18/7/00

Mia's boyfriend and his sister arrived in Genovia yesterday afternoon, just in time for her birthday. There wasn't a ball held for the young princess, instead I was given the duty of driving Mia, Lilly and Michael all over town as a birthday celebration. I didn't get to bed until three, but I did get a big thankyou – a kiss on the cheek from Mia.

I was soooo tired when I got back, because usually I'm in bed by twelve. Naturally I had a sleep in this morning, so I was up at ten, rather than seven. When I went to see Clarisse she asked me how it all went, but I said I didn't want to talk about it, which was the truth. Driving around town with three screaming teenagers in the back seat is simply irritating, not something a sixty-four year old man wants to have to go through.

20/7/00

Mia caught me, once again, sneaking out of Clarisse's suite yesterday morning, but she thinks I'm just there to make security checks. She almost caught us last night, too, but luckily all we were doing was snuggling on the couch watching a video. Yes, once again, I forgot to lock the door, but as soon as it opened we broke apart and I removed my hand from under her blouse. I think Mia was a little surprised at seeing me on the sofa with her grandmother watching a children's TV show – Sooty – where the main characters are puppets.

"Oh hi Joe, what are you doing in here?"

I cleared my throat, "Your grandmother and I are watching Sooty."

"Sooty? I love Sooty! What are you two watching that for? I thought you'd be watching the news or something."

Clarisse spoke next, "Sometimes people need to have some humour in their lives."

"Do you mind if I watch it with you? It's my favourite."

"Not at all, Mia. But aren't you supposed to be spending time with your friends?"

"Well Michael's busy updating his website and Lilly's downstairs trying to persuade your chef to cook an all-tofu meal."

"Ah."

So Mia sat down in between Clarisse and I, much to my displeasure, and watched Sooty with us. After about half an hour of watching Mathew and Sooty try to figure out who was stealing all their food, I noticed that Mia had fallen asleep on Clarisse's shoulder, it was beautiful. I stood up and admired them from a different angle, they looked so comfortable. Clarisse was smiling and staring at me, I did the same to her and whispered, "I suppose I'll be off now."

"Not staying tonight?"

"It doesn't look like I have much of a choice, does it?"

"I suppose not."

"Goodnight my love."

I bent down and kissed her, to which she replied, "Goodnight."

Observing the sleeping princess one more time, I walked out of the room and went to bed, happy that the two seem to be finally connecting.

22/7/00

Uh-oh she knows!

Mia, I'm talking about.

It all started when she asked me to drive her and Michael into town for a date…

As I was keeping a watchful eye on the road and what was going on in the backseat, I managed to overhear their conversation.

Mia started off by saying, "And grandma says that when I ascend the throne, I have to attend all these parliament sessions and stuff."

"Wow."

"And also when I'm queen, I have to let my head of security sleep in my bedroom, in my bed!"

My eyes widened and my breathing came to a halt, then all I could hear was Michael going, "Really?"

"Yeah! And we also have to take baths together, isn't that right, Joe?"

Suddenly noticing that I had accidentally swallowed my chewing gum and that it was stuck in my throat, I punched myself in the chest trying to cough it up and get myself to breathe, "I can…cough…assure you…cough…I don't know…cough…what you're talking about."

"Oh, I thought you knew? Oh well, I guess your memory isn't as superior as mine."

The chewing gum somehow found it's way out of my windpipe and onto the dashboard of the car. I didn't like the sarcastic tone of the two teens, they were very good actors, "So Mia, how do you know all of this?"

"Well Michael, it's just something I picked up after a couple of weeks of staying at the palace."

"Interesting. So who's going to be your head of security?"

"I don't know, I haven't decided yet."

"Well whoever he is, he's a lucky man."

They both stared at me, I could see this through the rear-view mirror, my patience was wearing thin. Luckily for me, the restaurant I was dropping them off at appeared and they exited the car, "Thanks Joe, have a good night."

"You too, princess."

