A/N: Thank you once again lovely readers to the interest in this story. A little bit of an emotional chapter ahead (so what else is new I hear you all say!)

Chapter 28 - Truths

Lisbon found him still on the deck thirty minutes later, leaning on the rail and his eyes out to the black sea in front of him, the lines on his face constricted as he stared ahead. "Techs have finished making the last sweep. As it's late I said we'd start up properly in the morning, sent the team to the hotel up the road, said we'd regroup first thing."

When she received no response she took a few steps until she stood beside him, mirroring his pose. She didn't bother asking him if he heard her. She knew him long enough not to take his silence as unawareness. Instead she asked softly, "Why has he done this now?"

He shook his head. In the same quiet tone she used he replied, "I don't know."

"Because you're back?" she ventured.

"Well he was unlikely to do this without both of us witnessing its effect."

She sighed loudly. "But why this, Jane? Just to show that he knew about us all along?"

"I imagine that was part of it."

"To prove he's always been one step ahead," she confirmed.

"Yes."

She was growing irritated by his lack of interaction. "But-"

"I don't know, Lisbon," he interjected, his voice slightly raised. "Whatever question you're about to ask I don't know." He let go of a breath, softened his tone again. "I'm sorry...didn't mean to raise my voice but...I don't have all the answers, Teresa. Especially not where he's concerned."

"Do you think it has anything to do with Janet Walker?"

He shrugged noncommittally. "I-"

"Let me guess, you don't know."

He nodded, paused, sighed again. "I need some more time to think."

"Okay," she agreed, nodding. "But this changes things, Jane. I'm not willing to stand idly by and wait for you to decide when it's time to tell me the whole truth about her murder and what you've been doing since. If something you have done has triggered this-"

"You think I wanted this?!" he asked in astonishment, suddenly turning towards her.

"Of course not but perhaps your digging has prompted this result. That you've got close so he's chosen to do this now to unbalance you." She signed wearily, "Unbalance us." Her tone kinder, "Look I'm not saying you're to blame. Not at all but-"

"I understand, Lisbon." He shot her a small smile. "When things are clearer in my head we'll talk."

She nodded but was unsure if he was being honest or giving her the brush off. And at this instant she was too distracted to make a judgement call and didn't want to provoke an argument if she hastily decided the latter.

"Well I'm going to head to the hotel, might try and get a run in first...see if I can work off some of this...frustration." She blushed when she recounted how that phrase might sound and started to turn away from him. "You can pick up your room key at the reception there-"

"It's still here," he called after her, tilting his head back.

"What is?" she asked, turning back to him.

He felt the letters again carved into the wood and dropped his eyes to his fingers. She followed his gaze and half smiled at him as a shot of pain ripped through her like a bullet. Nevertheless she moved towards him and he shifted slightly so she could feel the letters with her fingers as he removed his. He watched her smile softly as she touched them, the breeze in the air wafting the scent of her coconut shampoo towards him as a few wisps of her hair fell against his cheek.

"Seems so long ago," she whispered, pinning her wayward locks behind her ear as she moved a step away and her arms fell on the rail again.

He turned back to the view ahead, away from her side profile that showed him the sadness in her eyes, "It was long ago," he agreed, clasping his hands in front of him as he leaned on the wood.

She shrugged, "Yeah but it feels longer than that. Feels...feels like it was a dream now. That weekend. Like it almost didn't happen at all." She glimpsed quickly back to the crime scene behind her. "Part of me wishes it never had now."

He nodded, grimaced. Softly, "Why didn't you tell me what you did, Lisbon?"

Tetchily, "Jane, I'm not in the mood-"

He turned his body towards her. "I'm not trying to get into an argument with you. Really I'm not. Believe me that's the last thing I want tonight too. But you had months, Teresa. Not days or weeks. Months to come clean about how I was cured. Hundreds of times to tell me the truth. Why didn't you? Please just tell me so I can try to get my head around it."

Still facing away from him she shook her head slowly. For a moment there was nothing but the sound of waves crashing on the shore. Then the sound of her taking a small breath. Quietly, "Because I didn't want to."

He frowned immediately. As he was about to speak she shook her head, silencing him, and cleared her throat. Louder, "I could give you a hundred excuses, Jane. A hundred reasons why I didn't. That you were happy. That you seemed freer from his grasp, his hold on you. That...I kept quiet for your sake and for your happiness. That it was a favour I was doing you...a kindness..."

