where life could often be so cruel and wonderful. Anxiety was a dream in itself, Nebraska might as well have been a million miles away, nine years ago could have been a thousand and the future was infinite. And watching Eric sleep, Kyle could've kidded himself that it was possible for him too. But he knew better and so did Eric. Still, it was fun to pretend, fun to delay the bad stuff for a little while longer.

With these translucent, starry thoughts floating aimlessly through his still tired mind, Kyle kicked himself. How dare he say he hadn't found a story he cares about.

One was sleeping on his couch.

A/N: Yay! Cartman is becoming more confident, it's about time...

Oh, I have to thank my brother for helping me write the Rugby game.

I feel really bad whenever I realize the category of this story is 'Romance/Drama', when there hasn't been that much drama yet. Chapter five is going to rectify this.