They hopped out of the car in fits of giggles and walked into the restaurant. As soon as they were out of sight I spun the car around and started speeding back towards the palace. Picking up the car phone, I dialled Clarisse's number and wiped my face, awaiting an answer, "Hello?"

"Darling it's me, we need to talk urgently."

"About what?"

"I'll tell you when I get there."

"Why not now?"

"Because I need to tell you in person."

"Why can't you just tell me now? Is it bad news?"

"Just clear some time for me and I'll be there soon, alright?"

"Is something wrong with Amelia?"

"No she's fine."

"Oh thank god."

"Clarisse!"

"I know, I know, clear time. Got it, bye."

"Bye."

It took me less than ten minutes to reach the palace gates and five more minutes to reach the actual palace. When I arrived, I parked the car and rushed straight up the main steps, through the ballroom, up the staircase and down the hallway to Clarisse's office. The guards opened the doors and I walked in, dismissing the ladies maids.

Clarisse put her pen down and walked over to me, "What is it, Joseph?"

"It's your granddaughter."

"I knew it! You lied to me!"

"No. No! Look, she knows about us."

"She knows? Are you sure?"

"Yes!"

"Well I don't believe you, how could she know?"

"We haven't exactly gone out of our way to cover it up."

Her left eyebrow rose and she looked away from me, I guess she was re-thinking the past few weeks, "Oh god she does know."

"So what do we do about it?"

She directed her attention back to me, "I think we should deny everything."

"You mean lie?"

"Yes, we will protect my reputation."

"I don't think that's a very good idea."

"Oh? And what do you want to do Mr. Smartypants?"

"I think we should tell her."

"Tell her? Are you insane?"

"No, I really think it's the right thing to do."

"Oh sure it seems like the right thing to do at the moment, but have you thought about the future? It starts off with just her knowing and then it spreads around the palace and soon the whole country knows about us."

"But what's so wrong with that? What are you afraid of?"

"I'm afraid of losing my only secret, the one thing in my life that is mine and only mine. Everybody needs to have a secret and you're the only one I have left."

"Bullshit! What about your friend Chester? The drugs? The lump that was in your breast? I'm the only one who knows about them."

"Don't be obscured, the doctor knows about that lump and thanks to you my ladies maids know about Chester."

Guilt swept over me when she said that last part, "I can think of at least three people other than you and I who know about us, so it's hardly a secret either."

"Oh? Mia and…?"

"Her boyfriend and my son."

"Your son knows? You told him!"

"He read my journal a while back, but he won't tell anyone, I can assure you."

"Well it's not the point anyway, the point is what are we going to about this? Mia told me her nickname was Motormouth and do you know what that means?"

Before giving me a chance to reply, she yelled, "She's going to spread it around, she's going to tell everyone!"

"Which is why you should talk to her first."

Clarisse paused for a moment and looked away again, "How much does she actually know?"

"She knows we sleep together, she knows we bathe together."

"She knows that much?"

"I suppose when she found out one thing she started piecing the puzzle together."

"What exactly was this one thing?"

"I don't know, maybe you should TALK TO HER!"

"Well seeing as though it's our only option, we shall confront her about the issue."

"We?"

"Yes, we."

"What are we going to tell her? I still think we should just come clean and tell her."

"But what would she think of me?"

"She'd think you actually do care about more than securing the throne, that you have a heart after all."

"She thinks I'm cold?"

"She did, but I'm not so sure about now."

"I see. We'll go and see her when she gets back then."

"Clarisse, she's on a date. Do you really think she wants to spend the rest of her evening talking with her grandparents about their relationship?"

"Alright, we'll speak with her in the morning then."

"So tell me exactly what you're planning to say to her."

"What do you mean?"

"Pretend I'm Mia and you're explaining to her whatever it is you're explaining."

"I can't pretend you're Mia, you're a man! I've seen your genitalia!"

"Clarisse! It's role-play!"

"Alright! Hello Mia, did you have fun on your date last night?"

"Yes, grandma, thankyou for asking."

