First off, nobody will like this chapter. I am trying to finish this story, but I have no time or patience. So instead of dragging this out for another 12 chapters like I wanted to, I crammed in all in to one. It's either this or another 5 years of waiting. There will only be another one or two chapters left to write after this. Just want to finish it.

30/05/08

Wow, it's been a long time since I wrote in here and my has a lot happened. Perhaps I should explain what happened after a I left off.

The reason Mia's aunts were so interested in me became clear when after new years, 2005, they cornered me in my study and spoke what was on their minds.

"I suppose I should come clean," Aunt Marissa said bluntly.

"That would be a relief, then perhaps we can all try to get on?"

"No," she boldly stated, "Not until you apologise."

"Okay," I nodded, straightening up my jacket, "I'm sorry I slept with you?"

"Not to me, " she pointed at her sister, who shyly looked away, "Apologise to her. Every birthday, every Christmas, every easter you missed. Tell her you're sorry you never came to any of her school recietals, tell her you wish you could have seen her win the gold at the junior's marathon."

If possible, I would have said, "?" However, I just gave her a curious look and whispered, "You think I'm her father?"

The two of them were standing too close for my liking and there was absolutely no way to get around them, "I think you're quite mistaken."

Marissa looked at me, then at her sister, "The likeliness is uncanny."

"You're story is uncanny," I cleverly replied, "I never had children before the seventies, there's no way I – which Marissa are you? When did we meet?"
"Age fourteen, we used to play tennis, remember."

"Oh," things became more clear, "That Marissa."

"Yes, and this is my...our daughter Maggie."

I didn't believe what she was saying, but on some level it made sense, "But - I had no idea!"

"I always wanted to meet my father," Maggie smiled as I began noticing similarities between our two faces.

"Allow me to expose our family history," Marissa continued, "You and I became the parents of Maggie at the tender age of 14 after you refused to wear a condom. When pregnant, my father moved us to a new town and hid me away until the baby was born, then my parents raised Maggie as their own. I still watched her grow up, gave her love and support and though we fought like sisters, I think she always knew the truth. Then when Maggie was seventeen, she made the same mistake I did and gave birth to Helen. My older sister, who was having trouble conceiving with her husband, agreed to raise Helen as her own. "

"You're a family who raises each other's kids?"

Marissa glared at me, "We all make mistakes."

At that point, I was sixty per cent sure she was lying, but after an hour of listening to her ramble on, I was beginning to believe she was in fact my daughter. No wonder she wanted to hold me that one time. So after she had said what she needed to say, I decided to speak.

"You do realise that if this leaks out, the entire family, yours, mine and ours will be completely ruined?"

"Which is why it must remain a secret."

"But if you're telling me, it must mean you want something? What is it? Money?"

Marissa slapped me quite hard across the face, "You're all the same. We don't want your dirty money. We just want an apology."

Maggie, having stayed very quiet during the entire conversation decided to speak up, "I just wanted to meet my father and have him know that I exist."

"She thinks the world of you," Marissa coldly interrupted, "Heaven knows why."

The two women were staring intently at me and I froze, was I supposed to apologise for a crime I didn't even know I committed?

"Marissa, Maggie," I held their hands, "For any pain and suffering I may have caused you, I am truly sorry."

I wanted to put a long list of things in my defence, for example, not being told i was a father until over fifty years later, but I decided to end it there. At that point there was an immediate change in Marissa, I saw her smile for the first time. We continued conversing for another hour and we became slightly closer. Maggie asked if perhaps she could call me sometime just to chat, or if she could write me and I said that would be nice.

So Christmas '05 wasn't too bad after all. I even drove my daughter and her mother to the airport when they went home and said goodbye.
I can't say I actually formed a father/daughter bond with my newfound offspring, but I can say that she does write me every month and I send a reply. I know I can trust these people not to tell anyone else about their twisted family secrets, so life is well...or should I say it WAS well...

Moving on...

It took a long time for our new house to be built because Clairsse changed the design a few times while they were building, which they were not happy about, so instead of it taking three months to build, it took a good half a year. And when it was finally completed, there were even more rooms in it than there were on the blueprints! I was not happy at the time, but once we got settled and Mia bought me a segway to go up and down the hallways in everything was okay.

