Decision

He found it in the bottom of one of the pockets from his original blue jacket, the one with the bigger on the inside pockets. The one he'd buried in his closet and never taken out, until he'd grown desperate. Desperate to find the equipment needed to make his own sonic and so he began to search them.

He knew that he'd stuffed quite a few of odds and ends into the pockets shortly after his creation, mostly out of habit than anything else. So as he pulled out dolls, string, paperclips, bolts, a stale bag of jellybabies and other loose items he was hardly surprised. He was surprised however when his hand brushed something coarse and solid, but more importantly alive.

His mind filled with telepathic thought that he had almost long forgotten. With a gulp he clenched the item in his fist, part of him pleading for the impossible and the other part of him wishing it wasn't true.

Pulling out his hand he stared at the small piece of coral that he clung to. It wasn't just any type of coral, but a piece of his TARDIS, the TARDIS he had long ago left behind and had missed so much.

Softly he brushed it with his thumb and listened to the gentle hums of it, soft and quiet in its sleep like state.

"But why?" He mumbled, as he turned the coral over in his hands, that's when he found the note.

Gulping, he gentle pried it off and opened it.

Spaceman, It read and he closed his eyes, refusing to let the tears come as he realized just what was going on.

I tried to convince Mr. Angst to let me give this to you in person, but he'd have none of it! He said that it would take too long to grow, making it a cruel fate for both you and Rose. Ha! Shows what he knows. I know more than him and I've only been part Time Lord for a couple hours.

The Doctor smiled as Donna's voice and spirit poured from the paper, his Donna, the one who'd have surely forgotten him by now. Quickly he pushed those thoughts from his mind and continued to read.

It's simple really, well I say simple it's actually really complicated, well I say it's complicated, but—

The sentence cut off suddenly and The Doctor could practically hear Donna's annoyance.

Dang Spaceman, and his stupid habits, what I'm trying to say is that I left directions below.

Looking down he frowned, the directions were indeed complicated, but not impossible.

"Good old Donna," he mumbled, "Looking out for me even now."

He gazed at the TARDIS coral smiling, Rose would be so happy. He could already see her laughing and smiling as he showed her his brilliant discovery as she realized that he could show her the universe again.

"Doctor?" There was a knock at the door and Rose's voice entered softly. "Doctor are you in there? Are you alright?"

He smiled opening his mouth, only to freeze suddenly as he remembered the horror and danger that went hand in hand with the adventures. Remembered how many people he had lost because they wouldn't leave the wonderful machine on their own.

And as he remembered how he'd lost her, he made his decision, a selfish decision with the best intentions in mind.

Letting out a deep breath he folded the note, tapped it back onto the coral and stuffed it down deep into the pocket. Groaning in annoyance as he watched his arm disappear up to his elbow, then he dropped it, his hand withdrawing empty.

"Doctor!" This time the voice is more panicked and he winces.

"Sorry, sorry, I'm fine!" He tells her. "You can come in."

The door creaks open and Rose stares at him curiously, "what are you doing?"

The Doctor bit his lip, his mind swarming, "nothing." He finally says, tossing his jacket aside. "I was just looking to see if my bottomless pockets had any supplies in them."

"And?"

"And what?"

"Did you find anything interesting?"

He gulps and stares at the blue jacket, fully aware at how happy she'll be if he tells her, but he can't.

"No," he lies. "Nothing, just junk."

Rose laughs, "oh don't look so down in the dumps. You'll figure out your make shift sonic in no time, I'm sure of it."

He smiles at her, hoping she doesn't see the fakeness. "Ya maybe."

"Mum wants you to come down and help with dinner by the way," Rose tells him as she leaves.

"Okay I'll be down in a second," and she's gone.

Sighing he leans against the wall, his eyes and heart heavy, because now that he knows it's there he can hear the little piece of TARDIS calling out to him, begging him to make her bigger and he never will and it hurts him when he realizes this.

oOo

So this is a reference to a deleted scene from The Journey's End where The Doctor gives TenToo a bit of TARDIS coral to grow his own TARDIS. When TenToo remarks that that would take hundreds of years Donna chimes in saying that it'd be easy if you did a bunch of timey-wimey stuff (I couldn't find a direct quote...) so yep

However, I also think when it came down to it the Doctor would be selfish and hide away the coral out of his need to keep Rose safe even if Rose would rather go traveling through space

Anyways...that's that

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