"Mia, Joseph tells me that you know something about us that you really shouldn't know."

"Really? What is it?"

"I was hoping you could tell me."

"Well grandma, I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes you do! Now out with it!"

"Out with what?"

She looked angry and she drew out her claws, "Tell me what you know Amelia!"

"Clarisse! It's role-play! You don't need to become aggressive!"

"I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me."

"I don't think you should behave like that in front of the real Amelia."

"No, it's probably best that I don't lose my temper."

"Good, shall we try again?"

We tried a few more times with different excuses, each one sounding less plausible than the last and then we went to our separate beds. I can't sleep. Honestly. Who would have ever thought something as simple as your girlfriend's granddaughter finding out about your relationship could be so stressful? It would be so much simpler if Clarisse was willing to tell the truth, at least to her anyway. I don't know what she's so afraid of, it's silly that she doesn't trust her own granddaughter. I've been lying here for thew past hour wondering what to say when we confront Amelia tomorrow morning, Charlotte informed her when she returned that she has a meeting in Clarisse's office at eight. I'm not looking forward to this meeting because I know something's going to go wrong, but at the same time I can't wait to see what happens.

23/7/00

It's quite unnerving to be walking down the hall at six in the morning to find your 'step-granddaughter' coming out of her boyfriend's suite wearing nothing but a dressing gown and pyjamas. Well that's what happened to me. I was strolling down the deserted corridor to the kitchen for breakfast and right down the end I spotted Mr. Michael Moscovitz's door being quietly shut our princess. It was like a total turn around, I'm usually the one to get caught by her! I decided to use the opportunity to my advantage, "Good morning, princess."

She seemed shocked to see me standing there with a huge grin on my face, "Oh Joe, what a surprise. Is there a reason why you're standing outside my boyfriend's room so early in the morning?"

"Is there a reason you're exiting your boyfriend's room so early in the morning?"

"I was making a security check, you know, it's the same reason why I always see you coming out of grandma's suite this early."

"Touché."

I had to admit, that was a clever answer on her part, already she's as good as Clarisse at making up phoney excuses – is that a good thing?

"Look Joe, I know what you're thinking and I have to tell you that Michael and I…all we did last night was talk. We lay in each other's arms and talked, oh and we also kissed a lot and he may have slid his hand under my shirt at one point and well…eventually we fell asleep…"

Her eyes seemed directed towards the ground and her smile was growing wider and wider. About five seconds later she was snapped back into reality, "But I swear on the crown of Genovia that that's all that happened."

Okay, I could have done without hearing that part about the kissing and the touching…

"Alright princess, I believe you."

"You're not going to tell grandma about this are you? Because I have more dirt on the two of you than you have on me. Anyway, it's not like Michael and I even did anything to tell her about and-"

"I'm not going to tell her, Mia, I can assure you that. I only wish to ask a favour from you in return."

"Mmm? What is it?"

"Don't tell anybody else about me and your grandmother, it's simple."

"Why not? You two are so cute together."

"That may be the case, but she doesn't want anyone to know about us, it would ruin her reputation."

"Why would it ruin her reputation?"

As a few maids appeared at the end of the corridor, I tilted my head, indicating for Amelia to enter the room across from Michael's so we could talk privately. Closing the door behind her she walked over to the fireplace and spread her hands out to the heat, I did the same.

"Mia, your grandmother thinks that if we take our relationship into the public eye people will talk, which is probably true."

"But not if you don't tell anyone about what you've been getting up to behind the bedroom and bathroom doors then shouldn't everything be fine? Eww gross, I just got a disturbing image of you and grandma naked in the bathtub."

I rolled my eyes, trying to ignore the comment, "Look you don't understand. The maids already think something's going, even if they don't know what it is, and they gossip like you wouldn't believe."

"Joseph? Exactly how long have you two been together?"

"Amelia I've already put my relationship in jeopardy by telling you this much, I made a promise to your grandmother that I wouldn't discuss it with anybody but her."

