5/8/08

I miss Clarisse, I really do. I tried to call her yesterday, but she's blocked my number. I wanted to apologise to her again and again until she forgives me, but alas, it was not possible. I drove past her house on the way home, it was about 7 streets out of the way, but I just had to be near her. I stood outside the gates and listened to the sounds of the place I used to live. I could hear the feint sound of music coming from the house and there were two cars parked in the driveway - perhaps she had guests?

I noticed my car wasn't there, I'm guessing she's sold it because it reminded her of me. Or she could have given it to someone, I don't know. I watched the window and noticed two figures dancing around; my immediate reaction was that she's moved on. I felt sad thinking about her having someone else take my place, even though everyone in the country knew I'd replaced her. I really really want her back. I don't care about how much I've lost, only who I've lost. Then most irritating, yet charming woman in the whole world.

6/8/08

Clarisse.

Clarisse.

Clarisse.

Can't get her out of my head.

10/8/08

I've noticed that the citizens of Genovia haven't been staring at us much when we're out shopping anymore. It's a big relief, because when you've done something terrible to a much loved former monarch, people tend to whisper horrible things about you behind your back. Hang on, whisper isn't the right word, they yell at you, call you scum. At one point we didn't go outside for a whole month. They called our daughter the "Demon child" at one point, which was painful because she's just an innocent little baby who knows nothing of her adulterous conception.

But now things are looking up because it's been a while since Clarisse threw me out and people are starting to get over it. I think pretty soon the restaurant chefs might stop spitting in our meals. Fingers crossed.

Until this afternoon, I hadn't spoken to my son in ages. He was one of many people who did not condone my behaviour and therefore refused to speak to me. If there is one thing he would never do, it's cheat on his wife.

Anyway, I saw him at the liquor store when I was buying the usual bottle of scotch and walked up to him to say hello, but he grunted then turned away. After a few minutes of telling him what a bad person I was and how guilty I felt, I managed to talk him around and he's agreed to let me see my grandchildren again. So we're going around there tonight and he can finally meet his baby sister.

Maggie contacted me when she heard the news I was a father again, like everyone else she was not happy with me for what I did, but she was intrigued at having a new sibling and asked if she could be kept updated on the progress of our little baby. I told her I'd be happy to send her some photos of Jess, so I did and she said she was the most beautiful baby girl she'd ever seen.

Charlotte says she's nervous about seeing my son again, last time they met, Charlotte and I were just two friends who never thought anything would come of our friendship. Now she's the mother of our illegitimate child and scared to death of what will come of the evening, despite my best efforts to persuade her it will be fine. The thing I love about Charlotte is that, unlike Clarisse, she doesn't plan which outfit she is going to wear three weeks in advance, she just picks something out of her closet and puts it on and still looks stunning. Though I must admit that she has gotten a little bit body conscious since she gained a fair bit of weight during the pregnancy. But she's still a very attractive woman and I tell her that every day.

Oh well, guess I'd better start getting ready.

12/8/08

Dinner with my boy and his family the other night went...sort of okay. They weren't very warm towards us, but they did like the baby. Catherine was holding her for most of the time saying, "Oh wouldn't it be nice if we had another one?"

And Sammy would say, "We've got enough!"

Then one time he said, "We're too old," and then there was silence for a while because I am nearly 73 years of age and just became a father. God it sounds sick when I put it like that. I have a 60 year old daughter, and a 6 month old. What's the matter with me?

But otherwise the evening went fine. I'm sure with time things will get back to normal, but for now we shall take baby steps.

When we were at Sammy's house, they had the television going and the news update was on. I hadn't been paying attention to it until the newsreader mentioned Clarisse's name. All I heard was "suffered a heart attack and died just moments after accepting the proposal", and then my mind filled with bad thoughts. I shifted in my seat, unsure whether I had heard correctly. Nobody said anything and I didn't want to ask what happened on the news update because for some reason I thought it would be much better to not look as if I still care about Clarisse or what happens to her. I wanted to get my phone and look it up on the internet, but I'd left it at home. So as soon as the opportunity rose, I said to Charlotte, "We'd better get little Jess home to bed."

And we left. The drive home was frustrating, I couldn't help but think about poor Clarisse dying and my not being there during her final moments. It's a good thing I wasn't driving because my mind would have been everywhere but the road. So I just sat as a passenger with my hand on my seatbelt ready to bolt from the car and into the house. Charlotte looked at me funny as I exited the car like lightning and I just grinned and said, "I really need to pee."

I then proceeded to thumble with my keys before getting the right one into the lock and turning it. I forced open the door and dived for my phone, taking it into the toilet. I sat down and touched the internet icon, then pressed news, then waited. As soon as her face came on the screen I nearly cried. But after reading the headline, I felt at ease, "Former Queen loses new fiancée."

