Chapter 18 – Regret & Rendezvous

The knock on Lisbon's door stopped their conversation. Cho entered. "Caught one in Fresno," he said, glancing at them both as Lisbon continued to stare at Jane.

"Boss?" he said, finally gaining her attention.

"You better get to that," Jane replied blankly, his eyes still fixed to hers.

Lisbon turned her consideration to Cho and cleared her throat. "Right. Thanks, Cho. Get the team ready, I'll be right there."

After he left she regarded Jane again. "We're far from done with this conversation," she said as she swept out of the room.

She closed the door behind her and Jane shut his eyes, settling back on the couch. "Of that I am certain," he sighed.

When she returned to the office a few hours later Jane was nowhere to be found. "Damn coward," she muttered under her breath. He ignored her call and she sat at her desk, her head in her hands.

A small part of her had foolishly hoped that he had come back for her and not just because of the case he wanted their help with. That perhaps somewhere buried within his ire he had missed her but was too stubborn and angry to actually admit that. That Janet Walker's death was in some ways a ruse to come back to her. She laughed mirthlessly, opening a folder in front of her. It was ruse all right but as usual his priority was Red John. She corrected herself almost immediately. There was a time when she had been his priority and not him. Or perhaps that was all a deception too. She wasn't sure of anything anymore. She stared at the folder in front of her but couldn't focus on it and closed it again quickly. A thought struck her and on a whim she went to the storeroom.

She went to where the Red John files resided, a large area near the back. Jane was sitting on the floor, a box opened beside him as he flipped through the contents. He nodded when he saw her, obviously expecting her arrival before going back to the folder in front of him. "How was Fresno?" he asked casually.

She rolled her eyes and took up residence beside him, noticing him move slightly away from her when she sat down, obviously uncomfortable being in such close proximity to her. To annoy him further she reached across him and pulled a folder from the file box, smiling slightly as she heard him intake a breath. At least she knew there still was a red blooded man somewhere underneath his decidedly frosty exterior.

"Suicide, thank god," she muttered, stretching her legs out in front of her, her back to the metal racks containing file boxes behind.

He turned his head and raised an eyebrow, a small smirk on his lips. "Thought your god didn't take kindly to people who decided to kill themselves. Yet you're thanking him for it."

She blushed, her heart beginning to race as she looked into his sea green eyes, the quietness and semi darkness of the storeroom suddenly making this moment incredibly intimate. "You know what I mean. Case closed quickly. Keeps Wainwright off my back. Besides, you don't even believe He exists."

"True, but that didn't stop me screaming his name a fair few times when we were in bed together," he said evenly, watching her for her reaction.

She blinked rapidly and opened her mouth at his outrageous statement and he laughed, turning back to the folder in front of him. He was trying to unbalance her, disrupt her thoughts entirely. "As I recall you were pretty devout in your worship of him back then too," he continued, his tone utterly conversational. "Have to admit I was perturbed on occasions he seemed to get more credit for what I was doing than I actually did."

Lisbon took a breath and cleared her mind of the images rushing through it. "Stop trying to shock and distract me talking like that. So, obviously I was right earlier as we're both sitting here. What are we looking for? What's the connection?"

"Hmm?" he asked, studying a typed form.

She grabbed it out of his hand to get him to look at her. "You know every inch of these files. You've probably read that piece of paper twenty times alone. Why are we in here going through the Red John files on a Friday night?"

"Well, I don't have much of a life. That's my reason. You? I don't know. I'm sure Mashburn would have jumped at the chance to take you out this evening."

He tried to contain it but she saw a hint of jealousy in his expression. "There's nothing going on between me and Walter," she said softly. "He's...he's just a friend now."

"So were we once," he countered. In the muted light his defences were shattering as he stared into her eyes, his heart rate picking up. He'd mentioned their intimate history to rattle her but it had also made him recall the passion they shared back then too.

She nodded, looking down, needing to avert her eyes as the temptation to kiss him beckoned. "Yeah, and we screwed it up by becoming more than that."

"You regret all of it?" he enquired quietly, unable to stop himself asking the question.

She looked back up at him, lines in his face more prominent as he frowned, awaiting an answer. She shook her head almost imperceptibly. "It would almost be easier if I did," she whispered.

"Do you?" she asked softly. "Regret everything...I mean?"

He swallowed a lump in his throat, his eyes moving to her lips, enticing him to close the gap between them. Over a year since he'd felt their softness, tasted her peppermint lip balm, experienced them clenched around him as he dragged his hands through her hair, only his ragged breaths filling the air between them as she brought him to elation and made him pant her name.

A noise from the other side of the room broke the moment and Lisbon turned her head quickly, swallowing a breath of her own. Another agent nodded to them and got a folder from a box further up the storeroom. By the time he'd exited Lisbon was on her feet. "No more distractions. What's the connection between Red John and Walker?" she asked again, her voice stern but a little shaky.

"I'm just going to have shower," Jane said quietly as he moved from the window sill. "Got sand everywhere," he laughed.