"If you tell me I promise I won't tell her you told me and I won't even tell Michael that you told me and I won't even tell Lilly that you told me. What I mean to say is I'll keep your big secret."

I watched her face light up as she said this, it was impossible not to tell her, "Well officially we got together early last July."

"So you've been together for a whole year?"

"Not exactly, we went on a break around three months ago and just recently got back together…I really shouldn't be telling you this."

"Why not? I promised I'd keep your secret and I do want to know more about my grandma."

"Her private life, you mean?"

"Well…yeah."

"You'd better not use this information against her, it's between you and I only."

"Hey! Joe! A promise is a promise alright?"

"Of course. Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"How did you know…about us?"

"I guess it started when I saw you two dancing at the ball, you didn't even give Mr. Motaz a whole minute with her before you took her away. I didn't think anything of it at the time, but now that I think about it I guess it was just the first hint in a long line of hints towards finding out about you two."

"And the second hint?"

"When you two left the ball…cough…discreetly…cough…together and didn't come back, I started to suspect something. Don't think I didn't notice, it was the most suspicious thing I'd ever seen. The next hints came when I got here, I noticed that you two always seem to have these shocked expressions and red-faces whenever I come running into the room without giving notice, it's as if you've been doing something you're not supposed to be doing. Then there was the jacket, that's when I really started piecing it together. At first I thought that was just coincidental that you supposedly had the same jacket as my grandfather, but when I caught you leaving her room so early in the morning all those times I seriously began to wonder, but at the same time I reminded myself that you were probably just making security checks."

"So how did you end up piecing this all together? To find out indefinitely?"

"Remember the other night when we were watching Sooty and you thought I'd fallen asleep?"

"Ah…I see."

She shook her head and cringed her face, "I wasn't asleep. I heard what you two said, it confirmed my suspicions."

"Yet you didn't say anything?"

"What was there to say?"

"I see your point."

"Joe?"

"Yes."

"I hope things work out between you and grandma. I hope she allows the world to know you're together."

"Thankyou, my dear, so do I."

After I told her not to bother coming to the eight 'o' clock meeting, she excused herself to have a shower. I stood there for a minute warming my hands on the fire, wondering what I'd tell Clarisse. Mia had been most accepting of our relationship, I must say, I feel special to have her blessing. It must have been a little over ten minutes after our conversation that I decided to leave the room, the fire was so warm and inviting, I simply couldn't tear myself away.

On my way to see Clarisse, I bumped into Charlotte and had a chat with her for a couple of minutes as we sometimes do in the morning before properly starting the day, she said she found herself a new boyfriend and she thinks he's a keeper. She then asked me if I had found myself a girlfriend, but I avoided answering the question by telling her I was in an urgent rush to see the queen, which was true, I did need to see her before eight.

When I arrived at her suite, she was eating breakfast. I decided to join her and tell her about Amelia, but of course I had to lie a bit so I simply told her I was mistaken and that Mia didn't suspect a thing. Clarisse seemed quite relieved with my explanation, but also a bit peeved, I think her exact words were, "Joseph, sometimes you are so gosh darn paranoid. Find out the facts first before you start trying to make me believe something!"

That was rich coming from someone who was just last month yelling at her granddaughter for something that wasn't entirely her fault. What a hypocrite!

OMG! The Princess Diaries is going to be on the TV on Friday (8:30pm, Channel 7)! I am soooo taping it if I remember it's on. This is Aussie TV I'm talking about, btw.

This chapter took so long to write because I became stuck and my heart really wasn't into writing it. School holidays do that to you.

Q & A:

Dinosaur: What I meant was all I ever see you putting as your reviews are 'RAWR!' And what I meant by you not doing it to one person I meant that I've only seen you review one story without putting 'RAWR!' as the main contention.

Jools: I actually just copied the text 'most lumps turn out to be not cancerous' from the first website I found on google. But you're right, never mind.

Hope you all enjoyed reading.

Thanks for the reviews.