14/07/04

Would you believe I accidentally left my journal in that hotel room over two years ago and I've only just recently gotten it back? Well that's what happened. It took me seven hours after we got back from that disaster vacation to realise I'd left it in Fiji, seven weeks for them to return my call, seven months for them to actually find and send it, another six weeks for it to get through customs, six days for it to get to Genovia, a whole year in the palace mailroom waiting to be sorted, four minutes for someone to deliver it to my office and up until tonight for me to find it amongst all the junk in there!

So what's happened in all that time?

After we got back to Genovia Clarisse went on acting as if things between us were normal and hadn't changed. She thought that the only reason I wasn't sleeping in her suite was because I didn't want to arouse suspicion, but after I spent a month avoiding her she began to realise we weren't an item.

I entered a state of depression after we got back, Lauren made it worse by coming to the palace and asking for a divorce. She said she found her "sole mate", who unsurprisingly turned out to be a doctor. She just loves bragging about these high-profile men she dates, she's serious about this one though. I ended up meeting him at Christmas, because Sammy and Catherine always have us over on Christmas day for lunch. As soon as I opened the door for them, she said, "Hello Joseph, how are you? Allow me to introduce my fiancée, Bernard," then she leaned in close and whispered, "he's a doctor."

So I shook his hand, chatted with him for a while and discovered he was quite a nice guy. Lauren sat there fondling him under the table all evening trying to make me jealous and I don't know if it was because I was lonely or because I may still have had feelings for her, but it worked - I was jealous.

I don't think I was still in love with Lauren at that time, but it still upset me that she asked for a divorce, it made me think that I'm no good to anyone as a husband. No wonder Clarisse doesn't want to marry me, nobody would ever want me. Personally I think I made a very fine husband when I was married, I always helped out around the house, always treated my wife with respect and was always a good father.

I almost killed myself the night she asked for our marriage to end, I fell asleep in the bathtub with a bottle of rum, a drink I later became very fond of. If my tap had been leaking any more than it was, I'd have drowned for sure. My depression lasted up until last year, when Clarisse and I got back together, which I will talk about later.

Sammy and Catherine had 2 more children, twin girls, whom they called Monica and Sherry. They dress them up in the same outfits, it's cute, but hardly individualising. My grandson, Joey, learnt how to crawl…and how to walk…and how to run right onto the road, getting narrowly missed by passing cars. He's not allowed in the front yard anymore.

Amelia has now visited Genovia 6 times and is about to graduate from collage, I'm so proud of her. I'm actually flying over to America (as I write this), to bring her back home. A few weeks ago Clarisse deemed Mia's suite inappropriate for a queen and decided to have it renovated, however since it took her three days to decide on which colour she wanted the curtains to be, and three weeks to get the designs all done, it isn't anywhere near finished. What she wanted was the room next-door to be a full walk in wardrobe with moving drawers and stuff, when I asked her what she'd been smoking, she just raised an eyebrow and said, "We are not amused. I actually got the idea from watching Mary Poppins, you know how she snaps her fingers and the drawers just slide open?"

I said, "Yeah, I know."

And that was that. She had a lot of crazy ideas for that room, in the bathroom she wanted curtains that closed when you turned the bath taps on and a shower that sprayed warm water when you walked under it. Very crazy (and stupid) ideas, which are not to be used or heard of again.

The men in the security room are all placing bets on when they think the suite will be finished, I – knowing how slow Rupert's cousin is at his job (bathroom renovations) - said the suite will probably be finished by September 29th and if I'm right, I'll earn myself a pool of $1,000! We each put $100 in a hat and then made the bets, the person who's closest to the date of completion without going over wins.

I met up with Dale a few times for drinks and every time I went, he asked me if I wanted to take a dog home, but I always refused because I wasn't quite sure what I'd do with one. I've never been a man who has a particular fondness for animals, but after months of hearing him say, "Take a dog, c'mon, take a dog," I finally became so aggravated that I just accepted his offer and called my new one-year-old black Labrador, Chloe. As soon as I got her to the palace she picked up a scent and followed it all the way to Clarisse's door, but I didn't want to go in because we weren't together at that stage in time, so I dragged it by the collar into my room. Dale told me she needed to go out for a walk every day, so that night I took her out for a walk around the palace grounds and started sniffing again - the scent was Maurice.

He was out walking with Clarisse at the time, who had stopped for a rest on the bench. She looked quite startled as I rushed by, chasing the dog, but tensed when Chloe stopped right behind Maurice and immediately started sniffing his rear end. He responded by doing the same to her and the rest, they say, is history. Those two dogs were, and still are in love.

Clarisse gave me a disapproving look, "What is this animal doing here?"

"It's mine, your majesty, an old…friend insisted I take it."

"Oh? I didn't know you were a dog person."

"I'm not."

"Would you like to – OH MY GOD!" I noticed her staring at the dogs, so I turned to see what the problem was and was shocked to find the two animals expressing their love for one another.

"Joseph, make it stop!"

"I would if I could, but I do not wish to disturb them."

"Don't be ridiculous! Just get your filthy animal away from my precious Maurice!"

I didn't like her tone, "You get your filthy animal off my Chloe!"

As I emphasised the words "your" and "you" our eyes met for the first time in months. It obviously didn't mean anything to her because she was too busy concentrating on her dog, "I'm not touching my baby when he's doing…that."

"Then I guess we have no choice than to sit back and wait for them to finish."

"But-"

I took a seat next to her and averted my eyes from her skin and the canines, she was the first to speak, "I don't know how they can do that out in the open…and with an audience."

