Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, or Renji would get so much more airtime.

Again

Rukia shivered. The night was cold and dark, and the small light of the moon seemed to waver with clouds sliding in front of it, and away again.

The only sound she could hear were the footsteps on the earthy ground, dampened by a thick layer of rotting autumn leaves. Three pairs of footsteps. One pair belonged to herself, one to Ukitake-taichou, and one to Renji. They were silently marching through the nightly forest.

A strange feeling of déjà vu crept upon her. Yet there was something off with this, but she could not figure it out.

Arrived at their destination, they stood upon a hill, looking down at the small, dark cave below. Something moved, they could hear a rustle, and then it came out. Metastacia.

"I smell fresh meat," it sneered. And it laughed, an ugly, vicious laugh.

"Let me scout out its abilities first," Rukia heard herself say. It was like a film before her eyes, she did not want to say or do what she said and did, but she had to. No matter how much she struggled inwardly, no matter how much everything in her head screamed. No, no, no …!

"Ukitake-taichou. Permission to fight it alone," Renji said calmly, and Rukia stared at him wide-eyed.

No, no, no, please, no, no …

She could not believe her ears when she heard her captain say one small word. "Granted."

She wanted to scream, to throw herself in front of him, to hold him back. But in her helpless body, she had to watch as Renji jumped down, his zanpakutō already drawn and his face horribly determined.

He asked the monster about how many shinigami it had eaten so far – far too many to keep track of. Whether it felt bad about killing and eating shinigami.

It was a hollow, for Heaven's sake.

Renji charged.

The monster waited.

The shinigami managed to deliver a cut to one of Metastacia's tentacles, and grabbed it. He released Zabimaru – and the sword dissolved into nothing.

No, no, oh please not …

Renji gave a curse as he was sent flying and crashed to the ground. The hollow went after him – and attacked.

"Renji!" Rukia yelled desperately. And finally, her body moved. She drew her zanpakutō, ready to launch an attack and help her friend, but her captain grabbed her by the arm.

"Captain!" she gasped. "Pl-please let go of me! If we don't help Renji …"

She heard the words she had remembered for so long. "If we help him … what will happen to his pride?"

Rukia's body stopped. She wanted to fight against it, but it was futile.

"Surely, if you jump in now, you can save his life. However, at the same time, you will also murder his pride," her captain said calmly.

But he'll die! I know it!

"Pride is not important in comparison with life!" she yelled. Stupefied, she had to listen to Ukitake-taichou's explanations about the two types of fights – the fight for life and the fight for pride. She saw his strained expression as he, too, watched Renji fight with the hollow with his bare hands. Why don't you let me? Why don't you do anything? Questions that would stay unanswered forever.

Rukia's hand sheathed her sword. She could not do anything. She could only watch … watch as her friend, her lover, was hit by the hollow's final attack.

Why? Why is this happening? Why him? Why?

"Ren…ji?" she asked hesitantly as she saw him standing there, devoured by the monster's tentacles.

"Yes? You called?" He turned. But it was not him anymore. His face was contorted into an evil grin, his eyes were completely black, gleaming with uncanny light. "Ojou-san."

"Ren…ji …" she stammered, terrified. Why, why him, please, oh please not …

"Why do you say my name so many times?" the thing that was not Renji anymore asked. "Are you that worried about my safety, ojou-san? Do you care about me that much …?"

Yes, yes dammit, yes of course I do …

The thing turned its face towards her completely. Rukia flinched back in utter horror before the face that had once been his, the person she loved.

"Am I that special to you, ojou-san?" the hollow asked with a malicious laugh.

Rukia watched. Her body did not move. And she didn't want to. She didn't want to do anything. It was over now, everything. With a strange inner calmness, she watched out of eyes her body had opened widely as the hollow in Renji's body jumped at her.

"Since you like me so much … then let me eat you!" it shouted.

She watched as Ukitake-taichou interfered, heard him tell her to run, shouting it. No, she would not go anywhere. She would not go away from him …

Her feet moved. She ran.

No, no, no …

At some point, her body stopped and turned again, to see Ukitake-taichou becoming attacked. She came closer.

"Kill it!" Ukitake-taichou shouted. "That is not Renji anymore!"

It charged at her. She saw tentacles grow out of empty eye sockets that had only minutes ago contained the most beautiful eyes she could imagine. Red, a rusty red. She could remember their expression when looking at her.

They also grew out of his mouth, a mouth that had formed the most wonderful words she had ever heard. Words like, "I love you," or "I will protect you no matter what."

Her body moved.

She knew what would happen now. With one last glance at the face that she had come to love so much, the face that was not his anymore, she raised her sword. When it pierced through his chest, she screamed.

"AAAAAAAHHHH!"

Rukia shot up from the mattress. Her sheets flew across the room. With her heart beating fast, she looked around in utter confusion. Where just seconds ago the image of Renji's face possessed by Metastacia had been, there was only darkness now. A cricket was chirping in the distance.

"Damn, what're you waking me up for?" a muffled voice resounded from next to her. A voice she knew oh so well.

She stared at the bedside next to her and could have cried with relief as she saw Renji's face, half covered by his dark messed-up strands of hair. He was rubbing his eyes sleepily.

A nightmare!

"Renji," she muttered and sank back onto the bed, turning her head in his direction. She smiled when she saw him grimacing.

"'Course it's me. What's the matter, crying out so loud?" He sounded less sleepy now, and she felt two strong arms wrapping around her. His scent was engulfing her, and she breathed in deeply.

"That dream again," she mumbled and huddled up against his broad chest, snuggling her face into his collarbone.

His embrace tightened around her, and she sighed. "It's okay now. It's over." His soothing voice immediately calmed her down, and she could enjoy his hands softly caressing her back. But she had to see his face, had to reassure herself that he was still himself, still the one she loved.

She struggled until they were face to face and she met his wondering gaze. She saw him smile as she bent down and pressed her lips upon his in a tender kiss.

"I wish I could protect you from those dreams," he whispered when she pulled back.

"You're doing enough," she smiled and leaned her forehead against his. "Just stay here, please."

He caressed her cheek and pecked her on the nose. "I'm not going anywhere."