Letting out a sigh of relief I put the phone down and closed my eyes. I felt so much calmer knowing she was safe. I sat on the loo for nearly ten minutes thinking about all the things I wanted to say to her. Then I thought back to the news broadcast and how it said "died after accepting the proposal", so I picked up my phone again and started reading and it turns out she'd just asked this man to marry her. Then it showed a picture of him and I thought, 'You bitch...'

Because the man that haunted our marriage had been proposed to by my former wife. Funny, I asked her to marry me on no less than two occasions and was rejected each time. Then this prick moves in on her after I leave and she proposes to him! At this point I felt upset and angry and just plain hurt, so I got up from the toilet and pulled opened the door. Charlotte was on the other side of it holding our baby, "Something wrong, Joe?"

"Everything's peachy," I lied, "Just going out for a bit."

I walked to the front door and grabbed the keys out of the tray then left. I started up the car and drove off. I don't know why I needed to go there, but I somehow felt I needed to see her. When I arrived at the front of Clarisse's house, I got out of the car and just stood there. It wasn't the first time I had stood out there watching, listening, but it was the first time I'd actually attempted to enter. I pushed the button on the intercom and waited for a reply, looking solemnly at the camera. I wanted to hear her voice and I would do almost anything to see her, so I pressed the button again and listened. A man's voice answered.

"Sorry Joe, can't let you in," said Shane, one of the security men.

"I know," I replied, "Thought it was worth a shot...how is she anyway?"

"We are not at liberty to discuss that matter."
"Fine."

I continued to stand there and shuffled the dirt with my shoes, then my phone started to ring and I answered it. Shane was on the other end, "Look, she's been copping a lot of media attention at the moment; we don't need them catching you hanging around out the front. It'll just escalate."

"I understand. I just wanted to know if she was alright."

"She's upset, but she'll be alright. Please don't press the intercom button again, she does have access to it you know."

"Yeah sorry," I went silent for a second, "She is coping, isn't she?"

"Goodnight Joseph."

I must have stood out there for an hour before realising how long I had been gone and decided to head back before I got in trouble with the missus. When I got home Charlotte greeted me at the door and said, "Did you hear the news?"

And I faked a confused look and asked, "What news."

Then she told me all about what was going on with Clarisse and asked me my feelings about it, but I remained silent, because even though it's obvious I'm still in love with Clarisse, I try not to let her know that.

I thought about Clarisse a lot when we went to bed - well more than usual. About how she must be feeling, about how I could find a way to speak to her, since I can't reach her phone. But most of all I thought about the days when she loved me. How I wish I could live those days again, yet it's not possible. The only time I can be with Clarisse is when I'm asleep, in my dreams. And she is...every single night.

14/01/09

We received an invitation to my great, great grandson's first birthday party in the mail. It's been a while since I've been at the palace and I'm not sure how people will react when we go there. I don't even know why we've been invited, because last I knew we were forbidden to enter. I'll have to call Mia and ask her if it's really okay for us to come or not, because there are going to be people there who don't approve of the choices I've made in recent history. And what about Clarisse? She'll be there. Oh my god she'll be there! Perhaps I'll get a chance to talk to her? But if Charlotte sees me she'll know I'm up to something.

Oh the anticipation...

2/2/09

I couldn't sleep last night, I tried everything. Warm milk, eating a banana, counting sheep...nothing would work. I was too excited about today's party - the crown prince of Genovia's first birthday.

I got up nice and early - 5.00am, fed my baby a bottle, burped her, changed her nappy, got her dressed in her cutest outfit, then placed her on the floor and watched her kick her legs around in the air. I took photos of her then went to the kitchen to make pancakes - something I almost never do, but I needed to pass the time. I even cleaned up the mess!

Then at 6:40am I relaxed on the couch with the TV on, eagerly awaiting 12pm. There was a boring show about hairdressing, followed by a film about cars, followed by something on trains. I was bored out of my mind.

At 9am Charlotte got up and asked me why I was up so early. I told her the baby was keeping me awake, but neglected to mention I was too excited about the prospect of seeing Clarisse to sleep. She took a look at Jess and frowned, "You got her ready?"

I nodded, "Yeah."

"Did you change her?"

Again I nodded, "Yes."

"Really? You did?"

"YES."

Quickly she walked over and touched my forehead, "Are you feeling alright?"

I held her hand and kissed it, "Never better."

Eyeballing me, she went into the kitchen to get breakfast and saw the pancakes on the bench and a squeaky clean bench top, "You made breakfast AND cleaned up? God, Joseph, what's the matter with you?"