She spun round to face him. "But the truth is that I didn't tell you because I didn't want to. There's no real point wrapping it up any other way. I was selfish. I wanted you. I wanted...I wanted us. And I was afraid if I told you I'd lose that." She laughed without humour. "But I guess I was going to lose you either way, huh."

He took a fortifying breath of his own. "You might not have if you'd told me sooner, Teresa. I mean I understand why you didn't straight away. Why you kept it from me initially. I most probably would have reacted...badly. But after...and especially after we got involved-"

"I know, Jane. I screwed up. I know," she sighed.

"When I found out it felt like it was all a lie to me. Us. All of it. That...that every moment we shared," his fingers unconsciously dug into the carved wood beneath them, "that it was suddenly tainted by him. That he'd orchestrated the entire situation and worse still that you were party to it."

"Jane I never-"

"I know you didn't go along with his plan willingly...or because he wanted you to become involved with me for whatever sick reasons he had but..."

Tiredly, "I can only apologise so many times, Jane."

He shook his head emphatically. "I didn't bring this up to get an apology, Lisbon. I brought it up so I could try to understand."

"And do you?"

He shrugged. "I'm trying to and think I do, yes."

The next words almost caught in her throat but she felt compelled to ask them. "Is that how you see me now? Tainted by him?"

He licked his lips nervously and looked away briefly. "At the time...yes I did."

She nodded. "And now?"

He shook his head slowly, his eyes circling her face. He whispered, "No."

"Okay," she said in the same quiet tone. "Good."

They stared at each other for a few moments, each seemingly uncertain what to say next.

Then Jane asked, "Did you know...that last night...did you know what was going to happen when we got back?"

She shook her head as she relived the memory, melancholy almost overwhelming her. "No. But...but after what you said that day...about Red John not being done with you I could feel it was only a matter of time before something occurred. I tried to deny it but I knew you were right. I guess I hoped..." She let out a long breath, "I guess I hoped that it would make a difference when you found out what I'd done. What I said to you that night would make a difference to your reaction."

He looked to his shoes in shame. "I was so angry I couldn't think straight. Or allow myself to think about that night. It hurt too much," he admitted.

He glanced back up at her. "But I never forgot, Teresa. That memory...I tried to suppress it...for months but..." He looked away, deflated as he shook his head, "But I never could. I don't have to be back here to remember it like it was yesterday. Every day I've thought about it."

Jane woke up in the middle of the night, the space beside him cool to the touch. He glanced around the darkened hotel room and noticed the patio door ajar. He threw on a robe and padded over to it, catching sight of Lisbon dressed in his discarded white shirt standing outside as she leant over the railing. Quietly he opened the door and regarded her for a few moments in silence. Her hair fluttered behind her as she stared into the night, her face drawn but beautiful, a pale ghost like figure against the darkness around her.

"Can't sleep?" he finally said, smiling as she jerked at the intrusion into her inner retrospection.

He saw her cover her worry with a scowl. "Jeez, Jane. You nearly scared me to death!"

He came behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. "Why can't you sleep?" he whispered into her ear, kissing it gently.

She shrugged, relaxed into his embrace. "Don't know. It was a beautiful night so thought I'd make the most of it as it's our last one."

He gazed at the stars overhead. "Well we can always come back. Maybe in a few months if I can drag you away from work."

She nodded and he noticed tears threatening. "Teresa? Are you okay?"

She nodded and turned in his arms, hugging him tightly. He laughed softly and kissed the top of her head. "Hey, what's the matter? Just because we're going home tomorrow doesn't mean this ends. As I see it this is only the beginning for us."

She drew her face back and smiled at him. "Sorry, maybe I had a little too much wine at dinner. I'm a little emotional."

He laughed and kissed her.

"I've had a wonderful time, Jane. I've...I've never been anywhere like this in my life. Never imagined I would. Thank you."

He joined his hands around her back. "You don't need to thank me. It was the least I could do. I know...well I know I'm probably not the easiest boyfriend you've ever had."

Her eyes lit up at the word. "Boyfriend, huh?"

He narrowed his eyes at her. "Isn't that what I am? You got other applicants for the job I need to worry about?"

She laughed and kissed him. "Guess I'll make do until someone better comes along."

He kissed her soundly. "You'll never get better than me, Teresa Lisbon."

Although he said it as a joke she nodded. She paused for a moment as they looked in each other's eyes. "Do you know that memory palace of yours?"

He frowned at the change in subject. "Well it wouldn't be much of a one if I forgot it," he smirked.