"Yes, we all know how you feel about publicly expressing yourself."

I turned around when I said that and she just rolled her eyes, avoiding my attempts to extend the lines of communication, "Lovely weather we're having."

"A little cloudy though."

She stood up and dusted herself off, "You're right, and I think a storm is brewing, so I'm going inside, please return my dog when he's finished what he's doing."

On account of her being so cold towards me, I felt like I'd been rejected all over again. She didn't seem to want to have anything to do with me, but 4 months and 3 days later she changed her mind, yet again.

I was generally able to hold my composure during the daytime at the palace after we split up, but at night, in the privacy of my own suite I would drink my pain away and constantly wish I had someone. I wasn't sure where my life was going, back then it seemed like it was going nowhere. I had the most important job in the entire palace, I had achieved my life goal. I did contemplate leaving, but what would I have achieved by doing so? It would have just meant Clarisse won.

Lonely is how I felt throughout last year, several members of staff tried to fix me up with their friends and sisters, but I always told them I wasn't interested, which was the truth. Occasionally I did accept the odd pity date, but found I could never fixate myself on any of the women they'd selected for me, so my dates always ended before 8pm, instead of 6am the next morning. I don't recall taking any member of the opposite sex to bed while Clarisse and I were apart, it was just too hard to replace a 30 year long obsession with a 30 year old woman. The only company I ever took home with me was my right hand and a remote control. Which reminds me, last year I had a serious think about whether I was batting for the wrong team or not, because I wasn't finding any women attractive, mind you I wasn't finding men attractive either…except Shades maybe…kidding! But I just had to discover whether I was, you know, queer or not. So the way I solved the problem was by watching male adult movies and I was so absolutely disgusted that I decided I must be straight after all. That was without a doubt one of the most confusing times of my life.

Clarisse gave me one heck of a surprise a few months ago, I entered my suite one random Saturday night and started my ritual of downing a bottle of rum in the dark, then I noticed her intoxicating scent. That's when she walked slowly up to me and stared me in the eye, running her hand down my cheek, "I've missed you so much, Joseph."

Had it not been a dark and stormy night, I would never have said, "I don't wanna be alone anymore."

And I wouldn't have let the bottle fall to the floor and I would never have let her lips touch mine. I was just so relieved to be receiving attention from her after months of neglect that I didn't care what was happening. Our arms flew around each other, I kissed her deeper, never opening my eyes incase it was another one of those recurring dreams I'd been having. But it wasn't a dream, it was real. We spent hours lying on my bed kissing and holding each other, I did feel like going further than that, but I decided it was best not to.

In the morning she lay awake on top of me stroking my beard, her eyes were staring into mine with a deep passion, her mouth blowing cool air onto my face. Rubbing my eyes I thought I was dreaming, but I soon realised it was real, "Explain?"

She shook her head, "I can't stand us being apart any longer, look what it's doing to you, and to me. I'm lonely Joseph, I've been lonely for a long time."

I thought this was a strange thing to say considering I went into her suite once because I wanted to make up with her and she was in bed with Chester – yes, he's allowed at the palace now, much to my disliking. It was quite embarrassing to walk in on them, because she was sitting on top of him naked and laughing. It was doubly embarrassing because he noticed me, which caused her to notice me, which caused her to turn around, which caused much embarrassment for all. The smile was completely wiped off her face at that moment, "God, Joseph, don't you knock?"

My mouth momentarily stayed shut, I didn't know what to say, "I'm sorry, your majesty, I didn't realise you were…entertaining this evening."

"What are you doing in here?"

I thought of a lie and I thought of it quick, "Security check."

"Oh, can't it wait?"

"I've already been waiting long enough, your majesty."

She drew in a long breath and de-mounted herself from her former boyfriend. She then sat beside him, pulling the sheets up around her breasts and trying desperately to light a cigarette. No words were spoken after that.

I think that experience is basically what set off my depression, her so easily moving on and my being stuck with young women who aren't after anything but a good lay.

Anyway, returning to the story of how we got together, Clarisse said, "Did you miss me, too, Joseph?"

"You should ask my recycling bin, he's been coughing up empty rum bottles for the past year."

She smiled slightly, biting her lip, "I want you back in my life."

"You mean in the background?"

"For the time being."

"Well I've already lost my dignity, what else do I have to lose?"

I know I shouldn't have taken her back, but I was so lonely, so depressed and she obviously was, too. We've both been a lot happier since that morning and I no longer regret my decision to get back with her. She seems more mature when it comes to our relationship and she's a lot less stubborn, more attentive to my needs and pays me the respect I deserve. I don't drink excessively anymore, I have no need to, my girl's there in my arms practically every night, which defeats the purpose of drinking, because she was the cause of it. I'm so happy not to be lonely anymore.

Clarisse and I are not often intimate with each other, well not in that way, we hug, we kiss and we hold each other, but I never let things between us go below the waist. She'll have to marry me if she wants to go any further, which I'm hoping will happen very soon. I've been waiting for her to be the one to ask, but if she doesn't say anything soon, I'm going to have to take the duty upon my own shoulders. I think she will want to marry me now, because we're closer. She comes to Sammy's house for dinner sometimes and doesn't make a fuss about anyone seeing her there. I really think she will bring me into the public eye now, I hope she does.

So that's pretty much what happened to me since I last wrote in here.

Golly, that was all over the place, I had a hard time figuring out what went where. Please, please, please review! I need to know how many people are still reading this. I know of two so far. And thankyou to the people who did review the last chapter, I appreciate it.

Oh and btw the 2nd movie will definately be next!