15/12/04

Our fence is up! Kerri built and put it up within two weeks of signing the contract - that's fast! Now the men putting the up the frame of our house can stop complaining about the lack of security around their tools!

Note to self: Christmas is coming, need to go shopping.

Christmas shopping is so difficult, I know what to get my son and his family - a giant inflatable slide/jumping castle, I know what to get Mia - a pair of rollerblades to get her to meetings on time, I know what to get everyone else, Charlotte, Shades, my small circle of friends. Yes I know what to get everyone for christmas...except my own wife.

I was thinking perhaps I should buy her a bracelet or a watch, but I just know that when the time comes to give it to her she'll probably laugh and accuse me of buying plastic jewelery like the time we were in Fiji and I proposed for the first time. I still can't believe she thought the three thousand dollar ring I scrimped and saved to buy for her was a cheap twenty cent one from a gumball machine.

I was also thinking she might like a jumping castle, too, but then I realised she wouldn't be able to use it because of her back, so it would be practically useless. I also thought perhaps I could buy her something she really needs like driving lessons, however somehow I think she will be offended if I arrange some for her. She has to be the hardest person to shop for. Perhaps I should get her a portrait of the two of us together, I'll make sure it a better than the portrait of us that's hanging in the throne room. Come to think of it, that's a great idea. Think I'll start searching for someone to paint it right now!

16/12/04

Right, I've arranged for an artist to stay at the palace in order to paint a portrait of Clarisse and I together. His name is Leandr'e, I found him through a friend of a friend of mine and phoned him yesterday so he could come for an interview this morning. I reviewed his portfolio and it's amazing! He doesn't just paint from straight poses, he follows around and observes his subjects in order to get an idea of what they like to spend their time doing. He says when he sees the perfect moment, he freezes it in his head then quickly runs off to start outlining, then painting. Basically what that means is that I won't know what I'm getting until he's finished it. What an inspiring man.

The only thing I don't like about this man is his inability to discuss payment. I swear I asked him four times, "How much will this cost?" but I got no straight answer, he just kept telling me, "Eet depends on 'ow much time eet takes to find ze perfect pose."

And then I'd ask how much time it would take and he replied, "Every portrait eez different. First, I need to zee 'ow you interact with each ozuer."

So I don't know how much this guy is going to charge me and I find it worrisome.

I haven't mentioned to Clarisse that I've invited this guy to stay at the palace, I told Shades and Charlotte and that's all. I don't want to risk anybody else telling her what I have in mind for her christmas present.

17/12/04

Le'-andre has arrived, which I'm glad for because christmas is nearing and I have nothing to give my beloved wife as of yet. As soon as he got here he started acting snooty and I didn't like it. He complained about the room he was staying in, saying there wasn't enough light, then he complained about the quality of the lunch he was given by our five star rating chefs!

If he wasn't doing me a huge favour, I would so kick his boney ass out of the palace. I didn't stay long with him on account of him wanting to get down to work, he's set up his eisle already, but hasn't painted anything yet. He told me to go about my day and he would sneak around searching for Clarisse and I for inspiration.

I felt odd all day because I knew I was being watched and followed, yet whenever I turned around to see if Leandr'e was tailing us, I couldn't see him. He's either very good at hiding, or he's not doing his job.

Anyway, forgetting Leandr'e for a moment, tonight when I dined with my girls Mia mentioned something of interest.

"Oh Grandma, I forgot to mention my aunt Maggie and my great aunt Marissa are coming to Genovia for Christmas dinner. They're going to fly over from Texas on the 20th and I need someone to pick her up from the airport. Mia looked at me and smiled adoringly into my eyes until finally I said, "Alright, I will pick them up."

"Thanks Joe."

I wasn't even aware that Mia an aunt and a great aunty, I should be very interested to meet them. Mia says her (now deseased) grandmother, Harriet, was the oldest of two sisters. She married at age twenty, had Maggie when she was twenty-two and had Helen when she was thirty-nine, that's a huge gap between kids! Apparently she died shortly after eating something bad during a visit to Hong-Kong.

Mia says Helen, Patrick and Trevor are also coming for Christmas dinner, so that means...27 people and one screaming baby are going to be seated around the one table. Much to my dislike, Clarisse has invited her good friend Chester over to stay for a few days because he doesn't have anyone to share christmas with and I can't complain about it otherwise I'll be in her bad books and she won't let me touch her for a week.

I've been given a guest list, so far, the people I want there are:

Sebastian Motaz

Sheila Motaz

Marissa Motaz

Mia

Her mom

Her stepfather

Her brother

Her Aunt

Her great aunt

Clarisse

Me

Charlotte and the other three women in parliament.

People that I don't want there are:

Chester

Lionel

Nicholas (just kidding)

Lord Crawly and the other ten odd men in parliament who were invited.

I wish we could just have a quiet family dinner!

19/12/04

Hmm...I've done something bad.

Curious of why Leandr'e had yet to show any progress with my christmas present for Clarisse, I invaded his privacy. This evening when he was eating dinner in the palace dining room, I snuck into his room to have a look at what he had done. I dragged Charlotte along to keep watch at the end of the hall incase he came back while I was searching. So I snuck in, turned my torch on and had a look around, I saw three eisles set up, each had a large square canvas covered with a white sheet. Tubes of paint were spread out all over the floor, which was covered completely in more white sheets. The room looked such a mess. Clarisse would kill me if she found out somebody staying at the palace would keep a room looking like this. It was so messy.

Anyway, I walked quickly up to the first eisle and pulled the cover off, there was a greylead outline of two figures holding hands, I'm guessing it's supposed to be Clarisse and I when we were out on our afternoon stroll earlier today. The second eisle contained a half-painted portrait of what was obviously Clarisse and I hugging each other. I didn't get to see the last one because Charlotte called my mobile and told me sir Snobby was coming back from dinner. I panicked and tried to cover up the paintings, however I accidentally knocked them off the eisles. To make it worse I stood on an open tube of paint and it squirted up and went all over the paintings! Deciding to leave them there I bolted out of the room, grabbed Charlotte's hand and got the hell out of the south wing.

I feel so bad about possibly destroying a beautiful piece of artwork and I feel even worse for invading his room. The only good thing that came of this is that I know he's doing his job now.

20/12/04

I was out walking today and Leandr'e came up to me and said, "Last night, I recieved a message from ze gods! Zey knock over my artwork and say zey are not good enough! Now I must take more time to do zis."

If I hadn't felt so guilty I might have been pissed off with the snobby frenchman taking extra time (and money) to have my wife's present ready. I hope he gets it done in time for christmas, it's only days away! I'm feeling quite stressed about this, I have everybody else's presents except the one person who will kill me if I don't get her anything.

Clarisse seemed to notice how stressed I was, she gave me a full-bodied massage and an awesome head-j...actually, I should dress that up a bit - she gave me a wonderful full-bodied massage and a delightfully pleasurable oral extraction of my manly fluids. That sounds better.

Later on we made love in the tub and I released some more of my stress and manly fluids inside her. It was a very passionate evening, we'd never grinded into each other so hard before. I think Clarisse must be feeling stressed too about the upcoming dinner, I can't believe she still organises these things even though she's retired, it should be Mia's job!

Anyway I think christmas dinner will be very draining as well as irritating. I only hope I will be seated next to someone I like and can talk to, not those boring parliament men.

Only four days left to have her present ready, I wish he'd hurry up!!!

Marissa...where have we seen that name before? ;)

Short and boring because I want to move on to christmas dinner.

PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD R & R!