Not moving from the couch, I kindly yelled, "I just wanted to do something special for my special lady."

"You're full of it," she replied, sitting next to me with a plate of pancakes drenched in syrup, "But I love you. Thanks for breakfast."

She gave me a light peck on the cheek and started eating, commenting on the fact that the pancakes were almost as good as hers. Well she's had more practice, she cooks them for me almost every morning, so they ought to be better.

The morning moved so slowly and I found myself banging my head against the couch thinking, 'come on, 12 o clock'. Because that's what time the party started and I'd planned to get there a few minutes late so as not to look to eager. I passed some of the time by rubbing my hands over my girlfriend's ass and her milk-filled bosoms, but it only made me realise how desperate I was to see Clarisse.

When it finally came time to leave, I gently picked up my daughter and walked her outside to the car, placing her in the child seat and buckling her up nice and tight. I then got into the passenger side and waited for Charlotte to get out of the house. We waited for ten minutes and she was a no show, so I called her and asked her what the matter was because I couldn't be bothered getting out of the car. She said she wasn't coming because all the people hate her and I told her that wasn't true and that I was sure we wouldn't receive evil stares or have comments whispered behind our backs, even though there was no doubt in my mind that there would be talk. At this point I was just so eager to get there that I would say anything to get her into the car. Eventually I did persuade her and she drove very slowly to the palace.

"Love, it's a 60s zone," I hinted after realising we were only going 30.

"Just enjoy the scenery," she sounded a bit agitated.

"Did I mention you look extra beautiful today, my dear?" I eyed off her simple, yet lovely blue dress which shone as she moved in the light.

"Thankyou," she replied, momentarily taking her eyes off the road to smile at me.

I moved my hand onto her stocking-covered knee and rubbed my thumb around it, "I love you, Charlotte."

"Yeah," she sighed sadly, leaving me to feel uneasy.

"And I love you, Jessica," I turned and touched my baby's little foot.

"Y'know what, mister, you've been acting just a little too strangely today," Charlotte shook her head, "What's the matter with you?"

"Just happy I guess."

When we arrived, Charlotte wasn't sure whether she should go in or not, but I told her I didn't want to go alone. So after 10 minutes of talking her into it, we drove through the gates and into the car park. Before I got out, I saw a woman in the distance with strawberry blonde hair wearing a knee-length pink skirt and silky white blouse. Immediately I froze, excitement welling up in my stomach - is that her? But she turned around and I realised it wasn't and my heart sank.

"Come on, Joseph, you were the one who wanted to come," Charlotte gritted her teeth.

Realising I had spent so long daydreaming that Jessica was already in her pram, I got out of the car and took Charlotte's arm, escorting her to the palace. Tongues were wagging before we'd even reached the steps and all eyes were on us. As we entered the palace for the first time in many, many months, it felt quite strange. Sure, Charlotte and I used to work here and stroll around as we pleased, but now we were strangers. The once warm atmosphere had changed into a cold den of silence as we crossed the ballroom into the back garden. We saw a lot of unfamiliar faces who stared at us as if we had hurt them personally. Then Mia showed up holding her baby boy's hand as he struggled to walk down the steps.

Casually we strolled up to them and were greeted with warm smiles, "Joseph," she cheered, throwing her arms around me as if it were all of a sudden okay to have physical contact with me.

"Mia, my dear, how are you? How's my grandson? Happy birthday, lad," I smiled, giving him his present, which he opened and immediately threw on the floor.

"He's a bit grumpy today," Mia told us, "Is this Jess?" She kneeled down to the pram and allowed Jessica to grab her finger, "Hello little Jessie. Honey, this is your-" Mia paused, not knowing how to introduce her son to our baby, "This is your step-aunt?"

More like great-great aunt, but I couldn't tell her that.

"Congratulations to both of you, she's beautiful."

It felt nice to have her be kind to us after what we did to Clarisse, so I gave her another hug and said, "Good to see you."

"You too. It's been difficult not being able to speak with you. You're the one I always came to for advice, but when you and grandma broke up I had no-one to turn to."

I wanted to ask her what made her change her mind and start speaking to us again, but I didn't want to stir up trouble.

"I've asked for you to be seated in the far corner, I hope that's okay? It's just that I don't know how grandma will react to seeing you."

"That's fine," I lied, wondering if there was some way I could change the place cards around so I'd have a better chance of speaking with her.

"I gotta keep moving," Mia whispered, backing away slowly, "There's so many people here I need to see. But we should catch up sometime, have lunch or something."

"We'd love that," I smiled as she held her son's hand and walked out to the garden.