"Oh, okay," Lisbon said. For a second she wondered if he wanted her to join him, to move on from where he'd just taken things between them.

It must have read across her face when he replied, "Would you mind getting the sandwiches from Mrs Sanders?"

The lady who owned the guesthouse told them she'd be happy to provide sandwiches for their supper if they required when they checked in and as they didn't feel like driving to another restaurant they'd made the request and told her they'd call down later to collect them.

"Sure, no problem," Lisbon smiled, getting up from the window sill, moving her back slightly to work out a kink from it, slightly sore from the angle she'd been sitting/almost lying in.

Jane pulled her into his arms and massaged it for her for a moment. "I'll be happy to continue this later for you, if you'd like," he smiled, kissing her.

"Only if you let me do the same," she responded, a suggestive twinkle in her eyes.

He laughed, blushed furiously, "Who knows, we'll see," he said quietly, moving his arms away and kissing her forehead. "Meet you back here," he added, before getting his overnight bag and entering the adjoining bathroom.

When he closed the door behind him she frowned, wishing he'd let her in a little more and allow her reciprocate the affection he was clearly enjoying showing to her.

When Jane got out of the shower he wrapped a towel around his waist and began to shave carefully. He grinned when he recalled again what had occurred earlier, machismo swelling in him. He chuckled lightly at that fact. He was about as far removed as any type of macho jerk as there could be but a part of him wanted to walk into CBI immediately and fist pump Cho. It had been absolutely delightful and powerful to have Lisbon gasping like that. He intended on making her feel that way at every opportunity she would allow him. She wanted more from him, that was obvious but, even more than that, she also wanted to show him how much she wanted him too even if he wasn't quite ready to have sex with her yet. She was right to want that, deserved to but he wasn't sure how much he was ready to show of himself to her just yet. It was a quandary he didn't yet have the answer to and he was unsure when he'd be ready to cross that line.

He heard the bedroom door opening and she called through the door to the bathroom. "Jane?"

"Yeah, I'll be right out," he shouted, picking up the pace to finish off his shave quickly.

She continued, her voice light and amused, "Mrs Sanders was a little disappointed I went to get the sandwiches, her face dropped that I wasn't and I quote 'that gorgeous blond Adonis of yours'."

"You should be careful where my ego is concerned, woman. It's already the size of a castle." Even more so after earlier he inwardly added, grinning widely.

"I didn't say it! Nor did I agree with it!" she giggled.

He opened the door a fraction and dazzled her with the smile on his lips.

Her eyes trailed over his bare chest, droplets of water caught on the small patch of hair at the centre of it. Her gaze went to his stomach, surprisingly toned for someone who spent their days resting on a couch. He wasn't muscled but he certainly wasn't flabby either. She licked her lips and brought her gaze back to his face, an amused smile now playing on his lips. "And they see we men see women as pieces of meat sometimes," he teased.

She blushed furiously and looked away. "Well then put a damn shirt on, will you?" she admonished.

After eating their sandwiches and watching some TV they got into bed. "Now, try not to turf me out on the other side tonight. This bed's smaller than yours," he laughed before yawning loudly.

She slipped in the other side. "I'll do my best. Have you taken too much out of yourself today?" she asked, sliding towards him as he put his arm out and curling it around her so her head could rest on his chest, feeling partly responsible for some of his most recent exertions.

He kissed her head. "I'm fine. Feel better than I have in ages. Just tired." He yawned again to make his point. He was exhausted but his body responded to hers snuggled into him all the same. He closed his eyes and concentrated his thoughts elsewhere.

"I'm sorry about this morning," she said quietly, better able to express her embarrassment of that moment under cover of darkness.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," he replied. "I'm just...well for now it seems easier for me to give and well... more difficult to receive something back."

"Hmm. I've noticed. Because you're a control freak," she stated.

"Excuse me, you're calling me a control freak?"

She shrugged. "We both are. What are you afraid of? Do you feel guilty for taking this step with me? Does a part of you regret your decision?"

He shook his head. "It's not guilt." He paused for a second. "Okay, maybe part of it is guilt. And that has nothing to do with you. I'm bound to feel some guilt no matter who...well no matter who was first after..." He cleared his throat. "And I don't regret this. How could I? This...this is the best and most amazing thing that's happened to me in a very long time. Just give me some more time, okay?" he asked softly.

She moved up and kissed him, her hand caressing the smoothness of his chin. "As long as you need."

He kissed her back, his hand moving under her jersey, stroking the soft skin below. "You do know I want to, don't you? That I want you? That...well that that is certainly not the issue."

She nodded mutely as she saw the passion in his eyes. He moved her onto her back and she felt the evidence of it as they turned. He kissed her deeply before moving further down her body with gentle kisses. When he got to her stomach he began to move her jersey higher, kissing the skin there. She closed her eyes and felt him move his kisses lower, her body screaming out for him to continue but her brain winning over it on this occasion. She stilled his hands and then lifted his chin towards her. "Jane, you don't have to prove to me you're some kind of stud. You're exhausted. Get some sleep."