The boat that Clarisse gave me that christmas was a great present, but she never seemed to want to go out on it. We live right near the beach, but she was never in the mood for sailing, so i didn't use it much...until Charlotte invested her interest in it.

"You don't use it often, do you?" She asked, running her hand over the side when she was at our place once, "I can tell by how clean it is."

"Well," I replied, leaning on the side of it, "Clarisse never wants to go out on it."

"Such a shame. A nice boat like that and it never gets used."

And then I said something I would later come to regret, "If you like boats so much, you should come out with me sometime."

"Wow, really? That would be wonderful, we could go fishing and have a barbeque."

We began talking excitedly about it and pretty soon we had arranged an entire outing. Then Charlotte's face went dull and she siad, "Oh, but Clarisse..."

And I said, "Clarisse what?"

"It's just...she already thinks we have a 'thing' going on."

"She'll be fine. So next friday then?"

She gave me a look of uncertainty then smiled and nodded.

Later on when I told Clarisse of our boating plans, she was quite lost for words.

"You and Charlotte?"

"Yes."

"In the ocean?"

"Yes."

"On a boat?"

"YES."

"Alone?"

"Yes."

She stared at me for a minute, possibly searching my eyes for answers, then smiled and said, "If you want to take Charlotte fishing, who am I to stop you?"

Then she did something unusual, she took my hand and squeezed it quite hard, "I trust you."
So I nodded, kissed her and left the room.

I thought it was very trusting of Clarisse to allow me to spend time alone with an attractive woman on a boat. I expected her to be jealous and outraged at the thought, but she handled it well. So Charlotte and I went out and fished and ate what we caught. It was a great day and we had a lot of fun. Then we agreed to try and go fishing every week, which we did. Just two friends enjoying each other's company and talking about our spouses.

After only a few weeks, we noticed we were constantly being followed. Everytime we would locate a new fishing spot, this other boat would follow, but stay a hundred feet away. One day I noticed they had a camera with them and I waved and told Charlotte to wave as well. Later that night we were on the news being accused of adultery. At the time I had Clarisse in my arms, so I felt the need to jusify myself, but before i could speak, she had shushed me and told me to keep watching.

Next her face appeared on the screen and she was laughing off the allegations, saying there was no way we could be in a relationship. She had told me on the television everything she needed to say, but I continued defending myself anyway.

"It's ridiculous for them to think there's something going on. If I were to have an affair, I certainly wouldn't be waving to the cameras or displaying her on the deck."

"Joseph!" She seemed angry after hearing about this all day, "I know you're not having an affair with Charlotte. She's quite happy with her new beau. I've been hearing about this all day and I don't need you to convince me when I already know you're innocent-."

So I dropped it and never mentioned it again.

On new years eve, Clarisse actually joined us on the boat along with Nicholas and a five week pregnant Queen Mia. You can really only comfortably fit five people on it, so we didn't invite anybody else. Lots of other people were out on the water as well to watch the fireworks display. As soon as the clock struck 12 that evening, the huge display started crackling away in the sky and we all sat out on the deck and watched in awe. Mia hugged Nicholas, I hugged Clarisse and Charlotte just sat there looking up.

When we sailed back to shore, Mia, Clarisse and Nicholas sat in the warmth of the cabin area while Charlotte sat as usual in the passenger seat. It was difficuult to see anything in the dark, so I concentrated hard on the sea ahead.

"What a wonderful evening," she smiled, "Oh, I forgot to say happy new year."

Leaning over and placing a light kiss on my cheek, she laughed, "Happy new year," then went to join the others. Now I'll admit she was a little bit tipsy at the time, but I couldn't stop thinking about how nice it was when she kissed me. When she did it I sort of swerved on the water which caused them to complain a bit down below, but I got us home safely and it was a great night we all had out on the boat.