One of the maids came up to us and requested that Jessica be taken upstairs so she could be looked after while we enjoyed the party, but Charlotte shook her head and told her the baby was still on the tit...or something to that effect, and that she didn't have any expressed milk. So she was allowed to stay with us.

Mia wasn't kidding when she said we were in the far corner, we could barely see anything from where we were because of all the umbrellas that covered the tables and the people sitting at them. And I still couldn't see Clarisse! I wondered if she were actually at the party. Two hours went passed and the people started to thin out a little. The food was good, the champagne was brilliant and the company was non-judgemental. We had been seated with people who were the parents of some of the children present at the party and they were just ordinary folks like us. They all had their baggage and we had delightful conversations - even Charlotte was enjoying herself. Then she went off to the loo after the people at our table started mingling with people from other tables and I used this opportunity to break away and look for my former wife. I figured Jessica would be fine on her own sleeping in the pram on a warm day like this, so I left her there and wondered off into the crowd. I couldn't really act as if I were looking for someone, so I pretended to be getting more food from the buffet. From the buffet table I could see Mia, but Clarisse was nowhere in sight. I looked around quite eagerly, but decided to return to my table and start getting ready to leave.

The day had been disappointing up until this point - I didn't see Clarisse, Mia only talked to me for so long and I didn't get to see Clarisse. Now I know I already put that in, but I thought it was such a strong point I needed to make it twice.

When I got back to my table I found an empty pram and a worried looking Charlotte lifting up the blankets in it, "Where is she?"

She almost screamed at me, "Where's my baby?"

I looked in the pram and nearly cried, "Oh my god! She's gone."

"I thought you were supposed to be watching her? Surely she didn't just learn how to walk and jump out of the pram? Where were you?"

She started hitting my chest and I grabbed her wrists, "Calm down, I'm sure we'll find her. She can't have gotten far."

As I massaged her shoulders briefly, I told her to sit down while I investigated what had happened to Jess. I asked a few people, but they said they hadn't seen her. I even asked Mia, but she hadn't seen her either, but she did raise the alarm and a whole search party gathered to look for her.

"Come to think of it," Mia looked confused, "I haven't see grandma for a while either."

Suddenly I put two and two together and headed for the lake. On the way I found my daughter's pacifier lying on the ground and I started to walk faster. A mass of thoughts were going through my head at that point, but the first was telling me that Clarisse was about to drown my daughter in the lake as a punishment for the trouble she's caused.

Struggling to walk faster, I nearly started crying. It wasn't Jessie's fault, she's not the seed of evil, just a planned mistake that two stupid people made, she didn't deserve to die for that.

It took a while, but when I finally saw the glistening water of the lake relief washed over me, because there stood Clarisse cradling my baby in her arms singing a lovely song about roses. At first I didn't know how to approach her. Her back was turned and the only thing I could do was curse myself for thinking Clarisse was actually capable of murdering an innocent baby. Straightening up my tie I watched for a moment, she was still as beautiful as I remember. Sure I see her on TV all the time, but when you see her in person you really understand how magnificent she really is.

So there I was standing tall behind the woman I've always loved wondering how to start a conversation. What does one say to the woman you've caused so much pain and heartache? 'Excuse me, but what are you doing with my daughter?'

No.

'Hello, how have you been since we split up?'

No.

Suddenly she stopped singing and looked at the trees in front of her, "You have a beautiful daughter, Joseph."

Her words hit me like a lightning bolt and I tried to speak, but could only manage a nod.

As she turned around, I saw her face. Her sparkling blue eyes, perfect skin, natural blonde wavy hair...well natural coloured blonde hair. Her body was a little bigger, but it didn't show much under the white skirt she was wearing and silky red blouse. I felt like I had died and gone to heaven.

"Wondered...we wondered where you'd...she'd gotten to," I attempted speech, unsuccessfully.

"She was crying, so I thought I'd get her away from the noise. It's very peaceful up here, I'm sure you remember."

"Yeah," was the only word I could say without sounding like a complete knob.

"How is Charlotte?" She looked at me bright eyed, but expressionless as she still held my baby.

"She's fine," the question had hit me like a falling tree, I wasn't sure how much detail I should give, "She's been busy nursing and-"

"I was only being polite," Clarisse faked a smile, "And what about you? I hear you've been working nights here?"

Not knowing whether she was supposed to know that, I nodded, "Income, that's all. I'm not doing it to get in anyone's good books, or so I can suss things out."

"I know it must be hard for you."

Hard? Hard as in sleeping in a car for several months with your heavily pregnant girlfriend? Hard as in never having any money? Hard as in how nobody would hire either of us? Yes, Clarisse, I supposed you could say it was hard.

For a moment, I found difficulty in grasping the fact that I was once married to this woman, she seemed as ordinary as any other talking to me as if I were an acquaintance after everything we'd been through together.