She rolled her eyes. "When you remember something...is it just the words...or is it-?"

"Depends on what I want to remember. If it's text or a string of numbers it's just that-"

"What about this moment? If you wanted to put it in your memory palace what would you remember?"

He smiled and raised his eyes, listening to the ambient sounds before closing them and breathing in deeply. Then he looked deep into her eyes. He tightened his hold on her and spoke in a soft murmur, almost hypnotically. "Well if I were to record this moment then I'd remember everything. First the smell of the sea in the air interspersed with the coconut shampoo you use as your hair blows in the breeze, the smell of cinnamon on your skin. Then the sounds of the waves..." He pressed a hand to her heart, "Mingling with the sound of your heartbeat." Smiling, "That appears to be picking up speed right at this moment."

He moved his hand from her heart to cup her face."I'd remember the softness of your skin, cool to the touch where it's exposed." He placed the hand from her waist under her shirt to skirt over her back. "Warm where it's covered. I'd recall the heaving of your chest at this very instant, the light weight of your breasts as they press against me, the freckles on your cheeks, the desire in your eyes...god those eyes-"

His words were cut off by Lisbon's kiss and he fell into instantly. They broke apart and he took a breath. "And I'd remember how you taste. A hint of red wine, then peppermint tea and toothpaste. If I were to record this moment then I'd remember all of that."

She took a breath of her own. "Can you make an addition?"

He smiled and nodded, almost incapable of speech, hoping he was reading her correctly.

"I love you," she breathed.

He grinned when he saw her expression, adorably worried by saying those three words. Then he found himself unbelievably touched. He knew she did. But having her say them out loud...the first time anyone had said those words to him in almost a decade...A ragged breath escaped his lips. "I love you too, Teresa." He kissed her softly. "So much it terrifies me."

As soon as a tear slid down her cheek he was unable to hold himself together and wiped his eyes before laughing in joy. "You'll remember?" she said with an earnestness he'd never seen from her before.

"Of course-"

"No matter what happens...no matter what happens when we go back-"

He pulled her into his arms and kissed her hair. "I'll never forget this moment, Teresa. Never."

Another uneasy silence broke out between them. As Lisbon was about to make her leave she asked, "So you understand why I did what I did now, you're okay with that part?"

He shrugged. "More than why you wouldn't tell me about it afterwards but I'm working through that."

"But you still don't get it, do you? Why I went to him."

"I realise you must have been desperate. That you wouldn't have unless you were. I get that. I do. And I understand your logic. If I try to look at it rationally it was...a smart choice."

"But?"

"But..." He pursed his lips. "Well for one I'm not exactly good at looking at any situation he's involved in with any kind of rationality. But by doing what you did you put yourself in his crosshairs. You became a major player in his game with me."

"Jane I've been in this game as you put it for years-"

"Not like that you haven't. Not until then. You engaged him, Lisbon-"

"Yeah, to save your sorry ass!"

Frustrated, he ran a hand through his hair. Evenly, "I told you I didn't want to argue with you, Lisbon, but you did engage him. For whatever good reason you had at the time." He glanced at her sideways, "Although now you're probably wondering why you bothered."

"Not for the first time," she grumbled, shaking her head.

He couldn't suppress a small smile. Serious again, "You engaged him. It piqued his interest in you. More than he already was. Until then his interest in you was based solely on how you might affect my actions, my behaviour. But when you contacted him you changed that. He saw you as an entity entirely on your own, tied to me but more an equal than the appendage or leverage he'd seen you as until that point. And now I'm back he's more curious about you than ever it seems."

"What? He hasn't contacted me since the day he gave me that serum to cure you." She frowned suddenly, "Is...Is that why you left...you wanted to draw his attention away from me?"

He shook his head slowly. "I wish I could say that was true. Would sound quite admirable in a way, wouldn't it? That I ran off to keep you safe. But it isn't I'm afraid. I left because I was mad-"

"Is it partly why you stayed away for so long?"

Jane glanced at the hotel room behind them, effectively changing the subject. "When have you ever known Red John to paint two faces on the wall?"

Caught off guard for a moment she furrowed her brow. "He killed two people-"

"He's done that before," he stated, his eyes cold with hatred for the murderer of his wife and child. "Still only one face."

She swallowed, her mouth suddenly dry from his stare and this entire conversation. "So why two all of a sudden? Because he's making a point? A statement to both of us that he's no longer just playing with you. That he's back and wants me in the game he has lined up now too?"

He nodded.