"You don't want me to?" he asked, uncertainty in his expression.

"Of course I do but you need your rest at this moment more. You're beat."

He chuckled lightly, pressing a kiss to her belly button before rolling back to other side. She was absolutely correct. If he continued like this he'd be back in hospital with exhaustion. "Okay, but there'll be no getting out of it come morning," he smiled.

She bent over and kissed him. "Then we better get some sleep first...Patrick."

His eyes widened at how seductively she'd just said his first name, all breathy and alluring and so unlike her normal no nonsense manner. She grinned in victory. "Good luck sleeping now," she laughed, turning over on her side away from him.

"I always knew you were a wicked woman deep down, Teresa Lisbon," he sighed, draping a hand across her waist. They grinned as she intertwined their fingers together.

"You're not going to let this go, are you?" he sighed in exasperation as he got to his feet, both from her determination to get an answer from him combined with her unerring though unplanned ability to dredge up memories he'd rather keep at bay.

"Would you in my place?"

He rolled his eyes. "Suppose not." He finally nodded his head. "Okay, but not here. Too many eyes and ears. Meet me at our usual diner in thirty minutes." He trailed his eyes over her appearance indifferently. "You've look like you could do with a burger," he uttered as he walked past her.

She smiled faintly at his attempt to make sure she ate regularly although he disguised it with hostility and his choice of venue made her heart skip a beat.

They had come to the diner many times when they were together. It was out of the way and now lay off a main road out of Sacramento, trade falling off as a bypass had been built a couple of years before. Sometimes they were the only two people there and felt more able to hold hands occasionally or just look affectionately at each other, to almost act like any other normal couple. As Jane drove up to it memories came to him of hours spent here, eating, talking and sharing ice cream sundaes, of him performing card tricks for the waitresses, bored from the lack of customers. Why he'd mentioned coming here to meet her he didn't know, it was their usual meeting spot away from the CBI and he'd said the words automatically with no thought of consequences behind them. But as he locked his car door behind him he was nervous of what feelings might be dredged up by being in this place with her again now. Damn.

When he entered the once familiar establishment a bleach blonde waitress in her late fifties lifted her head from the paper she was reading at the sound of the bell on the door. "Patrick!" she exclaimed, immediately rushing over and embracing him in a bear hug.

"Marcie," he responded, trying to release himself from her vice like grip. He smiled at her and kissed her on the cheek. "How are you? Been a while," he said evenly. She was an amazingly affectionate woman, married for over thirty years to her childhood sweetheart with five children and two grandchildren she doted on. She was incredibly nosy but got away with it with her warmth and unconcealed kindness. He asked, "Any more grandkids since I've seen you?"

"Two more would you believe." She immediately searched her pockets for photos and shoved them into his hand. Two dark haired cherubs stared back at him. "Beautiful," he said genuinely.

As he looked at the photographs she glanced over his shoulder. "So stranger...are you alone?" she asked, not hiding the fact she was searching for Lisbon.

"Um...no. Well, that is-"

He was immediately embraced again. "Thank the Lord! I was worried you two might have broken up or something. You were such a cute couple." She whacked him playfully on the arm. "So why'd the pair of you stop coming here? This place get a little too down market for you?" she smiled.

As she saw his face fall hers did too. "Oh, god, me and my big mouth! I'm sorry. I assumed-"

"No, I am meeting Teresa. It's not that. It's just well-"

"You did break up," she stated. "So, what's this? Decided to try things again? Come back here to stir up a few memories, see if it helps grease the wheels?" she smirked.

He had already been thinking it but her words only cemented his feeling that suggesting coming here had categorically been one of the worst and least thought out invitations he'd ever made.

"Not quite," he smiled, giving nothing away. The headlights of Lisbon's car stopped any further conversing on the matter and Jane took a deep breath as Marcie pushed him into what used to be 'their' booth.

"I'll be back in a minute with your tea and her coffee, hun," she whispered loudly, patting him affectionately on the shoulder. "Got a pecan pie with your name on it too and some Mississippi mud for your girl for afters," she added, grinning as she walked away. "That should put you on the right track."

"Dear god," Jane muttered when she was out of earshot. Bad enough the team trying to get them back together. Now he was solely responsible for another do gooder getting in on the act.

As the bell sounded and saw Lisbon receive the same treatment from Marcie that he had he couldn't suppress a small smile. At least Lisbon looked as much, if not more, uncomfortable with the surreal situation they'd found themselves in as he was.

A/N: So, this is a little of a filler chapter I think but there will be plenty more drama and romance ahead and very shortly too. And I haven't forgotten about a Mashburn/Jane/Lisbon scene. It is coming I assure you!

And I apologise for not updating Destinies for a little while. I'm on holiday at present so more than likely won't have the time to do so with that story or any of my others until I return home next week. But if I find time and some inspiration (and some wifi) then you never know.