"We get by," I mentioned, "Just."

"I'm driving again. Thought I'd give it a second chance since Chester passed."

"Sorry to hear that."

"No you're not," she smiled, eyes glistening, "You never liked him."

"No, I meant sorry to hear that you're back on our roads," I attempted a joke, which she responded to by playfully eyeballing me, "Did you really propose to him?"

"Yes," she smiled, looking down at my child with adoration in her eyes, "I was lonely, but I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'm destined to have the men in my life leave me for some reason or other."

Wondering whether apologies were in order, I prepared to speak, but she got in first.

"Can't believe the bastard went and died on me."

"He was older, Clarisse," I tried hard to contain my excitement that the man who almost ruined our relationship several times was dead.

"I have to get back," she told me, gently handing the baby back, "You have a delightful young lady. I hope she grows up to be just like..."

She paused, unsure of what to say, "Just like Mia."

And just like that she walked away and I watched her the whole time, buttocks swaying side to side, hand on her hip. I felt good after speaking with her, you would expect her to have yelled at me or gone on about how badly I treated her. But she was kind, the only bitterness she showed was when she inquired about Charlotte, but who could blame her?

Looking at my watch, I realised I should probably get back and call off the search party, but someone spotted me before I got the chance and alerted the others. Upon my return, Charlotte came running up to me and instantly grabbed the baby from my arms, crying ecstatically about having been reunited with her only daughter. I saw Clarisse close by looking smug with a glass of champagne pressed to her lips. She smiled briefly and began speaking to somebody nearby. I thought perhaps she planned the whole thing just to cause us grief, but I could never prove it.

Almost immediately after we returned to the party, Charlotte wanted to leave. I told her I wanted to stay a little longer and that I'd get a ride back with someone else. Unconvinced, she said, "Alright," then left. Now I was free to roam without having to sit by Charlotte's side keeping her company. So I headed for the near empty snack table and munched down some cupcakes and cola. Charlotte rarely lets me eat junk food, so I jumped right into it and enjoyed every minute of it. I managed to speak to Sebastian Motaz, who even though he's no longer Prime Minister after three consecutive terms, is still a valued member of the community. I hadn't seen him for a very long time, so I was surprised when he asked me if I'd like to play poker next Friday. He asked me how I was doing and I told him the truth, that I wished none of this had ever happened, how unfulfilling my life had become now that Clarisse wasn't in it. He was quite sympathetic towards me and mentioned that if someone thirty years younger than him took a fancy to him, he probably wouldn't have said no either. Soon after that, his wife tried to drag him away because she wanted to leave. We said our goodbyes and arranged a time for poker next week.

I looked around and noticed the tables were emptying. The handful of guests left seemed to all be crowded around the large table at the front of the garden, the one where all the important people were sitting earlier. Casually I strolled up to the large velvet-covered round table and smiled at the people surrounding it causing their chitter chatter to fade as I pulled out a chair and sat down, "Please, continue."

A couple of people made lame excuses to leave, and so eventually I was left alone with Mia, Nicholas, Clarisse and some young couple. There was many an awkward silence as I sat twiddling my thumbs, I could even hear everyone's breathing. After a long pause, Mia began speaking to the couple at the table, but they soon left as well.

Another long silence followed and we all started looking at our watches. Clarisse was the first to leave the table, she simply got up and walked out onto the grounds. I wondered if I should make an excuse to leave so I could chase after her and attempt to worm my way back into her life, but Mia started speaking to me and I became trapped at the table.

"We're planning a trip back home, I want to show Gerald where I grew up. We're also going on a slight detour to visit my Aunts, because there's this totally awesome zoo near them. It's gonna be great."

"Wonderful, when do you leave?" I asked, trying to seem interested as Clarisse disappeared out of sight.

"October," Nicholas moaned, "Next year. We're just way too busy, can't even sneak away for ten minutes for a bit of lovin'."

Mia elbowed him and smiled, "Nicholas!"

"Come on, Mia, it's Joe we're talking to."

Smiling, I nodded and we talked for about an hour. Then I asked if they'd like anything to drink and they said no, so I got up and made myself one. As I was about to rejoin them at the table, I noticed they were deeply involved in cosy conversation and that he was fondling her under the table. I used this opportunity to sneak off in search of Clarisse, even though I knew it was a long shot that she'd still be out there. But I hurried off to the grounds and listened to the sounds to see if there was any trace of her still being out here.

Suddenly Maurice came out of nowhere and started tugging violently on my pant leg. I didn't even know Maurice was invited to the party, but there he was ripping my only suit and drawing blood from my leg until a voice told him to stop. Excitedly I shook and looked around, but disappointment followed shortly as I realised it wasn't Clarisse, but a maid who was out walking her dog.