After new years, I didn't ask Charlotte to go out again for another few weeks. I don't know why...perhaps I knew somehow what would happen when we did go out again. When I finally did ask her she seemed more relieved than a dog who had just bitten its owner and escaped punishment. So we went out, we caught some fish, then went inside for a cup of tea. As I put the kettle on, she placed the teabags in the cup and got the milk out. Suddenly we both turned to each other at the same time and there was this huge awkward silence. Neither of us moved, we just stayed facing each other. Then I noticed she was inching closer, so for reasons I don't understand myself, I inched closer as well. Now I really don't know why it happened, but we managed to lock ourselves in a possionate embrace. It started with slow kissing, then proceeded to move on to a heated mix of lust and desire which went on for about ten minutes with slight breaks in between. The next few minutes after that were socially awkward. I felt guilty because I love Clarisse, but i also felt excited because Charlotte is so much younger than me and she's beautiful and smart. I started shaking uncontrollably, but she steadied me and placed a cup of tea in my hand. We sat making light conversation for the duration of the tea drinking, but when it finished, I said, "We've got enough fish today, perhaps we should go back."

Disappointedly she whispered, "Oh, if you want to."

"We can stay here if you like," I said much too eagarly.

"No if you want to go, that's fine."

So we went back to shore and she jumped right into her car and drove off with only a quick, "Goodbye."

"Shit!" I banged my head against the steering wheel on the way home, "Shit, why would I do that? Charlotte's going to hate me now!"

I called her from the car, but just as she picked up, I got pulled over by the cops and they charged me for talking on my mobile phone while driving. So I called her again, but she didn't answer.

When I got home, Clarisse hugged me and kissed me and said, "You're back early."

I held up the bag of fish and struggled out of her arms, "Got enough."

"Charlotte gone home?"

I nodded and attempted to smile at her, but I felt so guilty I couldn't even look at her.

That was the first of many awkward greetings I would recieve over the next ten months, because after that incident, even though it took a while, Charlotte went out on the boat with me again and gradually we ended up in a full-blown affair. I felt guilty every time I was with her, but I also enjoyed it. Charlotte had never had children, so making love to her felt amazing. And although I was still madly in love with Clarisse, I realised I loved Charlotte too. And it's not like it was something that just happened - it happened over several months.

To make matters even harder to bare, Charlotte became separated from her partner and Clarisse just happened to think it would be a great idea to stay with us for a while.

"Great," I tried to seem excited, though it was torturing me, "When is she coming?"

"She's on her way."

'Lovely,' I thought to myself, 'My wife and mistress under the one roof.'

Charlotte was staying in one of the many rooms of the east wing. It was nowhere near our room, which I was greatful for. For the eight months that she was there, I didn't touch Clarisse. Sure I'd kiss her and tell her I loved her, but I couldn't bring myself to make love to her. I felt as if I wasn't worthy of her love because of what I had done,but in another way I also felt as if I were cheating on Charlotte. And that if she walked in, which never would have happened, she might be upset.

My resistance to touch Clarisse didn't go unnoticed, "Have I done something wrong?"

I trembled, "No."

"Are you sure? You never seem to want to be near me anymore."

I held her shoulders and whispered, "I love you," then kissed her lips and gave her a long hug, "I've loved you since the day we met. What is it, forty years now?"

Smiling, she wrapped her arms around my waist and swayed with me. I did notice that as soon as we moved into that house she calmed down dramatically. No more psycho-Clarisse, she was just, excuse my choice of words, normal Clarisse. Perhaps that's what drove me to Charlotte? Being with Clarisse in her relaxed state may have been causing me boredom?

Whatever it was, it happened and I ended up in this awkward situation of living with my two loves. And because Clarisse was doubting my love for her, one day when Charlotte went out shopping, I took my wife to the bedroom and made love to her. It felt good because even though I had all the women I wanted under my roof, I never actually could bring myself to make love to one while the other was there.

The following week, Charlotte and I babysat Mia's new son, Prince Gerald. He was such a cute baby and Charlotte and I couldn't help but realise this. We went all googly-eyed and soft. Then she went all quiet and sad.

"I'm never going to be a mom," she whispered, almost in tears, "I'm 44 now and I've never been married. I don't want to be 50 when I start having kids."

