Author's Note

No offense to your suggestion, The crow queen, but I hate :re. And I mean hate. If Kaneki actually remembered everything and was taking the opportunity to work as a spy, I'd be cool with it, but naturally that couldn't happen... anyway. So no, Sasaki Haise will never see this. Quinx might, though. I don't hate them, just the general concept of their part of the series. Actually, Quinx seeing this is a good idea...

Maybe this one won't end as quickly as I'd thought it would : D

Sorry for the delay, folks. I had some horrid writer's block. If I write up an epilogue with the Quinckes, it's probably gonna be awhile coming.

"Of course you would, you have a scary reputation to maintain..." Hide muttered.

"Okay now, King of the Idiots. You buy that raincoat, but you don't win this contest, rotten shish-kebab!" Touka snapped into the phone.

"You think so? I'll SHOW you how to win a contest, soy sauce!" Kaneki yelled into his end.

"Uh-huh I don't think so, knowledge geek!" Touka sassed.

"I count knowledge geek a compliment, Queen Candy!" Kaneki said smugly.

"I count your face an insult to humanity, Piratey Lab Rat!"

"You count all of Tokyo an insult to humanity, Jalapeño!"

"I sure do! Now, are you moving, or are you gonna stand there like a stunned prairie dog and yell at me all day, raisin?!" Again with the lame insults, Touka. Your game is slipping, sister.

"I look like a stunned prairie dog? You need to get your eyes checked, useless screwdriver." So do you, Kaneki. He ignored the narrator, of course- he couldn't hear me- but he did start moving.

"Is this almost over so we can watch it again? Preferably without Kishou and Juuzou?" Washuu asked, pausing the tape. Arima and Juuzou were finding the entire insult contest hilarious and laughing very loudly. The other high-ups also thought this was hilarious and were laughing, a bit more quietly than Arima and Juuzou. They could see where Washuu was coming from, though, as it was getting hard to hear the video.

Arima was insulted. 'Who the fuck you think you are?! I'm staying, bitch!' Arima thought. Thankfully, he didn't say it.

'Get me outta here? I'd like to see you try, that would be just as hilarious as watching Eyepatch and Rabbit sass each other off," Juuzou thought. The rest of what Juuzou thought was too gory to put in a lighthearted comedy, [cough lazy author not wanting to throw off the story vibe too cough] though his envisionment of what a fight between Yoshitoki Washuu and Juuzou Suzuya would look like might have made a black comedy.

"So how do we decide who won the insult contest?" Touka asked.

"I don't know. We're the only people besides Hide who heard the entire thing, and obviously we're both gonna vote for ourselves, so that's about as helpful as a sledgehammer without a handle." Ken replied.

"A sledgehammer without a handle? Seriously?" Touka deadpanned.

"Hey, it's pretty useless, you know." Kaneki defended.

"Whatever. Hide, who do you think won?" Touka asked.

"Uhhhh..." Hide said. He had to admit, both had made some funny ones.

And scene. Sorry it's so short. Honestly, I don't know who should win. Take a vote in the reviews- whoever wins the insult poll wins the insult contest. But I need reviews, so the next chapter doesn't come until I have a winner. Hear from y'alls in the reviews!

And I have no idea why none of CCG has recognized Hide yet.