"Sorry about that, sir, he's usually very good with people," she apologised and looked down at my trousers, "I will sew this up for you."

"They're beyond repair now. But it's alright."

"Well I should at least heal your wounds."

In the distance I could see a tree that looked as if it were blowing smoke out of its trunk.

"I'll be fine," I almost shouted at the woman, before turning to run.

Quickly I made my way over to the tree and almost sighed with relief when I smelt the sweet essence of my youth. It was the woman I had been looking for, in all her glory taking slow puffs from her quote, unquote "cigarette". She didn't seem pleased to see me, nor was she upset or angry. Just content to be leaning against a tree looking out at the lake - a place we seem to end up a lot together.

The sun had just about set and it was beginning to get dark, "I see you're stalking me now, Joseph?"

How did she know?

"I didn't expect you to be here, honest," I smiled cheekily.

"What do you want?" She took another puff of her cigarette and crossed her arms.

Honestly, I didn't know what to say. I wanted to be near her so much that I hadn't even considered conversation topics.

"I...uh...just wanted to enjoy the view."

"Bull," she giggled, "By the way, what are you doing tomorrow?"

My heart stopped, never would I have expected those words to come out her mouth, "No plans, why do you ask?"

"Oh, no reason," she said, tossing her cigarette on the ground and putting it out with her shoe, "I just thought perhaps you could give me a lift home tonight. I've had a bit too much to drink."

My appendage began to move - did she just say what I think she just said?

She went through her bag and tossed me a set of keys, which I immediately recognised as the ones that went to my car which she bought for me as a wedding gift, "You've been driving my car? I thought you must have sold it or...I mean I never see it when I drive past or..."

She raised an eyebrow as if she didn't know I drive past every now and then.

"So when did you want to get going?"

Immediately she began walking back towards the palace and I followed closely. I wasn't sure exactly what she had in mind, but I would have followed her to the end of the earth if it meant I got to be near her. She was walking quite fast for a woman of her age and I struggled immensely to catch up.

Soon the palace lights were visible in the distance and I wasn't sure if Clarisse minded being seen with me, so I kept back a few paces and she turned around and asked me what I was doing.

"Keeping my distance?"

"Nonsense, we're both adults, we can walk together if we wish," she shook her head and waited for me to catch her.

We walked together, much like old times, back to the garden where Mia and Nicholas still sat, but were now eating each other's face.

"Darling," Clarisse smiled at Mia, "We're off now, tell my great grandson I love him and that I'll see him next week."

Both Mia and Nicholas were staring in disbelief at the two of us standing together.

"Did you need a lift home, Joe?" Nicholas asked, still bewildered.

"No, thankyou."

Clarisse gave Mia a kiss and farewelled Nicholas, "Let's go, Joseph."

As we entered the palace, I kept my head low and ignored the looks we received from the staff. I didn't bother asking Clarisse where she'd parked the car because I knew she'd lead me to it, and she did. In all its glory stood my silver Honda, still much the same, except for a few dints and paint marks - no doubt a result of Clarisse's driving. I opened the passenger door like the gentleman I am and waited for her to sit before closing it and jumping in the other side. I moved my hands up and down the steering wheel remembering how good it felt to drive. Charlotte's car was a shit heap and she rarely let me take the wheel even though I'm a much better driver than she is. I started up the engine and let it roar, my excitement quickly building. It felt great driving my old car, the gearbox was a bit knackered, but it still went. This had to be one of the single most exciting moments of my life. I was driving my former car with my former wife by my side and my former dog sitting at her feet.

And then I woke up.

Kidding! I knew this was real because I slammed the car door on my finger and it still hurts.

The drive to Clarisse's house seemed to go on forever, but I didn't want it to end because I thought she would exit the car when we got there and make me walk home, which is why she asked me what I was doing tomorrow, which would have been walking home. So I drove a bit slower and everytime I changed gear, my hand would brush her knee. This used to happen all the time when she was in the car with me, but now it made my emotions rise because she wasn't my wife anymore - my woman was sitting at home nursing our baby and probably wondering where I'd gotten to. I started feeling bad all of a sudden, but it disappeared when my hand stroked Clarisse's knee again. I noticed that whenever I changed gear, her knee would move closer and eventually I found my hand in hers as she guided it up her skirt and onto her thigh. Immediately I got wood. Some men my age have a hard time getting wood, and truth be told, sometimes so do I. But not this day, she had excited me by doing something completely unexpected.

Three times I nearly crashed into something as my hand remained on her thigh and it didn't seem to faze her once. She just kept looking straight ahead without even cracking a smile.