Somehow - I don't know how, but - that lead onto a conversation about her wanting children. Now I'd like to make it known that I wasn't then one who suggested this, but apparently I was the only suitable candidate for the father. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but when after a few boat outings she fell pregnant, Clarisse became suspicious. She was constantly observing our behavioural patterns and giving me the evil eye whenever i would look at Charlotte. She knew as well as I did that Charlotte had not been seeing anyone, nor had she been going anywhere with anybody apart from me. So how could she be pregnant?

Clarisse came to me in the lounge one evening when Charlotte was out and shook her finger violently at me, gritting her teeth, "If that child is yours-"

I was quick to object, "It's not!"

Then she continued to shake her finger a little longer before storming out.

When Charlotte was four months pregnant, it began to show, and because Clarisse was out to lunch with her friend, I sat on the couch with Charlotte and felt her stomach. Our baby wasn't big enough to kick at that stage, but was still exciting to know that something of mine was growing inside her. It felt very rewarding to finally be there for one of my kids. Out of the three children I've fathered, this was the only one I was there for from the beginning.

While I was feeling Charlottes stomach, Clarisse happened to walk through the door and saw us. I retracted my hand and stood up, "Clarisse, you've got to come feel this."

She walked over to me all cheery leaving her friend Chester at the door. The next part came unexpected as, instead of feeling Charlotte's stomach, she slapped me hard across the face, then told Charlotte, "You've taken advantage of my husband and my hospitality. Get out of my house right now. "

She wasn't yelling or screaming, she was quite calm.

"But...what about," she touched her stomach.

"Don't worry, its soon-to-be-penniless father will be joining you shortly."

Charlotte stayed pinned to the couch until Clarisse raised her voice, "OUT!"

Then she scuttered to the door while I tried to calm Clarisse down, "Don't you touch me! Don't you dare touch me ever again. You think I didn't know? I'm not as stupid as you think I am! How could you? She was our friend! I can't believe you would just trade me in like that."

"I'm sorry!"

"Sorry you got caught!"

Tears fell uncontrollably from my eyes, "I love you, Clarisse!"

She mimicked my tears, "This is why Clarisse Renaldi never falls in love! How could you hurt me like this?"

"You cheated on your first husband with three different people!"

"And that's supposed to justify your behaviour? Just get out!"

Chester then interfered and escorted me to Charlotte's car, leaving Clarisse to be by herself inside. She poked her head out the door to take one last look at me, then I never saw her again.

And that's the way it ended between Clarisse and I. I regret almost everything that happened that year, from taking Charlotte out on the boat that time we first kissed to knocking her up and getting thrown out of my home by the love of my life.

Clarisse took me for everything I had, which after fifty years of saving my money, there was quite a lot - to me. My lawyers were rubbish compared to hers, she got my car, my boat, my house in new york that I thought only I knew about. Everything I ever owned went to her. That's when I realised the full extent of my mistakes and wished to god I had never been unfaithful.

I needed to go back to work, but nobody in Genovia or the surrounding nations would hire me and our baby was nearly due. So there we were, no home, no money and very little clothing. We were living in Charlotte's car, sad and depressed. I was never angry with Clarisse for taking all my money, I only blamed myself. If I were in her shoes I would have done the same.

With the last of the money Charlotte had in her bank account being spent on hospital bills, I decided to call Mia for the first time since Clarisse kicked us out. At first she seemed reluctant to even be speaking to me, but as I explained how far up shit creek we were, she began to feel sorry for us. She gave me a night watchman job at the palace out of pity and arranged for us to stay in this cabin in the woods for free. I was very grateful for her doing this for us. The only thing she asked was that I didn't tell anyone she'd helped us out.

We were so relieved to get into the cabin. It may only have a wood heater, but it's a lot warmwer than spending every night in the car. In the time I've had to think about the past year, there's one thing i realised, that I wasn't IN love with Charlotte. Now that we're living together, I realised she's not as fun as she used to be. I know it's not her fault because it's hard to make fun when you're living in a car with no job and no money. But she doesn't excite me anymore and I wish to god Clarisse would take me back.

The only thing that makes me feel better about this whole situation is cradling my baby girl in my arms. I was there for the birth, I was there when we decided to call her "Jessica" and I'll be there for her until i die.

So I guess in a way not eveything that happened during that time was a complete disaster...if only I could turn back time.