When we arrived I stayed completely still. I did not retract my hand, I simply drove through the gate and parked under the carport. I didn't even look at her until she got out and whispered, "Are you coming in?"

My seatbelt flew off in a second and I swiftly exited the car, following her up to the door which was opened magically as we entered.

"Good evening, madam," the butler (whom I've never seen before) said, "And you, sir."

"Evening," I replied awkwardly as Clarisse passed him her bag and strolled with purpose down the hall.

I followed her, wondering which room she would go in.

'Bedroom, bedroom, bedroom,' I repeated in my head, but she settled for one of the downstairs lounges. The house was nothing like how I remembered it, the colours on the walls were darker, the whole place was carpeted and the furniture was almost all made of pine.

"I see you've redecorated," I stated, walking into the dimly lit room and setting myself down on the extra wide sofa. It wasn't an overly cold night, but a fire dwelled in the magnificent marble fireplace and I marvelled at how this room was bigger than our whole house.

"By redecorated, you of course mean threw out everything and started anew?"

"Well, yes."

"Would you like a drink, Joseph?" She asked sweetly, pouring herself a large brandy.

"No thankyou," I replied, not wanting to ruin the potentially best night of my life with alcohol.

She moved slowly across the room so as not to spill her beverage and sat down beside me. Drinking half of it at once, she placed it on the table beside her and rested her head on my shoulder, 'I'm in' I thought to myself as I cautiously placed my arm around her. For about an hour we just sat there in silence, I listened to her breathing and smelt her strawberry scented hair, enjoying it while it lasted in case this was all I got. But it wasn't, for after we'd been sitting there a while she put her head up and looked at me, eyes glistening in the light from the fire place. She drank the other half of her drink and touched my face with her hand, then she kissed me and my heart started racing. I took this as my cue to embrace her as she threw her arms around my neck. She leaned her bodyweight against me so that I had no choice but to lay down. Then she was on top of me, kissing every inch of my face that she could, I was trying hard not to come in my pants from all the excitement. I grabbed her buttocks with both hands and squeezed them gently, she rewarded me by putting her hands down my pants. Then piece by piece our clothes came off and I admired her naked body, it was almost the same as it was the last time I had seen it except for the few extra pounds she'd gained...well quite a lot actually, but it didn't matter - she was still as loveable as she always was.

"Clarisse," I interrupted, wanting to make amends before we went even further, "I'm really sorry about-"

"Joseph, please don't ruin this for me," she whispered loudly before joining our two bodies together.

"Ohhhh godddd," I sighed loudly as she began moving on top of me, "I forgot how good you are."

There were many kisses, lots of touching and a lot of love being given as we made up on the couch. It was so nice to be with her again, not just for the sex, but because I missed her. I have been obsessed with this woman since the day we met some forty years ago and I was going to enjoy everything we shared. The whole time we were on the couch I thought to myself, 'Don't come, don't come.' Because if I had, she would have been disappointed and I would have felt ashamed. But amazingly I made it last until she was ready, then a minute later I released and it was the best moment of my life. Afterwards she lay on my chest and played with my nipples, which is something I don't usually like, but I made an exception just this one time. I stroked her hair and kissed her forehead and I felt like the luckiest man on earth.

About half an hour passed before I found myself thinking about Charlotte. I knew she would be wondering where I was on account of it being 8pm and the party finished at 5pm. I had told her I'd get a lift home with someone. What if she called the palace to find out who I'd left with? She'd kill me! I told her I was over Clarisse.

Thinking Clarisse was asleep, I carefully removed my hand from her back and reached for my jacket, but it was too far away. I shifted and she stirred, causing me to forget about trying to find my phone. I knew it had rung eight times already because I could hear the vibration as we were making love. I was trapped. If I stayed here too long Charlotte would have more time to realise I was with another woman and leave me, but if I went, Clarisse would think I'm still in love with Charlotte.

Torn between two women, I decided to stay with Clarisse. Much as I'm going to miss my daughter when Charlotte finds out about this, I know I'm better off with Clarisse. I love her. I've always loved her.

As I was pondering to myself, she opened her eyes and smiled at me. I kissed her again and rubbed her body against me. All of a sudden I looked up and saw the butler standing over us.

"Would you like your evening tea, madam?"

"I'll take it in my room, thankyou," she replied, peeling herself off me to sit up.

Now, the Clarisse I know would never casually order tea in the nude, but she did. We were both naked on the couch and the butler didn't even smirk. Perhaps she frequently makes love to people on her sofa?

Not even bothering to put her clothes back on, she stood up and made a motion with her head for me to follow her. So I walked close behind her as she ascended the stairs and brushed her buttocks with my hand, making her turn around and smile. We passed several household staff, who smirked as they saw us. We must have looked a funny pair, two wrinkly old people walking through the house naked and having the time of our lives.

As I was following her down the hall, she stopped at a wooden door and opened it.

"This isn't your bedroom," I observed.

"I changed when you vacated."

I nodded and followed her inside, tea was there within a minute. Clarisse went into her wardrobe and pulled out two dressing gowns, she threw one to me and as I put it on, I realised it was mine from when I lived here.

"Thought you would have burnt all my stuff," I smiled.

"I was going to send your belongings to you, but I was just so angry at the time that I put them in storage."

I sat and thought for a moment, then decided to speak, "Do you still have the boat?"

Her face went red and her eyes were fixed on stirring her tea, "The boat is unfit for use."

"Oh," I sighed, not too disappointed, "What happened to it?"

"Well, it looked as if someone had taken to it with a large hammer then set it on fire, so Chester sent it to the scrap yard."

Knowing that she was behind it, I smiled to myself, "I understand completely. And might I just apologise for-"

"No," she held up her hand, "I don't want you to tell me how wrong or stupid you were. I'm at the age where I can accept that what happened happened and you can't change it no matter how badly you want to."

"I just want things to be right with us again. My life means nothing without you in it," I held her hand and stroked it with mine.

"Joseph, do you know what I've realised since you've been gone? That I deserved it all."

"No you didn't."

"It's true," she cried, "I'm a terrible wife."

"No."

"I was involved with other men when Rupert and I were together. I was involved with Baxter, Chester and you. He was never once unfaithful and that's why I deserved being traded in for a newer model by the one person I actually loved."

"You think I did it to teach you a lesson? That's not true, I never meant to hurt you. I love you more than life itself."

"I know you do and I know you're very sorry for what you did. I've also come to realise that you've paid the price for your actions and I would be eternally grateful if you agreed to give our relationship another try."

My eyebrows went up, "You mean make this permanent?"

Nodding, she took a sip of tea and placed it back down on the saucer, then touched my face, "I miss you."

"I think you can guess my answer," the butterflies welled up in my stomach as I thought, could all this be real? "But aren't you concerned about what people will think about you taking me back?"

Shaking her head, she smiled, "I don't care what anyone thinks anymore. They can call me crazy, call me stupid, but at the end of the day it's how I feel about myself that matters the most. And I realised the only time I'm truly happy is when I'm with you. We have so much history together and I don't want to throw it all away just because you decided to impregnate one of my closest friends."

"So you're not the slightest bit worried people will shun you?"

"Life's too short to stay angry. I decided right after Chester passed that I had to be with you, the love of my life. I miss you so much, Joseph and all I care about is now."

This was very unlike the Clarisse I once knew. The Clarisse I knew was vengeful, she would have shouted until her lungs were sore and slap me across the face a few times making me pay for what I had done, but here she was accepting me back into her life without an argument, willing to forget all the bad things I've done to her. It was just too easy. I kept thinking to myself, there's going to be a catch, like I'll never be able to see my daughter again or something like that. But it wasn't like that at all, she said she'd welcome her anytime, but Charlotte would have to stay well out of sight. It was just so unlike Clarisse.

After our conversation, we made love again, but this time in her bed. Then we tried to do it in the shower, but there are some things you just can't do when you're our age.

Then when I woke up it was morning and I was thinking, shit, Charlotte would be so worried by now. I will have to tell her today about Clarisse and I reuniting, before she hears it from somebody else.

I tried to get out of bed, but soon realised I was unable to move. I was lying on my stomach with my hands and legs tied to the bedpost - she's just like her mother...not that I'd ever tell her that.

"Clarisse," I muffled into the pillow, "What's this about?"

I tried looking around, but all I could see was her poking the fire, "-risse."

She turned around and I could see she had something glowing red in her hand. For a moment I thought she was going to set the bed on fire with me in it as revenge, then I thought she was going to stick something up my anus. But as the hot iron landed on my ass cheek, I realised she was branding me...as if I were cattle. I screamed in pain as she did this, it was almost as painful as the time she shot me in the knee!

"Just remember how painful this is next time a young lady gives you the time of day," Clarisse said, removing the iron from my swollen skin and setting it down next to the fireplace before applying salt to my wound.

"FUUUUUUUUUCKING BITCH!"

She was laughing. Very funny Clarisse. Could have given us some warning...

Next she lay beside me and kissed my cheek, I gave her a painful smile. Amazingly she untied me right away, but I didn't move, I was in too much pain to move. I did know that she would get me back in some way for what I did, I just didn't realise it would be so quick and painful. But I'm glad we're back together, now all I have to do is tell Charlotte.